


Firecracker Soul

by dlwritings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood, Daddy Kink, Drinking, Eventual Smut, F/M, Miscarriage, Physical Abuse, Sexual Assault, Smut, Violence, age gap, mob!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:46:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 123,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25404070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dlwritings/pseuds/dlwritings
Summary: She’s a teacher: sweet, innocent, and sometimes naive. He’s a mob boss: mysterious, cold, and sometimes dangerous. No matter how you look at it, the two of them together don’t make sense, but something about Alice Berkley intrigues Dean Winchester. Once she enters his life, he can’t seem to let her go. He knows keeping her close is a bad idea, but he never claimed to make good choices.
Relationships: Castiel/Hannah (Supernatural), Dean Winchester/OFC, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 37
Kudos: 114





	1. Late for School

**Author's Note:**

> word count - 3,414  
> warnings - language

"Walking feet, first graders!"

The end of the school day meant chaos in the hallways. Little kids with big backpacks were running to the front of the school, eager to catch their bus or meet their parents.

Things were busy for a few minutes as Alice stood on the curb and waved goodbye to her students. Just when she thought they were all gone, she realized one of her students was sitting alone on the grass. Her name was Lexi, and she was a total sweetheart. Teachers weren't supposed to have favorites, but this girl was hers. Six-years-old with brown hair and big brown eyes; usually she was all giggles and smiles, but when Alice looked at her, she was picking at the grass with a frown etched on her face.

Lexi's parents were both lawyers, and Alice knew they had busy work schedules. Everyday, Lexi came to class with a slip of paper that said who would be picking her up: Sam, Jess, Castiel, or Hannah. Alice realized just then that she hadn't given her a paper that day. She walked over to Lexi and sat beside her. Lexi wouldn't look at her. "Who's picking you up today, Lexi?" she asked. "You didn't give me a paper. Do you know?" She silently shook her head _no_. Alice looked at her watch: 4:26. Whoever it was was almost half an hour late, which was unusual for Lexi's pick-ups. "Well how about I call your mom and check in with her, yeah?"

Lexi nodded, so Alice stood up and walked a few steps away to make the phone call. She unlocked her phone and scrolled through her contacts, finding Lexi's mom's name quickly from when she entered all the students' emergency contacts. The line rang and rang, and just when she thought she would get sent to voicemail, Lexi's mom picked up. "Hello?"

"Hi Mrs. Winchester," she said, "this is Alice Berkley, Lexi's teacher."

"Is everything okay?" her mom said, sounding panicked.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine," Alice said. "It's just, school ended at 4:00 and no one's come to pick her up yet."

"Christ," she mumbled. "Sorry. That'll be my brother-in-law. He swore he'd be on time. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she said. "I'll just take her back into my classroom while we wait."

"I don't want to make any trouble for you," Mrs. Winchester said. "If you need to head home-"

"No, it's no trouble," she said. "I'm usually here for a while after school gets out anyway."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, Mrs. Winchester, it's okay," she said.

"Thank you," she breathed out, sounding relieved. "Also-" She laughed lightly. "-call me Jess."

"Okay," she said with a chuckle. "Well, Lexi and I will wait inside until your brother-in-law-"

"Dean," she said.

"Dean," Alice repeated. "Until _Dean_ gets here."

Jess thanked her again, and Alice hung up the phone.

When she walked back over to Lexi, the girl sucked her lower lip between her teeth, looking like she was about to cry. Alice felt her heart ache for her. She reached out her hands for Lexi to take. "How about we go back inside while we wait for your uncle?" she offered. "I've got some snacks, and you know snacks make everything better." Instantly, Lexi's face lit up. She took Alice's hands, stood up, and put her backpack over her shoulders.

Alice was born and raised in Kansas, but it wasn't exactly where she wanted to spend her whole life. Still, it didn't take long for her to learn that things didn't always go to plan. Her plan was to go to college in New York and move there when she graduated. The first part she had accomplished with four years at NYU. The second? Well, there had been a few bumps that led her back to Lawrance. And now, she was a 22-year-old teaching at the same elementary school in Topeka that she had once attended.

As soon as they were back inside and Alice had given Lexi a cookie, she found Dean's number in her phone as another one of Lexi's emergency contacts. She shot him a quick message: _Hi, Mr. Winchester, this is Alice Berkley, Lexi's teacher. I already called her mom and told her, but Lexi and I are waiting inside in my classroom, just so you know! One of the secretaries will buzz you in through the office and show you to my room._

Lexi ate the cookie quietly at her desk, and Alice kept turning her phone over in her hands, waiting for it to miraculously light up with something from Dean. Where was this guy?

"I have a real good family," Lexi suddenly said. She licked her lips and looked up at Alice. "They have big grown-up jobs so sometimes they get busy. They still love me lots, though."

"Oh, I know that honey," Alice said quickly. She didn't want the girl to think she was judging her uncle, even though she sort of was. Lexi finished the cookie, and Alice stood up from her own desk. She went into one of the cubbies and grabbed some coloring pages, then sat across from Lexi at her desk and grabbed a box of crayons. She slid a coloring page to Lexi with a smile. "You did really good in math today," she said. Lexi smiled and grabbed a crayon to start to color.

A few blocks away, Dean had finally reached for his phone after a couple hours of sparring with Cas. He wiped the sweat from his brow, took a sip of his water, and unlocked his phone, seeing a text from an unknown number: _Hi, Mr. Winchester, this is Alice Berkley, Lexi's teacher. I already called her mom and told her, but Lexi and I are waiting inside my classroom, just so you know! One of the secretaries will buzz you in through the office and show you to my room._

"Shit!" Dean said, almost dropping the water bottle to the ground. He managed to set it down and grab his gym bag.

"Where're you going?" Cas asked as he watched Dean stumble to get his car keys.

"I forgot to pick up Lexi," Dean said.

"Jess only reminded you a hundred times," Cas said. Dean flipped him off over his shoulder as he rushed out of the bunker and into the garage.

Dean got in his Impala and pulled out his phone to find the address of his niece's school, then sped off in that direction. He knew he must've looked like the shitiest guy ever to this teacher, and he knew he'd get an earful from Sam and Jess later on. He loved Lexi, and she thought he was the greatest uncle. He hated letting her down almost as much as he hated letting Sammy down.

Alice was in the middle of singing with Lexi to one of the songs from her classroom appropriate playlist -"Firework" by Katy Perry- when Lexi's eyes suddenly lit up. "Uncle Dean!" she cheered. Alice turned and saw a handsome man walking into the room. He locked eyes with Lexi and smiled brightly, then all but ran over to the two girls and lifted Lexi in the air.

"Hey, kid!" he cheered, placing a kiss to his niece's cheek. Lexi latched her arms around his neck and her legs around his side, clinging to him like a koala. Now, Dean turned to Alice. He not-so-subtly let his eyes rake over her. He knew he was staring, but he never tried to hide when he checked girls out. He didn't care. Why should he? He was Dean Winchester. Girls loved it when he shamelessly stared at them. But Alice didn't stare flirtatiously back at him. In fact, she quickly broke his gaze.

She knew she looked fine. She always felt confident in her teacher outfits. Today she was wearing a sleeveless rainbow-striped [dress](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.modcloth.com%2Fshop%2Fdresses%2Fcollectif-modcloth-x-collectif-friday-night-stripes-belted-dress-in-rainbow%2F171972.html&t=MGQ0ODQ3OWIxNDgzZjJlNzJiNjc4ZGYzZjA2NWYyYjhkMjY0NmVhNyw5MWM1ZmJiNGJmODBlYTM1ODliMGY4OTMwYThhZmI1NGMwNTRlYTA2). Still, she felt weird under his gaze, like something about her was probably out of place. Not that this guy looked all that impressive. He was wearing basketball shorts, a t-shirt, and some black Nikes. His brown hair flopped messily on his head, and it looked like his bottom lip was healing from a cut. His hands were bruised, his knuckles a bit red. Still, he was hot. Undeniably hot. How could someone make such a sloppy outfit look so sexy?

_Sexy? Dude, Alice, he's like_ easily _ten years older than you. Plus, that's Lexi's uncle. Not cool. Not cool._

"You're Alice?" Dean asked.

"It's _Ms._ Alice, Uncle Dean," Lexi said, poking his cheek. "You've got to be polite." Dean cracked a smile, his eyes squinting in happiness as he looked down at his niece.

"I'm so sorry, _Ms._ Alice," he said, shooting Alice a playful wink. Her cheeks turned warm as she pressed her lips into a tight line to hide a smile. "I lost track of time," he explained. "I feel terrible."

"Don't worry about it," she said, waving a hand dismissively. She grinned at Lexi. "Don't tell the others, but Lexi is one of my favorites. I didn't mind spending some extra time with her." Lexi laughed and buried her head in Dean's neck. He chuckled and rubbed the back of her head.

"Well, it is getting close to dinner time," he said. "Your mom and dad'll have a fit if you're not home soon." Lexi nodded, and Dean turned his attention to Alice again. "What do I owe ya for watching her?"

"Seriously, don't worry about it," she said. "It's not like I bought her dinner."

"I have to pay you back somehow," Dean said.

"It's really fine."

Dean sighed and licked his lips. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, and she was the one to break eye contact again as she looked down at her hands.

"Well, we better get going," Dean said. "Thank you for looking after her. I promise, I will never be late again."

"I might hold you to that," she said back. Dean winked.

"Oh, I'm counting on it."

Alice walked them outside, watched as he buckled Lexi up into her carseat, then sent him a wave as he drove away. She went back to her classroom, cleaned up the small messes her students had left, packed up her things, and went out to her Jeep. While she was teaching in Topeka, she lived in Lawrence, so she had a 30 minute drive home.

As soon as she got to her apartment, she toed her shoes off and peeled off her jacket as she went into her bedroom. She changed out of her dress and into her [pajamas](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adoreme.com%2Fsleepwear-2%2Fshayna-dark-red&t=NzQ4NGJkZWZlNWVmYzA0MGJmMzMyYzY3OGI0YWQxNTEwZDMyNzI2NyxjMWI0Y2NmMmVlZTA1N2Q2ZDA3NGQzOTkyNjA1YTUwZDk0NzQxNjk1), even though it was only a little bit past 5:15. Her stomach grumbled, so she decided to make some ramen. She liked cooking, sure, but after long days at school, she was always too tired to prepare anything. When she spent four years studying elementary education, no one told her how exhausted she would be everyday. Well, maybe they did tell her, but back then, she was still wearing those rose colored glasses. Teaching definitely was not all rainbows and butterflies, but she still loved it.

Her ramen spun in the microwave as she poured herself a glass of wine. She plugged her phone into the speaker that she kept in the kitchen and started playing some music. "Share Your Address" by Ben Platt floated through the air, and she stood on her tiptoes with her glass and danced around the kitchen. Once her ramen was done, she stopped her music and took a seat on the floor in front of her coffee table in the living room to eat. She flicked on the TV and opened the Netflix app so she could put on _Criminal Minds_ , her current guilty pleasure. The show itself wasn't relaxing, but this was her only time to take a breath from work. Her routine everyday was the same. The monotony of her life made her feel like a middle aged lady who had already given up. Is that what all first year teachers felt like?

After watching an episode, she pulled out her folder of math tests to grade. Once she did that, she moved onto finishing the science lesson for the next day. Before she knew it, she was yawning and struggling to keep her eyes open. She crawled into bed and plugged her phone into its charger, then checked her text messages one last time, seeing she had a text from Lexi's mom: _Hi Alice! Thanks so much for watching out for Lexi today. She told me you gave her a little snack. You so didn't have to do that! You're too sweet. Lexi absolutely adores you. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to repay you_

She smiled at how kind Jess was as she texted her back: _It was no problem at all. Lexi is a great kid. I already told Dean you don't need to repay me. I'm happy to help_

Jess sent Alice a smiley face back, so she locked her screen and headed to bed.

-

Dean smiled as Lexi chatted throughout the entire car ride back to Sam and Jess' [house](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thehousedesigners.com%2Fplan%2Fpleasant-cove-4838%2F&t=OGYwNDRhY2ZiZGFkMGU2NjQ5YTY3YTFjNGM2MjA3NmQ1MjVkOWNmNSwzNmVjNTRhNTcwMDAyODg4NjQ0NGIxODMxOTQ3MzM5NjUyMDgxNTA4). "I did so good in math today," she said. "Ms. Alice even _told_ me so."

"That's great, kid," Dean said, glancing at her in the rearview mirror.

"My friend Emily even asked me to help her," she said, swinging her legs and kicking her feet against her seat. "Ms. Alice told me I should be a teacher someday. She's so nice. I wish she was like my aunt." She gasped, her jaw dropping as if she just made an unbelievable discovery. "Uncle Dean! You should _marry_ her." The corner of Dean's lip curved up into a smirk.

"Yeah?" he said. "You think so?"

"She's so pretty, isn't she?" she asked. Dean licked his lips and let out a laugh through his nose.

"Yeah," he said. "She's very pretty."

Dean obviously couldn't tell his six-year-old niece what he really thought of her teacher. The truth was, Dean's thoughts were filthy the minute he saw her. She radiated innocence. He could see it when she looked away as soon as he allowed his eyes to rake over her body. Dean was usually one who liked experienced girls. He never saw the point in having a one night stand with a girl who didn't know what she was doing, but as soon as he saw Alice, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about fucking that innocence right out of her.

Dean cleared his throat and adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. Lexi said his name again like she had said it a few times while he was lost in his thoughts. "What's that, kiddo?" he asked.

"Should I tell her you like her?" she asked.

Dean laughed. "I don't even know her!"

"I do!" Lexi said. "I can tell you all about her. She's pretty, and she's the best reader I've ever, _ever_ seen, and she's very nice, and she says I'm her favorite. I'm your favorite too, so you already have a lot in common." Dean laughed again and ran a hand through his hair.

"She sounds like a nice girl," he said.

"You should ask her on a date," Lexi said.

"Why are you trying to set me up with your teacher?" Dean asked, looking at his niece in the rearview mirror again. Lexi shrugged and looked out the window.

"Sometimes everybody's busy," she said. "Ms. Alice is nice, and if you're married, I can see her more."

Just when she said that, Dean pulled the car into his brother's driveway. He turned around to look at his niece, then squeezed her knee so she would look at him. "You okay, kid?" he asked. Lexi pouted and sighed.

"You forgot me today," she said. Dean could hear her voice shake, and his heart broke with guilt. "But Ms. Alice helped me when everyone else was too busy."

Dean sighed and got out of the car, quickly jogging around to get Lexi out of her seat. He picked her up and held her close to him. "I'm so sorry I was late," Dean said. "I'll never, ever, ever be late again."

"Promise?" Lexi asked, looking up at him with the puppy dog eyes she inherited from her dad.

"Cross my heart," he said.

"Good," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. They were both quiet as Dean placed a kiss to the top of her head and walked her into the house. "I still think you should tell her she's pretty," Lexi mumbled as she buried her head in his neck.

He chuckled. "Okay, kid. Okay."

Dean walked into his brother's house, and set Lexi on the ground so she could kick off her own shoes. "We're home!" he called. He and Lexi walked into the house and to the kitchen where Jess was finishing up dinner. Jess smiled at Lexi, though it didn't meet her eyes.

"Hey sweetie," she said, kneeling down to kiss her daughter's cheek. "Why don't you go get washed up for supper?" Lexi nodded and skipped out of the room. Dean put his hands on his hips and hung his head, knowing he was about to get an earful from his brother and sister-in-law. He walked over to the fridge and got himself a beer.

"Seriously, Dean?" Sam said, speaking up before his brother could even open his drink. "45 minutes late?"

"I know," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I was working out with Cas. Lost track of time. Lex already gave me the puppy dog eyes about it, so you don't have to make me feel bad too."

"You're just lucky her teacher is so nice," Jess said. "What if she couldn't stay with her? What if she was angry?"

"Well-" Dean shrugged and took a sip of his beer. "-good thing we'll never know." Jess threw her hands up with a sigh and left the room, presumably to catch her breath before she blew up. Dean watched her and took another drink from his beer. As soon as both men heard her footsteps fade, Sam shot Dean an annoyed look.

"Really?" Sam said to the older Winchester.

"Look, I really am sorry, man," Dean said, leaning up against the counter in the kitchen. "You know I'd die for Lex."

"I know," Sam said, running a hand through his hair. "Can you just be on time next week? You're on every Thursday from now on."

"100%," Dean said. "I already told her teacher I wouldn't be late again." Sam's eyebrows raised as a slightly amused grin grew on his face.

"You mean her cute, young teacher?" Sam teased.

"Young?" Dean asked, scratching his beard before drinking his beer again. "I hadn't noticed."

"Dude," Sam laughed, "she's like 22. How did you _not_ notice?" Dean's lips turned down as he nodded and sipped his beer. "Dean," Sam said with a scoff, "you can _not_ tap my daughter's teacher."

"Lexi wants me to take her on a date," Dean said with a grin.

"She's hardly your type," Sam said.

Dean shrugged. "Maybe I'm a changed man."

"For a 22-year-old?" Sam said back. Dean shrugged again, a grin growing on his lips. "You're disgusting." Dean just laughed and sat beside Sam at the kitchen table. "How'd the handoff go?" Sam asked his brother.

"Crowley kept up his end for once," Dean said. "Teaming up against Lucifer's made working with him slightly less insufferable."

"Really?" Sam said, raising his eyebrows again.

Dean scoffed. "Emphasize _slightly_." Sam laughed, and Dean downed the rest of his beer. "How's party planning?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen to get rid of his beer bottle. Now, Sam laughed.

"Jess is thriving," Sam said. "I just want it to be over so we can actually start working."

Dean scoffed. "Classic, Sammy."

"Shut up," Sam said. Dean grinned and sighed.

"Alright," he said. "I'll catch you at dinner on Saturday."

Dean headed back out to his Impala and drove to his apartment. The whole time, his mind was reeling. Then again, his mind was always reeling. Between the job and Sam's firm opening up, he hardly had time to take a breath. Now though, he was thinking of Alice. Dean wasn't a creep, but when he had his eyes set on a woman, he got her.


	2. Breakfast and Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,790  
> warnings - language, gun violence

When Saturday came along, Alice was ready for the weekend. She loved her kiddos, but she definitely needed time to herself. At the end of each week, she was exhausted. She tried to have work-free Saturdays, but with new lesson plans to create and parent-teacher conferences and IEP meetings to prepare for, that wasn’t always possible. This week though, she felt she could enjoy herself.

Every Saturday since she moved back to Kansas, she had been getting breakfast with her best friend Christine at their favorite cafe. Christine was her best friend growing up, and they kept in touch even when Alice went to New York. Her favorite part of moving back to Kansas was being so close to Christine again.

Her apartment was a quick walk to the cafe, and considering it was September in Kansas, the weather was perfect for it. She slid on her outfit -an army green skirt and black, short-sleeve shirt- and her converse and made sure she had her purse and phone before heading out the door. As soon as she stepped into the hallway, she ran into her neighbor, Brent.

Since she had moved into the apartment, Brent had been the perfect neighbor. He helped her move some of the obnoxiously heavy stuff into her room when she got tired and would often bring her leftover pizza when he ordered some and didn’t finish. She wouldn’t say they were _friends_ , but they were definitely neighborly acquaintances. She was just glad there was someone in the building she could go to if she wanted to vent about her landlord. “Hey!” she said, giving him a smile as she locked her front door. “What’re you up to this morning?”

“Just going for a run,” he said, taking his earbuds out of his ears as they both walked down the stairs of their building. “You?”

“Getting breakfast with my friend,” she said. “It’s kind of routine.”

“Nice,” Brent said. “Can I walk you to your car?”

“I’m actually gonna walk,” she said.

“I can walk with you,” he offered. “It can be a warm up to my jog.”

She laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t want to slow you down. I’ll see you later though!” Brent smiled and nodded, then left the building and jogged on ahead.

She couldn’t have asked for a better day: mid-70s with the sun shining. She put her headphones in her ears and made the short walk to the cafe. As suspected, Christine was already at their usual booth when she got there. She waved at Alice, and she smiled and waved back as she made her way over. “Love your skirt,” Christine said.

“Thanks,” she said back. “The weather’s pretty perfect out today, right?”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Christine said. “Did you walk here?”

“Mhm,” she hummed back. Their usual waitress, AJ came over and got their orders. They always ordered the same things when they were there, so it didn’t take long.

“Anything crazy happen at work this week?” Alice asked, sipping her iced latte. Christine was an ER nurse at the local hospital. She always avoided telling Alice the sad work stories, but she sometimes came to breakfast with a crazy miracle, which Alice always loved.

“Nah,” Christine said before putting some eggs in her mouth. After swallowing, she said, “Some kid broke his arm, a guy stepped on a nail. Nothing out of the ordinary. What about you?”

“Oh yeah,” Alice said with a laugh. “You know crazy stuff’s always happening at an elementary school. Only one girl tried to cut her hair, and my ED student only came at me with a stapler once. Crazy world.”

“When’s the semester up?” she asked.

“A couple more months,” Alice answered.

“Before Christmas?”

“Yeah, the 20th. Right before break.”

“Any big plans on how to wrap up the year?”

“There’s a holiday recital,” she said. “Just a time for the kids to showcase their work. I think there’s a concert.”

Christine laughed. “Wow, you sound so enthusiastic!”

Alice laughed as well. “Honestly I’m just trying to get through a week. I’m not even thinking about the end of the semester.” Christine drank some water while Alice dove into her hashbrowns. They were quiet for a moment.

“How’s your application going?” she asked. Alice licked her lips and looked down at her food, then shrugged.

“It’s going.”

Christine scoffed. “What does that mean?”

Alice shrugged again. “It means what it means. It’s going.”

“Girl, you’ve been working on that for, like, four months,” she said. “Weren’t you working on it back in New York?”

“Yeah,” she said. “It’s fine. It takes a while.”

“What part? Filling in the blanks? The essay? Or opening it up on your computer?”

Alice didn’t say anything and tried to play it off that she was drinking more of her coffee. “What is with you?” Christine asked. Though her words were a little harsh, Alice knew she was coming from an area of concern.

“Nothing’s _with_ me,” she said back, her own voice lowered. “Just don’t want to waste my time applying for grad school when I have the kids’ stuff to work on.”

“Doing something for yourself isn’t a waste of time,” Christine said. “This is furthering your career.”

And of course, deep down, Alice knew that, but when she had spent months in New York with an asshole ex telling her otherwise, it was hard to brush it away. Christine didn’t say anything, and Alice knew she was waiting for her to speak. Finally, she just sighed. “Sometimes I feel like he can still see me,” she said, not daring to meet her friend’s eyes. “And I know it’s dumb, but you don’t know what it was like.” When Alice finally looked up at Christine, she was met with a look of sympathy.

“I’m sorry,” Christine whispered, reaching her hand forward to squeeze Alice’s. “I don’t mean to sound harsh.”

“You’re not,” Alice said quickly. “I get it.”

“I could be more understanding,” Christine said. “Less in-your-face.”

Alice couldn’t help but giggle. “Christine, you’ve been an _in-your-face_ person since kindergarten.” Christine rolled her eyes and went back to her breakfast. Before diving into her own food again, Alice said, “I’m trying to let him go. And I’m trying be strong on my own, but I don’t know how to do that.” Christine wiped her mouth on her napkin.

“Here’s the thing,” she said, tossing her napkin on the table. “You don’t _have_ to do that.” Alice opened her mouth, but Christine kept talking. “There’s a difference between letting a guy like Greg-” Alice closed her eyes at his name. “-control your life and allowing yourself to be lifted up by others. No one said your strength always has to come from you and you alone.”

“You always seem to manage fine on your own,” Alice argued.

Christine scoffed. “We’re all broken, Alice. I’ve never met a single, wholly self-sufficient person. We all depend on each other for support and compassion. It’s just how humans are. You think I’m strong on my own? Girl, if we didn’t have these breakfasts every Saturday, I wouldn’t make it through a single week.”

Alice smiled, reached out to squeeze Christine’s hand, then resumed eating her breakfast. The two chatted casually for the rest of the meal, filling each other in on their lives and gossiping about people from their high school and others in the town. With a lull in the conversation, Alice changed the subject. “You know that girl Lexi I talk about sometimes?”

“You mean your favorite?” Christine teased.

“Shut up,” she said with a laugh.

“You only have a story to tell me about her every week,” she said.

“She’s sweet!” Alice said defensively. “She never has any tantrums and she’s a great listener. A kid like that’s one in a million.”

“Blah blah blah,” Christine said, waving her hand dismissively. “What about her?”

Alice smiled. “Her parents are lawyers, right?” she said. “So she’s got a lot of people who come to pick her up when her parents are too busy.” She told the rest of the story, explaining how she had to wait at school with Lexi and how she then met Dean.

“He must be hot,” Christine said.

“Why do you say that?” she asked.

“Girl, I know that look in your eyes,” Christine said. “You get all doey.”

“I do not,” she said, folding her arms across her chest.

“Do so!” Christine laughed. “You’ve been that way since kindergarten when you had that crush on Tommy.”

“Oh my god,” Alice said with a roll of her eyes. “You suck.”

“Honey, I just call it like I see it.”

Alice sighed. “Okay. He wasn’t _bad_ to look at.”

When they finished breakfast, they parted ways, and Alice made the walk back to her apartment. Just as she was walking up the stairs, she heard someone call her name. When she turned, she saw it was Brent. “Hey,” she said, waiting for him and holding the door open. “Long run.”

“Nah,” he said. “I ran for a bit then got a smoothie.”

She laughed. “That seems a little counter productive.”

“What are you talking about?” Brent asked. “Smoothies are super healthy.”

“Mhm,” she hummed with a playful eye roll. “I’m sure they are.”

Brent just laughed as they got in front of their respective front doors. “What’re you doing tonight?” Brent asked as she put the key in her door.

“Mm, I don’t have any plans,” she said. “Why? What’s up?”

“You want to come watch a movie?” he asked. “I just got HBO.”

“Sure,” she said with a smile. “What time?”

“7:00?” he offered. She agreed, so she went into her apartment to relax for the day before her evening with Brent.

Across town, Dean was in a meeting. He was seated at one head of the table with Crowley at the other. _Crowley_. The man he once hated and was now forced to work with. On Dean’s half of the table was Castiel, his underboss, and Bobby, Rufus, Ellen and Jody- his capos. On Crowley’s half, he had the same: his underboss, Rowena, and his four capos whose names Dean never bothered to learn. It was always odd to him that Rowena -who was actually Crowley’s _mom_ \- worked under Crowley. How did Crowley manage to rise above his mother?

In reality, it didn’t matter, so Dean never bothered to ask.

In any other situation, Dean would sooner die than work with Crowley, but times were changing. There was a greater purpose to address than their day-to-day crimes.

“Right,” Dean said, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention, “let’s get this started.”

“Yes, yes,” Crowley said, waving his hand, “I suppose chit chat time is over.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“I need updates,” he said. “Who’s been tracking Lucifer this week?”

“That’ll be my people,” Rufus said, leaning forward with a slight raise of his hand. “And we’ve got bupkis.” Dean rubbed his face with his hand. “Last we saw, he was in New York.”

“Doing what?” Dean asked.

Rufus shrugged. “Talking to some of his associates I suppose.”

Dean sighed. “You do realize your entire job this week was to figure shit like this out, right?”

“What do you suppose we do, boss?” Rufus said, light sarcasm in his tone. “It’s not like we’ve got a guy on the inside, and Lucifer ain’t exactly chatty Kathy.” Dean raised his eyebrows at Rufus, and Rufus just held his hands up in defense and leaned back in his chair.

“Well,” Crowley said, “while your people have been sitting on their thumbs, my people have been doing some of the dirty work.”

“And?” Dean said.

“We tracked one of Lucifer’s deliveries,” one of Crowley’s men said. “It wound up outside of Missouri.”

“What was it?” Dean pressed.

“Weapons I’ve never seen before,” the guy continued. “I’m talking military grade guns. Grenade launchers. The works.”

“Who was the buyer?”

The guy shrugged. “Didn’t recognize him.”

Dean leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face with his hand again. “As interesting as that all is,” he said sarcastically, “we’re still about as close to ganking this guy as we were last week. We need his location and where he’ll be next. That’s the only way I see this working.”

“All due respect,” Ellen said, “but how do you expect us to get that? It’s not like signs pop up when this guy’s in town.” Dean clenched his jaw, then looked at Bobby.

“I need you to see if Charlie can hack into Lucifer’s systems,” he said. “The more information we can get from his inside, the better.”

“As if his men are dumb enough to put their information on a computer,” Rowena said, rolling her eyes.

“It’s not always about what they put on their computers,” Dean said sarcastically. “It’s about tracking aliases, security cameras, anything that might give us eyes on him or his people.”

“We have a list of his most utilized aliases,” Crowley piped up.

“Great,” Dean said. “Charlie can do some programming and get notified whenever one of them is used. That should help us zero in on him.”

“Then why weren’t we doing that a week ago?” one of Crowley’s men asked. Without hesitation, Dean reached into the waistband of his pants and pointed the gun at the man. He held his hands up defensively and looked at Crowley.

“Are you questioning my orders?” Dean asked. The guy clenched his jaw, and it was clear he was holding back a roll of his eyes.

“I don’t follow your orders, _sir_ ,” he said sarcastically. Dean looked at Crowley, and Crowley sighed and grabbed his own gun from his pants. He pointed it at the guy and, with no hesitation, shot him in the shoulder. The man let out a groan of pain and fell to the floor.

“Ah, you better get that patched up,” Crowley said. He looked back at his men who were all slightly on edge. “I like working with Squirrel here about as much as the rest of you.”

Dean hated that fucking nickname.

“But we have a common enemy,” Crowley said. The speech was one everyone had heard a million times, but sometimes it seemed like it wasn’t sinking in. “The Winchesters listen to me, the MacLeod’s listen to him. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies, but we make it work. We can only make it work if we’re all on the same page.” He stood up and leaned over the man he had shot, pointing his gun at him. “Are we all on the same page?”

“Yes sir,” the man said, nodding his head rapidly. Crowley put the safety back on his gun and tucked it back in his pants.

“Good,” he said. “Mr. Winchester, I trust you’ll inform us if Charlie finds anything?” Dean nodded. “Good,” he said. “This week, Ramiel-” He pointed at one of his men. “-you and your people are in charge of tracking Luci. You find him, you put up the bat signal. The rest of you, go about your business. Follow any leads you might have, and keep us all informed.”

Dean had some time to kill before family dinner at Sam’s, but he didn’t have much to do. He went to the bunker to do some shooting at the gun range and boxing in the gym, knowing he was always able to kill a decent amount of time that way. Whenever he was bored or stressed, he had a tendency to head to the bunker and shoot and work out. There were showers there too, so he was able to shower and change before heading to Sam’s house for dinner.

Ever since Lexi was born, Jess decided she wanted family dinners, family being Sam, Lexi, Dean, Cas, and Hannah. Every Saturday evening was set aside for these dinners, and they always switched between Sam’s house, Cas’ house, and Dean’s penthouse. This particular week, it was at Sam’s house, which always meant that Jess would be cooking something awesome and Dean would have at least two helpings of it all.

Dean got to Sam’s last, just like every other week. It wasn’t that he was late. Dean took punctuality very seriously, despite what the events of Thursday might’ve shown. It was just Cas and Hannah were always so fucking early. He grabbed the wine he brought and jogged up to the front door, opening it without knocking. “Hello!” he called. In two seconds flat, a pair of tiny feet were heard running up to him. Dean put the wine down and crouched down just in time to catch Lexi in his arms. “Hey, kid!”

“Hi Uncle Dean!” she said, kissing his cheek with her arms wrapped around his neck. Dean lifted her up and picked up the wine bottle in his free hand, then walked with her to the kitchen.

“Food smells great,” he said as soon as he saw Jess. He hugged the men and placed kisses to the women’s cheeks, then set Lexi back on her feet. He handed the wine to Sam who got his corkscrew out of the drawer.

“Lasagna,” Jess said, answering Dean’s unspoken question. “Garlic bread’s in the oven. Hannah brought dessert.”

“Pie?” Dean asked.

“Brownies,” Hannah said with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Dean.” He just chuckled and helped Sam and Cas set the table.

Dinner was nice as it always was. They had a strict “no business” rule on these days. No matter how essential a job seemed, Jess always felt it could wait until the table was cleared. So, they chatted like normal families did. Hannah discussed how things were going at city hall (she was a city councilwoman), and Jess and Sam talked about their plans for their law firm opening. They were finally in the position to open up their own private practice, so they wouldn’t have to work for a large firm anymore. Jess was having a blast planning the grand opening event, and Hannah was helping her. Sam pitched in when he could, but he figured it would be best to leave as much as he could to Jess.

“So Dean,” Jess asked, gathering some pasta on her fork, “have you figured out who you’re going to take to the opening yet?”

Dean scoffed. “It’s much more fun to go stag.”

“Oh please,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “I can’t believe you think we still fall for that.” Dean raised his eyebrows.

“Fall for what?” he asked.

“The whole _I-love-being-single_ game,” Hannah said before Jess could even open her mouth.

“I do love being single,” Dean said. “That _one person forever_ thing isn’t for me. Never has been. Never will be.”

“What about Lisa?” Jess asked. Dean’s jaw clenched as he looked down at his plate. He didn’t answer her, instead shoveling some pasta into his mouth.

“Who’s Lisa?” Lexi suddenly asked. Sometimes she was so quiet at meals, the adults forgot she was there. And that girl caught onto everything.

“Lisa was a special friend of Uncle Dean’s a few years ago,” Sam said. “Way before you were born.”

“But she’s gone now,” Dean said, “and Uncle Dean doesn’t like to talk about her.” He looked at Jess. “That was a long time ago, and it didn’t work out. So clearly, the game isn’t for me.”

“Or maybe you just didn’t have the right girl,” Jess offered.

Everyone was surprised she kept pushing the topic. Dean really did not like to talk about Lisa, and everyone knew that. What Jess knew was that Dean would never lose his cool around Lexi. Why not use that to her advantage?

“What about Ms. Alice?” Lexi said before inhaling another forkful of pasta. “Is she the right girl?”

“What?” Hannah asked with a smile. “Does Uncle Dean like your teacher?”

“He thinks she’s very pretty,” Lexi confirmed with a nod. “And I said she’s very nice and he should take her on a date.”

“A date?” Hannah repeated as Jess laughed beside her. “Well wouldn’t that be nice, Uncle Dean?” Dean narrowed his eyes at Hannah with a sarcastic grin. He turned to look at Lexi and winked.

“I think I’ll just take Lexi to the opening,” he said. “She’d be the perfect date.”

-

Brent already had pizza ordered by the time Alice got to his apartment. She was dressed in leggings and a t-shirt, her make-up already scrubbed off for the day. She didn’t care what Brent thought of her. She wasn’t trying to impress him. He was a nice guy and everything, but not really her type. Then again, she didn’t really have a type. Regardless, she just knew he wasn’t a guy she’d want to date.

And that was the other thing. She didn’t want hookups. She’d never partaken in a hookup, and she wasn’t ready to start at 22. What she was ready for was a real, actual relationship that was better than the one she left in New York. Honestly, the bar was so low.

Even though she had zero interest in watching it, Alice agreed to watch _Fight Club_. To her, it was all just about white male rage, and she didn’t need to see anymore of that than what already existed in her life.

But, she didn’t want to be difficult, so she agreed.

She focused on eating her pizza rather than the blood and anger on the TV. Brent noticed her discomfort and laughed. “Not your kind of movie?” he asked.

“No, no,” she said. “This is great. It’s fine.”

“You could’ve told me you didn’t like this kind of stuff,” he said. He grinned. “I can put my arm around you if it’ll ease your mind.”

No. That definitely would not ease her mind.

“Seriously, we’re all good,” she said. “It can’t be much longer, right?”

There was still an hour left.

But she powered through to avoid making an awkward situation even more awkward.

It worked for the most part. She paid attention to the pizza and the few scenes in the movie that weren’t gross, violent, sexist, or flat out uncomfortable. When the movie ended, she was ready to head home and take a shower to wash off the nasty. “Thanks for letting me hang,” she said as she started to walk to Brent’s front door. “I’ll see you around.”

“You’re always welcome,” Brent said with a smile. He looked like he was going to say something else, but she brushed it off when he closed his mouth again. With one last wave in his direction, she left his apartment, entered hers, and closed the door behind her for the night.


	3. Saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,220  
> warnings - language, attempted sexual assault, fist fight, vomit

When Monday came around, Alice hadn’t even realized she was waiting for Lexi’s pick up until she saw Sam. She couldn’t help the way her shoulders dropped. Was she disappointed? Did she want another chance to see the handsome Dean? Maybe. Sure. Yeah. She was human.

When Sam came over to her and Lexi, he made small talk. “I know Jess already thanked you,” he said, “but I wanted to say it too for last week. My brother’s usually really punctual, but sometimes he can get caught up at his job.”

“It’s like I said to Jess,” she said, “it was seriously no problem.”

“Ms. Alice had lots of fun with me,” Lexi said. “She said I’m her favorite.”

“Shh,” Alice said playfully, holding a finger up to her lips. “That was our secret.”

Sam laughed, and Alice could really see his resemblance to Dean, especially in the eyes. Sam’s eyes were a bit more narrow, but he got similar creases in the corners when he laughed. Otherwise, the brothers didn’t look all that much alike except for the fact that they were both very handsome.

Sam and Lexi both said goodbye, and soon enough, all the kids were gone. Alice headed back inside to her classroom and stood there, basking in the silence. It was strange for a moment. A room that was usually filled with laughter and chatter was now completely quiet. She sat at her desk and stared at her computer screen, thinking about what she and Christine had talked about at breakfast on Saturday.

_Doing something for yourself isn’t a waste of time._

Her ex-boyfriend was in New York. He hadn’t been in her life in a month. She was 1,400 miles away from him. He didn’t control her. Christine was right. It was time she started acting like her life was hers again. Still, when she opened up her grad school application essay draft, nothing came to her brain. All those months of Greg telling her grad school would be a waste of time and money had gotten to her. She started to forget why she wanted to go in the first place.

She stayed at school for longer than she planned, only noticing when there was a knock at her classroom door. She looked up and saw the janitor, Jimmy, smiling at her. “Pulling a late night are we?” he asked.

“Is it night already?” she asked, somewhat joking.

“It’s almost 7:30, Ms. Berkley,” he said.

“God,” she said, standing up from her desk and gathering her things. “I just completely lost track of time.” Jimmy just chuckled and tapped her doorframe again.

“Get home safe,” he said.

“Thanks Jimmy,” she said with a smile.

She headed out to her Jeep, plugged her phone in for some tunes, and started the drive down the road. The sun was already set, and she was at least grateful she wouldn’t have to drive into the light of the setting sun. Still, she didn’t particularly enjoy night driving, especially when she had to drive through downtown Topeka. It wasn’t that there was a lot of crime in the city, but she passed some particularly crowded streets that didn’t always have the greatest track record in terms of burglary rates.

So when she heard the pop of one of her tires, she was less than thrilled when she had to pull over. Luckily, it wasn’t on one of the crowded streets. She was able to find a side road where she was alone so she could crouch beside the car to see the damage. She had only been pulled over for all of five minutes when she heard someone start to approach her. She stood up and saw a guy coming over to her. He looked to be only a few years older than her.

“Hey,” he said. “You having some car issues?”

“Yeah, but it’s fine,” she said. “Just popped a tire.” She hadn’t replaced her spare from the last time she blew a tire -god, she really needed new tires- so she figured she’d just call one of her dads for a tow.

“Well I can give you a ride,” the guy said. “Why don’t you come with me, and-”

“Oh no, that’s really okay,” she said, waving her hand again. “I don’t need-” The guy took a few steps closer to her, and she suddenly wished she had chosen one of the more busy streets to pull over on. The alley had just looked so promising and empty.

“I wasn’t asking,” the guy said. His menacing tone and clenched jaw were enough to kick her body into flight mode. She tried to run, but he was quicker and grabbed her by her waist. He kept one hand on her mouth while bending her over the hood of her car and lifting her [skirt](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.modcloth.com%2Fshop%2Fdresses%2Fhutch-giraffe-to-see-it-a-line-dress-in-rust%2F171021.html&t=ZWU0NTZkZTRmZDFhYjA3OTJlZjViNGQ3NDkxY2YxNTAwNTdiZDljYixnQURURXhJZQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F624523604228440064%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1595608620). He moved his hand from her skirt up to the front of her dress, pulling it so harshly that the strap snapped. He tugged the front of it down and gripped her breast in his fist, tweaking her nipple. She was sobbing, doing her best to wiggle free of his grasp. She couldn’t bite his hand, and with his body practically laying on top of hers, she wasn’t strong enough to fight him off. The hand that was on her mouth hadn’t moved, but he dragged the other back down her torso and between their bodies to unbutton his jeans and tug them down a bit. She let out another muffled cry, wishing she could will herself out of the moment before he could do anything else.

And nothing else came. The guy was ripped off her, and she fell to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest as she cried. She could faintly hear punches being thrown, groans of pain, and cracked bones, but she couldn’t get herself to look at what was happening. She couldn’t hold back the wave of nausea that came, and she threw up next to her. Snot was dripping down her nose as she struggled to catch her breath.

“Hey, are you-” The voice stopped suddenly. “Alice?”

She tried to sit up while still keeping herself covered. Who was talking to her? They knew her name? She focused her eyes enough to make out the man in front of her.

“Dean?” she said, her voice cracking.

“Hey,” he said. She wasn’t cold, but the panic settling in her body was causing her to shake uncontrollably. Dean took off his sweatshirt and held it out to her. “You wanna put this on for me?” She took it quietly and pulled it over her head, covering her ripped dress and exposed breast. She planned to burn the dress she was wearing, and she wished she could rid herself of all of it right then. She didn’t want it. Didn’t want the memory of what happened anywhere on her.

She threw up again.

Dean wanted to touch her. To hold her hair or rub her back. But he didn’t want to scare her anymore than she already was. She sat up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, and she was struggling to make eye contact with Dean.

“What are you doing here?” she finally asked.

“I was just on this end of town,” he said, “heading to a bar.” She nodded and stood up from the ground on shaky legs. Dean reached out a hand when he thought she was going to fall again. She didn’t. “Hey, I know you don’t know me that well,” he said, “but can I give you a ride home?” Her lower lip shook, and she bit it to try and stop herself from crying. Not because she was scared of Dean. She was just so overwhelmed by everything happening.

Stranger danger told her to run from Dean. She met him _once_. She didn’t know him from Adam. Still, he seemed nice. Lexi loved him. Not that either of those things really meant anything at the end of the day.

“You can have 911 at the ready, and if you’ve got pepper spray or something, you can point it at me the whole time.”

At that, she managed a smile as she folded her arms across her chest. When she looked around Dean, she saw the body of the man who had attacked her laying in a bloody heap on the ground. Dean followed her gaze and frowned. “He’ll wake up eventually,” he said, then mumbled under his breath, “unfortunately.”

He had just beaten a rapist off of her. That had to count for something, right?

She opened her bag and grabbed her keychain, gripping the pepper spray in her fist. Dean bit back the smirk that desperately wanted to cross his face. “Okay,” Alice whispered, putting her bag over her shoulder again. She finally allowed herself to meet his eyes. God, they were so green. “Thank you.”

Dean nodded and motioned for her to follow him back towards the main street. “My car’s parked in the lot down the block,” he said. They both walked in silence. Dean had his hands in his pockets. She had one in the sweatshirt pocket and the other that was holding the pepper spray hung loosely at her side.

The car was the same Impala he had picked Lexi up in. She slid in the front seat and held her bag securely on her lap, her right hand still holding her pepper spray at the ready. Dean got in the driver’s side and started the car. His music blasted loudly as soon as it turned on, and he apologized quickly and turned it down so it was a dull hum in the background. He drove down the street as she pointed and softly told him which way to go.

When they pulled up to her apartment building, Dean killed the engine. She couldn’t get herself to get out of the car. She sat there, staring blankly out the front window. Dean didn’t say anything either, and she was glad he wasn’t pushing her out of the car. Finally, she took a shaky breath and looked at him. “Can you walk me to my door?” she asked. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Dean said, taking the key out of the ignition. “It’s not a problem.” She mouthed a thank you and got out of the car. The two of them walked to her front door, and her hands were shaking so much she couldn’t even put her key in the lock. “Here,” Dean said, taking the key from her. “I can get it.” She thanked him again, and he unlocked her front door so she could step inside.

She cleared her throat nervously. “Do you want a drink or something?” she asked him. “You said you were headed to a bar, and I guess I kind of ruined your plans.” Dean chuckled and hung his head, his hands settling on his hips.

“You don’t need to do that,” he said.

“No, I know,” she said. “I, really. It’s not a big deal. I’ve got beer and, and whiskey, and-” Dean held up his hand.

“You had me at whiskey,” he said with a playful grin. She let out a breath that sounded somewhat like a laugh and stepped aside so he could come in. She told Dean he could take off his shoes, and she went into the kitchen to get him a glass and something to drink. Dean noticed how badly she was still shaking as she struggled to open her whiskey -whiskey that looked like it hadn’t even been opened before. He sighed and walked over to her, gently laying his hands on hers. She jumped and closed her eyes, clenching her jaw in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” he said. “You haven’t done anything wrong.” She let out another shaky breath and moved her hands from the bottle. “How about this,” Dean said. “You go change out of those clothes, and I’ll pour myself a glass.”

Yes. She wanted out of the clothes. In fact, she wanted to wash the whole night away.

“Do you mind if I take a quick shower?” she asked. He didn’t, so she thanked him again and rushed off to the bathroom.

While she was in the shower, Dean took a few minutes to look around her apartment. He never thought he’d be there tonight. Hell, he didn’t think he’d see her again until Thursday when it was his turn to pick up Lexi again. He had told her the truth when he found her in the alley. He ran into her by happenstance. He was on his way home from the bunker when he decided to stop by one of his favorite bars. He didn’t even think about how he was somewhat close to Lexi’s school, nor that Alice might be on her way home from work after 7:00.

He smiled at a picture of her and a group of her students that was framed on her mantel. He could see Lexi glued to her side. Wow, Lexi hadn’t been kidding when she said she loved her teacher.

Dean heard the bathroom door open, and Alice walked out dressed in [pajamas](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fus.shein.com%2FLace-Trim-Cami-Top-With-Heart-Shorts-PJ-Set-p-811018-cat-1880.html%3Fscici%3Dnavbar_2%7E%7Etab01navbar02menu14%7E%7E2_14%7E%7EitemPicking_00815399%7E%7ESPcCccWomenCategory_default%7E%7E0%7E%7E0&t=NTMxODhlZWJkNWVhYTlkYmEwZDI2NTc0Y2Q0NGQyMDk3MDFhMjJjMCxnQURURXhJZQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F624523604228440064%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1595608620), rubbing a towel through her hair. He had to remind himself why he was there. What fucked up situation had brought him to her apartment. The thoughts he was having were exactly the opposite of what he needed to be thinking after stopping her from getting raped. It was just, it should be illegal for someone to look that sexy and innocent at the same time. Like, if there was some way to make that an enforceable law, he would start a petition. Because if it had been any other girl he knew, he would’ve called her a tease and ripped her clothes right off. The thing was, he knew Alice wasn’t doing it on purpose. Wasn’t looking that way on purpose. Still, it was killing him. How could she be so oblivious?

Alice gave him a soft smile and turned to toss her towel back in the bathroom. She bent over to gather her wet hair into a bun, and Dean took a sip of his whiskey so he wouldn’t groan. Did she really have no idea that her tits were spilling out of that poor excuse of a top? That the sight of her alone made his cock so damn hard it almost hurt? God, he felt like a hormonal teenager.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked as she went to sit on the couch. She shrugged.

“A little better,” she answered. “I gave my dad a call. He’s gonna get my car towed.” Dean nodded. “You can come sit if you want.” He smiled awkwardly and sat on the opposite end of the couch from her. They were both quiet, and Dean took another sip of his whiskey. “Thank you again,” she whispered, hanging her head to look at her hands. “I don’t-” She hesitated. “I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if you hadn’t found me.”

She wasn’t going to cry in front of this guy. No way. He had seen her vulnerable enough that night. She didn’t want him to have to suffer through watching her blubber about how hard her life was.

He scoffed. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I’m just glad I was there.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Me too.” She shook her head and let out a pathetic laugh. “God, I can’t believe I was in an _alley_ by my _self_. How dumb is that? What a dumb move.”

“Hey, this isn’t your fault,” he said. “You shouldn’t _have_ to walk around with pepper spray at the ready all the time. It was that guy’s fault for being a pervert.” She shuddered and licked her lips, not once meeting Dean’s eyes. He didn’t like that. Didn’t like that she didn’t seem to believe him. “Alice,” he said more firmly. Her eyes stayed closed. “Look at me.”

She did.

“This is not your fault,” he said again. “I really want to make sure you know that.” She swallowed thickly and nodded her head. He put his whiskey glass down and turned to face her. “I want to hear you say it.” Tears were brimming in her eyes. When she blinked, one of them fell. Dean reached out and wiped it away. He swore he felt her lean into his touch. “You can say it, sweetheart.”

She took a deep, but shaky breath. “It’s not my fault,” she whispered. Dean smiled softly and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. Again, she leaned into his touch.

“Hm,” he hummed. “Good girl.”

She sighed in response, and Dean felt the urge to do something much more than kiss her bubble up in his chest. So, he did the only smart thing he could think to do. He moved his hand and stood up from the couch. “Alright,” he said, clearing his throat. “I think I’m gonna head out.”

“Oh,” she pouted, her eyes fluttering open. “Okay. Yeah. Of course. Are, are you sure you’re good to drive?”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” she said, standing up from the couch, “you’ve had whiskey. I didn’t know if you were, like, sober enough or whatever.” Dean couldn’t help the smirk that grew on his face.

“You think I’m drunk after one glass of whiskey?” he asked. She blushed and fiddled with her hands.

“I always am,” she said.

“Well, sweetheart,” he said with a laugh, “you’re quite a bit smaller than I am, aren’t you?”

“I’m not small,” she quipped back, folding her arms across her chest. Dean chuckled again and took a few steps closer to her, closing the distance between the two of them. She stood at five feet, five inches, and Dean was six-one. Standing in front of him, his chest nearly pressed to hers, she did, in fact, feel quite small.

“I said smaller than _me_ ,” Dean whispered. She swallowed thickly, and Dean noticed the apples of her cheeks were instantly pink.

“Oh,” she breathed out. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m smaller than _you_. You’re right. Sorry.” Dean chuckled, and he couldn’t help but brush the back of his knuckles against her rosy cheeks. Her lips parted at the contact, and Dean felt her leaned into his touch yet again.

“Don’t need to be sorry,” he said. “I was just teasing.” Her tongue poked out and licked her lips, and Dean dropped his hand.

_Fuck me._

When Dean got in his car, he picked up his phone and dialed Bobby’s number. Bobby answered on the second ring. Dean was already out of her parking lot and on the road. “Have one of your people track down a Charles Butler,” Dean said. “Birthday January 17, ‘91. Six-one. Brown eyes. Make it an accident, but make it hurt.”

“Are we talking a hit or just a scare?” Bobby asked.

Dean pictured the fear in Alice’s eyes as the man assaulted her. The way she shook with terror, broke down into sobs, and could barely meet Dean’s eyes. His grip on his steering wheel tightened.

“Finish the job.”


	4. Not a Dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> word count - 4,304  
> warnings - language, alcohol, Alice makes me cringe  
> A/N - I didn’t know what to gif so here is my choice muscle car which is just as sexy as Dean imo

The next day, Alice got a ride from one of her coworkers -a 5th grade teacher named Thomas- to school. At the end of the day, he dropped her off at her dads’ mechanic shop where her car was waiting for her. She didn’t have time to chat with her parents, so she picked up the car and headed home. Considering Monday had been so busy after school, she was falling a bit behind on the lesson plans for the week. Plus, she just wanted to be home. It wasn’t that she was afraid to be out, but she wasn’t exactly feeling comfortable. She knew she’d never see that guy again. Not only had Dean beaten him up pretty good, but he wasn’t likely to try and attack the same stranger twice. She watched enough _Criminal Minds_ to know he wouldn’t go back to the same location when he was so close to getting caught. Still, he wasn’t the only perverted creep who existed. She had met plenty like him before.

So, she put on her big girl pants and continued with her life. She did call Christine to give her a run down of the event and get it off her chest, but after that, she was ready to leave it in the past.

Before she knew it, it was Thursday, and she could taste the weekend. Monday’s events were behind her, and she was pumped for some me-time. When she realized Lexi was the last student left again, she got a weird feeling in her stomach. Unlike Monday, she _didn’t_ want to see Dean. After he left her apartment so suddenly on Monday, she just wished she could disappear. When he called her a good girl, she thought she was going to melt on the spot. And then, for a fleeting moment, she thought he was going to kiss her.

And she _wanted_ him to kiss her. So badly. She hadn’t wanted someone to kiss her that badly since she met Greg. The feeling caught her off guard. She didn’t even know this guy, and sure he was handsome and saved her from getting raped, but it wasn’t like her to get that feeling of desperation for someone in her stomach. Plus, he was at least 40. A 20-year age gap was weird right?

So why couldn’t she stop thinking about this guy?

“Uncle Dean!”

Lexi jumped up from her spot on the grass and ran over to Dean who was already crouching down to catch her in a hug. Dean looked over Lexi’s shoulder and gave Alice a smile. “How was school?” Dean asked Lexi.

“Awesome,” Lexi said. “Ms. Alice taught us all about counting by fives. I can almost get to 100.”

“Really?” Dean said. Lexi nodded. “That’s awesome, kiddo.” He looked at Alice again, but spoke to Lexi. “How about you go play on the playground for a minute? I wanna talk to your teacher.”

“Okay!” Lexi said excitedly. Alice saw that some of her friends were still on the playground -they were walkers- so the girl dropped her backpack and made her way through the woodchips. Alice tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as Dean walked over to her.

“How’re you doing?” he asked, keeping his eyes trained on Lexi.

She shrugged. “’M fine. Probably never going to pull my car into an alley ever again.” Dean glanced at her, then looked back quickly at Lexi again.

“I’ve been thinking,” Dean said, “about how I can repay you for how late I was last week.”

“Seriously?” she said with a slight laugh. “I think, after Monday, you don’t owe me anything ever.” Dean scoffed and shook his head.

“That doesn’t count,” he said. “That wasn’t fun.”

“No?” she quipped back. When she glanced at him, she noticed he almost rolled his eyes but was still grinning.

“I’d like to take you out for dinner tomorrow,” he said. Her lips parted slightly, and she looked away from Lexi so she could study Dean. Was he being serious?

“Really?” she said. Dean looked at her too, licking his lips before nodding.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll pick you up at 6:00.” She pressed her lips into a line, trying to bite back a smile. She could already feel her cheeks heating up, so she looked back at Lexi, hoping Dean wouldn’t see how his charm had affected her.

He did.

“Okay,” she said. “That sounds nice.”

“Great,” Dean said. Dean called Lexi back over and helped buckle her into the car.

“Bye Ms. Alice!” she cheered, waving from her seat.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, giving the girl a small wave. As Dean walked around to the driver’s side, Dean spared her one last look.

“I won’t be late,” he said. She held back another smile and nodded, watching their car until they were gone.

As soon as Dean and Lexi were out of the parking lot, Lexi looked at Dean with wide eyes. “Are you going on a date with Ms. Alice?” she asked, kicking her feet against her seat.

Dean chuckled. “Maybe.”

“Yes!” Lexi said with a giggle. “You’re going to live happily ever after forever and ever.”

Dean scoffed. “Good to know I have your support kiddo.”

Alice, now inside her classroom, was holding back her urge to scream and do a happy dance.

The next day, she had enough things going on at school to keep her mind busy, which was good. If she didn’t, she knew she’d be thinking way too much about what her date with Dean entailed.

Of course, it wasn’t a date, was it? This was just him repaying her for helping Lexi. That was what he said anyway. It wasn’t like he said, “I’d like to take you on a date.” He said, “I know how I can repay you.” Those were two very different scenarios.

And there was the overthinking.

As soon as she got home, she figured she should start getting ready, knowing she’d stress over everything and it would take her longer than it should. Her shower took a half hour, doing the rest of her hair took another 30 minutes, and then she needed to pick out her outfit. She put on a white strapless bra and underwear set then started digging through her closet. By the time she had two outfits narrowed down, she only had 40 minutes left before Dean was going to pick her up.

She stared at her outfit options indecisively, finally deciding to FaceTime Christine. Christine picked up after only two rings. “Hey!” she said cheerily. She was in the kitchen, clearly cooking herself some dinner.

“Hey,” she said. “So, um, I’m going on a date, and-”

“A date!” Christine repeated.

“Well, it might not be a date,” she said. “It’s just dinner, but-”

“With who?” Christine asked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s just this guy I met through school,” she said. “Lexi’s uncle.”

“The hot one?”

“Chirstine.”

“What? I’m just wondering.”

“Can you help me pick an outfit?” she asked, avoiding her question. “I’m just torn between two.” Christine agreed, so Alice flipped the camera and showed her the two outfits that were laying on her bed.

“Where’s he taking you?” Christine asked.

“Just getting dinner,” she said. “He said it’s a nice place, but not crazy fancy.”

“Hm,” Christine hummed. “I like the orange [one](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.lulus.com%2Fproducts%2Fjet-set-for-sun-rust-red-tropical-print-wrap-midi-dress%2F761942.html&t=OWQyYjQ5MTIwZmEyZTEyZmI2NzIwOTYxNTQ5ZjJiNjM3YTFjM2MyOSxrVk5xYVU1RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F624795446953508864%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1595964045). It’s fancy without being _too_ fancy. I think the blue one is a little much for a first date.”

“Okay,” Alice said. “That’s kind of what I was thinking, too. Shoes?”

“Your tan sandals. The ones with the thick heel.”

“Good call.”

“Girl, you have to tell me all about him later,” Christine said.

“Okay, okay,” she laughed. “I’ll talk to you later.”

She slipped on the outfit and the shoes, then sat at her vanity and started to do her makeup. Her hand was shaking as she applied her mascara. This was the first date she had been on since she left Greg. What was she supposed to expect? How was she supposed to feel? What if Dean turned out not to be as nice as he seemed? What if-

“What if, what if, what if,” she mumbled to herself. “God, get a hold of yourself, weirdo.”

Just as she finished applying her lipstick, the buzzer to her apartment went off. She jogged over to the door and pressed the intercom button. “Hello?” she said.

“It’s Dean,” he said. “Buzz me in?”

“Okay,” she said. She felt nerves bubbling up in her chest again as she pressed the button to unlock the door to her building. She paced nervously in front of the door, trying to give herself a pep talk before he got there. When there was a knock on the other side, she took a deep breath and opened the door. Dean was wearing a white, short sleeve button-up that squeezed his biceps perfectly. It was loosely tucked into the blue trousers he was wearing. In his hands was a bouquet of primarily roses of different shades of pink.

“Hey,” Dean said, smiling softly at her. “You look great.”

“Thanks,” she said, knowing her cheeks were turning red.

“These are for you,” Dean said, handing her the bouquet.

“They’re beautiful,” she said. She took them from his hand. “Let me just put them in some water, and then I’m ready, okay? You can come inside.” Dean nodded and stepped inside, closing the front door behind him. She went in her cupboards to look for a glass to fill with water. “I don’t even own a vase,” she said with a slight giggle, standing up on her tiptoes to reach a glass she never used. She filled it with water and put the bouquet in it, only to see that the stems were way too long, so the flowers were awkwardly tall. She held back another laugh as she looked up at Dean. He looked equally as amused. “I’ll cut them later,” she said dismissively. “Ready?”

Dean nodded and reached out his hand for her to take. She did, grabbed her purse, phone, and keys, and followed him out the door, locking it behind her. When the doors to the elevator opened, Brent was standing on the other side. “Hey,” he said with a smile. Dean was not oblivious to the way his eyes raked over Alice. “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” she said. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, but squeezed Dean’s hand a little tighter. She was nervous. This guy was making her nervous. Dean didn’t like that. “This is Dean,” she said, motioning with her free hand to Dean. “Dean, this is Brent, my neighbor.”

Dean shook Brent’s hand, making sure to use a little more force than he may otherwise. Brent clearly noticed. Dean saw his jaw twitch. “Nice to meet you,” Brent said.

“Likewise,” Dean said. He let go of his hand. “C'mon, sweetheart,” he said, placing a kiss to Alice’s forehead. “We’ll miss our reservation.” She nodded, waved to Brent, then got into the elevator with Dean. When they got to the Impala, Dean opened the door for her. He jogged around and got in the driver’s side as she was buckling up.

“I meant to say this yesterday,” she said, “but I really like your car.” The corner of Dean’s lip curved up in a smirk.

“Thanks,” he said. “It was my dad’s. It’s a-”

“‘67 Impala, right?” she said.

Dean had to stop himself from abruptly looking at her. His hand on the steering wheel tightened. As if he didn’t already think she was sexy.

“You know cars?” he said.

She smiled. “My dads own a mechanic shop. Dad met Mark at a vintage car show. Whenever they had a free day, they were taking me on day trips to junkyards to salvage pieces to fix up whatever Impala or Camaro or Chevelle they were working on for fun.”

Dean could tell the memories were fond for her. The smile she had on her face wasn’t fading, and she was staring absentmindedly out the front window. “You got a favorite?” Dean asked. Her smile grew wider, and she finally looked at him.

“1970 Camaro Z28 Tribute, red,” she said. “It was the first car I ever wanted.” She laughed. “Instead I got a black, 2000 Mercury Milan.”

“Rough,” Dean said with a laugh.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “She was all I could afford.”

“What do you drive now?” he asked.

“'98 Jeep Wrangler,” she said. “She’s no Camaro, but I like her.”

Within a few minutes, they were at the restaurant. Alice had seen the place in passing, but she never considered she’d ever eat there. She knew it was a fancier place, and the fact that Dean wanted to take her there made butterflies erupt in her chest. Dean parked the car in a spot that said _Employees Only_ , but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to point it out in case he lashed out at her for stating the obvious. It’s what Greg would’ve done. It’s what Greg _had_ done a million times before.

“You okay?” Dean asked. She must’ve been silent for too long, and she hadn’t realized she was staring at the parking sign until Dean followed her gaze. Her shoulders tensed, waiting for him to explode. Instead, Dean just chuckled. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m not being a dick. I know a guy.” She was embarrassed that he had noticed but happy that he wasn’t just being pretentious. Dean picked up her hand and kissed the back of her knuckles. “You’re gonna have to trust me tonight, sweetheart,” he said. “I may surprise you.”

They got into the restaurant, and Dean helped them past the line of people waiting. He looked at the host who just smiled and nodded, letting Dean walk right by. Dean kept his hand on Alice’s lower back as they walked through the restaurant, weaving around tables until they reached one that was in the back of the restaurant by the floor-to-ceiling windows. He pulled out his chair for her, and she sat down. Her lips were parted in awe of the situation. Dean sat in front of her.

“They must know you here,” she observed. Dean grinned.

“Yeah,” he said. “You could say that.”

The waiter came over then with a bottle of wine. “Hi, Mr. Winchester,” the guy said, pouring the wine into his glass. He looked at Alice, silently asking if she wanted any, and she nodded and thanked him.

“Spencer,” Dean said with a smile. “How’re you doing?”

“Great,” he said. “It’s been a while.”

“Ah, business is keeping me busy,” Dean said. “But I thought I’d show Alice here a part of the job.” Spencer nodded and gave Alice another smile.

“I’m assuming the usual?” Spencer asked, looking at Dean again.

He nodded. “If you could give us a few moments, I’m not sure Alice has decided yet.”

“Of course,” Spencer said, handing Alice a menu. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She thanked him again, and as soon as he was gone, she looked at Dean.

“Part of the job?” she asked. He took a sip of his wine and smiled.

“It’s just one of my investments,” Dean explained. She raised her eyebrows.

“You own this place?” she said. Dean just shrugged, a smirk now dancing on his lips. It wasn’t arrogant though. She could tell he genuinely found her shock amusing. “Well,” she said, “now I get why you can park in the employee spot.”

When they ordered their food, they didn’t have to wait long for it to get to the table. She supposed the perks of being at the restaurant with the owner was not having to wait for the food to come. He was probably top priority, which she figured was why they got seated right away too. Conversation floated comfortably between the two of them. “Is Sam your only brother?” she asked in a lull in the conversation.

“By blood,” Dean said. “Castiel might as well be family. What about you?”

“Mm, well, Aaron is my biological dad,” she said. “He’s bisexual, and he dated my mom all throughout high school. She got pregnant when she was my age, and then she died giving birth. He decided to keep me, raise me, and then he met Mark and fell in love. Adoption’s really expensive, so they settled for just me.”

“Sorry about your mom,” Dean said with a soft smile.

“Ah, it’s fine,” she said, sipping her wine. “Never knew her, so I never really felt like I was missing something.” Something in Dean’s expression changed for a fraction of a second. He hoped she wouldn’t notice, but she did. “What about you?” she asked. “You close to your parents?” He licked his lips, took a bite of his burger, then wiped his mouth with his napkin.

“Mom died when I was four,” he said. “Dad when I was 27.”

“Jesus,” she breathed out. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “Like I said, family doesn’t end in blood, you know? I always felt like I had enough without them. Plus, I’ve always had Sammy.”

“You guys must be really close,” she said.

Dean nodded. “He’s my best friend.”

This transitioned into Alice talking about Christine and how excited she was to come home to Lebanon. She left out everything about Greg. That wasn’t exactly first date chat.

When dinner was done, Dean paid the bill and tipped Spencer. The two of them walked back to the car, and Dean opened the door for her again. Alice didn’t want the night to end. She could’ve spent hours yet with Dean talking about whatever came to mind. The whole ride back to her apartment, she was trying to think of what she could say to keep the night going. But was it leading him on to invite him upstairs with no intention of sleeping with him? Really, all she wanted to do was keep talking and spending time with him. What did people do on TV shows?

Dean pulled up to her apartment complex and killed the engine. “Do you-” She paused to clear her throat. “Do you want to come upstairs for a drink or something?”

Dean smiled. “Sure. That sounds great.”

They headed up the stairs to the apartment, and she let him inside. The first thing she noticed was the bouquet of flowers sitting awkwardly in the glass on the counter. It made her laugh. She looked at Dean, and he smiled again. “I’ll get the drinks, you fix the flowers, yeah?” he said.

“Yeah,” she said with a slight giggle. “Um, you know I’ve got whiskey. I have some beer and wine too. Help yourself to whatever.”

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Mm, I’ll take a glass of the riesling,” she said. “Glasses are in the cupboard above the sink.” He focused on getting their drinks ready while she grabbed some kitchen scissors and worked to cut the stems off the flowers. When she was done, she put them back in the glass and smiled. They looked so pretty and stood out in her drab apartment. Even after a month there, it didn’t feel like home. She jumped slightly when Dean stood behind her, putting his arms on either side of her body and setting the glass of wine in front of her.

“You like them?” he asked.

“Mhm,” she hummed, turning her head to look at him. “Thank you.” He smiled and kissed her cheek. The action made her heart flutter. They both stepped away from the counter, and she led him over to the couch so they could sit and chat.

“How long did you say you’ve been back in town?” he asked her.

“Just a month,” she said. “I came back a little bit after I graduated NYU.”

“What made you come back?” he asked. She took another sip of her wine and tried not to look uncomfortable at his question.

“Just missed it I guess,” she lied. “Home is home, you know?” Dean smiled and nodded. “Have you ever thought about leaving?” she asked him.

“Kansas?” he asked. She nodded, and he shook his head. “Nah. I’ve got the family business here.”

“And the business is?”

“Property investing,” he said. “There may be bigger investment opportunities in New York or Chicago, but I like it here. We’ve got the area pretty monopolized.”

Between the two glasses of wine she had at dinner and the two more she consumed since arriving back at her apartment, Alice was pretty tipsy. Dean could hold his alcohol like a champ, so he just found her behavior amusing. She put her wine glass down -he had abandoned his empty whiskey glass moments ago- and scooted over to him.

She may’ve been acting tipsy, but it was a bit of a show. She was nervous, and she knew if she did anything stupid, she could brush it off as the alcohol the next day. So, she boldly put her hand on the back of his neck, pulling his face to hers so she could press her lips to his.

Dean turned his body to face her and placed one hand to her cheek, deepening the kiss with no hesitation. His tongue pushed past her parted lips, massaging against hers. She sighed shakily against his lips, feeling her heart start to race faster. He bit her lower lip before going back in and kissing her harder, and she allowed her fingers to curl in the hair at the nape of his neck. His hand -the one that wasn’t on her cheek- rested on her thigh. He squeezed her leg, and she whimpered softly. When his hand started to slide up her leg, dipping under her skirt, she jumped away, quickly breaking the kiss and putting her hand over his, stopping him in his tracks.

Dean moved away from her, holding his hands up in front of himself. The minute she looked at him, she put her hands over her face. “Ugh, I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Dean said. He put his hand on hers and moved it from her face. “It’s okay,” he said again as soon as she looked at him. “You don’t have to be sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“God, I’m sorry,” she said again, hanging her head so that her hair could cover her face. “I shouldn’t have- God, did I lead you on? By asking you to come up?” She didn’t give him a chance to respond. “I just don’t usually, I’m not, I’ve never-” She stopped, realizing she was a rambling idiot, and bit her lip.

She could brush this off as an effect of the alcohol, right?

Dean knew he should’ve just let it go. It wasn’t his business what she was going to say if she didn’t want to say it, but he wanted to know everything about this girl - _needed_ to if he was going to let this go any farther. And he wanted to let this go farther.

“Are you a virgin?”

Alice tucked her hair behind her ear but kept her eyes focused on her lap. She bit her lip and nodded, then covered her face with her hands again. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “This is so weird. I just made this so weird. Ah, I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Dean said, rubbing her wrist with his thumb to try and get her to move her hand. She didn’t, so with more authority, he said, “Alice, look at me.”

She did, and her obedience stirred something inside him. He pushed it down, given the conversation at hand.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” he said. “It’s okay. It was rude of me to ask. It’s not my business, and you don’t have any obligation to do anything with me or tell me anything. _I’m_ sorry.”

“S'okay,” she muttered, looking down again. Dean grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.

“Am I making you nervous?” he asked her. She shrugged, and Dean put his hands on her waist and pulled her onto his lap. She instinctively straddled his waist, and her skirt raised a little. As badly as Dean wanted to lift her skirt and squeeze her ass, he kept his hands on her waist. She kept darting her eyes around, not wanting to meet his gaze. He put his hand on her chin again, and she finally looked at him. “I don’t want you to be nervous around me,” he said. “I never want to make you uncomfortable. I want you to be happy when you’re with me.” She licked her lips and nodded.

“Okay,” she said.

“Are you happy right now?” he asked, a small grin growing on his face. She giggled a bit.

“Yeah,” she said.

“Did you have fun tonight?”

“Mhm,” she hummed. “Thank you for dinner. Your restaurant is really nice.”

“Well thank you,” he said, squeezing her hips a bit as he chuckled.

“But next time,” she said, “ _I’ll_ pick the date spot and _I’ll_ pay.”

“You don’t have to pay,” he said.

“I want to,” she pressed with a slight pout.

And he just couldn’t argue with that pout.

He pinched her lower lip lightly and chuckled. “Okay, baby,” he said. She squirmed a bit on his lap when he called her baby, and he clenched his jaw and gave her a tight smile. It took everything in his power to get his brain off the idea of lifting her skirt, sliding her panties to the side, and helping her ride his cock.

 _All in good time_ , he thought to himself. _All in good time._


	5. Movies and Masks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 5,236  
> warnings - language, thigh riding, Dean is so sweet your teeth will hurt  
> A/N - I never thought I’d find a video of Jensen doing a face mask but here we are

On Saturday, Alice was excited to get breakfast with Christine. Even though she knew Christine would tease her endlessly about her date, she also knew she'd give her so much support. Christine was very vocal about how much she hated Greg, so she had been ready for Alice to jump back on the dating horse ever since she pulled back into Lawrence. She knew Christine would be over the moon that Dean was as amazing as he was.

Alice beat Christine to the cafe, but as soon as Christine walked in, she all but ran to the booth. She slid in and waved the waitress over. "Hey AJ," she said. "We'll have our usual." AJ laughed at Christine's assertiveness before nodding and leaving the pair. Christine put her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. "Tell me all about him."

And she did.

Alice raved about the flowers, the dinner, and the drinks they had after. She decided not to spare any details, sharing how respectful Dean was when she didn't want to go any farther but also how badly she wanted to keep kissing him forever. "Wow," Christine breathed out, smiling dreamily. "He sounds perfect. What does he look like?"

"Mm," she hummed. "Tall, but not too tall. Muscular, but not too muscular. Sharp jaw. Gorgeous eyes. The perfect amount of stubble on his face."

"How old is he?" Christine asked.

Ah yes. The question she was dreading the most.

"He's a little older," she said, sipping her coffee.

"How much older is a little?" Christine asked. She was on the verge of smirking, able to see right through her friend. Alice didn't say anything, just kept her mouth on her coffee mug. "Alice," Christine pressed. "How old is this guy?"

Alice sighed. "41. I think."

"41!" Christine repeated. "Alice, you're 22."

"I know how old I am," she said. "It's not like he's a grandpa or anything." Christine laughed. "What?" Alice said. "I like him. He's nice, and he's hot! And he's mature, and he has a real, adult job, and, and he _respects_ me." She shrugged. "Plus -I don't know- he takes care of me. We're not even _together_ -together, but it's like I already know he'd protect me if I needed it. Not that I would, but-"

"Dude," Christine said before sipping her own coffee. She put her mug down, leaned back in her chair, and folded her arms across her chest. "You have a daddy kink."

" _What?_ " Alice almost hissed, getting closer to Christine as if to tell her to quiet her voice. "I do not!"

"You so do," Christine laughed, sitting up in her chair again and putting her elbows on the table. "You _love_ this age difference. You want him to take care of you, and-" She laughed again. "God! You're his little sub already. I'm so ready for this guy to pop your cherry."

"Why are we friends?" Alice asked, rolling her eyes and drinking her coffee again to hide her blush.

"You'll tell me all about it, right?" Christine asked. "Like how big he is? And how much of a dom he is? And-"

"I'm not gonna tell you about it because today is the last time I'm ever going to hang out with you."

"Shut up," Christine said with a grin. "You love me." Alice rolled her eyes and took a bite of her eggs. "And he was nice when you told him you were a virgin?"

She nodded. "Yeah. He felt bad for asking. Said it wasn't his business." The corners of Christine's mouth turned slightly as she nodded with a quick shrug.

"He's not wrong," she said.

"I don't even know why I said anything," Alice said. "It just came out. I was so flustered."

"Well, you've had a weird week," Christine said. "I'm surprised you're handling it all as well as you are."

Alice shrugged. "You know me. I've been through worse."

-

Dean walked into Sam's house with a smile on his face. Hannah had an event through work that evening, so they pushed family dinner to Sunday. Still, Dean thought he'd stop by and visit his brother. "Anybody home?" he asked.

"Living room!" Sam called. Dean walked through the house and plopped on the couch beside his brother.

"Where're Jess and Lex?" he asked.

"Shopping I think," Sam said. "Told me it's a girls' day. I'm not allowed to know." Dean laughed, and Sam looked away from the TV and at Dean with furrowed eyebrows. "What's got you so happy?" Before Dean could even answer, Sam's eyes grew wide in realization. "Your date with Alice," he said. "You're telling me that's got you like this?"

"It might be," Dean said with a shrug, trying to appear casual. Sam shoved Dean and turned his body to face him.

"I never thought you'd _actually_ tap my daughter's teacher," he said with a laugh.

Dean shook his head. "I didn't hook up with her." Sam looked confused. "No, we went out for dinner and had some drinks back at her house."

"And you _didn't_ sleep with her?" Sam asked.

Dean scoffed. "Is that all you think I do?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Sam said. "I thought you weren't one for the dating game."

"I went on the date for Lexi," Dean said sarcastically.

Sam rolled his eyes. "So you didn't even _try_ to sleep with her?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that," Dean said, folding his arms across his chest. "I started to, you know-" Sam nodded and waved his hand so that Dean wouldn't explain any further. "She freaked out. Told me she's a virgin."

"A _virgin?_ " Sam repeated. Dean nodded. "I thought you only liked experienced girls."

"God, shut up," Dean said with a roll of his eyes.

"You think you'll see her again?" Sam asked. Dean licked his lips with a small nod.

"I'd like to," he said. Sam was quiet for a moment. Dean could tell he was thinking something but holding back. "Spit it out," Dean said. Sam looked at his brother, then sighed.

"What's your endgame here?" Sam asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked.

"This can't just be one of your games," Sam said. "She's so young, man. She's got a whole life ahead of her. And whatever happens is gonna affect all of us. So what're you gonna do? Take her on a few dates? Show her what a good time is? Break her heart in the end?"

"Jesus Christ, Sam," Dean said. "You really think that little of me?" Sam shrugged. "Frankly, what I choose to do with her is none of your business," Dean said.

"Whatever man," Sam said, holding his hands up defensively. "Just thought I'd put the thought in your head."

It wasn't that Dean hadn't already been thinking all of that. He didn't know what his endgame was, but what people did? Did everyone go into meeting a person planning out their whole future? So he took her on a date. So he wanted to see her again. Maybe they wouldn't be forever, but what was wrong with living now? He didn't want to play a game of chase that just ended in him fucking her. Not anymore. Like he'd always said, if he wanted his dick sucked or a girl to fuck, he had numbers on speed dial. Hell, Amara, Jo, Bela, and Anna were practically on standby. He liked Alice. This was more than just adding a girl to his black book.

What that _more_ was, he just wasn't sure yet.

The day wore on uneventfully. When the sun set, Dean was alone in his penthouse, sitting in bed and watching TV. He had this weird desire to text Alice, like his phone was burning a hole in his pocket. Was it too early to text her? He had only seen her yesterday. Should he step back?

He felt like a teenage boy. This was stupid.

Alice jumped when her phone buzzed on the bed beside her. She picked it up and held back a wide smile.

_Dean: What are you up to?_

She bit her lip and swiped to respond: _Just in bed watching a movie_

He texted back just as fast: _What movie?_

Her thumbs hovered over the screen. She could lie and say something cool, like an action flick or even a horror. Instead, she said, _You're gonna laugh at me_

_Dean: Swear I won't_

She smiled and decided to tell the truth: _Tangled_

Again, Dean was quick to respond: _The Disney movie?_

She pouted and wrote, _You swore you wouldn't laugh_

_Dean: I'm not laughing!_

_Alice: It's a good movie_

_Dean: I'm glad you're enjoying yourself_

This made her smile. _I am_ , she wrote back _. The only thing that could make it better is ice cream_

_Dean: Yeah? What's your favorite?_

She laughed. _Hmmm. That's a heavy question, Dean_

_Dean: Is it?_

_Alice: Yes. Yes it is. It varies from day to day. Right now I think it's Ben and Jerry's Cinnamon Buns. Sometimes it's Milk and Cookies_

_Dean: Hm. I've never had that_

She furrowed her eyebrows. _Those flavors or Ben and Jerry's?_ She grinned, then added, _Or ice cream in general?_

She could imagine Dean rolling his eyes. _Ha ha_ , he sent back, sarcasm evident in the text _. Ben and Jerry's_

Her jaw almost dropped. _What? That's crazy! It's the superior ice cream brand_

_Dean: Okay okay! I'll have to give it a try_

She held down the text so she could react with a heart, then locked her phone and put it back down, resuming play on _Tangled_. After a few minutes went by, she got bored. She decided to grab a facemask from her bathroom and put it on and maybe do her nails. It had been a while since she had a nice, relaxing night. She picked one of her favorite clay masks and applied it, then picked a baby pink shade for her nails. When she pressed play on the movie again, Rapunzel was leaving her tower for the first time with Flynn. By the time they got to the Snuggly Duckling, her apartment's buzzer went off. She furrowed her eyebrows, paused her movie, and walked over to the intercom, trying not to touch anything with her wet nails. "Hello?" she said, pressing the speaker button.

"Hey, sweetheart. It's Dean. I come bearing gifts. Can I come up?"

_Crap_ , she thought to herself as she remembered she still had her mask on. It hadn't dried yet, but there was no way she'd let Dean see her that way. She'd have to rinse the mask off before he got upstairs. "Yeah!" she said through the intercom. "Come on up!"

She buzzed him in and ran as quickly as she could to the bathroom. The mask was mint green, and she was bummed that she didn't get to have it long enough to do its job refreshing her skin. But there was no time to dwell. She washed the mask off -messing up her nails in the process- and patted her skin dry just as she heard the knock at her door. She ran over and whipped the door open. "Hi!" she said with a smile.

"Hey," Dean said. "I brought you something." She cocked her head to the side, and he lifted the grocery bag he was carrying. She was able to see through the plastic, and she smiled widely.

"Ice cream?" she said. He nodded, and she let him inside and closed the door behind him. He went into the kitchen and pulled out one pint of Cinnamon Buns and one pint of Milk and Cookies. "You didn't have to do that," she said, though she was so glad he did.

"I know," Dean said, placing a kiss on her forehead. When he pulled away, she noticed his eyebrows had furrowed.

"What?" she said. A smirk grew on Dean's face as he reached up and wiped his thumb on her forehead. He showed her his thumb which had a little smudge of green on it. "Crap," she muttered, putting her hand on her forehead.

Served her right for acting too hastily.

Dean laughed and put the ice cream in the fridge, then followed her into the bathroom where she went to wipe her face off again.

"What is it?" Dean asked her, leaning up against the doorframe as he watched her.

"I was doing a facemask," she said with a slight pout.

"Well why didn't you leave it on?" he asked.

"I looked weird!" she said. "My face was green like a martian."

"Your facemasks are green?" he asked.

"One of my facemasks is green," she said. "I have black ones and orange ones and clear ones and purple ones." Dean raised his eyebrows, and she just laughed and opened one of the drawers so she could lay out all of her facemasks. Dean whistled lowly before chuckling.

"What's the point of all these?" he asked.

"They do different things," she said. "Some of them are supposed to help your blackheads, and some are supposed to refresh you or make you feel cleaner. I think they're just fun." She looked up at him and bit her lower lip.

"What's that look for?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"You could do a facemask _with_ me," she said, putting her hands behind her back.

Dean laughed. "Yeah. No way."

"Please?" she whined. "I think you'll like it. It'll make you feel so relaxed."

No. He would stand his ground. He wasn't going to let her-

"Please?" she said again. And then she had the audacity to flutter her eyelashes, and Dean jutted his jaw out and sighed.

"You're lucky you're cute," he said. Her smile broke across her face and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

And no. He did _not_ blush.

"Alright," he said, clearing his throat. "Which one are you giving me?"

She picked out a clear sheet mask for him and decided to grab one for herself too since she wasn't able to let the clay one do its job. She opened the package and pursed her lips at Dean. "You're too tall," she said. "I can't put it on you when you're, like, half a foot taller than me." Dean grinned then licked his lips and moved to his knees in front of her. He was eye level with her stomach, and she couldn't help the way she shivered.

"Is this alright, sweetheart?" Dean asked, lightly squeezing her hips. She giggled nervously and jumped out of his touch.

"Mhm," she hummed. "That's better."

She forced herself to focus as she unfolded the mask and laid it on his face, making sure the eye holes and mouth hole were where they needed to be. She tried not to burst out laughing. She was sure the last thing this tough, rugged, 40-year-old man ever expected he would be doing on his knees in front of a girl was applying a face mask. "Are you laughing at me?" he asked, attempting a serious expression under the mask. She bit her lip and shook her head _no_. Dean stood up from the ground and took a step towards her. Her back immediately hit the wall. "Nowhere to run," he said. She licked her lips and put her hand on his chest.

"Well," she said, "you can't kiss me with the mask on. And that stays on for twenty minutes." Dean scoffed, and she gently pushed him away so she could sneak past him and put her own facemask on. Dean stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. They were standing in front of the mirror, and she couldn't help but grab her phone from the waistband of her sleep shorts. She opened up Snapchat and put one hand under her chin, snapping a picture of her and Dean. He laughed as she put a filter over it that said _my face at 9:56 PM_. She saved the picture and posted it to her story before she and Dean moved away from the mirror and went to sit on her bed in front of the TV.

"I'll grab the ice cream," Dean said.

"Spoons are in the drawer to the left of the sink," she told him. Dean came back with the two ice cream pints and spoons, handing her one of each. She looked and saw that he handed her Cinnamon Buns. She opened it at the same time that Dean opened his. She put the ice cream on the side table and got her phone out again.

"What're you doing?" Dean asked as he started to dig his spoon into the ice cream.

"I have to film this," she said. "This is a historic moment."

"It's ice cream."

"It's Ben and Jerry's!" she said back. "It's scientifically better than any other ice cream."

"Oh really?" Dean said patronizingly, cocking his head to the side.

"Yes," she said with a firm nod. "Ben-" Dean raised his eyebrows. "-co-creator of Ben and Jerry's," she clarified, "can't smell. And smell affects taste, so they put bigger chunks in it so he can at least feel their texture since he can't taste them."

Dean laughed. "Why do you know that?"

"Jeff Goldblum has a show on Disney+ and he talked about it on an episode," she said. Dean raised his eyebrows again and she rolled her eyes. "I like Jeff Goldblum and I like ice cream. Sue me. Now let me record your first bite."

"You know," Dean said, "as good as this might be, it's got nothing on, like, authentic gelato. You know that right?"

"Shut up and eat your ice cream."

Dean took his first bite of Milk and Cookies while she pointed her camera at him. He struggled to make sure his mask didn't slide off as he shoveled his spoon in his mouth. She looked at him expectantly, and Dean shrugged. "I've had better." Alice gasped and gave Dean a shove, still holding record on her phone. Dean laughed and pulled her onto his lap, and her finger slipped off the screen, promptly stopping the video. Her phone fell to the side as she straddled Dean's waist and played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. She wanted to kiss him, but she was not going to allow him to take the mask off. It would go against everything she had told him earlier. So, she adjusted herself on his lap and turned so she was facing the TV.

Dean held back a groan as she wiggled on his lap. He held her hips and watched as she picked up her phone, saved the video, and posted it to her story. She grabbed the ice cream she abandoned and took some of it with her spoon. They switched between ice cream flavors, sometimes feeding a spoonful to each other. After a while, they weren't hungry anymore, so Dean moved her off his lap and went to the kitchen to put the ice cream away before it started to melt.

It was time to take their masks off, so they went to the bathroom and took them off, throwing them in the trash. She rinsed her face off, patted it dry with a towel, and looked in the mirror to see Dean staring at her. "Why're you looking at me like that?" she asked, adjusting her shirt a bit.

"Sorry," Dean said, forcing his eyes to focus on hers again. "Just looking at your [pajamas](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fus.shein.com%2FCartoon-Moon-Star-Graphic-PJ-Set-p-1025033-cat-1880.html%3Fscici%3Dnavbar_2%7E%7Etab01navbar02menu14%7E%7E2_14%7E%7EitemPicking_00815399%7E%7ESPcCccWomenCategory_default%7E%7E0%7E%7E0&t=YzcxZmExYzk4NjE2YWM4YjA2ZjJlNDI3YTAyY2E2N2MyODEwNDQyNywzNzkzNTcyNmIwNDFhNmQzODExNjE5NTkyM2I3ODE2ZTQ1YTBiNmRh&ts=1596049955). They're different than the ones you wore when I was last here."

She chuckled. "Well yeah," she said. "I have lots of pajamas. Don't you?" Dean smirked and ruffled his hand through his hair.

"Well, I usually sleep in my boxers," he said. "So I guess I have a lot of pajamas, too." He could tell his words made her flustered by the way she blushed and looked away.

"Pajama sets are like a weakness for me," she admitted, quickly shifting the subject. "I buy them way too much."

Dean hummed in understanding, pulled his own mask off and rinsed his face, then dried it off before looking at her with a smile. "How do I look?" he asked.

"Refreshed," she teased. "You're glowing."

Dean's smile widened, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. "So," he asked, his lips so close they were tickling hers, "do I get that kiss now?" She giggled and put her hands on his cheeks.

"Mm, that is what I said, isn't it?" she said. Dean scoffed and leaned down to press his lips to hers. She kissed him back, letting her thumbs brush across his smooth skin. Dean surprised her by lifting her up and sitting her on the bathroom counter. She hooked her ankles around his waist and slid her hands to the back of his head, holding him closer to her. His hands moved under the back of her shirt, resting his palms on the small of her back. His hands were rough, covered in calluses he must've accumulated over the years. She wondered how. Office work didn't usually result in beaten hands.

And why was she thinking about this right now?

When they parted, she let her forehead rest against his. He chuckled and pecked her lips once more before stepping back so she could jump off the counter. "Alright," he said, "I gotta know how that movie ends."

They ended up back in bed, Dean's arm wrapped around her, holding her close to him. She had her head rested on his collarbone, and he kept trailing his fingers up and down her arm. She absolutely hated how badly she wanted to kiss him. She could hardly control the urge she had to hop on his lap and suck his face like her life depended on it. She hadn't even realized she had been wiggling so much until Dean squeezed her hip. "Why're you so squirmy?" he teased. She looked up at him as he ran his tongue across his lower lip.

She took a deep breath and sat up, straddling his waist. His hands immediately landed on her hips, and the playful glint in his eyes had vanished. She kept her hands braced on his shoulders as she leaned forward and kissed him. She slid her tongue past his lips, and he moaned and moved one hand to the back of her head. She didn't notice the way her hips had begun grinding against his, but she did notice the moan that escaped Dean's lips. He pulled away from her and started kissing down her neck.

His hand that was resting on her waist slid up slowly, palming her breast over her shirt. She let out a shaky breath and rolled her hips against his again. "Sweetheart," Dean said, fighting back another moan. "Ah fuck, you're killing me."

"Sorry," she whispered, stilling her hips and resting her forehead on his shoulder. "I just, I wasn't thinking." She let out a surprised gasp that quickly turned into a moan when Dean pinched her nipple through her shirt. He knew what was going on. _Exactly_ what was going on, and he was sure she knew it too. She was just too embarrassed to say it.

Dean started kissing her neck again. "It's okay," he muttered. He grabbed one of her thighs and moved it to rest in between his legs so she was straddling his thigh instead of his hips. She wasn't meeting his eyes, so he lifted her chin to make her look at him. Instead of saying anything, he pressed his lips to hers. He bit her lower lip, drawing out a soft whimper. He started kissing her neck and tugged at the hem of her shirt. "Can I take this off?" he whispered. Dean noticed her grip on his shoulders tightened. He moved his face from her neck so he could look at her again. "You remember what I said yesterday?" he asked. "I don't want you to be nervous around me, and I never want to make you uncomfortable. You can say no. You can _always_ say no to me."

Alice swallowed nervously, and Dean stroked her cheek. His lips curved up in a small smile. "I can just see you're a little-" He hesitated with a chuckle. "-frustrated." The apples of her cheeks turned pink, and she hung her head again. He lifted her chin. "You can say no," he said. She took a deep breath in through her nose and out through her lips.

"Can you take yours off first?" she asked. She didn't want to be the only one without some clothes on, and even though she knew showing him her breasts was a lot different than him showing off his pecs, she didn't want to be alone. Luckily, Dean was sweet. He smiled and placed a chaste kiss to her lips.

"Course," he said. She pulled back from him so that he could grab the collar of his shirt and pull it over his head. He tossed it to the side and ruffled a hand through his hair. She put her hands on his chest and ran her fingers over a tattoo that was on his left pec. It was a star in a circle with some sort of black waves around the circumference.

"I like this," she whispered.

Dean chuckled. "Thanks. It's kind of a, uh, family crest." She nodded and still didn't meet his eyes.

_Okay_ , she thought to herself. _It's not a big deal._

She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, immediately looking down rather than meeting his eyes. "Hey," Dean whispered, "look at me." She did. He pinched her chin and smiled. "You're so beautiful, sweetheart."

She never did this sort of thing. She was with Greg for almost two years, and it took her almost a year to feel comfortable without her shirt on in front of him, and that was as far as they ever got. She had known Dean for a week, and she was already submitting to what he said, melting under his words and soft touch.

She was already in deep.

Dean kissed her, cradling her head in his hand, before trailing his lips down her neck. She felt him suck and leave a mark on her skin before kissing it and moving down to her breasts. He noticed a scar on her upper left side. "What's this?" he muttered, letting his thumb brush across the mark. She flinched, and he stopped kissing her chest to look up at her.

"'S nothing," she said, shaking her head. "I'll tell you another time."

He nodded, respecting her boundaries, and moved his left hand to knead her breast, pinching her nipple as she let out a shaky breath. He kept doing that while bringing his lips down to her right nipple. The feeling made a shiver run up her back, and she instinctively put her hand on the back of his head. She could feel him smile as he flicked her nipple with his tongue, sucking it between his lips until it was hard. He switched actions then, putting his mouth on her left nipple and keeping his hand on her right.

Soon enough, she was grinding down on his thigh. Her movements were nervous and hesitant. Dean pulled his lips away from her chest and put his hands on her hips to start guiding her movements. He made sure she moved slowly but firmly, dragging her clit up and down his thigh. She could feel whimpers in her throat, and she was embarrassed by how much she liked what was happening. She rested her forehead on Dean's shoulder and continued moving her hips with his hands. "You look so pretty like this," Dean muttered, kissing her shoulder softly. "Does it feel good, sweetheart?"

"Mhm," she hummed. "Feels, feels so good." Her fingers that were gripping his shoulders started digging their nails into his skin as she let out a soft cry. She could feel something building inside her. She may never have orgasmed before, but she wasn't so naive that she didn't know what was happening.

"Dean," she breathed out. She buried her face in his neck, and her eyes were squeezed shut.

"That's it, baby," he said. "Cum on my thigh." Her breath caught in her throat as the coil inside her snapped. She whimpered his name, and her nails dug stripes across his shoulder. Dean praised her softly in her ear, and he helped her slow the movement of her hips to a stop.

She was breathing heavily, her body collapsed against him. Dean wrapped his arms around her and ran his fingers up and down her spine. "Good girl," he cooed. He kissed her cheek, and she let out a breathy laugh.

"Wow," she whispered. "I can honestly say I didn't expect this when you brought ice cream to my door."

He laughed. "Neither did I." He kept tracing her spine. "Was that okay?"

"Yeah," she said, her voice coming out barely more than a mere breath. She laughed lightly. "I think I'm gonna put on some other pajamas." He chuckled and kissed her cheek again.

"Not a bad idea," he said.

Alice got out of bed and walked over to her drawers to get out a new pair of pajamas. She excused herself to the bathroom, and as soon as the door was closed, Dean let out a heavy breath. His cock was throbbing in his shorts, and all he wanted was to take care of it. Instead, he forced himself to think of anything to get his mind off of it.

By the time she came back out of the bathroom, he had gotten his erection under control. He smiled at Alice. The look on her face was a mixture of post-orgasmic bliss and pure innocence. He had never seen a look like that on anyone's face before, and it was so cute on her. She walked over to the bed, seeming somewhat nervous. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to," she said, playing with the hem of her shirt. "But, you _can_ if you _do_ want to."

Part of her felt pathetic for saying it. How needy was that? Sure, a small part of her wanted him to stay. Okay, maybe a _big_ part of her, but that was so clingy. She quickly shook her head. "Nevermind," she said. "You don't, I mean, like, you _can_ stay, but I totally get that you probably don't-"

"Alice," Dean said with a chuckle. "Do you want me to stay?" She shrugged, her teeth worrying into her upper lip like they so often did. Dean shook his head with a grin and patted the bed next to him as he got under the covers. "You're on breakfast duty tomorrow," he said.

She tried not to show how eager she was as she skipped over to bed and got in beside him. She immediately cuddled up to his chest as he put his arm around her. He kissed the top of her head, and she hummed contently. "Goodnight, Dean," she whispered.

He smiled. "Goodnight."

He may not've known what his endgame was, but one thing was for sure.

He was already in deep.


	6. Walk Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,378  
> warnings - language, masturbation (m)

Dean woke up alone. He rubbed his eyes, confused, and sat up a bit. He didn’t hear any water running, so he didn’t think Alice was in the bathroom. He groaned and pushed himself out of bed, running a hand through his hair. As soon as he was more awake, he could smell bacon. A smile grew on his face as he walked into the kitchen. She was standing with her back to him at the oven, and music was playing through a speaker in her kitchen. He didn’t recognize the song. Frankly, it wasn’t the kind of music he listened to. It was some sort of acoustic pop, but it had her swaying in front of the oven, humming softly to herself, which he thoroughly enjoyed.

Alice practically jumped out of her skin when Dean snuck up behind her and put his arms around her. She relaxed when he buried his face in her neck. “Mornin’,” he muttered, kissing her skin.

“Morning,” she said back. “How do bacon and pancakes sound?”

“Mm,” he hummed, “perfect.” She turned to look at him with a smile, and he couldn’t help but place a kiss to her lips. She rested her hand on his cheek and held him there to make the kiss last a little longer. When they separated, she couldn’t help but let her nails scratch his beard.

“I like this,” she said. “You look good with all this scruff.”

“You’ve never seen me without it,” he countered. She shrugged and looked back at the stove.

“I can imagine it,” she said. He didn’t move from behind her and kept kissing her neck.

“Mm?” he hummed. “What do I look like?”

“The same,” she said, “but a little younger.” Dean chuckled. “That’s what every man looks like without their beard,” she said. “My dad told me the first time he shaved his beard I cried because I didn’t recognize him.”

“Well,” Dean said with another laugh, “I guess I’ll never shave then.”

She finished making breakfast, poured them both cups of coffee, and they moved to sit on the couch as they ate. “What’re you up to today?” she asked, making conversation in between bites of pancake.

“Nothing,” Dean said. “I have dinner with Sam, Jess, Lex, Cas, and Hannah tonight. We usually do it every Saturday, but Cas and Hannah were busy last night. We had to reschedule.”

“Sounds fun,” she said. Dean nodded and took a sip of his coffee.

“Would you want to come?” he asked. She looked up from her plate.

“Really?” she said.

Dean wondered if she’d say that every time he asked her out. It was cute.

“Yeah,” he said. “Lexi would be thrilled, and frankly I’m sick of listening to the others talk about the same shit every week.” She laughed and took a bite of her bacon.

“If it wouldn’t be intruding,” she said.

“Not at all,” Dean said. “It’ll be fun.” She shrugged and nodded.

“Okay,” she said. “I’m in.”

“Great,” Dean said. “I’ll tell the others.”

“Do you want me to bring anything?” she asked.

He shook his head _no_. “Cas and Hannah are on main course, Sam and Jess are on drinks, and I’m on dessert. I’m just gonna pick up cookies from the store.”

“What?” she said, her eyebrows raised like she was offended. “You can’t bring store bought cookies, are you kidding?”

“You think I know my way around an oven?” he asked. “I can barely cook, so baking is lost to me.”

“Well, I’ll bake something then,” she said. “I love baking.” Dean raised his eyebrows at her. “I make a mean caramel apple pie.”

“Mm,” Dean hummed, putting his plate down and pulling her onto his lap. “Pie is my love language.” She giggled and put her arms around his neck, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck. The position reminded her of what they had done the night before, and the apples of her cheeks turned pink as she thought about it. “What’s that look for?” Dean asked, playfully poking her cheek.

“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head. Dean gave her a look that told her he wasn’t falling for it, and she just got more embarrassed and buried her face in his neck. She mumbled something against his skin that he didn’t hear.

“Talk to me, sweetheart,” he said, squeezing her hips playfully. She sighed, and her breath made goosebumps break out across his neck.

“I was thinking about last night,” she muttered. Dean trailed his fingers up and down her spine, hoping to get her to relax. He could feel how tense and nervous she was for speaking her mind.

“Is that a good thing?” he asked. She nodded, still not pulling away to look at him. “Can you look at me?” he said softly. She took a deep breath and sat back so she could look in his eyes. “Tell me what’s on your mind,” he said.

Relationships were all about communication, right? She knew, technically, they weren’t in a relationship or even close to a relationship, but she still felt like she needed to be open. That was one area where things had gone so wrong with Greg. She couldn’t talk about what she wanted or didn’t want. She just let him run everything, even if it left her hurt in the end. And it so often did.

If she wanted anything else to happen with Dean -and she _really_ did- she’d have to tell him.

“I know we haven’t known each other for very long,” she said, “and I don’t know if you want to, to keep hanging out with me or whatever, but I’d like to keep getting to know you and, and keep-” She cut herself off. God, why couldn’t she just spit it out?

Dean was catching on, and as adorable as he thought it was to watch her fumble over her words, he thought he’d save her some trouble. “We can take this one day at a time,” he said, stroking her cheek with his knuckles. “I’d like to keep getting to know you too, and whatever comes with that -as fast or as slow as you want- I’m game.”

It had to be illegal for someone to be this nice, right? She had never met a guy this accepting and kind. Did that say more about Dean or the other guys she knew?

She hung her head with a small laugh. “Thank you,” she whispered. Dean lifted her chin and placed a soft kiss to her lips. She smiled against the kiss before they both pulled away. She patted his chest and sat up straighter. “What time is dinner?” she asked.

“6:00,” he said. It was only 10:30, which gave them a lot of time to spend their days however they wanted to spend them.

“Okay,” she said. “I need to run to the store so I can get stuff for the pie, and the pie takes two hours.”

“Alright,” Dean said. “I’ll head home and come back at 2:00?” She looked at him like she was confused. “I want to help with the pie.”

She laughed a little. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I _want_ to,” he said. “If I’m gonna teach you about sex, you should teach me about stuff too.”

He said that just to get her to blush, and it worked.

“Okay,” she said, hopping off of his lap. “Then get out of here so I can clean the kitchen and get ready.” Dean held his hands up in playful defense, gave her a quick kiss on the lips, and made his way out of the apartment.

As soon as he was gone, Alice put her hands on her face in disbelief. She was trying not to laugh like a crazy person, but she just couldn’t believe everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. She didn’t want to be like a stupid teenage girl, but she couldn’t help it. She plopped on her couch, pulled out her phone, and called Christine.

“Hey!” Christine greeted cheerfully.

“I’ve gotta tell you what happened last night.”

-

When Dean got home, he shot a quick text to Sam and Cas: _Add a plate for dinner tonight._

Cas responded quickly with a, _?_

Sam caught on right away. _Alice?_

_Dean: Yeah. She’s making pie_

_Sam: So not only do we get a new guest, but we get actual dessert? No store-bought cookies?_

_Dean: Fuck you_

_Cas: I take it your date went well?_

_Dean: Yeah_

_Sam: Wow I love how chatty you are about this. We’re really getting a lot out of you_

_Dean: Again, fuck you_

_Cas: You two are idiots. I’ll pass the word onto Hannah_

_Sam: The word that we’re idiots or the word that Alice is coming?_

_Cas: She already knows the first part_

Dean locked his phone and headed into his bathroom for a shower. When he stepped under the water, he ran his hands over his face and through his hair. He closed his eyes, and all he saw were Alice’s tits and her face as she rode his thigh. His jaw clenched as he grabbed his cock, feeling it harden in his hand. He rubbed his hand up and down his shaft, twisting at the end and letting his thumb brush across the tip. He braced one of his hands against the wall of the shower as he closed his eyes, picturing Alice on her knees in front of him, sucking his cock in her pretty little mouth.

“Oh fuck,” he muttered, hanging his head as water dripped down his body. He started moving his hips, thrusting into his hand.

God, what he wouldn’t do to fuck her tight virgin pussy.

His cock twitched in his hand as he pictured himself cumming inside her, his cum leaking out of her as she cried out beneath him. That image was all it took for him to finish. He moaned a string of curse words as his arm that was braced against the wall started to shake.

He stood with his face under the shower again and let out a shaky sigh. Sure. He could do this with her. He could move at her pace, whatever that was. He would just have to take care of things himself a little more often. He didn’t need Jo or Amara or Bela or Anna. Yeah. He could handle this.

-

When 2:00 rolled around, Alice was dressed, makeup and hair done, and had a grocery list made and ready. The buzzer for her apartment went off, and she let Dean in without using the intercom. Her door was unlocked, so when Dean knocked, she was in the middle of sliding her shoes on and just yelled, “Come in!” Dean walked in with a smile on his face.

“Hey,” he said. “You ready to go?”

“Mhm,” she hummed, tossing her purse over her shoulder and matching his smile. “I can drive. We can take the top off the jeep and take back roads and blast music.”

Dean raised his eyebrows, amused at her excitement, and she just laughed. “Listen, back road drives with the top down are, like, my favorite things ever, and I haven’t done it in a while.”

“Alright, alright,” he said. “Let’s do it.”

They got in the car, and she plugged her phone into the auxiliary. Dean looked odd sitting in the front seat of her jeep, like he didn’t belong there. It wasn’t bad. Just weird. “Okay,” she said, opening up Spotify and going to her driving playlist. “You can’t judge my music.” Dean held his hands up with a laugh, and she pressed shuffle. The first song that played was “Hold Back the River” by James Bay. Her smile stretched across her face as she turned up the music. She pulled out of the parking lot and started down the road. Her car was a stick, and there was something Dean found really hot about watching a girl drive a manual.

Her hair blew in the wind, and she reached in her visor for her sunglasses, opening them with her teeth and sliding them on her face. Dean wished he wasn’t so drawn to her. He didn’t like to be scared, and it didn’t happen very often. Looking at her, noticing the way the sun made the freckles on her face stand out and her lips singing along to the song, he was obsessed. And that scared him.

When they got to the grocery store, Alice reached for his hand as they walked inside. Dean squeezed it, and she looked at him and smiled. She hated the way her heart leapt out of her chest when his hand touched hers. She shouldn’t be feeling this way this fast. She agreed with Dean. One day at a time. But what happened when after a day, she felt how a normal person would after a month?

She and Dean walked through the grocery store with a small cart, picking up the ingredients she needed for the pie recipe. “A lot of this stuff I already have at home,” she said to Dean. “But I need six apples, some oats, lemon juice, margarine quarters cuz I’m almost out, and then cream for the caramel sauce.”

“Can’t you buy caramel sauce?” Dean asked.

“Yeah,” she said, “but I always make my own.”

“Mm,” he hummed. “Wow.”

“You impressed?” she asked somewhat sarcastically.

“Very,” Dean said. She rolled her eyes as she and Dean continued through the store.

She was reaching for the lemon juice on one of the shelves when someone said, “Well hello Mr. Winchester.” She and Dean both turned as a man walked over to them. He was probably only a couple inches taller than her which left him quite a bit shorter than Dean. His hair was longer than Dean’s but shorter than Sam’s, and his smile led her to believe he was smug. She looked at Dean and noticed his expression had hardened.

“Gabriel,” Dean said with a nod of acknowledgement. He moved to stand slightly in front of her like he was shielding her. Gabriel took notice.

“And who is this lovely lady?” Gabriel asked. He waved at her like she was a child, and it made her fold her arms across her chest awkwardly.

“Walk away, Gabriel,” Dean said, his voice low. She saw a flicker of fear flash before Gabriel’s eyes as he took a step back.

“I’m only trying to make a friend,” he said, clearly trying to make a joke to calm Dean down. It didn’t work.

“I’ll say it one more time,” Dean said. “Walk, away.” Gabriel noticeably gulped and nodded, taking a few steps before turning on his heel and walking away. Alice gently grabbed Dean’s arm and squeezed it. He turned to look at her, and his expression softened.

“Are you okay?” she whispered.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding and clearing his throat. “Let’s just finish shopping.”

They finished up quickly at the store, and Dean carried the grocery bags to the car. Before she started the car, she looked at him. “You wanna talk about it?” she asked.

“About what?” Dean asked.

“That guy,” she said. “Gabriel?” Dean’s jaw clenched again, and he shook his head.

“No,” he said. Part of her wanted to push farther, but she decided against it. She started the car and turned on her music. “Electric Love” by BØRNS began playing, and she immediately smiled. Dean’s mouth remained in a hard line. She reached over and poked his cheek, hoping it would get a smile out. It didn’t.

“Dean,” she whined with a slight laugh. “C'mon. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he snapped. “Just fucking drop it.”

She recoiled a bit and turned the radio up, pulling out of the parking spot and heading home. The drive was silent apart from the music. Alice wasn’t even singing. Dean felt bad for snapping. Gabriel was one of the men he had a current deal going with, and the last thing he wanted was for Alice to meet anyone from that side of his life yet. He knew Gabriel would say something stupid if he stayed around for too long, and the idea set Dean’s teeth on edge. He wanted him away from Alice as soon as possible. He didn’t mean to take the frustration of seeing him out on her. He just had a tendency to lash out when he was angry at whoever was there.

When they got back to her apartment, Dean put his hand over hers as soon as she stopped the car. She didn’t want to look at him, and he hated that. “Alice,” he said softly. She licked her lips and looked up at him. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “I didn’t mean to yell.”

“S'okay,” she whispered, looking away from him again. He put his fingers on her chin, and he noticed she winced. His eyebrows furrowed, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“Gabriel is someone who kind of works for me,” he said. He didn’t know how else to explain it without saying something incriminating. “We don’t exactly get along, and he can be a little-” He hesitated. “- _inappropriate_. I just didn’t want him saying something to you. That doesn’t excuse my yelling though, and I’m sorry.”

She was used to men yelling at her. Strike that. She was used to Greg yelling at her. What she wasn’t used to was an apology after. It caught her so off guard that tears came to her eyes. Dean’s face dropped. “No, no,” he said, reaching out to stroke her cheekbone with his thumb. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” she said, waving her hand in front of her. “Sorry. I’m being stupid.”

“You’re not,” he said. “And you don’t need to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She blew a puff of air out of her mouth.

“Your apology just means a lot,” she told him. The statement just gave him more questions, but he didn’t want to push her. He leaned across the middle council and placed a soft kiss on her lips. When she pulled away, she let out an embarrassed laugh. “You’ve seen me cry way too much for knowing me for such a short period of time,” she said. Dean just shook his head and kissed her again.

“Come on,” he said, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Let’s go make some pie.”

They headed up to her apartment, and she made herself at home in the kitchen. Dean noticed how comfortable she was there, like he wasn’t even there at all. As adorable as it was, he wanted to help. He washed his hands and looked at her. “What can I do?”

The two of them floated around the kitchen like a well choreographed dance. He listened to her instructions, and she was patient when he was confused about something. Pie wasn’t easy to make, but Dean was a good listener and a quick learner. The whole situation felt so domestic to her. Greg never helped her in the kitchen. He avoided the room like the plague, and she was always left cooking all the meals and making only food he liked. Dean let her be in charge in the kitchen, and she loved that.

While the pie was in the oven, she told Dean to make himself comfortable while she changed, touched up her makeup, and did her hair. Her hair had become a mess after riding with the top of the jeep down, so she had to fix it so she didn’t look crazy at the dinner. She decided to wear a black, scalloped trim sleeveless crop top and some black and white striped paper bag shorts. She paired the outfit with a bright red lipstick and rehearsed her smile in the mirror. She hated how nervous she was. She was making this into a way bigger deal than it was. She just wanted to make a good first impression in case things kept going well with Dean. She shook her head and gave her reflection a more relaxed smile. “One day at a time,” she whispered to herself. “One day at a time.”


	7. Full of Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,039  
> warnings - none

On the way to Cas and Hannah’s, Dean could tell Alice was nervous. Her leg was bouncing, and her grip on the pie tin was tight. When they pulled up to the house, she let out a shaky breath. Dean killed the engine and turned to look at her. “Are you sure this isn’t weird?” she asked before he could even open his mouth. “They’re not gonna think I’m-” She hesitated, and Dean furrowed his eyebrows.

“What?” he asked.

She sighed. “They’re not going to think I’m like, I don’t know, the dramatic opposite of a cougar? Or that I’m clingy? Or-”

Dean cut her off by softly kissing her. He felt her relax and put her hand on his cheek. He smiled when her fingers scratched his beard, then pulled away. “Don’t overthink it,” he said. “They’re not going to think any of that. They’re really excited to see you. Between me and Lexi, they already know you’re great.” She blushed and darted her eyes around nervously. “And,” he said, holding her chin so she would look at him again, “this is a super relaxed night. These dinners aren’t anything other than a scheduled chance for us to hang out.”

“Okay,” she said, nodding her head. “Sorry.”

Dean wished she wouldn’t apologize so much, but he could tell it wasn’t something she could control. Apologizing was like second nature to her. It was deeply ingrained in her, and he wondered why. And why had him apologizing to her affecting her the way it had? And why did she flinch when he touched her in the car? He had an idea, because he wasn’t an idiot, but he didn’t want to accept that it was true.

They got out of the car and walked up to the front door of the house. Dean walked in without knocking, and Alice followed behind him. “Where’s the party at?” Dean called playfully. They heard a squeal and tiny feet run over to them. Lexi stopped in her tracks.

“Ms. Alice!” she cheered. She completely ignored Dean and ran over to Alice. Alice quickly handed Dean the pie so she could crouch down and catch the girl in a hug.

“Hey, girlie,” she said. “How are you?”

“I’m so good,” she said. “I can’t believe you’re here! Are you on a date with Uncle Dean?” Alice laughed and looked up at Dean who rolled his eyes with a grin.

“I think so,” she told Lexi. “But I’m glad you’re here, because you’re way more fun than he is.” Lexi giggled and grabbed Alice’s hand.

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go play.”

“Hang on, kiddo,” Dean said with a laugh. “Let’s let her say hi to the grown ups first.” Lexi pouted, and Alice smiled.

“We can play later, okay?” she said. Lexi smiled again and nodded, so the three of them walked into the kitchen. Dean kept a hand on her back which helped her relax.

“You guys know each other, yeah?” Dean said. “I don’t need to make introductions?”

“Of course not,” Jess said, opening her arms up and pulling Alice in for a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, you too,” she said, hugging everyone before settling at Dean’s side again. She looked at Cas and Hannah. “Thanks for having me.”

“Of course,” Hannah said with a smile. “We’re sick of hanging out with Dean anyway.” Dean rolled his eyes as Alice giggled.

“Well, I made a pie,” she said, motioning to the pie Dean left on the counter.

“ _We_ made a pie,” Dean pressed.

“Mm,” Alice hummed, turning her lips down and shrugging. “He existed in my space while I made it.” The others laughed again and Dean threw his hands in the air.

“Why did I invite you again?” he asked.

She smiled up at him with those sweet eyes, and he remembered.

“Alright,” Hannah said, clapping her hands together. “We ready to eat?”

They all agreed and gathered around the table. Hannah and Cas had made spaghetti bolognese and homemade garlic bread. “This all looks great,” Alice said, folding her napkin on her lap as Dean poured her some of the wine that Sam and Jess had brought.

“It’s my first time making it,” Hannah said, “so be honest if it stinks. I won’t be offended.”

Conversation went from Alice talking about her hobbies to everyone sharing stories of family, which led to Alice talking about her car knowledge, impressing Cas and Sam just as she had impressed Dean. They all seemed genuinely interested in getting to know her, and it made her feel so comfortable. Dean’s hand resting casually on her thigh definitely helped too. His thumb rubbed soft circles on her skin, and it was making those little butterflies continue swirling around the pit of her stomach.

When everyone finished eating, Alice offered to help Hannah clean up while the others moved to the living room to drink and chat. Jess joined them, helping move the leftovers into some containers and loading the dishwasher. “Where did Dean take you on your date the other day?” Jess asked.

“We went out to his restaurant,” she said, “which was crazy, because I had no idea he owned a restaurant.” The girls chuckled.

“The man is definitely full of surprises,” Hannah said.

“Yeah, like when he asked me to come tonight,” Alice said. “That was a surprise too.”

“Things must be going well already in his mind,” Jess said, “because he hasn’t brought someone to dinner since before Lex was born.”

“Really?” Alice said. She tried to fight the giddy smile growing on her face as she bit her lip and focused again on the food she was putting into the tupperware. Jess bumped hips with Alice, and Alice couldn’t help but giggle.

“Dean doesn’t usually move this fast,” Jess said. “I’d take that as a good sign.”

“You think he’ll let me stick around?” Alice joked. The girls both chuckled again.

“I hope so,” Hannah said. “I’m sick of single Dean. He was much more fun when he had Lisa around.” Alice cocked her head to the side.

“Lisa?” she asked. Hannah’s eyes grew wide for a moment as she looked at Jess and cleared her throat.

“Probably shouldn’t have brought that up,” Hannah said.

“Who’s Lisa?” Alice pressed. She didn’t want to sound obsessive or nosey. She was just curious.

“Dean dated her for a while,” Jess said. “Maybe nine or ten years ago now. It was the last serious relationship he’s ever been in.”

“Why’d they break up?” she asked. Jess and Hannah looked at each other, silently saying something Alice couldn’t understand.

“Maybe have Dean tell you that,” Jess said. “He’ll probably tell you on his own someday. It’s really not a big deal.”

“I just wouldn’t bring it up,” Hannah said. “It’s not exactly a second date conversation.”

“And it’s really not a big deal,” Jess said again.

“Yeah,” Hannah agreed. “We’re just glad he found someone to bring by again. Like Jess said, it’s a good sign.”

As uncomfortable as this revelation made her, she decided not to dwell. Hannah and Jess said it wasn’t a big deal, and that her being there was a good sign. Those details were far more important than the fact that he hadn’t been in a serious relationship since he was 31.

When they finished up in the kitchen, they all went back to the living room to sit and chat with the others. As soon as they walked in, Lexi shot up from where she was sitting. “Ms. Alice, will you play now?” she asked. “Look! I brought my favorite Barbies.” She showed her a doctor and a princess, which made Alice smile. She opened her mouth to respond, but Dean stopped her.

“Ms. Alice wants to sit with the grown-ups,” he said. Lexi pouted, and Dean raised his eyebrows at her. “You think that’s gonna work on me?”

“It _always_ works on you,” Sam said.

Dean chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Not this time. Ms. Alice can play with you another time.”

“You’re no fun,” Alice said to Dean. He grinned and grabbed her by the waist to pull her onto his lap. She did her best not to spill her wine as she sat down and looked at him with wide eyes. He just grinned and kissed her cheek. He loved how pink her cheeks turned when she was flustered, and it didn’t take him long to learn she was so easily flustered.

Dean and Alice didn’t end up leaving the house until well after 10:00. “Dinner’s at Dean’s on Saturday,” Hannah said, giving Alice a hug goodbye. “Maybe you can convince him to serve something other than Chinese takeout.”

Alice laughed. “If I’m welcomed back, I’ll see what I can do.”

“You’re always welcomed in my mind,” Jess said, squeezing Alice’s arm. Dean and Alice got into the Impala while Sam, Jess, and Lexi got into their SUV. Alice was trying not to smile like a weirdo as Dean pulled out of the driveway. She jumped a bit when he reached over and grabbed her hand.

“Told ya, sweetheart,” he said. “That was nice, right?”

“Yeah,” Alice said, looking over at him with a smile. “Thanks for letting me come.”

“Course,” Dean said. When they were at a stoplight, he looked at her. “So,” he said, “how would you feel about coming over to my place tonight?” Her smile dropped as her lips parted slightly. “It’s not a big deal,” he said, reaching over to cup her cheek in his hand. “Don’t freak out.” She let out an embarrassed laugh and looked down.

“Am I that transparent?” she asked. He just gave her a soft smile.

“We don’t have to do anything,” he said. “I just thought I’d show you my place.” She met his eyes and nodded.

“Yeah,” she said. “Let’s go.”

Dean smiled, and the light turned green, so he drove forward. The rest of the drive didn’t take very long, but Alice was astonished when they pulled up to one of the nicest apartment [complexes](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cityrealty.com%2Fnyc%2Fchelsea%2Fdorsay-211-west-14th-street%2Fapartment-PENTHOUSE%2FxmPfERxDEYp&t=ZTVlZDgxMDZhYzU4M2VmYjI1MDRjYWJjZThlMmIxNDQyOWQ1NjRmMSxoWXIxb1diNg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F625429513597288448%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1596472720) in Topeka. She shouldn’t have been. Like Hannah said, Dean was full of surprises. They pulled into a parking garage, and Dean jogged around to open her door for her. They walked through the garage and got to the lobby of the complex. She felt out of place and found herself squeezing Dean’s hand a little tighter. He let go of her hand to put his arm around her waist and pull her close to his side.

“Good evening Mr. Winchester,” the man at the front desk said, giving Dean a smile.

“Evening, Derek,” Dean said back. “How’s the wife?”

“She’s good,” he said. “Thanks for asking.” Dean just smiled, and he and Alice got into the elevator.

“You own this place too?” she asked. Part of her was joking, but most of her was serious. Dean didn’t say anything, just pressed the button that would lead to the penthouse. The elevator doors opened, and Alice’s jaw dropped. The great room was gorgeous with white walls and floor to ceiling windows that led out to the terrace. Dean put his hand on her back and led her into the apartment. Out the window, she could see all of Topeka, the city lights sparkling in the night. She hadn’t even realized she had walked over to the terrace until she felt the cool night breeze on her face.

Dean walked over to her and stood behind her, putting his arms on the railing on either side of her. He brushed her hair over her shoulder and kissed her neck. “It’s beautiful here,” she whispered. Dean hummed.

“I like it,” he muttered. She turned her head to look at him, and his eyes quickly darted to her lips. She smiled and kissed him, resting her hand on his cheek while one of his hands moved to her waist.

They moved back inside, and Dean gave her a brief tour of the apartment. When they got into the bedroom, she kicked her shoes off and turned to look at Dean. “You mind if I go use the bathroom?” she asked. “I wanna wash my face and stuff.”

“Sure,” Dean said. “Just around the corner.” She nodded and left the room. In the bathroom, she looked at the stuff on Dean’s counter and tried to figure out the least painful and most effective way to scrub off her makeup. Using one of his towels - _white_ towels- would stain them and probably do a bit of damage to her skin from excessive scrubbing. He didn’t have any face wash, so she had to settle for scrubbing the bar soap on her hands to move to her face. The mascara was a pain, but she managed. She tugged her hair up into a ponytail and left the bathroom.

“Dean?” she asked. He was sitting on the bed on his phone, but he looked up at her instantly. “Do you have anything I can wear to bed? This isn’t exactly comfortable for sleeping.” He chuckled and nodded, standing up from the bed and going over to his drawers. He pulled out a t-shirt and handed it to her. She thanked him softly and walked to the bathroom to change again.

Dean thought it was somewhat funny that she couldn’t change in front of him. He had already seen her without a shirt, and it wasn’t like she’d be naked. Still, he didn’t say anything about it. She came back out of the bathroom with her clothes in her hand and laid them on the ground. His shirt -a grey Led Zeppelin tee- fell to her thighs. She tugged it awkwardly, and Dean smiled. “You want some shorts or something?” he asked. She shook her head no and walked over to the bed. Dean had already turned down the covers and stripped to his boxers and a t-shirt.

“So,” she said, clearing her throat nervously, “this is the kind of music you listen to?” She said, motioning to her shirt. Dean chuckled and nodded.

“Grew up on rock,” he said. “Kind of never listened to anything else.”

“So I guess my music isn’t your cup of tea,” she said.

He smiled. “I can get used to it.”

She smiled and kissed him softly. When they pulled away, she laid down and snuggled under the covers. “Wow,” she breathed out, sinking into the mattress. “This is better than any bed I’ve ever slept on.” Dean smiled as she snuggled up to him, wrapping her arm around his stomach. “I think your room might be bigger than my whole apartment,” she said. Her voice was getting quieter, and he could tell she was tired. He kissed the top of her head. “Doesn’t it get lonely? Being in this big place all by yourself?” Dean shrugged.

“Sometimes,” he said, “but not really.”

“Hm,” she hummed. “I’d get lonely.” Dean was quiet, and his fingers trailed up and down her arm that was around his stomach. Soon enough, her breaths slowed, and Dean knew she was asleep. For whatever reason, he had a hard time crashing. Alice’s words kept floating around his brain. He didn’t get lonely much, that was true. Then again, he wasn’t home that much. Most of his time was spent at the bunker or on a job or out with his family. When he was home, it was just to go to bed. Sure, some nights were lonelier than others, but those were the nights he would call someone to, well, keep him company he could say.

Dean noticed her shiver and pulled the covers farther up her arms. She sighed and snuggled closer to him. Feeling her body heat next to him and her grip tighten on his torso made him relax. He hadn’t even known he was tense until she made him aware. In just a few moments, he too was asleep.

Alice needed to be at school at 7:00 on Monday, so she was lucky her internal alarm clock woke her up at 5:00. She had migrated to the other side of the bed over the night, so she rolled over to look at Dean. He was laying on his stomach with his arms under the pillow. His lips were slightly parted, and his eyelashes were resting gently on his cheeks. She realized then how long his eyelashes really were. Was a man allowed to be this beautiful? She really didn’t think so.

She got out of bed as slowly as she could, hoping she wouldn’t wake Dean up. “Mm,” he grumbled, reaching his arm out. “Running out on me?”

“You’re a light sleeper,” she whispered, running her fingers through his hair. His eyes were still closed as he groaned softly.

“’M always on edge,” he mumbled. He propped himself up on his elbows as he blinked his eyes awake. “How were you gonna get home?”

She shrugged. “I was just gonna call an Uber.” Dean scoffed and sat up.

“Come on,” he said. “I’ll give you a ride.”

“No, no,” she said quickly. “It’s barely 5:00.”

“Mm, then I’ve already slept too long,” he said, a smile growing on his face. She rolled her eyes and got out of bed, tugging her shorts back up her legs. She slid her shoes on just as Dean pulled on some sweats. They walked through the apartment and headed to the elevator, both a little too sleepy to make good conversation. In the car, Dean pushed a cassette in and played it at a dull hum.

“I know this song,” she said, reaching forward to turn the nob up a bit. “ _Only God knows where I’ve been. I’m a devil on the run. A six gun lover, a candle in the wind_.” Dean looked at her with raised eyebrows. “My dads always play the classic rock station at the shop.” She was quiet until the chorus hit: “ _I’m going out in a blaze of glory. Take me now but know the truth. I’m going out in a blaze of glory_.” Dean chuckled, amused, and she shrugged with a smile. “I can get used to your music too.”


	8. Bets and Bowling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,446  
> warnings - language

Alice and Dean went about a week without seeing each other. They texted off and on, but both found themselves with an exceptionally busy few days. Dean was meeting with his factions to discuss ongoing deals, and Alice was working on her various lesson planning for the rest of the week. She did end up seeing a lot of Brent though, which was unusual.

He first showed up at her door on Monday with some leftover pizza, which was normal. On Tuesday, they ran into each other when she was coming home from school. They chatted outside for a moment before she headed into her apartment. On Wednesday he invited her over for another movie, and she agreed, this time watching _The Big Lebowski_ , which was a bit more up her alley than _Fight Club_. Plus, it gave her an incredible idea.

On Thursday, she shot a text to Dean: _What are you doing tomorrow?_

_Dean: I've got no plans in the evening. You miss me?_

_Alice: You wish ;) You ready for my date night pick?_

_Dean: Lay it on me_

_Alice: You didn't tell me where we were going, so I'm gonna keep this from you too. Just remember my budget's lower than yours, so keep that in mind. Don't dress fancy_

_Dean: Can I at least pick you up?_

_Alice: If it makes your fragile masculinity feel better_

_Dean: It most definitely does_

_Alice: You're so lame. Be here at 7:00?_

_Dean: You got it_

She got home from school around 5:00, her after school to-do list taking her a bit longer than normal. Her plans for her date with Dean weren't anything fancy, just like she had told him, so she didn't need a lot of time to get dressed up. She threw on some jean shorts and a black and white striped t-shirt and decided to loosely curl her hair and throw it in a ponytail. She kept her makeup simple. Makeup. That reminded her. She didn't know what her evening held, but the last thing she wanted was to end up at Dean's with an inefficient way to take off her makeup. She grabbed her shoulder bag and put in her makeup wipes, face wash, toothbrush, deodorant, and hairbrush. She figured she could just wear one of Dean's shirts to bed again, which reminded her that she probably needed to return the one she had last stolen from him. She added that to her bag too just as there was a knock at her door.

She looked at her phone and saw that it was only 6:30. How did Dean get in the building without her buzzing him in? And, why was he thirty minutes early? She jogged over to the door and opened it. "Brent," she breathed out, her voice showing some surprise. She noticed he was holding a bouquet of flowers. "What's up?"

"Well, I was just at the store," he said, "and I saw these. Thought of you."

"Oh," she said, laughing awkwardly. "That's really sweet of you. Thank you." She took the flowers from him, but Brent didn't leave. "Is there something else?" she asked.

"Uh, you headed out?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "I have a date with Dean. You met him the other day. He'll be here in a bit."

"Got it," Brent said. "Well, then-" He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I'll see you around." She smiled, waved him goodbye, and closed the door. She looked at the flowers before setting them down on the counter. Brent was a nice guy and everything, but this seemed a little odd. She hoped she hadn't been leading him on with all the time she spent with him in the past few days. She was just trying to be a friend, but she didn't feel like friends often gave each other flowers without ulterior motives.

She shook the thoughts from her brain and sat in front of the TV while she waited for Dean. It didn't take long for the buzzer to go off, and her face lit up. She jogged over to the intercom and let Dean in. He was at her door in a few minutes, and she opened it and greeted him with a kiss. He smiled against her lips before he pulled away. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he looked over her shoulder. He noticed the flowers, and his eyebrows furrowed. "Where'd you get those?" he asked. She followed his eyeline and bit her lip, grabbing his arm and pulling him inside so she could shut the door behind him.

"My neighbor, Brent gave them to me," she said. "It's weird, right? Like, that's a little weird."

"It's a little weird," he agreed with a slow nod. "You didn't put them in water?"

"I feel like I shouldn't keep them," she admitted. "But I also feel rude for getting rid of them."

"Do you want them?" Dean asked.

She shrugged. "Not really." Dean nodded, took the flowers, and threw them in the trash for her. She giggled, and he turned to her and took her hand.

"Ready?" he asked. She nodded, so they walked out of the apartment and headed to Dean's car. She paused outside the passenger door. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I just realized if I let you drive, I have to tell you where we're going," she said. "Let's take the Jeep."

"Come on," Dean said with a playful groan. "It's fine. Just tell me."

"No!" she said, folding her arms across her chest. She stuck her hand out. "Let me drive."

"Ah, no can do," Dean said. "No one drives Baby but me and Sam."

"You're being ridiculous," she said.

" _I'm_ being ridiculous?" Dean repeated, matching her body language.

She gasped playfully. "Are we having our first fight?" Dean grinned and shook his head, opening the driver's door.

"Just give me the address," he said. She obliged and got into the passenger side. After ten or so minutes, they pulled up to their date night spot. Dean laughed as he put the car in park. "I haven't been bowling in ages."

"Me either," she said, smiling widely. "It'll be fun! I'm so good."

"Are you?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Hm," she hummed, "I guess you'll find out."

They went inside and got themselves a lane, shoes, and bowling balls. When they typed their names into the machine, she asked Dean what he wanted to be called. "Dean is fine," he said.

"Really?" she said. "That's pretty lame."

"Okay," he said with a laugh, hugging her from behind. "What do you call yourself when you bowl?"

"The champion," she said sarcastically.

"Oh, so you're _modest_ too," he teased back, kissing her neck with a smile.

"Stop," she laughed, playfully pushing his face away. "Focus. Give me a name." He thought for a moment.

"Put down _The Boss_ ," he said.

"God," she said with a roll of her eyes, "you like Springsteen that much?" He raised his eyebrows at her. "I told you! My dads played nothing but the 80s."

Dean grinned. "Just write it." She did, and started to think about what she wanted her name to be.

"What should I put for me?" she asked. Dean thought for a moment.

"Put _Sweetheart_ ," he said.

" _The Boss_ and _Sweetheart_?" she repeated with a laugh. "If anyone walks by and reads that they're gonna think we're some weird sugar-daddy-baby couple."

"Aren't we?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows playfully. "Are you not just using me for my money?"

"Well, a teacher's salary _is_ crap," she said. Dean laughed and bumped his hip with hers to move her so he could type _Sweetheart_ into the machine. He pressed _play game_ and looked at Alice.

"Let's bowl," he said.

Alice bowled a strike in her first frame. Dean looked at her with wide eyes. "I told you," she said. "I'm amazing."

"You said good," he said.

She cocked her head to the side. "Did I?"

Dean also bowled a strike and looked at her smugly.

"Hm," she huffed. "I guess it's on then. Should I get some beer?"

"A lady after my own heart."

The pair bowled two games and downed two beers each. She couldn't remember the last time she was that happy with someone who wasn't Christine. Granted, this was an entirely different kind of happiness. The only thing throwing her off was the looks she could feel people giving her and Dean. Was it really because of their nicknames on the screen? Was it because of their age difference? For some reason, she didn't think either of as the case, because she didn't think the people were ever looking at _her_. They were always looking at Dean. She knew he was handsome, but Christ, didn't people have self control?

Dean only scored a few points higher than Alice by the end of the game because, as she said, she was good. Unfortunately for her, so was he. Unfortunately for _him_ , she was very competitive. "Come on," she whined, stomping her foot as Dean ended with two strikes in the last frame.

"Don't be a sore loser," Dean teased, putting his arms around her waist and kissing her nose.

"Let's play again," she said. "I'll kick your butt, I'm sure of it." Dean shook his head in amusement and kissed her cheek. "We can make it more interesting," she said just as he started to pull away from her. Obviously, he was intrigued.

"Can we?" he asked.

She nodded. "Um, if _I_ win, you have to do another face mask with me." He chuckled and nodded. "If _you_ win-" She hesitated, trying to come up with something.

"If _I_ win," Dean said, pulling her closer to him and placing his lips right next to her ear, "I get to make you cum again." She swallowed nervously as he pulled away with a grin.

"Those are two very different prizes," she said. His grin faltered a bit, and he put his hands on his cheeks.

"If it makes you uncom-"

"You need to stop treating me like I'm so fragile," she said, folding her arms across her chest. "I know how to say no." Dean smirked, and she gave him a firm nod, then stuck her hand out. "Deal." When they broke the handshake, she picked up her ball and looked at Dean. "Ever thought I might purposefully lose?" she asked. "Like maybe I realized your prize is pretty good for me too?"

"Sweetheart," Dean said, sitting down on a chair and resting his elbows on his knees, "I'm counting on it."

Alice was only joking. She took games too seriously to throw one just for a chance to do something with Dean again. Plus, deep down, she knew if she begged sweetly enough, he would touch her anyway she wanted him to. So she played her hardest, mentally picking out which facemask she was going to have Dean use.

And then she rolled a gutterball in the last frame. And it was over.

Her face dropped as she looked at the score. "A one point difference," she whispered. "How is that even possible?" She jumped when Dean put his arms around her and kissed below her ear.

"So," he whispered, "my place or yours?"

She smiled. "Yours, no question."

"Mm," Dean hummed, "I love a girl who knows what she wants."

In the car, Dean switched out the cassette that was in the slot for another one. She didn't recognize the song that played, and Dean must've been able to see it in her face. "Your dads played the rock station but you don't know Led Zeppelin?" he said, seeming offended.

"Uh, I know 'Immigrant Song'," she said.

"God," Dean said, shaking his head as he turned up the radio. "'Ramble On', 1969. One of my favorite songs of all time." She smiled as he started tapping his hands against the steering wheel and sang along to the song. " _Leaves are falling all around. It's time I was on my way. Thanks to you I'm much obliged for such a pleasant stay. But now it's time for me to go. The autumn moon lights my way. For now I smell the rain and with it pain, and it's headed my way._ " Dean noticed her stare and turned to look at her. "What?" he asked.

She giggled. "Anyone ever tell you you're cute?"

"Cute?" Dean repeated. "I've been called a lot of things, but _cute_ is not really one of them."

"Well," she said, reaching over to scratch his beard lightly, "I think you're pretty cute."

When they got to the apartment, they held hands as they walked inside. Derek was the man at the reception desk again, and this time Alice waved at him along with Dean. As soon as the elevator doors closed Dean grabbed her by her waist and shoved her against the wall. He kissed her gently, but quickly pried her mouth open. She moaned and moved her hands to his head, but he grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the wall.

Dean felt her tense and stop kissing him back, which immediately made him pull away. "What's wrong?" he asked. She was suddenly breathing heavily and not meeting his eyes. "Hey, hey, sweetheart look at me," Dean said, putting his fingers on her chin to look at him. She winced away from his touch, so he took a step back from her. "Talk to me, Alice," he said gently, trying to lean down so she would meet his eyes. She finally looked at him, and it was like he could see her relax. She looked confused, like she had blacked out for a second and was just now coming back.

"Sorry," she whispered, shaking her head abruptly. "I just-" She let out a heavy breath just as the doors to the elevator opened. She looked up and gave Dean an awkward smile, then walked past him to leave the elevator. Dean followed her with a still confused look on his face. As much as he wanted to grab her arm and make her look at him, he didn't. She stopped on her own accord and turned to face him. "That was just weird for a second," she said. "I, I started thinking about that, that guy in the alley."

Dean's face and shoulders dropped. "Shit, sweetheart," he said. "I'm so sorry. I should've thought of that."

"No, no, I'm sorry," she said. "That was really weird, and I just, like, totally killed the mood. I'm sorry."

"Alice," he said, tentatively reaching out to touch her cheek. She didn't move away, so he lifted her chin. "You don't need to be sorry for that. You went through something scary, and I triggered that. That's something _I_ should be sorry for."

She let out a heavy breath and put her hands on her head. All she wanted to do was let out another apology, but she knew that wasn't what she was supposed to do. She had stepped away from him and over towards the windows, looking out at the terrace. Dean hesitantly followed her and stood next to her, keeping a bit of distance between them. "How long have we known each other now?" she asked. "Two weeks?"

"I guess," Dean said.

"That's crazy," she whispered. At his silence, she looked at him. She laughed sadly. "I bet you didn't expect all this when you picked Lexi up that day, did you?" Dean turned and moved closer to her, putting his hand on her cheek.

"No, I didn't," he said, "but that is not a bad thing." She scoffed and looked away from his gaze. "Alice," he said firmly, making her meet his eyes again. "I _like_ you, okay? You've been through some stuff, and that's not something you have to be embarrassed about. I'm not gonna kick you out because you're being honest with me about how you're feeling."

Alice smiled and put her hand on top of his. "I like you too," she said. Dean smiled as she stood on her tip toes and kissed him. When they parted, she hung her head again and licked her lips. "I know you won the bet and everything, but-"

"Don't even worry about it," Dean said. She looked at him, and he shot her a playful wink. "I said I'd make you cum again. I didn't say it had to be tonight. How about we watch a movie before bed?"

"That sounds perfect," she said.

She and Dean went into his bedroom, and she excused herself to the bathroom to get ready for bed. While she was gone, Dean sat on the edge of his bed and put his forehead in his hands. How could he be so stupid? He prided himself in his ability to read people, and yet he couldn't predict that she probably wouldn't react very well to being pinned to the wall? Even before the situation in the alley, he had told himself heavy dominance would be something he'd have to lead up to. The more he got to know her, the more he realized there was clearly something in her past -a bad relationship was his guess- that made her flinch whenever he raised his voice or moved too suddenly. He still knew he couldn't press her for more information. That was something she'd have to tell him on her own. Just like he had things to tell her too.

When Alice came out of the bathroom, he noticed she was wearing the t-shirt he had given her the last time she slept over. He smiled at her and pulled his shorts off so he was in his boxers, ready for bed. "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he said with a smile. She smiled back and plopped onto the bed, immediately snuggling up to his side and pulling the covers over her bare legs. He grabbed the remote for his TV. "What do you want to watch?" he asked.

"Something fun," she said.

"Like a comedy or a cartoon?" he asked. She looked up at him, and he couldn't quite read her eyes, which frustrated him again. "What?"

"You wouldn't mind watching a cartoon?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Whatever you want." He jumped when she reached up and kissed his cheek. He looked down at her in amusement, but she was already looking back at the TV.

"Do you have Disney+?" she asked.

"I do not," he said, "but I can get it right now."

"You don't have to," she said.

"Well if you want to watch something-"

"You can log onto mine," she offered. Her face lit up. "Oo, you can pick a character for your profile." Dean raised his eyebrows, and she took the remote from him and maneuvered around to install the Disney+ app. She logged on and went to make Dean a profile. "Look at all the characters," she said, scrolling through his options for avatars. "Who do you want to be?" Dean stared at the TV, and she could see that he was thinking. He stopped her on one of the Pixar characters.

"I like that one," he said. "That red guy."

"Anger?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"His name is Anger?" Dean asked.

"Yeah," she said. "He's from _Inside Out_."

He nodded. "Sure. I'll be Anger."

"Have you never seen _Inside Out_?"

"I don't exactly watch a lot of Disney movies."

"Not even with Lexi?"

He shrugged. "She'll put them on, but I don't usually pay attention."

"You've at least seen, like _Toy Story_ right?" she said. He shook his head no, and her jaw dropped. "Seriously?"

"When did it come out?" he asked.

"Like, '95 or something like that."

"Well that would've made me 16," he said. "I wasn't exactly watching animated movies when I was a sophomore in high school."

"You were 16 in 1995?" she asked.

He rolled his eyes. "Go ahead and make an old man joke. I can take it." She laughed and gave his arm a shove.

"You know I would never," she said. He smiled, and she looked back at the TV. "At least not to your face," she mumbled. She felt Dean's chest shake as he laughed, and she continued scrolling through titles until she got to _Toy Story_.

"So you decided?" he said.

"I decided," she said with a nod.

"Alright," Dean said, getting more comfortable against the pillows resting on the headboard. "Roll film."

She chuckled. "You're such a dork."

"A cute dork though, right?"

"Shut up, Dean."


	9. Robert De Niro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,790  
> warnings - language, attempted sexual assault, fist fight, blood

The next morning, Alice woke up around 7:00. She sighed and rolled over to grab her phone. She’d be meeting with Christine at 9:00 like she always did, so she figured she probably had an hour or so before she needed to head home to get ready. Still, she didn’t want to fall back asleep, so she decided to roll out of bed. Dean was facing away from her, so he didn’t notice her move. At least she didn’t think he did.

“Why do you keep trying to sneak out on me?” he mumbled, rolling onto his back and looking over at her. She smiled and laid back down, resting her head on his chest.

“Why’re you such a light sleeper?” she retorted.

“I told you,” he said. “I’m always on edge.” She rolled her eyes with a smile and pushed herself out of bed.

“I’m gonna go make some coffee,” she said. “I’ve got to head home in an hour. I meet up with Christine for breakfast at nine.”

Dean sighed tiredly and got out of bed as well. “Sounds good,” he said.

“Dean,” she laughed, “go back to bed.”

“Nah,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I won’t be able to fall back asleep without you here.”

“Hmm, I never pegged you as clingy,” she teased.

“God, I know,” he said. “You really bring out the worst in me.”

The day was busy for both Alice and Dean. Dean had some loose ends to tie up with a couple deals, and Alice had to get groceries after breakfast with Christine.

Breakfast was as nice as it always was. When Alice asked Christine if anything interesting happened at work, she had a response. “Yeah, actually,” she said. “This guy got brought in, and-” She shuddered. “-it was unlike anything I’ve seen in ages.”

“What happened?” Alice asked.

“He jumped out of a window I guess,” she said.

“But he _survived?_ ” she pressed.

“Yeah,” she said. “Well, I mean, he was alive when he got there. They performed surgery, but there was nothing they could do.”

“Wow,” Alice said. “That’s so sad.”

“I mean, yeah,” she said, “but I guess the guy was an asshole.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he was a John Doe when he came in, so they had to run his prints. Turns out he’s all over the system for rape charges.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah,” Christine added. “People can just be so sick. And this guy was young too. Like, under 30, and -ugh- he was _handsome_. I mean, according to his license picture and mug shot.”

“Oh my god,” Alice said with a slight laugh. “You’re so messed up.”

“I’m just saying!” she said. “Asian, dark hair, dark eyes, muscular-”

“Wait, what?” Alice said.

“What?” Christine repeated. Alice thought for a minute, then shook her head.

“Nothing,” she said. “Nevermind. I’m overthinking.”

“What?” she pressed.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled. “He kind of sounds like the guy who attacked me in the alley the other night.”

“Really?” Christine said.

“Like I said,” she said quickly, “that 100% could just be a coincidence.”

“Dude,” she said, “Asians only make up, like, 1% of Topeka’s population. The chances of it _not_ being him-”

“Okay,” Alice said, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. This is too weird.”

“Alright,” Christine said. “We’ll drop it.”

Alice forced herself not to think about the guy for the rest of breakfast. She didn’t want to dwell on something that probably wasn’t even true. Deep down, she was sure her brain just wanted closure for what had happened. This guy dying was perfect closure, even if it wasn’t real.

When she left breakfast, she headed to the grocery store. It had been a while and her pantry was in desperate need of a restock. She was in and out of the store quickly and headed home with an armload of groceries.

She tried to balance her groceries while also unlocking her front door, and it was not working. She dropped one of the bags -which luckily only had some chips in it- and groaned in annoyance. “Hey, you need some help?”

She turned around and looked gratefully at Brent. “Yes,” she said. “Thank you.” He took a few bags from her hands so she could unlock her front door. He followed her in with her groceries and closed the door behind him.

Across town, Dean was with Cas and Gabriel. Things were not going well. Gabriel owned a business that currently owed Dean a lot of money. Their deal was simple. Gabriel’s company mainly sold illegal products, but Gabriel couldn’t get the illegal products on his own. Some of Dean’s soldiers were responsible for gathering the products and giving them to Gabriel, and then Gabriel would pay Dean. Dean, in turn, wouldn’t rat him out to the cops or kill him. Plus, Dean would make some money.

The money was the current problem. Gabriel was behind on nearly two weeks’ payment. Dean didn’t usually accept that, but he had been working with Gabriel for a while. Still, two weeks was pushing it. A lot.

Dean’s fists were covered in blood, and Cas was standing beside him with his arms crossed. Gabriel was struggling to keep his head up. His breaths were labored, his eye was swollen, his jaw was slack, and he was a few punches away from unconsciousness.

Just as Dean was about to throw another punch, his phone rang, and Gabriel lifted his bloody head. “You gonna get that?” he asked, a smirk on his face. Dean sighed and punched him again -Gabriel let out a pained groan- before grabbing his phone to see that Alice was calling. He took a few steps away to get some privacy.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said when he answered the phone. As soon as she let out a shaky breath, his heart dropped. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry. I know you’re busy. It’s just-”

“Never too busy for you,” Dean said without hesitation. “What’s wrong? You sound like you’ve been crying.”

“Can you come over?” she asked. Her voice broke at the end like she was still trying not to cry.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Dean said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just-” She cut herself off.

“Alright, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Dean said. “I’m on my way.”

Dean hung up the phone and rushed back over to where Cas was with Gabriel. Gabriel’s face was covered in blood, and his arms were still tied around the chair he was sitting on. “I gotta go,” Dean said, rolling his sleeves back down and putting on his suit coat.

“What do you want me to do with him?” Cas said, motioning to Gabriel. Gabriel looked up at Dean, mustering all the energy he could to smile sarcastically at Dean. His hand reached for his gun, but his fingers twitched just before he could touch it.

_Alice needs you._

He sighed. “I’m giving you 48 hours,” Dean said to Gabriel. “You can’t get me my money in 48 hours, I’m coming back for you.”

“Not a problem!” Gabriel said. “I can do that.”

“Dean-”

“Untie him,” Dean said, cutting Cas off. “Go back to the bunker and add this to the books.”

Cas knew better than to question him further, so he nodded, and Dean left the men alone. He all but ran to the Impala and pulled out of the parking spot with a screech of his tires. By the time he got to Alice’s apartment, seven minutes had passed since he hung up the phone with her. He pressed the buzzer to her apartment and waited anxiously for her to let him in. “Hello?” her voice said, sounding shaky through the intercom system.

“It’s me, sweetheart,” Dean said. She buzzed him in, and Dean took the stairs two at a time to get to her front door. He tried the doorknob, assuming she left it open for him, but he found it locked. He furrowed his eyebrows and knocked softly.

“Who is it?” she asked, an audible shake in her voice.

“It’s Dean,” he said, confused that she even had to ask. He heard her sigh as she unlocked the door and undid the chain lock. She opened the door and let him in. As soon as Dean closed it, she wrapped her arms around him and held him close to her. “Hey, hey, I’m right here,” Dean said. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

She was crying as Dean helped her into her over to the couch and pulled her onto his lap. She sobbed against his chest, gripping his shirt in her fist. He shushed her softly and pressed kisses to her temple as he brushed his hand through her hair in an attempt to calm her down. Once her breathing had returned to normal and she was no longer crying, Dean asked, “Can you tell me what happened?”

He pressed another kiss to her temple in hopes that it would get her to open up. It worked, because he heard her let out a shaky breath. “My neighbor, Brent,” she began, “he, I thought we were friends, you know?” He nodded, and she continued. “I, I was just bringing my groceries inside, and he came over to help me. When he came inside and helped me put everything down, he wouldn’t leave. And, and he kept getting closer to me, and I asked him over and over again to leave, but he wouldn’t. He called me a tease because, because I guess my [dress](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fus.shein.com%2FWrap-Tie-Side-Striped-Cami-Dress-p-1071193-cat-1727.html%3Fscici%3Dnavbar_2%7E%7Etab01navbar05menu06dir03%7E%7E5_6_3%7E%7EitemPicking_00100608%7E%7ESPcCccWomenCategory_default%7E%7E0%7E%7E0&t=YTk0YTQ3YzNmMTc3ZGZlNDg0OWI0OTRjZWEwNWY3M2YyYWEzOTI1NSxJa3JtSk1peQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F625791890629017600%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1596836659) is too short? He just, he said I always walk around like I’m asking for it but I never, I never let him touch me.” She swallowed, and it was doing everything in Dean’s power not to push her off of him and go give Brent a piece of his mind. “He, he kept touching me and, and squee- squeezing my breasts.”

Her voice became a whisper as she told him what happened, and he could tell she was feeling embarrassed, which he hated. Why did she carry the burden of someone else hurting her like it was her fault?

“And, I thought he was going to stop,” she said. “I kept telling him to stop, and I really thought he would. But then, then he, he lifted my dress and, and ripped my underwear off.” Dean’s fist clenched, and he pressed a lingering kiss to her temple, trying to keep himself from exploding. “I could reach one of my empty wine bottles,” she said, speaking of the small collection she liked to keep for decoration. “So I grabbed it, and I hit him on the head and the bottle broke. He started bleeding and got really mad, so he slapped me and left. And then, then I called you.” She looked back up at Dean with wide, red eyes that were brimmed with tears. “I swear, I wasn’t trying to be a tease. I didn’t think about my dress and, and I dropped something and-”

“Hey, hey,” Dean said, wiping away some of her tears. “This is not your fault. Your dress is fine. You can wear whatever you want. Nothing gives him the right to your body.”

She felt so violated and scared and betrayed. She had known Brent since she moved in, and while that may’ve only been a little over a month ago, she grew to trust him. He was her friend. Why did she have such a bad track record with men?

Yet there she was, latching onto yet another man’s body. How much did she really know about Dean anyway? Sure, they had been on a few dates and he treated her well, but Brent had been nice too. So had Greg. Who was to say Dean wouldn’t turn out the same way?

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, hanging her head.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Dean said. She sniffed, and he pressed another kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m so sick of being hurt like this,” she said. “Why does this keep happening to me?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered. He wished he could make everything -all the hurt and pain in her life- go away. Instead, he just said, “I’m gonna make sure nothing bad ever happens to you again, okay?”

Alice was quiet. Dean wondered if he said something wrong. If he took one step too far and sounded creepy. “What do you do, Dean?” you asked. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at her.

“What do you mean?” he asked. She bit her upper lip.

“I know you say you’re a businessman,” she said, “and that you’re helping Sam and Jess with their law firm, but-” She hesitated and met his gaze. “-I’m not dumb. I feel like businessmen don’t just own apartment buildings and restaurants. And, and what about Gabriel? He was, he was _scared_ of you. And at the bowling alley, people were watching us, but not _us_. Like, they were watching _you_ like they _knew_ you and they looked like they were scared of you too.” She hesitated. “You’re not just a rich businessman, are you? You’re something more. I know it.”

Dean looked away from her. He knew this day would come, but maybe he was being naive trying to convince himself otherwise. He could lie. He could weave more details into this life he had fabricated for himself so long ago. That’s what he always did when someone got too close to him. He lied and lied until he couldn’t lie anymore and all that was left to do was push them away. But Alice was different. He didn’t want to push her away. But what if telling her the truth just made her run? He didn’t want to lose her. He couldn’t lose her. But he couldn’t force her to stay.

Dean pulled away from her and rubbed his beard with his hand. He looked at her and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I want you to know,” he said softly, “that I would never hurt you, okay? And I would never let anyone else hurt you.”

“Dean,” she said slowly. “What aren’t you telling me?”

He let out a heavy breath and stood up from the couch to go get a beer from the fridge. He was putting off the inevitable because he didn’t know how to start. Alice didn’t move from the couch, but she did turn to look at him. He popped the beer open, took a long drink from it, then set it back down to grip the counter in his hands while he hung his head. She heard him take a deep breath before looking back up at her. “There is no good way for me to say this,” he said, “so I’m just gonna say it.” She nodded, and he licked his lips. “There are three mob families in this area: Crowley’s, Lucifer’s-” He hesitated. “-and mine.”

She turned, moved to sit on her knees, and rested her arms on the back of the couch. “I, I don’t understand,” she stuttered. “Mob families? So you’re a mob boss? Like, like Robert De Niro?”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. “What? Like the actor?”

“Doesn’t he play a mob man in a bunch of movies?” she asked.

“Are you serious?” he said. “That’s how you’re responding to this?”

“W-What am I supposed to say?” she asked. “I, I don’t, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I mean, do you have questions?” he asked. “Like, how my life differs from _Goodfellas_?”

Alice was quiet for a moment, genuinely thinking through what she wanted to ask. “Lucifer?” she finally repeated. “Like the devil?” Dean took another sip of his beer and walked back over to her. He kept some space between the two of them just in case she was a little more freaked out than she was letting on.

“It’s a nickname,” Dean said. “His real name’s Nick, but if he catches you calling him that-” He hesitated, and she nodded, getting the picture.

“So,” she said, still choosing her words carefully, “are you in charge?”

“Of my people,” Dean said with a nod. “Crowley has his own men and so does Lucifer.”

“How many people do you have?”

“Mm,” he hummed. “21?”

“21?” she repeated. Dean nodded. “Anyone I’ve met?”

“Just Cas,” he said. “Sam got out a few years ago.”

“Got out?” she repeated.

He nodded. “Once Lex was born, he wanted out. He didn’t think it was responsible of him to be in the mob when he had a wife and daughter to support. I agreed.”

“Mm,” she hummed in understanding. “So, you and the other mobs-” Dean grinned a little at her wording but let her continue. “Do you fight each other?”

He hesitated, unsure of how much he should tell her. He picked up his beer bottle and took another drink, zoning out and staring into space as he thought. Alice reached over and poked his cheek with her finger, trying to get his attention. He looked at her. “I don’t want you lying to me,” she said, her voice sounding small. “I don’t like being lied to.”

Dean licked his lips and let out another sigh. “Lucifer’s the worst between the three of us,” he explained. “He wants complete monopoly over the area. He’s been trying to gank me and Crowley for a while now. Sam too before he quit.” She nodded in understanding. “It took one of Lucifer’s men missing Crowley’s head by an inch about a year ago to push Crowley over the edge,” Dean continued, “He gave me a call and decided we’d have a better chance getting Lucifer out of the way if we worked together. I agreed.”

“And you trust him?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Honestly, I’ve got nothing against Crowley. We both stay in our lane as much as we can. I mean, if his men got in my way, I wouldn’t hesitate to-” He stopped, not wanting to say something that might scare her. He cleared his throat before continuing. “I figured we’ve got a common enemy. Might as well team up and see what we can do.”

They were both quiet. Alice started nibbling on her thumbnail as she thought. She had no idea how to respond to everything. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t scared, but she also felt like she wasn’t as scared as she was supposed to be. She did have one thought floating around her head though.

“Am I in danger?”

Dean set his beer down and reached his hand out for her to take. She did, and he pulled her so she straddled his waist. He put his hand on her cheek and rubbed his thumb against her cheekbone. “I will never let anything happen to you,” he said. He opened his mouth only to close it again.

“But,” she said, dragging the word out.

He sighed. “ _But_ , I can’t lie to you. If people know who you are and know what you mean to me, they could try to use you to get to me or to get information out of you.”

“Would they kill me?” she asked, nibbling her lower lip.

_To be honest or to spare her?_

“I think it would be worse,” he told her. “I think they would hurt you until you cracked. Or until I did.”

Alice was quiet for a long time, and Dean tried to give her time to process. When three minutes of complete silence went by, he had to speak. “Can you tell me what you’re thinking?” he said. “You’re being really quiet.”

“It’s a lot to process,” she said.

“I know,” Dean said. “And I understand if you want me to leave.”

“No,” she said quickly. “I don’t. I-” She hesitated and met Dean’s eyes for the first time since they started talking. She gently scratched her nails across his beard, and he moved her hand from his cheek to kiss her palm. “I feel like I’m supposed to run away,” she whispered. “Like I’m supposed to be scared. But I’m not.” Dean licked his lips, and she put her thumb between his eyebrows, trying to smooth out the worry wrinkles that had settled. He smiled softly as she placed a kiss to the spot when she moved her thumb.

“I’m never going to let anything happen to you,” he whispered. “You never have to worry, okay?”

“I trust you, Dean,” she said back. His smile still didn’t meet his eyes, but he leaned forward and kissed her. When they pulled away from each other, Dean noticed she looked like she was thinking about something.

“What?” he asked.

“You remember that man who attacked me in the alley?” she asked. His jaw clenched, but he nodded. “Did you kill him?” Dean sighed and licked his lips.

“No,” he said. She pressed her lips into a tight line, and for the first time, she was the one who lifted his chin to make him look at her.

“Don’t lie to me,” she said firmly. He closed his eyes, sighed again, then looked at her.

“I made an order to one of my men,” he said. Her lips parted slightly in shock. “He was a bad guy, Alice. He had it coming to him.”

“Dean,” she said. “That’s, that’s _crazy_.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just, I lost control. Guys like that, they shouldn’t get to just, just get away with that shit.” She put her hand on his cheek again.

“You have to promise me not to kill Brent,” she said.

He sighed. “Alice-”

“Dean, _promise me_ ,” she said. “I’m, I’m mad too. And I’m scared and so hurt, but you can _not_ kill him.”

“Okay, okay,” he whispered, nodding his head as she dropped her hand. “I won’t. But he’s not gonna get away with this, okay?”

“Just please don’t kill him,” she whispered back, hanging her head.

“Alice,” he said, lifting her chin now, “I promise you, I won’t kill him.”

“Okay,” she said.

“I don’t want this to change how much you trust me,” he said. “If you don’t want me to do something, I won’t do it. And if you want me to do something-” He paused, stroking her cheek and smiling. “- _anything_ -” She scoffed. “-I’ll do it. You understand?”

She nodded. “I understand.”

Dean smiled and kissed her again. “Alright,” he said, squeezing her hips lightly. “You wanna go back to my place? Help with dinner tonight?”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling back. “I gotta make sure you don’t give them Chinese takeout.”


	10. Club Awesomesauce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 4,414  
> warnings - language, guns  
> A/N - am I the only one who never really liked Jo? idk man

Alice [changed](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fus.shein.com%2FStriped-Off-the-Shoulder-Crop-Top-p-736006-cat-1733.html%3Fscici%3Dnavbar_2%7E%7Etab01navbar06menu07dir02%7E%7E6_7_2%7E%7EitemPicking_00101649%7E%7ESPcCccWomenCategory_default%7E%7E0%7E%7E0&t=NTgzZDU3YTI3MjI5YzNhNDAzYzkyNGQzMWM1ZDBlODhiZjI2YTcyZiwyOGI5NWM2MjMwZGY0ZTZmNjcwNmVlYzk0NzQ3NTdlNDQzY2EwZGRk&ts=1597085974) out of the dress she had been wearing before she and Dean went back to his apartment to get ready for dinner. Sam, Jess, Lexi, Cas, and Hannah got there at 6:00. "What smells so good?" Jess asked, greeting Dean and Alice with kisses on the cheek each.

"Chinese takeout," Dean said sarcastically.

"Yeah, not a chance," Sam said.

"It's nothing special," Alice said. "I just made some homemade pizza and breadsticks."

"Nothing special?" Jess repeated. "You have been hearing what Dean feeds us, right?"

After dinner, Dean suggested they all go up to the rooftop. "The roof?" Alice repeated. Dean just smiled as they all piled into the elevator and took it one more story up. The rooftop terrace had couches, lights in the planters surrounding the area, and twinkling lights strung wherever they could be. Alice was speechless as she looked around, and she was so focused on enjoying the beauty that she jumped when Dean put his arm around her. The others were already sitting on the couches, but she was still standing in awe.

"How come you've never brought me up here?" she asked.

"You've only been here twice," Dean said with a laugh.

"This is a first visit thing!" she said. Dean chuckled, and the two of them joined the others on the couch. The women were all nursing glasses of wine, but Sam and Cas were drinking beer while Dean was drinking whiskey. He, as usual, pulled Alice as close to him as he could before she wiggled away in embarrassment. Lexi was sitting on the ground a few feet away from the adults playing with the toys she had brought along.

"Well," Dean said, "Alice is officially part of the club." Everyone let out cheers as Alice stared at them, confused.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Once you find out about the job," Sam explained, "you're in the club."

She chuckled. "Does this club have a name?"

"Hm," Dean hummed. "I've never thought about it before."

"Well, all good clubs have a name," she said. "I won't be a part of a club that doesn't have a cool name."

"Why don't you give us a name?" Dean said.

"Nah, I'm not that creative," she said back.

"Hey Lex!" Jess called to her daughter. "What should our club's name be?"

Without even looking up from her toys, she yelled back, "Club Awesomesauce."

"There we go," Hannah said with a laugh. "Welcome to Club Awesomesauce." They all clinked their glasses together in cheers.

"Dean says you got out of it?" Alice said to Sam.

He nodded. "Once Jess got pregnant, it didn't really make sense. So my job went to Cas."

"Your job?" she repeated.

"Cas is my bitch," Dean said sarcastically. Cas rolled his eyes and took another sip of his beer.

"I'm the number two," Cas said. "If Dean prematurely kicks the can, the family goes to me."

"Dean said there's 21 members of your family." She hesitated. "That's what you call it, right? Family?" They all nodded. "So, are the two of you in charge of everybody?"

"Technically speaking," Dean said, "I'm in charge of everyone, and Cas is my right hand man. Under us are our four capos. Each of the four capos have four soldiers."

"Okay," she said slowly. "What do they all do?"

"Illegal trades," he said, "deals, enforcing blackmail, hits when I ask."

"Well, don't sugarcoat it for her," Jess said sarcastically.

"I don't need it sugarcoated," Alice said. "I can handle it."

"Honestly, it's mostly weapons and drug trades," Dean said. "We have direct contact with guys who cook up meth, PCP, cocaine, the works. We sell it in bulk to big buyers."

"Weapons work the same," Cas added. "We know weapons manufacturers, and we sell them off to people who can't otherwise get their hands on them."

"What about your building investments?" she asked.

"I helped the restaurant get on its feet," Dean explained. "Now they pay me every month for compensation. That's how most of our deals with businesses work."

"And this place?" she asked, implying the complex by motioning around her.

Dean smiled. "This was just for fun."

"Oh yeah," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Because everyone buys apartment complexes for fun." The others laughed, and Dean chuckled and kissed her cheek.

When the night came and the others left, Alice and Dean stayed up on the terrace for a little while, watching the twinkling lights of the city. "You know what would be cool?" she said to him.

"Hm?" he hummed back.

"If you got a projector and projector screen," she said. "You could watch movies out here like your own personal theater."

"That would be awesome," he said, his eyes almost lighting up. "I can't believe I never thought about that before."

"I guess I'm just way smarter than you," she teased back.

After a while, Alice started getting tired, so she went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. She was surprised to find her brand of makeup wipes, face wash, deodorant, and toothpaste on the counter. Next to Dean's toothbrush was a brand new one. "Dean?" she called.

"Yeah?" he called back from the other room.

"Where'd you get all this stuff?"

Dean came into the bathroom to see what she was talking about. He looked at the counter where all her things were and smiled. "I saw you brought your own stuff the other day," he said. "There's also-" He cleared his throat, almost like he was nervous for a moment. "I asked Jess what kind of shampoo and soap she uses. It might not be what you like, but I figured it's better than my stuff."

"You didn't have to do all that," she said, feeling a blush creep on her cheeks. Dean smiled and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing her cheek.

"I know," he said. "I just want my girl to have what she needs when she comes to stay."

The way he said _my girl_ made her heart flutter. Dean could see it in her face, and it made him smile. He kissed her cheek again. "Hurry up," he said. "Bed's gonna get cold without you." She laughed and nodded, then he left her so she could finish getting ready. He gave her a clean t-shirt to wear, and she flopped into bed while he chuckled and got himself ready for the night. It only took him a few minutes, but when he came back out, Alice was already close to asleep. He got into bed beside her, and she curled up beside him.

Dean thought for a moment before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "You still awake?" he whispered.

She hummed. "No."

He chuckled and kissed the same spot again. "I've got a meeting tomorrow with the family," he said. "I'd like you to come, if you're willing." She rolled over slightly and looked at him.

"Really?" she asked. "What for?"

"Well," he said, "I'd like people to meet you. To know you're someone I care about."

"Yeah?" she said, unable to hide the surprise in her voice. He smiled and tucked some of her hair behind her ear.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Is that okay?"

"Sure," she said with a smile. "I guess I'd like to see you in your element."

"Good," he said, his own smile growing. "A lot of those people are really important to me. I think you'll like them."

"Anyone I should know about before we go in?" she asked. He thought for a moment, then shook his head.

"No," he said. "It's better to just wait." She chuckled, only to have a yawn crawl up her throat instead. Dean kissed her forehead again. "Get some sleep, sweetheart." She nodded, and within moments, she was asleep. Dean followed soon after.

The next morning, Alice woke up and burrowed under the covers. She had grown to realize that Dean kept his house fairly cold. When she reached out to pull him closer to her, she came up empty. She sat up, propping herself up on her elbows, then blinked to clear the sleepy blurriness from her eyes. He surprised her when he rounded the corner from the bathroom. His hair was damp, and he had a towel wrapped around his waist. She hadn't realized her lips had parted slightly until he walked over to the bed. His knees hit the side opposite her, and he propped himself up on his hands, leaning close to her. "Enjoying the show?" he teased. She tried to mask her true feelings by playfully shrugging.

"I've seen better," she said.

"Oh, have you?" he laughed.

"Yeah," she said. "I've seen tons of sexy shirtless men dripping wet in front of me."

"Sexy, am I?" he said.

"Mhm," she hummed, "but don't let it inflate your ego."

"Too late, sweetheart."

She smiled and moved up to her knees, getting close enough to him to put her hand on the back of his head and bring his lips to hers. He wrapped an arm around her waist, and she giggled against his lips as they fell onto the bed. He pulled away from her with a grin. "Alright," he said. "I can't afford to be hard this morning. Get your pretty butt ready to go."

"What time's your meeting?" she asked.

"Ten," he said. "It's 8:30 now. I hope that's enough time."

"I don't have clothes," she said. "What am I supposed to wear?"

"You've got your shorts from yesterday, yeah?" he said. "You can wear one of my shirts."

"I don't even have clean underwear," she countered. Dean smirked and kissed her nose.

"Easy solution," he said. "Don't wear any."

She tried to fight the blush on her cheeks as she pushed herself out of bed. "I'm gonna take a shower," she said. He nodded, so she went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

When 9:45 rolled around, Dean told Alice it was time to go. "Where's the meeting?" she asked as she buckled into the Impala.

"A little secret spot we have," he said. "You'll like it."

"That sounds like you're leading me to a place where you can murder me," she said. He chuckled and started the car, turning up the tunes as they started their drive.

When Dean turned into the middle of the woods, Alice could feel her anxiety rising. She really hadn't known Dean for _that_ long. Maybe just a little over two weeks. Probably not even two and a half. Her _Criminal Minds_ instincts started to kick in. Killers didn't usually wait this long to kill their victims. Dean wasn't about to slaughter her in the middle of the woods, right?

Then again, she did just learn about his secret job. She was in Club Awesomesauce. Maybe "Alice is part of the club" was code for "I'm about to kill another one."

"Sweetheart," Dean said, snapping her out of her thoughts. She looked at him, then looked out the window to see they were no longer driving. He put his hand on her cheek, and she instinctively flinched. "Are you okay?" She didn't say anything, only swallowed nervously. "You don't really think I'm about to kill you, do you?" he asked. She thought at first that he was making fun of her, but she quickly realized he was actually concerned.

"Course not," she said. Dean raised his eyebrows, and she sighed. "Well, can you blame me for being a little hesitant?" she asked. "I am human." Dean licked his lips and nodded, now biting back a smirk.

"What can I do to make you feel safer?" he asked.

"Mm, I don't know," she said, picking at her fingernails.

"Do you want my gun?" he asked. She looked up at him with wide eyes.

"What?" she hissed.

"Here." He reached behind him and pulled his gun out of the waistband of his pants. How long had that been in there? How had she not noticed it before? "Do you want it?" She hesitated. He turned the gun over in his hand and pressed a button on its side. Something ejected from the handle, and Dean showed her that it was full of bullets. "Do you know how to use a gun?"

"No," she said.

"Okay," he said. "It's real simple. This here-" He showed her a small lever near the back of the pistol. "-is the safety. You make sure that's off before you try and shoot. Then you slide this back-" He slid back the top of the gun before releasing it. "Then, you aim and shoot."

"I don't want to shoot," she said.

"That's fine," he said. Still, he clicked the safety back on and handed her the gun. "Just hold it in case you change your mind."

"How do I know this is the only gun you have on you?" she asked.

He smirked. "You could do a strip search if you want."

"Ha ha," she said sarcastically. Dean leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips before they both got out of the car. He led her into the abandoned looking building, and to say Alice was surprised at what was inside was an understatement. She looked around in awe at the building, and Dean put his arm around her and placed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Welcome to the bunker," he said. "I think everyone's already here." He looked at her, then let his eyes wander down to where she was awkwardly gripping the gun in her hand. "You good?" he asked. She looked down at her hand as well, then looked up at him and nodded.

"I'm good," she said.

"Still don't trust me?" he asked.

"It could be an ambush," she countered. Dean chuckled, but held his hands up in surrender, and the two of them walked into the bunker. Once they got down the stairs, they walked through a room with some computers and control panels of sorts, and then entered a huge library. That was where everyone was waiting. She assumed that these were all 21 people who worked for Dean. For some reason, she gripped the pistol tighter. Dean held her other hand and squeezed it gently.

Everyone stood up when Dean walked in. He nodded at them, and they sat back down. Dean sat in the chair at the head of the table, and before Alice could even look and see if there was a chair for her, he pulled her onto his lap. She put the gun down on the table in front of her. She hated the feeling of everyone's eyes on her, but she refused to bury her face in his neck and hide, even though that was what she wanted to do.

"First things first," Dean said to everyone, "this is my girl, Alice. This means she is in this family, so you protect her like she's family. If she tells me any of you hurt her in any way, I'll put a bullet through your brain without hesitating, is that understood?" Everyone in the room chorused back a _yes, sir_ , and Dean nodded. "Alice," he said, his nose brushing against her cheek, "this is-" He began motioning around the table, introducing everyone.

To his immediate left was Bobby, the first capo, followed by his four soldiers: Dorothy, Charlie, Garth, and Meg. Then came his second capo, Rufus, and his soldiers, Bela, Kevin, Anna, and Eileen. The third capo was Ellen. Her soldiers included her daughter, Jo, and three others named Ash, Benny, and Arthur (who everyone called Ketch). Finally, there was Jody, and her soldiers, Claire, Donna, Jack, and Amara. To Dean's direct right sat Cas who smiled at Alice.

She smiled nervously at everyone, and while she didn't pride herself in being exceptional at reading people, she could clock about three women she didn't like, or rather who didn't like _her_. The looks she got from Jo, Bela, and Anna were bordering on uncomfortable. What countered that were the smiles she got from so many of the others, like Bobby, Jody, Jack, Donna, Benny, Charlie, Eileen, and Kevin. Everyone else was indifferent, which she figured was still better than whatever she got from Jo, Bela, and Anna.

Alice listened to the topics of the meeting, though most of it she didn't understand or didn't really care about. After a while, she got bored and adjusted herself on Dean's lap so she could rest her head comfortably on his shoulder. She played with the buttons on his flannel and traced the patterned lines. Her mind started to drift. Didn't mob bosses dress in suits? Maybe he didn't wear them during family meetings. Maybe it wasn't that formal. Maybe it didn't actually matter. Maybe she was just overthinking it so she didn't have to think about all the eyes on her.

"Do we have any updates on Lucifer?" Anna asked towards the end of the meeting.

"Crowley has men on it this week," Dean said.

"Can you give us any updates on the plan at all?" she pressed.

"We don't have a plan yet," Dean said. "Right now we're still in the information gathering process. Charlie still has alerts set waiting for anything he might do that could pop up, like using an alias or showing up on a security camera."

"All due respect," Meg said, "what exactly is it that we're waiting for? You know he's in the area."

"But we're not going to run in circles until we find him," Dean said, his voice raising. "We need to find his central location or get a handle on his routine."

"So we track his daily movements," Meg said.

"He hasn't been seen since he was in New York," Rufus said. "We have no movements to track."

"Then we're going to continue getting nowhere," she said. "I don't understand this plan at all."

"Meg I swear to god," Dean started to say, "if you don't shut your fucking mouth, there will be consequences."

Everyone was quiet for a moment. Alice hadn't even realized she had reached for Dean's hand until he squeezed it. "The minute Crowley and I have a plan, we will send word out," he said. "I have a meeting with Crowley tomorrow. We're getting somewhere. I know we all want to see Lucifer gone, and Crowley and I are going to make that happen. You all need to trust that we're doing what needs to be done. Is that understood?"

Again, everyone chorused back agreements, and in a few minutes, Dean dismissed the meeting. He motioned for Alice to get off his lap so he could stand up. "There's some people I want you to meet," he said, taking her hand in his. They walked over to the man he had introduced as Bobby. "Alice, this is Bobby," Dean said. "He raised me better than my own father."

"Damn right I did," Bobby said. He smiled warmly at Alice and reached out to shake her hand.

"It's nice to meet you," she said. Standing with Bobby was Jody and three of her soldiers.

"Now, I try to keep this quiet," Dean said, "but Jody's faction might be my favorite. No offense, Bobby." Bobby chuckled and held his hands up.

"That's no secret," the girl he had introduced as Charlie said, walking over to them. "Everyone knows you pick favorites."

"It just doesn't bother you because you're one of them," Dean said, pulling Charlie in for a hug. Dean reintroduced Alice to Jody's soldiers -Claire, Donna, and Jack- as well as Benny, Kevin, and Eileen who had wandered over. Everyone around her were people who had smiled upon her entrance, so she felt comfortable in the group.

"Hey, _Mr. Winchester_."

Everyone in the circle turned at the sound of someone joining the group. Alice thought -if memory served her- it was Jo. She put her hand on Dean's shoulder, and he just looked at her, his eyes emotionless. "What do you want, Jo?" he asked.

"I just wanted to say hi to the new girlfriend," she said, her eyes trained on Alice. "You sure are cute, aren't you? Where did Dean find you? Daycare?"

"Drop it, Jo," Dean said coldly.

"I'm just being friendly," she said, looking at Dean with big, faux innocent eyes. "You know, Alice, he hasn't brought a girl around here in a long time. You must think you're pretty special."

The tone of Jo's voice made Alice think being special wasn't a thing to be proud of.

"Let me guess," she said, "you've been together for a little over two weeks."

"How did you-"

"Because it's been about two weeks since Dean called me to get his dick wet," she said, cutting her off.

"Jo!"

"Face it honey," she said, ignoring Dean again. "You're not special at all. Just a new way for him to pass the time. Sooner or later he'll get bored and call me. Or, let's see, Bela maybe? Anna? Amara? He's got a black book full of names, Alice."

"Okay, Miss Chatterbox," Donna suddenly said, grabbing Jo by the forearm, "let's get you out of here." She shot Alice and Dean an apologetic look before dragging Jo away. Alice couldn't meet anyone's eyes. She couldn't remember the last time she was so humiliated. The group was very quiet, and she cleared her throat, breaking the silence.

"I'll just be a minute," she said, still not looking up at anyone. She felt tears pooling in her eyes as she turned around and left the room. She heard Dean call her name but ignored him. She had no idea where she was going, but she knew she wanted to get away from everyone. The bunker was massive, and it didn't take long for her to get lost. Before she knew it, she found herself in a random hallway, completely turned around. She couldn't hold it back anymore, so she leaned against the wall and sunk to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest as she let the tears fall.

When she heard footsteps coming towards her, she wiped her tears away quickly. She was expecting it to be Dean, so she was surprised to see Jody. The woman gave her a soft smile before sitting beside her on the floor. They were both quiet for a few minutes, and after a while, Alice wasn't sure Jody was going to talk at all until finally-

"I've got two girls myself," Jody said. "About your age. Claire's one of them. They're both adopted. Good girls. Lots of drama though. And let me tell you, I've seen my fair share of bitchy ex-girlfriends." Alice finally looked up at Jody, and Jody gave her a tight smile. "Jo's gotta be the worst though."

Alice managed a soft giggle as she shook her head and looked down at the floor again. "You can't take anything she says to heart," Jody continued.

"But she was telling the truth, wasn't she?" she asked. "He really has slept with all of them?"

She wasn't sure what it was about Jody that made her so ready to open up. She just felt like whatever she said would be received without judgement, and she needed that.

"I'm sure he has," Jody said, "but I hardly think that matters if he's with you now." Alice didn't say anything. "Hey-" Jody bumped shoulders with her. "-you should feel special that he brought you here. He takes this job pretty seriously, and he wouldn't bring just anyone into it. Don't let Jo make you think that's not a big deal. It is."

Both women looked up when footsteps echoed through the hall. This time, it was Dean. "Are you okay?" he asked, walking over to them. Jody stood up, so Alice followed suit.

"I'm fine," she said, giving him a smile.

"She just needed a mother's touch," Jody said playfully. "I thought I'd step in and provide." Alice thought Dean was going to say something playful back, but he just hugged Jody and muttered something in her ear that made her smile.

Dean and Alice stayed at the bunker a little longer, chatting with some of the people who had lingered. She realized quickly that she really liked Jody, Jack, and Charlie. She wasn't sure what it was, but she clicked with them right away. She was almost sad to leave them.

"Do you want to hang out tonight?" Dean asked her as they walked to the car. "I can make some dinner."

"Okay," she agreed with a nod. "Can you drop me home first? I want to get some other clothes and stuff for tomorrow so I don't have to head home before school."

"So you're just inviting yourself to spend the night now?" Dean teased. She smiled and shrugged.

"You can turn me away if you really want," she said.

He smirked. "Wouldn't dream of it, sweetheart."

Dean dropped her off at home, and Alice said she would drive herself over later so she could head straight from his place to school in the morning. This also meant she had to grab all of her teaching materials, so she packed her teacher bag to bring along.

There was one other reason she wanted to go home before going to Dean's. She stripped herself of her clothes and went into the shower, tying her hair up so she didn't have to wash it again. She grabbed her razor and looked down at her body. She had trimmed down there before, but that was more for maintenance and to ensure she could wear a swimsuit without any unwanted hair showing. This was different though. She had always heard that guys preferred a clean shaven woman, so she took a deep breath and got to work.

While she didn't like how she had to contort her body to reach her lady bits, she couldn't deny that she kind of liked the feeling of being shaven. But she didn't care what she liked. She just hoped Dean was okay with it.

Because what Jo had said had gotten under her skin, even though she tried so hard not to let it. She didn't want Dean to drop her for some better sex, so tonight, she was going to make sure she made his time with her worthwhile.


	11. Big Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 4,545  
> warnings - language, body insecurities, oral (f receiving), fingering, daddy kink

As soon as she got out of the shower, Alice saw she had gotten a text from Dean.

_Dean: Do you have a favorite movie?_

She responded almost instantly: _I have three_

_Dean: What are they?_

_Alice: The Princess Bride because it’s funny, Matilda because it kind of helped me decide to be a teacher, and Good Will Hunting_

_Dean: You don’t have a reason for that one?_

At this, she hesitated. She did have a reason, but the reason led into her talking about her dreams of pursuing a masters degree which would inevitably lead to her talking about Greg which she didn’t want to do. So, she simplified.

_Alice: There’s a lot of reasons. It’s complex and tragic but also moving and beautiful. It makes me feel feelings lol_

_Dean: Got it. You coming over soon?_

_Alice: Just gotta pack my bag and I’ll be right over_

When Alice got to Dean’s building, she went inside the lobby and saw the usual man at the reception desk. She walked over to him. “Derek, right?” she said.

“Yes ma'am,” he said. “You’re a friend of Mr. Winchester, correct?”

“Yeah, Alice Berkley,” she said, reaching her hand out for him to shake.

“How can I help you, Ms. Berkley?” he asked. She felt herself blush at his formal tone.

“You can just call me Alice,” she said to him.

He smiled. “Well how can I help you, _Alice?_ ”

“You can tell me how to get to Dean’s place without Dean,” she said. “Every time I’ve been here, he’s been with me.”

“Well, you would need Mr. Winchester’s key or key code,” he said.

“And I don’t have either of those,” she said with a chuckle. “I’ll just give him a call then.”

“I would let you in myself,” Derek said, “but I can’t break protocol.”

“It’s fine,” she said with a wave of her hand. “Thank you though.”

She called Dean, and he was down in less than a minute. He greeted Derek before taking Alice’s hand and walking with her over to the elevator.

“I would write down my key code for you,” he said, “but I don’t like anyone having it written down anywhere just in case it gets into the wrong hands. You can always memorize it though.”

“Or I can just make you come down whenever I come over,” she teased. Dean playfully rolled his eyes.

“It’s six digits,” he said. “091305.”

“Is that a date or something?” she asked.

“Nah,” he said. “Just some random numbers. I try not to make any codes dates because those can be too easy to guess. You’d think putting my mom’s birthday or something would be smart, but those dates aren’t as safe as you think, especially not for me when I’ve got about a hundred people who are always out to get me.” She nodded in understanding just as the elevator doors opened. She was surprised to see Dean had brought her up to the terrace and not to his apartment. “What’re we doing up here?” she asked.

“I’ll show you,” he said. She furrowed her eyebrows but nodded. When they walked over to the couches, she noticed a huge screen opposite them. Her jaw dropped as she looked at him.

“When did you get this?” she asked, motioning to the projector. He just smiled and sat down on the daybed, patting the spot between his legs for her to sit. She did, and he grabbed one of the blankets and pulled it over their bodies. She noticed then that there was a fire going in a fancy looking pit next to the bed.

“Is this why you asked for my favorite movie?” she asked. He, again, rather than answering, picked up the remote and turned on the projector, showing that he had _The Princess Bride_ queued up on Disney+. Just after he pressed play, he handed her a glass of wine. She hadn’t even noticed the snacks and bottle of wine on the table next to them. “You’re too much,” she said to him with a smile and a shake of her head.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he said, kissing her cheek with a grin.

“Well I feel a little outmatched,” she said, “considering I took you bowling and you’re literally fulfilling a dream date of mine I’ve had since high school.” Dean lifted her chin and turned it so she was looking at him.

“This isn’t a competition,” he said. “I’m gonna love any date you ever plan as long as it means I get to spend time with you.”

“Aww,” she teased, “you’re such a sap.” Dean grinned and rolled his eyes.

“Watch your movie.”

She thought at first that it would be hard to concentrate on the film when she was so close to Dean, but she underestimated how much she loved _The Princess Bride._ She didn’t even notice Dean watch her as she mouthed the words during some of her favorite scenes or the way her eyes lit up and the corners squinted with every smile and laugh. He liked watching her so much, he almost forgot to watch the movie.

As the movie got closer to the end, Alice did find her mind started to wander. How was she going to tell Dean she wanted to do something? What did she want to do? She wasn’t ready for sex yet, but she wanted more than just humping his thigh like the last time. But if she wanted him to use his mouth on her -the thought alone made her shiver, but she was able to pass it off as being cold- didn’t that mean she had to do the same for him? She wasn’t sure she was ready to give him a blowjob. But that was selfish, right? Didn’t guys expect mutual reciprocation? Was she stupid for not being ready to give him a blowjob? Was that something she should always have been ready for? Was she making it a bigger deal that it actually was?

 _God_ , she thought to herself. _Why am I like this?_

The movie ended, and Dean turned off the projector. She put down her wine glass -it had been empty for a while now- and turned to face Dean. He looked at her, somewhat amused, as she straddled his waist. He didn’t get to keep that amused look for very long, because she pressed her lips to his. He put one hand on her waist and the other on the back of her head. She could get drunk off his lips, and kissing him made a lot of her fears of the moment go away.

She broke her lips away from his and started kissing his cheek, jaw, and neck up to his ear. “Dean,” she breathed in his ear. He hummed back. She couldn’t see him, but his eyes were closed as her lips ghosted over his skin. Instead of saying anything, she took his hand and brought it down her body, prompting him to cup her clothed pussy. She sighed against his skin, and his eyes popped open. He hesitantly started rubbing her, and she gasped at the feeling.

“Do you want me to make you cum again?” he asked. She nodded, glad he got the hint without her having to say it. “What do you want me to do?” She bit her lower lip. Maybe he _was_ going to make her say it. She really didn’t want to. Why was she so bad at this? Why would he want to be with someone who was so bad at this? He must’ve been able to sense her nerves, because he started tracing his fingers up and down her spine. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” he said. “Maybe I can ask you if you want something, and you can say yes or no, okay?”

“Okay,” she whispered. While he had one hand on her back, his other hand was still lightly cupping her pussy.

“Do you want to ride my thigh again?” he asked. She shook her head no, and he tsked. “Want you to use your words,” he said. “Talk to me like a big girl.”

Why did those words make her tummy clench?

“No,” she whispered.

“Okay,” he said, kissing her neck and rubbing her pussy over her shorts. “Do you want me to get you off like this? I can rub just like this-” He pressed a little harder, and she jumped at the action. “-and get you off real nice. Do you want that?”

She swallowed thickly. “No.” Dean smiled and lightly bit the skin of her neck.

“Do you want me to eat you out?” he asked. “You want me to put my mouth on that pretty pussy?” She shivered and gripped his biceps in her fingers.

 _There it is_ , Dean thought to himself.

“You can say it, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Just say yes or no.” Her eyes squeezed shut, and she rolled her hips against his hand.

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Yeah?” he pressed.

She nodded. “Yes.”

Dean rolled her over so she was on her back, and it made her squeak in surprise. He smiled and kissed her softly, hoping to ease some of the nerves he could tell she still had. He kept his lips on hers while starting to untie the [top](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fus.shein.com%2FTie-Front-Ditsy-Floral-Print-Top-p-1218475-cat-2223.html%3Fscici%3Dnavbar_2%7E%7Etab01navbar06menu07dir02%7E%7E6_7_2%7E%7EitemPicking_00101649%7E%7ESPcCccWomenCategory_default%7E%7E0%7E%7E0&t=YTU4NWFlNzdiYmVhMzBmMDk2MmM5YzdiM2RkNTY2MGI4ZWZmNzc1YyxTSTVzZE9DWQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F626244882672009217%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1597258330) she was wearing. “I want you to know,” he said, kissing down her body as more and more skin was exposed, “that you can say stop whenever you want, and I’ll stop.”

“Okay,” she whispered. She looked down at him and felt her heart leap in her throat. He wasn’t looking up at her because his eyes were too focused on marveling at her body. He pushed the top open and helped her sit up to pull it off. He licked his lips when he saw she wasn’t wearing a bra, and he kissed her chest, sucking one of her nipples between his teeth, and lightly bit on the flesh before releasing it. He did the same to the other, smiling at the way she was already squirming.

“I’m gonna take these off now,” he said, playing with the waistband of her jean shorts.

“Okay,” she whispered again. He tugged them down, kissing each inch of her thighs that was exposed. She was wearing a plain pair of black underwear, but Dean wasn’t sure he had ever seen anything sexier. He looked up at her through his eyelashes to see she wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were trained up at the sky, her lower lip caught between her teeth. He nuzzled his nose against her thigh and kissed it, then tucked his thumbs in the fabric of her underwear, slowly pulling them down her legs. He tossed the underwear to the side and pushed her legs open.

Alice swore she heard him sigh when he finally opened her up to him, and it made her close her legs and put her face in her hands. “Oh my god,” she muttered, “did I do something wrong? Did I mess up?”

“What?” Dean asked, flashing his eyes up to her. “What do you mean? Did you mess up having a vagina?”

“No!” she whined, moving to cover her face with her arms. She mumbled something that she knew Dean didn’t catch. He leaned up and moved her arms away from her face.

“What are you talking about?” he asked. She didn’t even want to look at him. She was so embarrassed. Finally, she just puffed a breath of air out past her lips.

“I shaved down there for the first time for you and I heard you sigh and I thought I did something wrong.”

She immediately covered her face with her hands again, wishing internally that the bed would swallow her whole so she could get out of this moment. Dean moved her hands away again. “You shaved down there for me?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed but his eyes showing slight amusement. She just nodded, feeling like her cheeks were never going to go back to their normal tint. “Sweetheart, you didn’t have to do that.” She started playing with her hands and looked down so she didn’t have to look at him.

“I didn’t want you to think I was gross,” she mumbled. As she glanced back up at Dean, she saw he was frowning.

“Alice,” he said, “you don’t ever have to change anything about yourself for me. Not where you grow your hair or don’t grow your hair, or what clothes you wear or don’t wear, or anything like that. If you want to shave, that’s okay, but do that for you, not for me.”

“I just know most boys don’t like hair down there,” she told him. At that, a little smirk grew on his face.

“Well, maybe _boys_ don’t,” he said. “But _men_ , well, men don’t care about that at all.”

“You don’t?” she asked, nibbling on her lip.

“Honest,” he said. “I just want you to be comfortable.” He paused and stroked her cheek. “Are you comfortable?” She nodded, and Dean smiled. “Okay,” he whispered. He pressed a kiss to her lips, then moved back down her body to push her legs apart again so he could see all of her. He kissed her thighs gently, and she let out a shaky breath. Alice didn’t know what to do with her hands, so she ended up resting them above her head and gripping her own hair that was fanned out onto the pillow. She could feel Dean’s beard scratch her thighs as he moved his lips closer to her pussy. His hot breath fanned over her, and the suspense of waiting for him to do something was killing her.

“Have you ever touched yourself?” Dean suddenly asked her. Her mouth closed as she looked down at him. As soon as her eyes met his, she tilted her head back up and closed her eyes again.

“No,” she whispered.

Dean wanted to take his time. This was the first time _anyone_ touched her pussy. That was something to savor. He looked up at her and saw that her eyes were closed and her lips were already parted. God, if he could take a picture-

_Was he lucky or what?_

He hummed and kissed her thigh again. She waited, heart pounding, for him to do something, and she jumped when his tongue finally touched her. He pushed his tongue between her lips, sliding up and down with long, slow strokes. Her thighs moved closer to his head, but Dean held them apart with his hands. He held them close enough to him though that she could still feel the scratch of his beard against her skin. With every lick of his tongue, he moved deeper and a little faster. At one point, he moaned, and the vibration caused her lips to part as she let out a breathy, “Oh.”

Dean smiled against her and moved his tongue a little faster until finally, he flicked her clit and looked up at her for her reaction. She shrieked and grabbed his head, so he stopped his movements. She didn’t say anything, and her eyes were still closed. With a smile, he tentatively pressed his tongue flat against her clit, massaging it in slow circles. “Daddy,” she whined, lifting her hips.

Dean’s actions froze, and he looked up at her. Alice’s eyes had grown wide, and she refused to look down at him. She was mortified. Did she really just say that out loud? Crap. _Crap_. Stupid Christine putting the _daddy kink_ thoughts in her head. That felt like ages ago. Why was it coming to her brain now?

“Look at me,” Dean said, his voice commanding. She obeyed immediately. He kept his eyes on her as he pressed his tongue against her clit again, massaging it even more slowly than he had before. She closed her eyes, and Dean growled, lightly nipping her thigh. “Eyes on daddy,” he ordered. She tugged her fingers through his locks, nodding her head and looking down to meet his gaze. “Good girl,” he said. “Now, what do you want?”

“I, I don’t know,” she whimpered, her breathing heavy. “More.”

“More?” he repeated.

“I-” She whined and lifted her hips again, fighting against his arm that had loosened its grip on her. “I don’t know, Dean. _More_.”

“Can I try a finger?” he asked. Her head was hazy with pleasure, hating that he was doing so much talking and not so much doing.

“Yes,” she said. “Just, _please_ , daddy.”

Her words made him growl and bring his lips back down to her core. He had to stop himself from shoving his fingers in her without warning. The things she did to him. He licked slowly across her lips again before focusing on her clit once more. While keeping pressure on her clit, he brought his pointer finger to her opening and slowly slid it in. She whimpered, and Dean noticed her thighs tense. He pulled his lips away and kissed her thigh. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Mhm,” she hummed, not looking down at him. “Just feels different.” Dean nodded and pulled his finger out to drag some of her slick onto her clit. He slid his finger back in and used his thumb to rub circles on her clit. “Dean,” she moaned, her grip on his hair getting tighter. He could feel her squeezing his finger, and he couldn’t imagine how she would squeeze his cock once the day came. For now, he focused on easing another finger inside her. She was writhing on the bed, and he used his free arm to once again hold her down to the bed.

“Dean,” she said through heavy breaths. “I think, I think I’m gonna cum.”

“I can feel you getting tighter,” he said, kissing across her thighs again. “Cum for daddy, sweetheart.” When he curved his fingers, finding her g-spot with ease and pressing up against it, she let out a soft cry and came around his fingers. The feeling clearly caught her off guard, because she tried to scoot away from Dean’s touch. He held her down and shushed her, slowing his fingers down, removing the pressure on her clit, and helping her ride out her orgasm.

When her body relaxed, Dean pulled his fingers out of her. She whined at the feeling, and he chuckled before sucking his fingers clean. She hadn’t moved, and her eyes were still closed. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was opening and closing her mouth like it was dry. “Sweetheart,” Dean said, lightly tugging her leg to get her attention.

“Hm?” she hummed, not opening her eyes. He couldn’t hide his grin.

“How about I run you a bath?” he offered.

A _bath_. That sounded heavenly. She nodded but didn’t bother moving from the bed, and she heard Dean laugh again. “Okay,” he said. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her, then lifted her off the daybed and carried her bridal style back to the elevator. When they got back into the house, he brought her to the bedroom where he laid her on the bed, then kissed her forehead. Her eyes were still closed, and he couldn’t fight the chuckle that left his lips as he stroked her cheek. “I’ll go run you a bath and get you some water,” he said, “and then I’ll help you into the tub, okay?”

“Okay,” she whispered.

Alice wasn’t sure how long Dean was gone, but she hardly reacted when he lifted her from the bed, carried her into the bathroom, and helped her into the tub. The water was the perfect temperature, and she moaned in relaxation. Dean felt his still hard dick twitch in his pants, but he ignored it.

_In time._

Dean took off his jeans just so he could sit on the edge of the bathtub without getting them wet and rested his legs behind her back. “Want me to wash your hair?” he asked.

“Sure,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. He couldn’t help but smile. Had that one orgasm really worn her out that much? It was endearing.

“Can you get your hair wet for me, sweetheart?” he asked. She nodded and tilted her head back into the tub, her eyes closed, as she wet her hair. When she sat back up, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She smiled, but kept her eyes closed. He squeezed some shampoo on his hand and worked it into her hair. She hummed contently, and he could see her shoulders relax.

He couldn’t stop himself.

“So you want to call me daddy?”

Alice’s shoulders tensed just as fast as they had relaxed, and he only felt a little guilty. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It just, it slipped out. It was weird, I’m so sorry.” She put her face in her hands, and Dean’s guilt increased. He slid over so he was sitting on the side of the tub and moved her hands, then lifted her chin. She looked silly with the shampooed hair sitting in a pile on top of her head. Her face was wet now, and her lower lip was jutted out in a pout. Dean couldn’t help but grin and reach out to lightly pinch her bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger.

“Don’t say sorry,” he said. “You don’t need to be sorry for something like that.”

“It’s not weird?” she asked. Dean licked his lips, lifted her hand, and brought it to his still somewhat stiff cock. She took in a sharp breath, and he noticed her cheeks turn red.

“That’s what you did to me, Alice,” he said. “And that’s not even the hardest I’ve been tonight.”

“And that’s cuz I called you daddy?” she asked. His dick twitched at the name, and her lips parted at the feeling. She got flustered and let her hand drop. Dean lifted her chin again so she was looking at him.

“That’s cuz you called me daddy, came on my fingers, and cuz you taste so fucking sweet,” he said, bringing his lips to hers. He kissed her gently and pulled away, keeping his lips close to hers as he said, “I’m half hard every time I’m around you, baby. _That’s_ what you do to me.”

Dean finished washing her hair and brought down the detachable showerhead to help her rinse it out. He grinned, thinking about how someday he’d give her an orgasm with that. But not tonight.

He got her a clean towel and helped her out of the tub, wrapping the cloth around her body. She was complacent as he helped her into the underwear she brought in her bag and the Led Zeppelin t-shirt she usually wore to bed. In the bag she brought with her was a brush, so Alice got it out and untangled her hair so she could braid it over her shoulder. She noticed him staring at her, and she cocked her head to the side. “What?” she asked. Dean blinked as if he needed to refocus, then shrugged.

“Lexi always asks me to braid her hair,” he said.

“Why?” she asked. “Don’t Jess and Hannah know how to braid?”

“They do,” he said, a smirk growing on his face. “But I’m her favorite.” She rolled her eyes with a smile, and Dean changed into a clean shirt and joined her on the bed. She undid her braid and patted the bed behind her. He raised his eyebrows at her.

“C'mon,” she said. “Let me teach you.” He still looked skeptical. “Wasn’t it you who said that if you’re going to teach me stuff, I should be teaching you something too?”

At this, Dean laughed and obliged. Alice handed him the hairbrush, and he brushed out her long locks, pushing it to the side a few times so he could kiss her neck, which always resulted in her giggling until she made him focus again. “Should I teach you a normal braid or a french braid?” she asked.

“I think I can handle a normal braid without you teaching me,” he said. Now it was her turn to raise her eyebrows.

“Prove it,” she said.

_Yeah, he needed help._

The pair spent at least twenty minutes in bed as Dean tried to braid her hair. He managed a regular braid after only two tries, but once she started to teach him the french braid, he got easily frustrated and kept taking it all apart and starting over whenever he got confused. When he finally gave up, she did the french braid herself and tied it off with the elastic she had around her wrist. “Don’t worry,” she teased, “we’ll keep practicing. I wouldn’t want you to let Lexi down.”

Dean chuckled, and they both laid down under the covers. She turned on her side so she was facing him. He noticed the way she was nibbling on her upper lip. “What’s on your mind?” he asked. She released her lip and sighed.

She had been so blissed out after everything happened that she hadn’t thought about the reciprocity thing she had been so worried about earlier until she was in the bathtub. “Don’t you ever want me to do anything for you?” she asked. Jo’s words were running through her head again. “I know we haven’t done a lot, but I, I feel bad that you keep doing things for me, and I’m not doing anything for you.”

Dean turned so he was also on his side facing her, and she noticed the crease between his eyebrows again. She reached out and smoothed it out. “Don’t think about what she said,” he told her, like he was reading her mind. “I told you. I’m happy doing this at your pace.”

“I just don’t want to be the only one getting something out of this-” She hesitated.

_What was this?_

Dean had called her “his girl” at the meeting, but what did that mean? Was it too soon to put a label on this? They had been on two official dates, plus what had just happened on the roof. That wasn’t counting the random time he showed up at her front door or the times she went to family dinner with him.

“Alice?” he said. It sounded like he had said her name a few times. She looked at him. “I’m not just doing this to get my dick wet, okay?” he said, referring to what Jo had said earlier. “Remember what I told you the other day? I _like_ you.” He stroked her cheek and brushed his thumb across her cheekbone. “And I’d like you to be my girlfriend, if that’s something you’d like to be.”

Alice tried to control the giddy look on her face, but Dean could see through her. Still, he decided not to embarrass her and just stayed quiet. “Yeah,” she whispered, giving him a short nod. “I’d like that.” He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Still,” she said when he pulled away, “I’d like to do something for you sometime. You’ll just, you’ll have to teach me.”

Dean smiled. “I’d be happy to.”


	12. Textbook Toxic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 5,298  
> warnings - language, oral (m receiving)  
> A/N - whatever you do don’t watch sexy Dean Winchester compilation videos if you’re single and a virgin because it gives you FEELINGS that only YOU can handle because you do NOT have a Dean Winchester at your disposal

The week went by uneventfully for both Alice and Dean. On Monday, Dean had his meeting with Crowley. On Tuesday the pair went out for dinner, but Alice decided to forgo spending the night at his place so she could get some more work done before school the next day. On Wednesday, she woke up feeling like crap. Mother nature kicked her in the gut and made her bleed. She always hated getting her period on a weekday, because her first day was always her worst. If she didn't have school, she would lay in bed with a heating pad on her tummy, medication pumping through her system, and a _Friends_ rerun on TV. During the school day, she had to power through it like a grown up.

But when she got home, she changed into sweats and threw herself into bed. She wasn't even through an episode of _Friends_ when her phone went off. She groaned in annoyance as she looked at it, only to feel a little bit better when she saw it was Dean. _You wanna come over tonight? Or should I say CUM over ;)_

She rolled her eyes with a chuckle as she texted him back: _As tempting as that sounds, I'm feeling pretty horrible right now, so I think I'm just going to whine in bed all evening like a loser_

_Dean: ? Are you okay?_

_Alice: Just thank your body for not giving you a uterus_

_Dean: Ah I see_

She was just about to text him back when he texted her again.

_Dean: Would me coming over to cuddle help or hurt?_

Alice was glad she wasn't someone who got weepy during her period, because she was sure his kindness would make her lose it if she was.

_Alice: You know you're the best, right?_

_Dean: I know. I'll be over in twenty_

True to his word, Dean was at her apartment in twenty minutes. Even as she stood up to let him in, Alice found herself wincing with every step. Medication could only help so much on her first day. Dean took in her pained expression when she opened the door and frowned. "You okay, sweetheart?" he asked, pulling her in for a hug and kissing the top of her head as he kicked the door closed behind him.

"Not really," she said with a sad laugh. "You'd think after eight years or whatever I'd be able to handle this when it comes around." Dean just smiled sympathetically, and the two of them went into her bedroom. They sat on the bed, and he situated her between his legs.

"Is it your stomach?" he asked. She nodded and picked up the remote to play _Friends_ again. "How can I help you?" he asked. "Do you want me to rub your stomach? Or do you just want your heating pad?" She thought for a moment. As nice as it would be to have Dean's gentle touch on her, she didn't think it would make her feel any better.

"Can you reach my heating pad?" she asked, motioning to where she had left the pad on the end table. He nodded and grabbed it, so she lifted her shirt and put it on her lower stomach. The controls attached to the cord had four different heat settings, and she always put it on the second highest. Dean kept his arms around her, and her head was resting on his chest.

"I'm surprised you're not watching _Criminal Minds_ ," he teased.

" _Friends_ is part of the period routine," she said with a small smile. "No one can make me feel better like Joey Tribbiani and Chandler Bing."

"Not even me?" he asked, lightly kissing her neck.

"Don't push your luck, Winchester," she said. "You're great and all, but 90s Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry just hit different." She could feel his chest shake as he chuckled, and she looked up at him. When he met her eyes, she put her hand on the back of his head and pulled him down for a kiss.

Dean ended up spending the night, and he left to head home as soon as she started getting ready for work, not wanting to get in her way and mess up her morning routine. The way she kissed him goodbye with a cup of coffee in her hand before rushing off to her bedroom to put some makeup on made him feel weird. Something about it was so domestic. It wasn't a bad thing, it just caught him off guard. They had barely known each other for three weeks, but their relationship already felt like it had been going on for so much longer.

And he liked that.

-

On Saturday, Alice got to the diner before Christine. AJ brought her usual coffee, and Alice told her to go ahead and put their regular order in as soon as Christine arrived. The door opened just then, and her friend walked in. AJ went to place their orders, and Christine joined Alice at the booth.

All week, Alice had been trying to decide if she should tell Christine about Dean. Dean never explicitly told her not to tell anyone about his job, but she still felt like it was supposed to be kept on the down low. But she told Christine _everything_ , and the last thing she wanted was for something to come up in the future that she wouldn't be able to tell her about because it had something to do with Dean or his family.

"You've got something on your mind," Christine said.

Alice chuckled. "Am I that obvious?"

"Only cuz I've known you for ages," she said. Her eyes lit up hopefully. "Is it about your masters?"

For some reason, Alice felt guilty. She felt like she was letting Christine down. Christine was a constant support, and Alice had pretty much given up trying to fill out her application. It wasn't that she didn't think about it anymore. She did. It just wasn't at the forefront of her brain. It should've been. She was free of Greg. She had Dean. She loved her job. She was happy. Life was good. Wasn't now the best time to think about pursuing something more?

She vowed then to go home and spend at least an hour on the application. If this was something she was serious about, it needed to be something she put time into.

"No," Alice said, "it's about Dean."

Luckily, Christine was equally interested in that topic.

"Oh my god," she said, leaning forward so her elbows were on the table. "You guys totally fucked, right?"

"God, Christine," she said with a laugh and a roll of her eyes. "That's so not what I was gonna talk about."

"But you have?" she asked.

"No!" she said with a laugh. Christine looked unimpressed as she leaned back and folded her arms across her chest.

"I don't know if I'm more disappointed in him or you," she said. Alice pursed her lips, and a slow smile grew on Christine's face. "You're not telling me something," she said. "What _have_ you done? Has something happened since you rode his thigh?" Alice's eyes grew wide as she looked around, like she was afraid other people were listening. No one was.

"Okay," she whispered, leaning forward, "if it'll get you off my back, I'll tell you." Now, Christine was interested. So, Alice gave her a -quite _undetailed_ \- account of what had happened on Sunday. Clearly, the lack of details wasn't acceptable for Christine.

"Was it good?" she asked. Alice knew her face was red, and she looked down at her plate. "Oh my god, you _loved_ it."

Alice couldn't hold back any longer.

"Of course I loved it," she hissed. "I am human, you know." Christine laughed. "God, it was so great, Chris," she continued. "I didn't know stuff like that could _be_ that great. Plus, like-" She hesitated, the embarrassment from earlier coming back. She should've just dropped it, but she knew Christine wouldn't let it go now.

"Say it," Christine said with a grin.

Alice sighed. "Okay you can't make fun of me."

"Cross my heart," Christine said. Alice looked around again to make sure no one was anywhere nearby. She leaned forward again and lowered her voice even more than it already was.

"Because _you_ put it into my head," she said, "I, I called him daddy."

"Yes!" Christine cheered, so loudly in fact that now people were looking at them.

"God, would you shut up?" Alice said, throwing a napkin at her, glancing apologetically at the people staring at them.

"I fucking _told_ you," Christine said. "I _knew_ you were secretly a kinky little bitch."

"Shut up," Alice whined, hiding her face. "It totally just slipped out."

"How'd he react?" Christine asked.

"He _loved_ it," Alice whispered, moving her hands away from her face. "Like-" She shivered at the memory of his hard cock straining against his boxers. That was something she'd keep to herself. Some memories she wanted to just be hers. "Yeah," she said. "He really liked it." Christine fanned herself playfully.

"God," she said. "I really need to get laid."

Alice laughed. "Yeah you do." Christine rolled her eyes.

"So have you done anything for him?" she asked after taking a sip of her coffee.

She sighed. "I wish we weren't talking about this in public."

"Alice, _no one_ is listening," she said.

She was right, of course. Alice was just trying to find ways out of this conversation.

"We talked about it the other day," she admitted. "He told me it wasn't a big deal."

Christine shrugged. "Then it's probably not a big deal."

"But shouldn't I do something?" she asked. "I feel like I'm being selfish."

"If he's not asking you," Christine said, "you're not obligated." She narrowed her eyes at Alice. "You _want_ to though, don't you?"

"I just want him to get something out of this," she admitted. "He's so nice and selfless, and, I don't know. I want to see if I can make him feel good. But-" She hesitated. "-I've never given anyone a blowjob. I don't even know how to do it." Christine clearly was biting back a laugh. "Quit it!" Alice said, wishing she had something else to throw at her. "You said you wouldn't laugh."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Christine said. "It's just, I swear blowjobs are so easy. You pretty much can't get it wrong. Just, honestly girl, go to the store and buy some popsicles to remind yourself how you suck one."

"Jesus _Christ_ , Christine."

"You wouldn't have mentioned it if you didn't want my help."

Again, she was right.

Christine noted her silence and continued, lowering her voice for her friend's sake. She had no shame, but she didn't want Alice to get any more upset than she already was. "Listen, just, use your tongue and relax your throat. If you can't take him all, use your hand. Don't rub him dry though, cuz that won't feel good. Make sure you get your saliva all up in there." Alice laughed a little, which had been Christine's goal. "And squeeze his balls. They like that. And don't use your teeth."

Alice scoffed. "I'm not an idiot."

Christine smiled, and then her eyes popped a bit as she remembered something. "Okay," she said, leaning close to her friend again, "if he's a decent guy, he's gonna let you know before he cums. He might even ask you where you want him to cum."

"Where do I want him to cum?" Alice asked cluelessly. Christine tilted her head from side to side as she thought.

"You could swallow, but I swear, that shit tastes nasty," she said. "Don't believe any of the shit you read. It does not taste good. There's no way to spin it." Alice crinkled her nose, and Christine shrugged. "But some guys find it super hot if you do."

"Or?"

"Or," she continued, "you finish him off with your hand and -if you don't have a shirt on- he could cum on your tits. Or your face. Or you could just let it fall where it falls." Christine chuckled. "If you _really_ want to please him, you'll ask him where _he_ wants to cum." Quickly, she added, "But don't do that if you're not comfortable with all the options. Again, if he's a decent guy, he'll just want you to be comfortable, especially if he knows it's your first time."

"Okay," she said with a slow nod. "Okay. I can do that."

"Oh, and eye contact," she said. "Guys love that shit, and you'll hit even harder cuz you got that whole _innocent-doe-eyed_ look."

Alice laughed but nodded with another, "Okay."

They finished up their breakfasts, but both of them still had coffee, so they kept chatting. After a lull in the conversation, Christine said, "So what _were_ you gonna talk about?"

Alice furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"When you first mentioned Dean," she said, "I immediately brought up sex, but you said that wasn't what you were gonna talk about. What _did_ you want to talk about?"

Right. The _actual_ news she had to share.

"Oh yeah," she said. "You know how I said he's a businessman?" Christine nodded, and Alice hesitated. "You can't breathe a word of this to anyone," she said. "Okay?"

"Okay," Christine said. Alice wasn't completely satisfied, so she held out her pinky. "Seriously?" Christine said. Alice took pinky swears very seriously, so when she didn't respond, Christine sighed and hooked her pinky with hers. Alice leaned as close to Christine as she could over the table, and Christine met her halfway.

"Dean's a mob boss."

Christine sat back as confusion took over her features. "Here?" she said. "In Kansas?"

"No, in Idaho," Alice retorted. "Yes in Kansas."

"I thought the mob was only in big cities," she said, "like New York or Chicago." Alice shrugged.

"I know he's not lying," she said, "because I went to one of his meetings on Sunday."

"You _what?_ " Christine said. "Are you crazy?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If the mob is anything like I think it is," she said, "the closer you get to Dean, the more danger you'll be in."

"Dean will protect me," she said matter-of-factly.

"Don't be naive," Christine said. "Don't you watch enough _Criminal Minds_?" Alice just raised her eyebrows. "Could Hotch protect Haley when George Foyet held her and Jack at gunpoint?"

"Really?" she said. " _That's_ your argument?"

"I'm just trying to speak your language," she said. "Dean can say he'll protect you all he wants, but the bad guys always go after the person closest to their enemy. What are you going to do if that person for Dean is you?"

"I'm not," she said. "He would do anything for Sam, and I'm sure Lucifer knows that."

"Lucifer?" Christine repeated.

Alice cringed, wondering if she shouldn't have used his name. Well, she was in too deep now. "He's one of the other mob bosses in the area," she said. "Dean and the other guy, Crowley, are hatching a plan to kill him."

Christine threw her hands in the air in disbelief. "None of this bothers you?" she said. "Alice, this is textbook toxic."

"No it's not," Alice snapped back. "I've already lived textbook toxic, remember? This is different. Dean would never hurt me."

"Not on purpose," Christine said. "But like I said, how's he going to stop someone else from doing it?" Alice was getting annoyed now.

"If you met him, you wouldn't be saying any of this," she said. Christine didn't say anything. Her arms were folded across her chest again, and her right eyebrow was twitching, something that only happened when she was really mad. "Please," Alice whispered. "I just want you to be happy for me. Give him a chance."

"I _am_ happy for you," she said. "I'm glad you found someone who treats you right, but you still have rose colored glasses on. You've only known him for three weeks. I just want to make sure you're thinking all this through."

Alice had thought about this too. She wasn't naive. She knew she and Dean were still in the early stages of their relationship and that things could very well take a turn for the worst, but she was completely and utterly under his spell. There was no going back. Not really. Three weeks in with Dean was completely different than three weeks in with Greg had been. To her, that was a sign towards success.

"I know," she said to Christine. "I am. I swear." She paused. "My dads want to meet him." Christine's hard expression quickly changed to a gentle smile.

"Really?" she said.

Alice nodded. "I guess I've been talking about him a lot to Dad whenever I'm on the phone. Mark said it's about time."

"Do they know he's, like, significantly older than you?" she said.

"Actually yeah," she said with a slight laugh. "Mark wasn't totally for it at first, but Dad was able to calm him down and get him on board. He was older than my mom, so he gets it. I think."

"Nice," Christine said with a laugh. "I think my dad would kill the guy."

"Yeah well, my dads think if a guy can fix a car, he's good enough."

"And Dean can fix a car?"

"He drives a '67 Impala that he's rebuilt, like, three times."

"I don't know what a '67 Impala is, but I take it it's good?"

"To my dads it's better than porn."

"You're disgusting."

When Alice got home, she sat in front of her computer and opened up the blank document she had saved as _MASTERS ESSAY_. Despite the late night she had pulled at school a few weeks ago to work on it, she still only had the prompts written at the top: _Why do you need this degree at this juncture in your life? What are your short- and long-term career goals? What are you most proud of?_

She decided to just write everything that came to her mind, even if she knew she wasn't 100% making sense. She just needed to get all the garbage out to make room for the good stuff.

She was on a roll when her phone rang. Without even looking up from her computer, she pressed accept and put it on speaker. "Yeah?" she said.

On the other end, Dean laughed. "Well hi to you too."

"Sorry," she said, lifting her fingers off the keys and picking up her phone to put it to her ear. "I was distracted."

"Am I interrupting something?" he asked. She looked at the clock and saw that she had already been working for over an hour.

"No, you're good," she said. "What's up? Why'd you call?"

"Can't I just call my girlfriend for no reason?" he asked.

"No," she said, a smile on her face.

He laughed again. "Alright, you caught me. Was wondering if you were planning on coming to dinner tonight."

"Crap," she said, putting her forehead on her hand. "Yes, yes, I'm planning on it. I just totally forgot. Were we supposed to make anything? I still have time to whip something-"

"Hey, hey, relax," Dean said with a chuckle. "We're just in charge of drinks tonight. I'm gonna pick up a couple bottles of wine on my way there."

"Okay," she said. "Sounds good."

"You sound stressed," he said. She shrugged even though he couldn't see her.

"I guess I am a little," she said. "But it's no big deal. My neck is aching through. I feel like I've been sitting at the computer for a year."

"Let me come over," he said. "I'll give you a massage." His tone was teasing, but she knew he was being somewhat serious.

"If you do," she said, "can you promise not to distract me?"

"I cannot," he said.

She giggled. "At least you're honest. Be here in twenty?"

"I'll make it 17."

Somehow, true to his very specific word, Dean was at Alice's door in 17 minutes. She buzzed him into the building and resumed her position on the floor by the coffee table where her computer was sitting. She was still working on the application essay even though nothing worthwhile was coming out. Dean came into the apartment, confused for a moment when he didn't immediately spot Alice. He saw the top of her head over the couch and laughed. "What're you doing on the floor?" he asked, walking over to her.

"I think better," she said.

"What do you have to think so hard about?" he asked.

"Just writing," she said.

"Writing what?" he pressed, sitting behind her on the couch so her back was now against his legs.

"Shh," she said playfully. "More massaging, less talking." Dean chuckled and made her scoot forward so he could sit behind her on the floor, not wanting to hunch over as he massaged her. He spread his legs so she was nestled between them, and he put his hands on her shoulders.

They were both quiet as Alice continued to work and Dean massaged her. She told him he could put the TV on at a low hum so he wasn't bored out of his mind. He thanked her and flicked on _Game of Thrones_ , which was perfect because Alice didn't care about it so she wasn't distracted. They were together with only the hum of the TV making noise for a full episode until Dean clearly started to get bored. He didn't play the next episode. Instead, he brushed some of Alice's hair over her shoulder so her neck was exposed to him. He started kissing her skin, glancing at her computer to see if he could catch her reflection. The screen was too bright, so he only saw what she was working on.

"I didn't know you wanted to go to grad school," he said. She bit her upper lip and shrugged.

"Yeah," she said.

"What do you want to study?" he asked.

"It's nothing," she said, shaking her head. "It's stupid."

"What are you talking about?" Dean said, squeezing her shoulders lightly. "It's not stupid. It's _great_." She turned her head to look at him and noticed the sincerity in his eyes.

"You're serious?" she said.

"Of course I am," he said. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Alice thought for a moment. Now was the perfect time to open up about Greg. She didn't have to go into all of it, but there was no reason she couldn't tell him a little bit. "Um, I had a boyfriend in college," she said after clearing her throat. "He didn't think it was smart for me to pursue a masters."

"Why not?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I probably won't get in anyway, and why break focus on the career I already have?"

"So he didn't want you to better your career?" he asked.

She scoffed. "Yeah. Pretty much I guess."

"Well, fuck that guy," Dean said, squeezing her shoulders again. "Tell me what you want to study. I'm sure it's great." She smiled softly and stared down at her hands. Dean started pressing kisses to her neck again while she composed her thoughts.

"Applied Behavior Analysis," she said.

"Mm?" Dean hummed. "What's that?"

"It's basically the study of behavior," she said. "Like, what causes it and why it happens and what the consequences are. Because every behavior serves a purpose, and knowing why someone does what they do helps us understand them as a whole."

Dean didn't even have to see her face to know she was smiling. It was clear to him that she had been aching to talk to someone about this -something she was clearly so passionate about- but had been holding back, probably because of her asshole ex-boyfriend.

"It's one reason I love _Criminal Minds_ so much," she continued. "It's like, their whole job as profilers is to understand people's behaviors and how it makes up who they are."

"So you want to join the FBI?" he teased.

"No," she said with a giggle. "It's also good for teaching. Like, I'm a gen-ed elementary teacher, but I still have students with special needs in my classroom, and it always frustrates me when I don't know how to help them. I have one BD student, and-"

"BD?" Dean repeated.

"Sorry," she said. "It's an abbreviation. Behavior disorder."

"Got it," he said.

She continued. "Right, so his name's Peter, and he can get violent sometimes. Like, almost every time we're about to start our math lesson, he comes at me with anything he can get his hands on. Sometimes it's his pencil or my stapler or his scissors, but sometimes it's just his little fists. But it's not his fault he does that. Something in his brain is convincing him that lashing out will help him, and if I can understand that better, I can help him more."

Alice was barely breathing at all between her sentences, and she didn't even care that she was rambling. Dean had stopped kissing her neck and now just had his chin resting in on her shoulder. "You know how I told you I like the movie _Good Will Hunting_?" she said.

"Mhm," he hummed.

"Have you ever seen it?" she asked. Dean shook his head no. "It's so good. Matt Damon plays a guy with a crazy high IQ but a lot of, like, bursts of anger and abandonment issues. He starts going to therapy, and his therapist is Robin Williams, which doesn't matter but it does because he's such a good actor." Dean chuckled, and Alice continued. "The more he opens up and the more Robin Williams is able to understand and help him, the better he gets. The difference between helping adults with behavior problems and kids with behavior problems is obviously huge, but the basics are the same. And that's what I want to learn more about. I know it's cliche and cheesy and stuff, but that movie helped me realize that the more we push aside kids who struggle, the worse they get, and the more likely we are to lose them to violence and crime and alcohol and drugs."

Alice finally took a deep breath, then clicked save on her document. "Sorry," she said with a chuckle. "I totally just went off."

"Don't be sorry," he said. "I love that you're passionate about that."

"Yeah," she sighed, "well, how come I can't put all of that passion into writing?"

Dean kissed her cheek. "You'll get there."

Alice turned around and looked at Dean, resting her hand on his cheek. "You're really awesome, you know that right?" she whispered. He smirked.

"I do," he said, "but it's always great to be reminded." She just giggled and pressed her lips to his, kissing him and crawling onto his lap. He groaned against her lips and gripped her hips in his hands. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she rolled her hips against his. She started kissing across his cheek and down to his neck, smiling when she heard him let out a heavy sigh.

Dean jumped when he felt Alice fumble with the buckle of his belt. "Hey, hey, sweetheart," he said, grabbing her hands. "What're you doing?" She didn't look at him, just kept lightly kissing his neck.

"I think," she whispered, "now would be a great time for me to make you feel good." Dean wanted to keep his composure. He refused to melt under this girl's touch, but _Christ_ , it was her fucking sweet tone that killed him.

"If you're sure," he said. She nodded, then pulled away from his neck.

"I'm sure," she said, looking in his eyes. He licked his lips before pressing them to hers, threading his fingers in her hair. She kissed him back, easily getting lost in that drunk feeling he gave her. "Okay," she said as she pulled away, escaping the kisses Dean kept trying to give her. "Okay. Sit on the couch."

He chuckled. "Yes ma'am." He moved to the couch, and she straddled his waist again, pulling her t-shirt over her head. She could tell he wanted to kiss her, but she stopped him by pushing his flannel off his shoulders.

Why did he always wear so many layers?

When he was in only his black t-shirt, she reached for the hem and pulled that over his head too. She kept her hands pressed on the couch on either side of his head and started leaving open-mouthed kisses down his body. She moved so her knees were on the ground and unbuckled his jeans, pulling them down his legs. He helped her by lifting his butt so she could get them off with more ease. His boxers came right after, and Alice had to stop herself from gasping like a weirdo.

She had seen a penis once in her life, and it was because she googled _penis_ because she was so sick of not knowing what one looked like. So this? This was her first real penis. And she didn't know much, but she knew Dean had to have been considered big.

She ran her tongue up the underside of his cock, giving it slow kitten licks. She looked up at him through her eyelashes and locked eyes with him. When she did, she wrapped her mouth around him and took his cock, inch by inch. She kept her throat relaxed, just like Christine said, and did her best not to gag when he hit the back of her throat. She pulled away completely so she could suck the tip before sinking down on him again.

"Oh _fuck_ ," Dean grunted. His hand moved to her hair, and she looked up at him again as she pulled back.

"Should I go faster?" she whispered, swirling her tongue around him.

"God, sweetheart," he said. "Whatever you want. You're doing so good." She hummed around his cock, and he barely whispered another, "Fuck." He kept his fingers gripped in her hair, though he didn't force her movements at all.

It was taking everything in his power not to lose it right then and there. He wanted to fuck her mouth until tears streamed from her eyes, but he held back. She felt so good wrapped around his cock like that, and the way she kept looking up at him made him moan and tug her hair a little bit. She moaned as well, the vibrations destroying him. "S-Sweetheart," he said, "I, I'm, fuck I'm gonna cum, baby." She pulled back and lazily rubbed his cock, not quite enough to make him cum, but still keeping him on that edge.

"Where do you want to cum?" she asked, her voice slightly hoarse.

"Fuck, ah-" He tried to concentrate. "It's, it's up to you baby."

She had no idea why she decided this considering everything Christine said at breakfast, but Alice put her mouth back on him and continued sucking him off, now dragging her nails up his thighs so she could gently squeeze his balls. He let out a strangled, "Fuck," and came in her mouth. She swallowed most of it but pulled away towards the end so some of it ended up dribbling on her chin. Dean's chest heaved, and he leaned forward and wiped the cum off her chin with his thumb. He was ready to pull back, but she grabbed his thumb and sucked it between her lips, licking it clean before allowing him to pull it away with a pop.

"Jesus _Christ_ , Alice," he said, chuckling in disbelief. "You're fucking incredible, you know that right?" She giggled and shrugged.

"It's nice to be reminded."


	13. Unwrapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 5,636  
> warnings - language, descriptions of physical abuse, oral (f receiving) unprotected sex (don’t be silly, protect your willy), fingering, daddy kink  
> A/N - this gif gave me heart palpitations | psa that you shouldn’t assume someone is clean just because they’re a virgin

The only time Alice's parents could do dinner was the following Friday. She was excited but also inexplicably nervous. Her dads were great and she loved them both, and she knew her dad had said he had calmed Mark down enough when it came to the age difference, but what if that changed when they met him? They could be very opinionated, and Dad definitely didn't keep those opinions to himself.

So, she did the only thing a girlfriend could do. She prepped Dean.

"Okay," she said. "Call them both Mr. Berkley when you meet them, but Mark will likely tell you to use his first name from then on. Dad'll take a minute longer to warm up, but he'll get there too. Talk about your car. Anything about cars. They'll love that. And your music. You can bond over your music, because I know they listen to the same kind of stuff. Just, try not to age yourself."

"Oh?" Dean said with a laugh. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means-" She hesitated. "-they know you're older than me, but, I don't know. Just try not to make it obvious."

"How would I make it obvious?" he asked, amused.

"Ugh, I don't know," she groaned. "I'm just stressed out. I haven't brought a guy to them since-" She cut herself off. "It's been a long time." Dean smiled and kissed her cheek. They were sitting on the couch in her apartment, killing some time before they needed to head over for dinner. She had already packed a bag so they could go to Dean's afterward. Anytime she had the chance to sleep there, she would take it. His bed was like sleeping on a cloud, plus she loved making breakfast at his place. His kitchen was so much bigger and nicer than hers.

"Okay, okay," he said. "Not obvious. I can do that." He paused, making an expression like he was considering something. "So I take it they don't know you call me daddy?" She raised her eyebrows as he pulled her onto his lap, holding her hips tightly.

"You think you're pretty funny, don't you?" she said.

"Actually, I think I'm hilarious."

"Yeah, well, try that joke on my dads," she said. "I think they'd both kill you."

"Mm, I'd like to see them try."

"Ha. So would I."

Dean licked his lips and eyed her outfit. She kept her hands on his shoulders, squeezing them lightly. "You know," he said, "what you're wearing is pretty unfair."

"Oh?" she said. "Why's that?"

"Well," he said slowly, "if it was a skirt-" He started kissing her neck, and she sighed and tilted her head to the side. "-I'd be able to finger fuck you under the table at dinner." He chuckled. "I can just see you, gripping the kitchen table so tight your knuckles would turn white. You'd be biting your lip, praying neither of them would ask why your cheeks were so red. Why you weren't eating. Why you looked so flustered." Alice swallowed thickly and started rolling her hips against his.

"Dean," she whined.

"But I can't," he said with a dramatic sigh, "because you're wearing this little number." He tugged at the sleeve of her [jumpsuit](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.lulus.com%2Fproducts%2Fbehold-navy-blue-floral-print-off-the-shoulder-jumpsuit%2F774282.html&t=ZjVlOTFmODIxZjRmNjg2YWM4ZTAwMzM1MGNlZDIxMjU0Yjc4ZDAxYywyZTQ0ODc0YTRiNzZiMmUyOTVlNmQ4YjVhOGE4ODVhN2M3ZmRkYzNk&ts=1597695441). "And what really sucks is we don't have time for me to take care of you now. Look at the time." She forced her eyes open and looked at the clock. He was right. If they didn't leave right then, they'd be late.

"I, I don't care," she stuttered out. "They can wait."

Dean chuckled. "See, you want _me_ to make _you_ cum, and usually, I would be all for it, but then what am I supposed to do when I wind up hard as a rock before dinner with your dads?" She sighed and buried her face in his neck.

"You really suck," she whispered. "Did you know that? Did you know you're the worst?" He chuckled and squeezed her ass, then gave it a playful swat. She took a sharp breath and rolled her hips against his. She felt her heart drop to her stomach, and Dean tentatively moved a hand to her ass again, squeezing it gently.

"Did you like that?" he asked. She let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Oh, _fuck_ Alice," he groaned. "Alright. We gotta go before I do something I can't take back." She whined and wouldn't remove herself from his lap.

"No," she said. "Don't want to." Dean's jaw clenched, her disobedience stirring something inside him.

"Sweetheart," he said. "I'm not asking. Off." She sighed and hopped off his lap, sitting back on the couch with her arms folded across her chest. Dean stood up and looked at her, his jaw still set. "Let's go," he said. "Now."

She huffed. "You're no fun." He leaned forward, bracing his hands on either side of her head, and barely ghosting his lips over hers.

"If you keep acting like a brat," he said, "I'll have to spank that pout away, you understand?" She pressed her thighs together, and he placed a peck to her lips and pulled away, standing up straight and holding his hand out for her to take. His tense expression had vanished and was replaced with an arrogant smirk.

God, he was good. They hadn't even had sex yet and he was already threatening a kinky punishment. And the threat _worked_.

Alice's dads met Dean and Alice at the front door. She completely abandoned Dean in the car and ran up to them, wrapping her arms around them both in a hug. "Oh, you're gonna break your old man," Aaron laughed. She just smiled and kissed him on the cheek, then did the same for Mark. She looked at both of them, focusing more on Aaron.

"Be nice," she said.

"I'm always nice," Aaron said. Mark just chuckled and folded his arms across his chest as Dean approached them.

"Dad, Mark," she said, putting her arm around Dean's waist, "this is my boyfriend, Dean." Dean reached out to shake both men's hands, Aaron's first and then Mark's.

"Mr. Berkley," Dean said, "Mr. Berkley."

"Call me Mark," the man said, just as Alice expected he would. Aaron, on the other hand, just gave Dean a smile. "It's nice to meet you," he said.

"You as well," Dean said, looking at both Aaron and Mark. Alice let out a nervous chuckle.

"Alright," she said. "Let's go inside. What's for dinner?"

"I thought I'd grill some burgers," Aaron said. "You can help Mark make some of his fries. I made potato salad earlier."

"You're going all out," she teased.

"Well, we have a guest," Aaron teased back. "We can't just serve frozen pizza."

"Careful," she said back. "At his family dinners, he serves Chinese takeout."

Dean scoffed. "It was one time!"

While she and Mark worked on cutting the potatoes and making his homemade fries, Dean stood outside with Aaron around the grill, drinking beer and chatting. "He's handsome," Mark said, his tone light and teasing. She giggled and bumped her hip with his.

"I told you," she said. "And I swear, he's so sweet. You'll really like him."

"If he makes you this happy, I already like him."

Alice scoffed. "And Dad?"

Mark chuckled. "Give him an hour and one conversation about that car you drove in, and he'll be good."

Outside, Dean and Aaron were talking. They had, in fact, already discussed the beauty that was the Impala, and after a lull in the conversation, Aaron said, "You should hear the way she talks about you. I can tell she really likes you." Dean looked inside through the window at Alice and Mark and couldn't help but smile. They were peeling potatoes and laughing with each other. Alice caught his eye through the glass and gave him a smile.

"I like her too," he said, looking back at Aaron. "A lot." Aaron nodded and took another sip of his beer.

"You two are at different stages in your lives," Aaron said. "You have almost twenty years on her, right?"

"Yes sir," Dean said. Quickly, he added, "But the age difference doesn't bother either of us." Aaron chuckled which made Dean look at him. He closed the lid of the grill and turned to face Dean.

"Has Alice told you much about her mom?" he asked.

Dean shook his head no. "She told me she never met her. She died giving birth. She was about her age when she had her."

"Mhm," Aaron hummed. "And I'm 61. How's your math?" It was a rhetorical question. "I was just a couple years younger than you."

"I had no idea," Dean said. "Alice never told me."

Aaron just smiled. "I know what it's like to fall in love with someone and have everyone think they're too young for you. You're convinced they're wrong because you have your rose colored glasses on. Everything seems perfect, and everyone who disagrees just doesn't understand, right?"

"All due respect," he said, "we're not naive, sir. Things may feel perfect now, but we know that's not forever. But whatever happens, whatever comes, we'll handle it. This isn't just an adventure for me. I care about her." Aaron gave a small smile and folded his arms across his chest.

"Alice is a lot like her mom," he said. "She loves very easily, and she cares with everything in her. But she's got that-" He chuckled. "-I always called it a firecracker soul. There's a lot of spunk behind how shy she seems, and it comes out so suddenly, you never see it coming. She's a lot stronger than she looks, and she'll stand up for the people she loves. But-" He hesitated. "What has she told you about her ex-boyfriend?"

Dean shrugged. "Not much. He didn't want her to go to grad school. That's it."

Aaron sighed. "He wasn't a good guy, but he was one of those people she fought for because she loved him, and it bit her in the ass." The memory clearly didn't sit right with Aaron, because he hung his head, cleared his throat, and looked up at Dean again. "If I ever find out that you hurt her in any way, you won't live to see another day, do you understand me?"

Dean knew Aaron was playing the protective father, and even though he could kill Aaron much faster than the other way around, he respected him. "Yes sir," Dean said. Aaron stuck out his hand to Dean, and he took it and gave it a firm shake.

Dinner was so much better than Alice thought it was going to be. They laughed throughout the entire meal, and Alice could tell Aaron and Mark both genuinely liked Dean. He was saying all the right things, and it made her wonder how many girls' parents he had met before. Still, she decided not to dwell. Things were going well, and there was no need for her to think about that mysterious _Lisa_ girl again.

Dean kept his hand on Alice's thigh all night, rubbing circles over the fabric, and it made her mind wander. She had made a decision earlier in the day, and his touch wasn't helping her calm her nerves over it. She was desperate to leave, to get back to his apartment. When Dean's hand slid so far up her thigh that she couldn't handle it any longer, she cleared her throat and stood up from the table. "Well," she said, "this has been so fun, but I think it's time to head out." Aaron and Mark nodded and walked the pair to the front door. Alice hugged both of them, and Dean shook each of their hands.

"Mr. Berkley, Mark," he said, "it was great to meet you both."

"You too," Aaron said. "And call me Aaron."

When they were a sufficient distance away from her parents' house, Alice leaned over and pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek. He chuckled and looked at her, and she slid over on the bench seat so she could lean her head on his shoulder as he drove. "What's that for, sweetheart?" he asked. She smiled.

"I'm just really glad that all went well," she said. He kissed the top of her head before looking back at the road.

"Me too."

They got to Dean's house not too long after, said hello to Derek, and headed up to the penthouse. "You want some wine?" he asked. She nodded and plopped on the couch in the living room while she waited. He came over and handed her the glass, which she took with a quiet _thank you_ and sipped from right away. Dean sat next to her, and she half expected him to turn on the TV. Instead, he turned slightly and rested his arm on the back of the couch.

"I was talking to your dad," he said, "and he mentioned your ex." Alice tensed immediately and took another sip of her wine. This was not a way to get in the mood. "What was his name?" Dean asked.

She cleared her throat and looked down at her glass. "Greg." Dean nodded and put his own glass down.

"How often did he hit you?"

She looked up at him with wide eyes, feeling her cheeks heat up. "What are you talking about?" she asked, acting completely clueless.

"You flinch when I raise my voice and sometimes even when I touch you," he said, "and you apologize for everything. It's not hard to put the pieces together. I know you say he wasn't supportive of you going to grad school, but your dad made it seem like it was more than that. Like I said, I can see it in the way you act." She couldn't tell if he was annoyed that she wasn't answering him or pitying her for ever having been in that situation. She didn't like it either way. Still, she sighed.

"Whenever he was mad, I guess," she said. "He told me he had depression, and if he was having a really bad spiral, everything made him angry. Honestly, I think that was just his excuse. It all got worse the longer we were together. It was like he was mad more than he was happy." She didn't realize she was shaking until Dean reached out and held her hand. "It shouldn't be a big deal," she said. "It was a long time ago."

"How long ago?" Dean asked. She clenched her jaw and hung her head.

"Just under two months," she said. "That's why I moved here. I was with him in New York, but it got too bad, so I ran. I moved here in August, a month before school started."

"How bad was it?" Dean asked.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. "I was admitted to the hospital a few times," she said. "Just for concussions and stuff. He tried not to do anything where people might see."

"Is that where-" He hesitated.

"What?" she asked.

"Your scar," he said. "The one I saw the other day. Did he give that to you?" She swallowed thickly, then nodded.

"He was mad," she said. "It was when I first told him I wanted to apply for grad school, and he told me it was a waste of time. I got upset, and I told him that he needed to let me live my own life. I guess-" She laughed sadly. "-that was the wrong thing to say, because he pushed me against the wall. He started choking me, but I kicked him in the crotch. I tried to run, but he got his hands on me and threw me against a table. The corner hit me in the side. He didn't want to deal with the aftermath, so he left me there. I had to call 911."

"You didn't press charges?"

"No," she scoffed. "I never even thought about it."

"Why?"

She clenched her jaw and shook her head, then looked down at her hands. "You don't know what it's like," she whispered, "to be a victim like that. I just kept finding excuses for it or brushing it off as my own fault. I thought he would get better, and every time he said he was sorry. It was so much easier to believe him than question it everyday."

When Alice was quiet for a few minutes, Dean rubbed her rib where he knew the scar was under her jumpsuit, and she instinctively jumped. "Sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be," Dean said. "You've got nothing to be sorry for." She felt her lower lip quiver, and tears were quickly forming in her eyes.

"I hate how _weak_ he made me feel," she admitted. "Most of the time, I would just, I would just lay on the ground and let him hurt me. After a while I didn't even fight him." A few tears escaped her eyes, and Dean brushed them away with his thumbs.

"It's okay," he said gently. He held her close to him and placed a kiss to the top of her head. "I would never, _ever_ hurt you. I would never lay a hand on you in any way without your consent, okay?" She nodded and closed her eyes, relaxing in his comforting embrace. Dean made her feel _safe_. She didn't care if the world saw him as a dangerous mob boss. With her, he was gentle and sweet. With her, he was just Dean. She knew he would never hurt her.

Alice looked up at him and put her hand on the back of his head, pushing her lips to his. Dean was startled for a moment but quickly put his hands on her waist. She adjusted herself so she was straddling his waist, and she lightly bit his bottom lip to deepen the kiss. When Dean felt her reach for the hem of his t-shirt, he pulled away, keeping his forehead pressed to hers. "What are you doing?" he asked, his voice low. She closed her eyes and swallowed nervously.

"I want you, Dean," she said. Dean licked his lips and took a deep breath through his nose.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I want you to be sure."

"I am sure," she said. She lightly ground her hips against his, and he growled and gripped them tighter. "Please, Dean." He nodded and pressed his lips to hers, easing his tongue into her mouth. She whimpered and kissed him harder, feeling desperation for him build in her stomach. She wanted this. She wanted him.

"Okay, sweetheart," he said, pulling his lips away. She whined and tried to kiss him again which only made him chuckle. "Okay, okay, easy. Let's go to the bedroom, okay?" She nodded, so the two of them stood up and walked over to the bedroom, Dean holding her hand the whole way. He could tell she was nervous, and he wanted to put her at as much ease as he could. His thumb was rubbing her hand, and he gave it a squeeze as soon as they crossed into the bedroom.

He laid her onto the bed and crawled on top of her, kissing her gently. She threaded her fingers in his hair, and Dean had both hands pressed against the mattress on either side of her head. Even the way Alice was kissing him back made it clear she was nervous. He pulled away. "We don't have-"

"I know," she said, cutting him off. "I told you. I want to. I'm so sure. I'm just-" She hesitated. "I'm just a little nervous."

"It's okay," he said, kissing her neck. "I promise I'll be gentle. And if you at _any_ point change your mind and want to stop, you tell me and we can stop." She nodded, and Dean kissed her lips again. He pulled away to look at her, and when she gave him a nod, he worked to pull her jumpsuit off her body. Her bra was baby pink and lacy, and it made Dean's mouth water, and her panties matched. They were satin and lace and had a pink bow on the front. He smiled and left an open-mouthed kiss over her underwear, right where a wet patch was already forming.

"All wrapped up with a pretty little bow," Dean muttered, his lips tickling her. "Can I unwrap now?"

"Yes," she breathed out. "Please."

"Good girl," he hummed. "Using your manners." She nodded and lifted her hips so he could easily slide her underwear off. "Take your bra off for me, sweetheart," he said. She did as he said and tossed it aside. He smiled up at her and kissed each of her thighs. She whined again, and Dean chuckled before slowly dipping his tongue past her folds. She breathed out -almost in relief- and tugged her fingers through his hair. He growled when she tugged particularly roughly, and he pressed his face closer to her, scratching her thighs with his beard. His licks were slow, each one adding more pressure than the last. She felt his thumbs spread her lips apart as if trying to give himself more access to go even deeper. When his tongue started circling her clit, he pushed a finger inside her, wiggling it a bit before soon adding a second.

"Hm," she hummed. "Daddy, please."

"Please what?" he asked, giving her clit another flick with his tongue.

"Just," she sighed, squeezing her eyes shut.

"I want to hear you say it," he whispered. "What do you want daddy to do, sweetheart?"

She sighed and kept her eyes shut, putting her hands over her face. Dean kept his fingers inside her but scooted up so his lips were next to her ear. "It's okay," he whispered. "Why don't you just tell me this: Do you want daddy to fuck you? To fill you up with his cock? Is that what you want?" She sighed and moved her hands, putting one of them on his head so she could tug at his hair.

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes. That's what I want. Please." Dean chuckled and placed a quick kiss to her cheek.

"Okay," he said. "We'll work on you using your words another time." She nodded, and he peppered kisses down her body again, keeping his fingers moving inside her. He finally pulled them out of her and brought them up to his lips, sucking them clean. He tugged his shirt over his head while she pressed her thighs together to try and sooth the aching a bit. Dean tutted and pulled her legs apart. "Want you to keep them open for me," he said, leaning down to kiss her lips. "I'm gonna go get a condom, okay?"

"Wait," she said, grabbing his arm before he could go away. "I- I'm actually on the pill." Dean raised his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side. She blushed and licked her lips. "It helps regulate my period," she said with a shrug. He then licked his lips and hung his head a bit. "I mean, you can still get a condom if you want," she said. "I just didn't know if-" Dean cut her off by pressing his lips to hers. She was shocked, and he pulled back and sighed.

"It's up to you, sweetheart," he said. "I'm clean and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you are too." She bit her lip, and Dean stroked her cheek.

_God, it would feel so good to fuck her raw._

Alice nodded and put her hand over his. "Okay," she said. "It's okay. Don't use one."

Dean closed his eyes and mouthed, "Fuck," before leaning down to press his lips to hers again. He pulled away and tugged his jeans and boxers off at the same time.

Dean lifted her chin and made her meet his eyes. She hadn't even realized she had been staring. He kissed her -more softly than he had all night- and pushed her legs apart a little more. "Remember," he said, muttering against her lips, "you say the word, and we stop."

"I know," she said. She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, threading her fingers in his hair. Dean nodded, pressed his lips against hers, and slowly slid inside her. She moaned against his lips and squeezed her eyes shut. She tilted her head back and broke the kiss, letting out a whimper.

"Are you okay?" he whispered. She didn't say anything, too focused on catching her breath. "Hey, hey," Dean said, turning her cheek so she was looking at him. "Are you okay?" he repeated.

"Yeah," she breathed out.

"What do you want?" he asked. She swallowed thickly.

"Keep going," she said. "Just slow." Dean nodded and pressed his face into the crook of her neck, kissing her softly as he pushed deeper into her. Her grip in his hair tightened, and her other hand was digging its nails into the skin of his back. He moaned against her skin and placed another kiss to her neck. She was squeezing him tighter than he had ever experienced before.

"Jesus Christ," he muttered.

"What?" she whispered. "Is, is it okay?"

"Fuck, baby," Dean said. "You feel so fucking good. You just let me know what you need."

"I don't know," she said honestly. "I-" She cut herself off with a heavy sigh. "I feel _full_." The words made Dean's cock twitch inside her. "Do you want to move?"

"Oh, I want to do a lot of things, sweetheart," Dean said. "But you tell me what you want."

"I, I think I want you to move," she whispered. "Just slow."

"I can do that," he said. He pulled his hips back slowly before pushing them forward again. She whimpered but nodded her head, silently letting Dean know everything was okay. He continued to move, thrusting in and out of her and attempting not to lose control. She felt so good, and it was taking everything in his power not to pound her into the mattress. Her eyes were still squeezed shut, so he knew she was still experiencing some discomfort. He brought his fingers up to his mouth and licked them, then reached between their bodies and started rubbing her clit.

"Oh," she breathed out, her eyes suddenly fluttering open. He looked at her, licking his lips, before leaning down to kiss her. She kissed him back weakly, her mind too focused on all the different feelings she was experiencing. Dean twitched again inside her, and he could tell he was getting close. As badly as he wanted to hold out a little longer, she was so fucking tight, he knew he wouldn't last.

"How're you doing, baby?" he asked, thrusting into her a little deeper. She moaned, though it didn't sound as laced in slight pain as it had earlier.

"'M fine," she muttered.

"Fine ain't good enough for me," he said. "What can I do for ya?"

"I don't know," she whispered. Dean could hear the desperation in her voice, and a bit of his heart broke. He couldn't imagine not knowing what made his body feel good and what didn't. He tried to think of a position that might open her up more, so he brought both of her knees to her chest. She moaned and arched her back, her eyes squeezing shut. He was able to reach even deeper inside her, and something about the new position made a lot of the pain go away. He started rubbing quicker circles on her clit, hoping the pressure there would ease any discomfort she was feeling anywhere else. He felt her body relax a bit more, and she moaned softly in his ear.

"Baby," Dean said, "You're gonna cum before me, you understand?"

"Dean," she moaned, her breath getting caught in her throat. Tears were coming to her eyes. She was right there. She could feel the pressure building in her lower stomach, and Dean was sure no woman had ever squeezed his cock like this.

"Tell me if it hurts, okay?" he muttered. She nodded, and he started pounding into her harder, his balls slapping against her skin with every thrust. She cried out and dug her nails into his back, scratching marks all across his skin.

"Oh my god," she cried. "Dean."

"Can daddy cum inside you?" he asked, his face buried in her neck. She nodded, her breaths coming out short. "Go ahead, sweetheart," he said through a moan. "Cum for me."

She squeezed her eyes shut and cried out his name again as she came, sure she drew blood on his upper back with her nails. Dean came at the same time, shooting his load inside her. She whimpered and pulled Dean so close to her, he was practically laying on top of her. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear as she caught her breath. When he pulled out of her, she shuddered at the feeling of his cum leaking out of her. Dean bit back a moan at the sight. He brushed some of her hair away from her face. "Need you to use the bathroom," he told her. "When you're done, I'll run us a bath, okay?"

She nodded and went to the bathroom to relieve herself. When she washed her hands, she stared at herself in the mirror. Her skin was flushed, and Dean had left little love bites across her neck and chest. She bit her lip and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Dean knocked. "Mm?" she hummed back. Dean opened the door and smiled at her.

"Ready for that bath?" he asked. She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself. He placed a kiss to her forehead as he passed her to fill up the bathtub. She leaned her back against the counter and kept her arms folded across herself as she waited for the bathtub to fill. Dean found a bath bomb Jess had gotten him once and added it to the tub.

When the bath was finally ready, Alice stepped in, sinking down into the water with a content sigh. Dean got in the tub behind her, settling his legs around her body. She leaned back against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her. "You feeling okay?" he asked. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," she said. "I'm okay. I feel-" She hesitated, trying to collect her thoughts. "-weird I guess. Not bad. Just weird." Dean nuzzled his face against her neck and kissed her. "But it was good," she assured him, reaching her hand behind her and tangling her hand in his hair. She lifted his head so she could kiss his lips, and he smiled and kissed her back.

"First times can be weird," he told her when he pulled away. "Next time'll be better. Promise. We can try new positions that might help." She nodded and relaxed against his chest again. He grabbed her loofa and washed her arms, legs, and tummy. When he put the loofa down, he let his hand trail down her torso and to her thighs. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she felt a pulse between her legs. Dean buried his face in the crook of her neck and kissed her skin. "Can I make you cum again, sweetheart?" he asked. "Do you want that?" She nodded and let her hand rest on the back of his neck again. She could feel Dean smile against her skin as he slid one of his fingers inside her. She sighed and gripped his hair tighter, and he didn't waste any time before he added another. Considering his cock had been in her not very long ago, she took his fingers with ease. She threw her head back against his shoulder and whimpered.

"Dean," she breathed out. He hummed and started rubbing his thumb against her clit. He knew she wouldn't last long, still pretty wound up from earlier. He used his other hand to squeeze her breast and tweak her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. She let out short but heavy breaths, and her eyes were squeezed shut. He was surprised when she put her hand over his that was on her pussy and pushed his hand, encouraging him to move his fingers deeper inside her and his thumb faster against her clit.

"You want to help daddy?" he whispered. "You gonna help daddy make you cum?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Need you to go faster."

"Good girl," he said. He moved his thumb in faster circles and his fingers thrust a little deeper.

She moaned out his name and another breathy, "Yes," before she came around his fingers.

"Good girl," Dean said again, his breath tickling her ear. "Just like that, sweetheart." He helped her ride out her orgasm, and her jaw dropped in a silent moan. Dean captured her lips in a kiss, sliding his tongue in her mouth. She whined against his lips when he pulled his fingers out of her, and she could feel him smile.

They soaked in silence in the tub until Dean noticed the water went cold. "Come on, sweetheart," he whispered in her ear. "Let's get to bed."

"Hmm?" she hummed. Dean looked down at Alice and chuckled, realizing he had just woken her up. He kissed her cheek, getting out of the tub and wrapping a towel around his waist. She sat up a bit, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Dean grabbed another towel and helped her out of the tub, wrapping the plush fabric around her. He gave her a clean pair of boxers to wear and his Led Zeppelin shirt, and she mumbled something about needing to keep her own clothes there.

And he liked the idea of that.


	14. Happy Anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 4,638  
> warnings - language, oral (f receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener), light spanking, daddy kink, Dean’s a dick

Alice woke up to the sound of her phone buzzing obnoxiously on the bedside table. Dean groaned and rolled onto his stomach, and Alice mumbled an apology before grabbing her phone. Without looking at it, she pressed _answer_. “Hello?” she mumbled.

“Morning sunshine,” Christine said. “Do you know what time it is?” Alice suddenly sat up straighter and looked at the clock on the table: 9:36.

“Oh my god,” she said. “I’m so sorry. I totally overslept. I can be there in, like, a half hour. I just have to run home and change and then I’ll be right there.”

“Run home?” Christine said, a smile evident on her voice. “I take it you and Mr. Winchester had a fun night last night.” Dean chuckled, and Alice turned to look at him, realizing the volume on her phone must’ve been too loud.

“Shut up,” she said, not sure if she was talking to Dean or Christine. “I can leave right now.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Christine said. “We can miss a week.”

“We never miss a week,” Alice argued. “How about tomorrow? Same time. I swear I won’t oversleep.”

Chrstine laughed. “Deal.” She paused. “So when do I get to meet this guy?”

“Goodbye, Christine.”

When she hung up the phone, she rolled onto her back with a sigh. “Sorry,” she said.

“Mm, s'okay,” he said. “I was getting hungry anyway.”

“Yeah?” she said, propping herself up on her elbows. “I can make some pancakes or-” Dean cut her off by pushing her back down onto the bed and hovering over her.

“Not that kind of hungry,” he said. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked down at him as he kissed up her legs, pushing them apart. Realization hit her, and she felt her body start to tingle. “How’re you feeling?” he asked, pulling his boxers down her legs. “Are you sore?”

“A, a little,” she said.

He kissed her thigh. “I’m sorry.”

“S'okay,” she mumbled. “S'not so bad.”

He hummed. “Should daddy kiss it better?” She breathed heavily and nodded. “Mm-mm,” Dean muttered. “Good girls use their words, remember?”

She nodded again. “Yes.” Dean smiled against her skin and started kissing her thigh, sucking the skin until little purple marks remained. He noticed her start to squirm and chuckled before slowly licking her cunt. She whined immediately at the contact and put her hands on her chest. Dean looked up at her through his eyelashes before pulling away and moving up her body. He pushed her shirt over her tits and kissed them each before dragging his lips back between her legs.

“Play with your tits for me, sweetheart,” he said.

She breathed out an, “Okay,” before she started rolling her nipples between her fingers. Dean groaned at the sight and dove back into her core, fucking her slowly with his tongue and letting his nose brush against her clit. She let out high pitched moans and tugged at her nipples, feeling shockwaves across her whole body. Dean pulled back so he could watch how her pussy reacted to his thumb gently rubbing her clit. She whined and lifted her hips, and Dean looked back up at her.

“Tell me what you want,” he said. She bit her upper lip and took a sharp breath in through her nose when he let his pointer finger circle her opening. He never quite let it dip in, knowing deep down that was probably what she wanted. “Come on, Alice,” he mumbled. “Use your words.”

“I, I-” She stuttered. “ _You_. You. I want _you_.”

Dean’s cock twitched in his boxers as he replaced his thumb with his mouth, finally pushing his finger inside her and sucking her clit between his lips. Alice cried out and arched her back, cumming almost immediately. Dean kept his lips on her clit, continuing to flick the nub with his tongue as he pulled his fingers out of her. He moved his tongue all around her cunt, licking her clean before diving back in for a second taste. “Dean,” she cried. His actions were faster, more desperate to get her to that high again. He knew she wanted him to fuck her, but watching her writhe on the bed from his tongue alone was intoxicating for him. “Daddy, _please_ ,” she said, rolling her hips against his face. Dean groaned against her pussy, and just when he could tell she was about to cum again, he pulled away. She whimpered at the loss of contact, but he kissed the sound out of her mouth.

He pulled back and tugged his boxers off, tossing them aside. She spread her legs for him, and Dean smiled at her eagerness. “Why don’t we try something else?” he said, helping her sit up. He sat with his back against the headboard, his cock hard and slapping against his stomach, and she sat and waited for him to tell her what to do. He patted his lap. “Want you to ride me,” he said. A blush crept up from her neck to her cheeks as she bit her lip. Dean put his hand on her cheek. “It’s just like when you rode my thigh, remember?” he said. She nodded, and Dean smiled. “It’s just like that, but instead-” He took her hand and wrapped it around his cock. She instinctively squeezed it lightly, and he held back a groan. “Instead, you’re riding my cock. You think you can do that?”

She nodded. “Yes.” She moved her hand and straddled his hips, not quite sinking onto his member yet. Her forehead was pressed against his, and her eyes were closed. “You’ll help me, right?” she whispered. He tucked some of her hair behind her ear and smiled.

“Course I will,” he said. She nodded, took a deep breath, and Dean helped her line his cock up with her opening so she could lower herself onto him. He watched her face screw up and her lips part at the feeling. Dean tried to get her to open her eyes by brushing his fingers across her cheek. “How’s it feel?” he asked. She swallowed thickly and buried her face against his neck.

“Feels really good,” she said. Without him even prompting her, she rolled her hips against his, barely lifting off him before grinding back down.

“Oh, good girl,” Dean praised, putting his hands on her ass. “That’s right. Just like that.” She nodded, her head still against his shoulder, and moved her hips again in a similar motion, moaning at the way he reached so deep inside her with this new position. Everytime her clit rubbed against his pelvis, her body twitched and she whimpered against his skin. Dean helped guide her movements, keeping his hands on her ass and moving her along his cock.

This wasn’t enough. Alice could feel the desperation building in her tummy, but she wasn’t getting there. She gripped his shoulders, her nails biting into his skin, as she lifted herself onto her knees and lowering herself back onto him. She moved faster, trying to bounce up and down on his cock instead of grinding against him. Dean tossed his head back and gripped her ass tighter before giving her right cheek a light swat. She moaned and bit his neck, trying her best to control her erratic breathing. She didn’t last much longer, and as soon as Dean felt her flutter around his cock, he came right along with her. He helped her slow her movements while lightly kissing her shoulder.

Alice didn’t move from his lap. She stayed there, her face still against his neck, and Dean could feel her eyelashes fluttering against his skin. Even as he softened inside her, she didn’t move. She didn’t want to say it out loud, not knowing if she was weird for feeling this way, but she liked having him inside her. She swore she could stay like that all day. She thought about it and felt her pussy clench again, causing Dean to groan. “You’re gonna have to give me a minute, sweetheart,” he said. “I’m not quite ready to go again.”

“No, s'okay,” she mumbled. “I just-” She decided to bite the bullet and very quietly whispered, “I like feeling you inside me like this.”

Dean let out a chuckle that sounded more like a sigh. “I swear, you’re gonna kill me one of these days, you know that?”

“Mm,” she hummed lazily. “If you say so.” She kissed his neck, sucking a bit so she could leave a little mark of her own. “Can we stay like this today? Just all day?”

“God,” Dean said, “I would love to, but I have things to do.”

“No,” she whined.

“Hey,” Dean said, playfully swatting her ass. “What did I say about being a brat?”

She swallowed nervously. “I get spanked.”

“Right,” he said. “And I know you seemed to like that a few minutes ago, but you wouldn’t like it as much as a punishment. Understand?”

She nodded. “Yes, daddy.”

Dean lifted her off his lap, and she shivered, watching the cum leak out of her. He chuckled and reached out, touching between her thighs and gathering up the cum on his fingers so he could bring it up to her mouth. Without him even saying anything, Alice opened her mouth and sucked his fingers clean. He groaned, pulled his fingers out of her, and kissed her deeply. “Like I said,” he mumbled. “You’re gonna kill me.”

Alice giggled and scratched her fingers across his scruff. “So what do you have to do today?” she asked.

“Well,” he said with a sigh, “I have to make sure Ellen’s faction successfully collects some cargo from the airport, meet up with Crowley and some of his men on a Lucifer lead, and talk to a couple people who owe me some money.” She sighed and pouted.

“How long will you be gone?” she asked.

“I’ll be back before dinner,” he said. “We’re at Cas and Hannah’s again. Do you want to make dessert or do you want me to buy something?”

“I can make something,” she said. “I’ve got nothing to do today.”

“Alright,” Dean said.

“You think you could bring me home?” she asked. “I should have my car in case I need to go shopping.”

“Mhm,” Dean hummed, stroking her cheek with his thumb. She bit her upper lip, and he grinned. “You know,” he said, lightly pinching her lower lip, “you have a tell.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked when he let go.

“It means,” he said, “when you’re nervous about saying something, you bite your upper lip.”

“Do I really?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

He chuckled. “Yeah, you do. So what’s on your mind?”

She sighed. “Can I come back here and make the dessert? Your kitchen’s a lot nicer than mine.” Dean smiled and furrowed his eyebrows.

“That’s it?” he asked. “That’s what you were nervous about?” She pressed her lips into a tight line and shrugged. He chuckled and kissed her forehead. “Course you can. Do you remember my passcode?” She shook her head no. “091305,” he said. “Can you remember that?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“That’s okay,” he said. “I’ll tell Derek he can let you in.”

“Is he the only guy who works that desk?” she asked with a giggle.

Dean chuckled. “Somehow he’s always the one there.” He stood up from the bed and pulled her up as well. “Go use the bathroom so I can hop in the shower.” She nodded and skipped off to the bathroom. When she came back, she slid on the pair of boxers she had worn to bed.

“Do you want me to make enough coffee for you?” she asked.

“Sure,” Dean said. “That’d be great.” She nodded, stood on his tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek, and skipped out of the room. Dean smiled and watched her until she was gone.

At home, Alice decided to pack some clothes to keep at Dean’s. Mostly she just wanted essentials: a couple pairs of underwear, a pair of leggings, and some shorts. She could always wear a shirt of Dean’s in public, but she was sick of having to run home to get clean underwear after spending the night.

The rest of her morning went by in a blur. She decided on a recipe, checked for ingredients at Dean’s, then went out to the store to buy what he didn’t have. She was making another pie, this time blueberry instead of apple. Once she had all the ingredients laid out, she set to work baking. She played her music at a low hum and danced around the kitchen, smiling brightly to herself. She was at her boyfriend’s apartment making a pie for his family dinner. She wished she could take a photo of her life in that exact moment.

Alice had completely lost track of time when she put the pie in the oven. It was already almost 2:00. After cleaning up the kitchen, she decided to find a place to put the clothes that she had brought along. All she needed was a single drawer to herself, so she figured she would just move some of Dean’s boxers and socks or something. She opened some of his drawers, finding most of them filled with shirts and ties, until she found one that was empty. Empty aside from a book.

The book was square and on the front had a photo of Dean with a brunette girl smiling with their foreheads pressed together. In the corner in calligraphy was the word _love_ and the year 2010. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she took the book and sat on the floor beside the drawers. She bit her lip and opened it. On the front cover in delicate black handwriting was a note.

_A year may not seem like much, but with you, it’s already felt like a lifetime. Here’s to a million lifetimes more. Happy anniversary x_

_Lisa_

Alice started flipping through the pages, her eyes glancing over all the pictures. Dean looked so happy with this girl. _Lisa_. She could see now why Hannah had mentioned her at dinner. She didn’t even have to meet her to know that she meant a lot to Dean. Part of her hated the girl. This had been ten years ago, but Dean still had the book. He was _hers_ now, wasn’t he? So why did he still keep bits of Lisa around? Another part of her was jealous, because she wasn’t sure if Dean had ever looked at her the way he was looking at Lisa. Then again, they hadn’t been together nearly as long.

Why was she even looking at this if all it was doing was making her sad?

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Alice jumped and closed the photobook when Dean stormed into the room. She rushed to stand up from the floor. “I, I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “I found it in a drawer and-”

“And you thought that gave you a right to look at it?” he snapped. “You can’t just go through my shit, Alice!” He ripped the book from her hands, and she winced. She had never seen him this angry before, and she wished she could rewind ten minutes and prevent this from happening at all.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I, I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, fucking clearly you weren’t thinking!” he shouted. “Because if you _were_ thinking when you did this, then that would make you a dumbass, and I never pegged you as a dumbass.”

Tears started falling from her eyes as shame and fear crept into her head. Dean opened the drawer the book had been in and shoved it back in, slamming it shut with so much force, the picture frame of him and Lexi fell over. Without another word or even a glance in her direction, he stormed out of the room. When Alice heard the bathroom door slam, she grabbed her bag and went into the kitchen. She found a notepad and a pen in her purse and scribbled a note that said: _The pie will be done when the buzzer goes off._

She left the note on the counter, slipped her shoes on, and stepped into the elevator, pressing the button for the lobby. She heard Derek say something to her, but she ignored him and made her way out to the parking lot. When she got home, she immediately went into her room and curled up into bed, pulling the covers over her shoulders and crying softly into her pillow.

How funny. Only a few hours ago, she wished she could take a photo of her life in that moment. Now, she wished she could sleep for a while and wake up in another story.

-

Things had not gone well at his meeting with Crowley. Apparently, Crowley had lost one of his guys who was tailing Lucifer. Lost, as in, the guy got too close, and Lucifer shot him between the eyes. They were no closer to Lucifer than they were the last time they met, and Dean was starting to get sick of waiting.

“What chance do we have of successfully getting a guy on the inside?” Dean asked.

“You want to plant a rat in Lucifer’s family?” Crowley asked.

“I want to do _something_ that could get us something useful,” Dean said. “I’m sick of sitting here with our thumbs up our asses. We were so close to something, but we’ve just got more of nothing. How much longer are we going to keep chasing our tails?”

“Okay, calm down there Squirrel,” Crowley said, leaning his elbows on the table. “We’re going to get him. I have been toying with an idea.”

“And you haven’t shared?” Dean said.

“Because you’re not going to like it,” Crowley said. Dean leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. He motioned with his hand for Crowley to continue. “You have one person who might be able to get on the inside.”

“No,” Dean said. “I’m not sending Jack in.”

“He is a direct link to Lucifer,” Crowley said. “His own flesh and blood. That _means_ something to him. He would let the kid in.”

“I’m not putting him in that position,” he said. “He’s new to all of this. There’s a chance he’s not strong enough to stay on our side. If Lucifer said all the right things, I think Jack might switch.”

“He’s that unloyal?” Crowley taunted.

“He’s that _naive_ ,” Dean said. “He’s a good kid, and he’s got heart, but he’s not strong enough. That’s just a fact.”

“Then I’m afraid we’re going to keep sitting on our thumbs,” Crowley said. “Unless you can come up with something better.”

Dean needed a break. He had to meet up with Bart to collect some money in an hour, but he figured that was enough time to run home and visit Alice. If she was in the mood, they could even have a quickie before he had to leave again.

What he wasn’t expecting to find was Alice in his room, on the floor, looking through Lisa’s photo book. After going off on her, he stormed into the bathroom to catch his breath. He gripped the bathroom sink in his hands as he hung his head. Why the fuck had she gone through his things? That book was personal, and she had no business opening it and paging through it.

When he looked at his reflection, he saw how crazy he looked. He had acted irrationally. Probably scared her. Scared his girlfriend who had been in a scary relationship before. That wasn’t okay. Still, this wasn’t all on him, right?

He left the bathroom and found his bedroom empty. “Alice?” he called. Nothing. He called her name again only to be met with more silence. When he made his way to the kitchen, he found a note on the counter: _The pie will be done when the buzzer goes off._

He crumpled the note up and threw it back on the counter, his jaw clenched in frustration. “Shit,” he mumbled to himself. He was frustrated, but he was also annoyed. He knew he should call her, but he didn’t. Instead, he waited for the pie to finish and headed out to Cas and Hannah’s.

Dean walked into the house without his usual greeting. Quick little feet ran up to him but froze as soon as she saw him alone. “Where’s Ms. Alice?” Lexi asked with a pout. Dean’s jaw clenched, and he walked past her and into the kitchen.

“She’s busy tonight,” he answered, putting the pie on the counter. “You’ll see her at school.”

“But I wanted to see her _now_ ,” she whined. Dean didn’t say anything, so Lexi stormed away with a huff. Dean greeted Jess and Hannah with kisses on the cheeks.

“Dean,” Sam said slowly. “Where’s Alice?”

“I said she was busy,” Dean snapped. “Are you deaf?”

Everyone dropped the subject.

Dinner went by somewhat awkwardly. Dean gave short, one-worded answers to everything and started no conversations up of his own. All he could think of was Alice and Lisa.

When Lexi left the table and the adults sat around drinking, Jess was the first one who spoke again. “Alright,” she said, “what’s going on? What did you do?”

Dean scoffed. “You’re automatically assuming it’s my fault.”

“Yes,” everyone said back. Dean rolled his eyes.

“She went through my shit,” he mumbled, sipping his whiskey.

“What’d she find?” Cas asked. Dean took another sip of his drink.

“Just something of Lisa’s,” he mumbled, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “It was just some, some photo book she gave me.”

“And you kept it?” Hannah asked. Dean clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at her.

“I get it,” Jess said quickly. “She was a big part of your life for a long time.”

“I know you guys want to make this into some big deal,” Dean said with a shrug, “but I honestly just forgot it was there.”

Sam scoffed. “Right.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“If you forgot it was there,” he said, “you wouldn’t have gotten so mad that she found it.”

“That’s bullshit,” Dean said.

“It’s alright that it still matters to you,” Jess said. “You just shouldn’t take it out on Alice.”

Dean downed the rest of his drink with another roll of his eyes. He knew he had messed up, but he was just too damn stubborn to admit it. If he couldn’t admit that to himself, how could he admit it to her?

-

After a sleepless night, Alice met Christine at the cafe for breakfast. She got there a half hour early just because she didn’t want to sit in her apartment and mope any longer than she already had. She was staring at her coffee, stirring the spoon absentmindedly, so she hadn’t noticed when Christine arrived until she was sitting in front of her. “Whoa,” Christine said with a chuckle. “Someone’s jumpy.” Alice mustered up a weak smile, and Christine furrowed her eyebrows. “Who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?”

Alice sighed and sipped her coffee before speaking. “Dean and I slept together on Friday. And yesterday morning. And then yesterday evening we got in a really big fight, and I left his apartment and haven’t heard from him since.”

Christine’s lips were parted in shock. “Wow,” she said. “That’s a lot to unpack at once.” Alice scoffed and drank more of her coffee. AJ came over with Christine’s food, but nothing for Alice. When Christine questioned it, Alice explained that she told AJ she wasn’t hungry. “When was the last time you ate something?” she asked.

“Lunch yesterday,” she said. “I just haven’t got any appetite. I’m so stressed out.”

“What was the fight about?” she asked.

Alice sighed again. “I found a photo book of him and his ex. He was mad that I had gone through his stuff, and he’s right. I was totally out of line.”

“Did he hurt you?” Christine asked, her voice lowering and her eyes narrowing.

“No, no,” Alice said quickly. “He just yelled. He called-” She hesitated, knowing Christine would likely blow it all out of proportion.

“What did he call you?” she pressed.

She shrugged. “It’s _not_ a big deal. It was the heat of the moment. He called me a dumbass.” Just as she expected, Christine went off.

“Alice, that’s not okay,” she said.

“I’ve handled a _lot_ worse,” she argued. “And it was really my fault anyway. I shouldn’t have-”

“I’m not going to let you spiral like this,” Christine said, cutting off her excuses. “It doesn’t sound like you deserved what happened. There are a lot of calmer ways he could’ve reacted to you snooping.”

“Maybe I triggered something,” she said. “Maybe it’s a bigger deal to him than it seems to us.”

“I don’t think anything justifies him calling you a dumbass,” Christine said. Alice just shrugged, staring down at her coffee again.

“I really like him, Chris,” she whispered. “He’s not like Greg. I _know_ it. He flew off the handle _once_ , but everyone flies off the handle sometimes. I can’t let him go just because of that. Plus we-” She hesitated and bit her upper lip. “We slept together, you know? That means something to me.” Christine pursed her lips and breathed heavily through her nose.

“So what are you going to do?” she asked.

Alice shrugged. “I guess wait until he reaches out to me. He’s the one who’s mad. I want to give him space to cool off.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” she said. After a few beats of silence, she sighed dramatically. “I guess I still want to know about the sex.”

Alice couldn’t fight a smile as her cheeks heated up. “Who initiated it?” Christine asked. Alice didn’t say anything, and Christine playfully gasped. “ _You_ did, didn’t you?” Alice looked down at her coffee and nodded, which made Christine cheer. People looked in their directions so Alice slapped her friend’s arm. “How’d it go down?” she asked. “What’d you do? Say something like, _Sex me up, daddy_?”

“What?” Alice said through a laugh. “No. No. I had already decided that I wanted to after dinner with my dads, and when we got back to his place, he asked me a little bit about Greg.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“I guess my dad had mentioned him to him when they were outside,” she said. “He probably alluded to how much he sucked. Dean inferred that he abused me. He asked how often and how bad it got, so I told him. And he was just-” She let out a breath through her nose as a small smile grew on her face. “He was so sweet, and he genuinely cared about what had happened to me and wanted me to know he would never be like that.” Christine smiled for her friend, and Alice continued. “So I just, I kissed him, and I told him I was ready.”

“How was it?” she asked. Alice’s smile just grew as she hung her head.

“It was really good,” she whispered. “He was really gentle and sweet and kept asking if I was okay. He ran us a bath after. It was just-” She sighed, then finally looked up at Christine. “It was really perfect, Chris. Both times.” She pressed her lips into a tight line, suddenly losing her reason to smile as she thought about the fight again. “I won’t lose him,” she said. “I’m already in too deep.”

“Just give him time,” Christine said. “If he’s as good of a guy as you say he is, then I’m sure it’ll work out.”


	15. Ferdinand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> word count - 4,091  
> warnings - language, masturbation (f), oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (don’t be a prick, cover your dick)

Dean didn’t reach out to Alice for a few days, and Alice didn’t reach out to him either. When it was pickup time at school, she asked Thomas, the 5th grade teacher who had given her a ride a few weeks ago, to send her kids off, always making some excuse that she had work to catch up on. She was sure Thomas knew something was up, but he was kind enough not to ask.

When Wednesday came around, she was starting to put the whole thing behind her. Clearly the silent treatment was Dean’s way of breaking things off. It was petty, but she’d dealt with worse. Sure, she cried herself to sleep every night, but she could put on the happy teacher mask at school.

The school day was starting to wrap up. Alice was getting her kids settled down for end-of-the-day circle time when there was a knock at her classroom door. The kids all turned excitedly, and Alice put her finger to her lips. “We stay quiet when visitors come, right?” she said. The kids all nodded and put their fingers to their lips. When she opened the door, she was met with a bouquet of flowers. Well, a person holding a bouquet of flowers. Alice furrowed her eyebrows and the person moved the bouquet.

_Dean._

“What are you doing here?” she whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Surprise,” he said with a nervous smile.

“Uncle Dean!” Lexi cheered, standing up from her spot on the rug. She didn’t run over to them though, because she was a girl who obeyed the rules, and she knew you needed to ask permission before leaving the rug.

“Hey, kid,” Dean said with a smile. “I know I’m a little early for pickup.”

“Dean,” Alice said, somewhat more sternly. “What are you doing? It’s not Thursday. And you can’t just show up at my work.”

“I was trying to be romantic,” Dean said. Alice folded her arms across her chest.

“You came off more as possessive and stalkerish,” she said.

“You weren’t coming outside for pickup anymore,” he said. “I didn’t know how else to get you to stop avoiding me.”

“Well,” she said, “I have work to do.”

“Don’t let me stop you,” Dean said, walking past her. “I’ll just sit at your desk. You won’t even know I’m here.”

“But they will,” she said, nodding her head casually to her students behind her. He gave her a playful pout, and she rolled her eyes and let him into the room. “Alright kiddos,” she said, “can we all say hi to Mr. Winchester?”

The kids chorused back, “Hi, Mr. Winchester,” and when Alice went to sit in her seat in front of the students, one of the girls raised her hand.

“Nadine?” she said.

“Is Mr. Winchester your boyfriend?” she asked. The kids all playfully gasped and giggled, and Alice knew her face had turned red.

“Mr. Winchester is actually Lexi’s uncle,” she told them.

“ _And_ Ms. Alice’s boyfriend,” Lexi said. The kids all laughed loudly as kids did, and it took Alice a few moments to quiet them down.

“Why don’t we show Mr. Winchester how good we are during circle time, yeah?”

Alice and her students ran through calendar time before she chose the book for the end of the day read-aloud. “I have the perfect pick today, kiddos,” she told them. “It reminds me a lot of our special guest. It’s about a character who is supposed to be very tough but is actually very sweet, just like Mr. Winchester.” The kids giggled as she glanced at Dean across the room. He had his arms folded across his chest and an amused look on his face. She grabbed a book from the shelf beside her.

“ _The Story of Ferdinand_ ,” she said.

She reminded the students of read-aloud behavior before she began:

“ _Once upon a time in Spain there was a little bull and his name was Ferdinand. All the other little bulls he lived with would run and jump and butt their heads together, but not Ferdinand. He liked to sit just quietly and smell the flowers_.”

They finished the story with plenty of time to get coats and backpacks on. While the kids were all lining up at the door, Alice walked over to Dean. “I have to stand outside with the kids,” she said.

“Oh, so _now_ you’ll stand outside?” she asked. “I heard the rest of the week you were MIA.” She pursed her lips and shrugged. “You _were_ avoiding me.” She could sense the hurt in his voice, and it made her nervous. She didn’t want him getting mad at her. Not again.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but then the bell rang so she had to rush her students out the door. He followed the line of kids, and when they got outside, he urged Lexi to go play on the playground so he could talk to Alice, uninterrupted. Dean gave her space, letting her talk to parents and help kids on the bus.

Alice didn’t want to approach him, even when all her students were gone, but she knew she had to. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was a little afraid. She knew she had messed up, and she wasn’t ready for Dean to yell at her again. Then again, had he really shown up at school to yell at her?

There was only one way to find out.

Alice walked over to Dean. He was standing under an apple blossom tree near the playground so he could keep an eye on Lexi. She was playing with one of the boys whose mom was letting him play before leaving for the day. Dean jumped, startled when Alice stood beside him. She stayed silent as she sat on the ground, leaning her back against the tree. She had worn a [jumpsuit ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.modcloth.com%2Fshop%2Fdresses%2Fmodcloth-bold-notion-tie-waist-jumpsuit-in-black-print%2F166436.html&t=NDk4Mjg2OGU5NzI4YTAxODcyYjQ5MmMyOTA0OWVkY2E2MzY3MGI1MCxwOUVoVUp1dg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F627060264788017152%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1598021575) that day, so she didn’t have to worry about keeping her legs crossed, which was always a plus in an elementary classroom. Dean sat down beside her.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, hoping her voice wouldn’t betray her and crack.

“This isn’t on you,” he said. “It wasn’t your fault. This is all on me.”

“I went through something personal of yours,” she argued. “That’s not right.”

“I was totally out of line with how I reacted,” he said. She was still staring ahead at the playground, but she could feel him looking at her, so she turned her head. “I didn’t mean what I said, Alice. I shouldn’t have called you dumb. It was all uncalled for.”

Alice didn’t say anything. She could feel tears brimming in her eyes, and Dean must’ve noticed, because he put his hand on her cheek and rubbed her cheekbone. He was glad she didn’t flinch out of his touch. “I want to tell you why I reacted that way,” he said. “It’s not an excuse at all. I just want you to know what was running through my head.” She pressed her lips into a tight line and nodded as he dropped his hand. “Lisa and I were together for a long time,” he told her. “About two or so years. She-” He cleared his throat. “She was the only woman before you I ever told about the job, and she reacted just like you. She knew she was supposed to be afraid and run, but she stayed.” He took a deep breath and stared ahead of him so he didn’t have to look in her eyes. “Lucifer was going through a violent streak. I think it was some strategy to break me down and get me to, I don’t know, give up I guess. Turn over my weapons and my deals and money. He thought hurting Lisa would break me down enough.”

Dean could read in Alice’s eyes the concern, and it was exactly why he never wanted to tell her about Lisa. He knew how it all made him look. It made him look careless and borderline heartless. He hadn’t handled the Lisa situation well at all, and he didn’t want it to make Alice think he would do the same to her. Still, he continued.

“He got one of his men to slam his car into Lisa’s,” he said. “It was supposed to kill her, but she wound up in a coma. When she woke up-” He hesitated, clearing his throat and hanging his head. “She had some pretty bad amnesia. She had no idea who I was.” The memories were hurting him. It had been a long time since he talked about them. He took a minute to collect himself. “I figured it would be safer for her if she never remembered, so I told her I was the guy who hit her, I had one of my people go to her house and erase any evidence that I ever existed, and I paid her family and friends off to never mention me again.” He chuckled dryly. “That part was easy. They all hated me anyway.”

Dean licked his lips and took a deep breath, then put his hand on her cheek again. “Lisa meant a lot to me,” he said, “and I guess it’s hard to fully let people like that go. I didn’t want to talk about her, so when you found the book, I got mad because I knew I’d have to explain myself.”

“You didn’t have to,” she said softly.

“I _did_ ,” Dean said, “because it wasn’t fair to you that I snapped like that, and I wanted you to know where I was coming from.” He quickly added, “But like I said, it doesn’t justify a thing. Everything I said was uncalled for.”

“S'okay,” she mumbled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Dean sighed and hung his head, then looked up at her again.

“I know how much Greg hurt you,” he said, “and I don’t want you thinking I’m anything like him.”

“I know you’re not,” she said.

“I don’t like that I scared you,” he said. She bit her upper lip, and Dean pinched her lower one lightly. She sighed.

“Why didn’t you just tell her the truth?” she asked. “Why didn’t you refresh her memory?”

Now, Dean sighed. “Seeing her in danger like that? Hurt like that? Because of me? I guess I just went with the whole, _If you love someone, let them go_ thing.” Alice nodded but pursed her lips.

“Dean,” she said, “if anything like that happens to me, you cannot let me forget you.”

“Nothing like that is ever going to happen to you,” Dean said.

“I know,” she said. “But _if_ it does. I know you haven’t known me nearly long enough to even-” She sighed and shook her head. “You just mean a lot to me, Dean, and nothing is going to make me want to forget that.” He smiled, though it didn’t meet his eyes.

“Okay,” he said softly. She returned the smile. “Sweetheart,” he added, “you mean a lot to me too. And I would never, _ever_ hurt you, okay?”

“I know that,” she whispered. “I know.”

Dean smiled and pressed a kiss to Alice’s lips. She smiled back and put her hand on his cheek, scratching her nails across his scruff like she always did. Suddenly, they heard-

“Uncle Dean and Ms. Alice, sittin’ in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

They both pulled away and, while Alice blushed, Dean laughed. “We’re _under_ a tree, kid,” he called to Lexi. “And I think it’s time to head home.” She nodded and said goodbye to her friend, then ran over to where Alice and Dean were sitting. She plopped on Dean’s lap but laid down so her head was on Alice’s thighs, her hair fanning out behind her. Alice laughed and brushed her fingers through the girl’s hair.

“Uncle Dean?” Lexi asked. “Can you take a picture of me and Ms. Alice?”

Dean smiled. “Yes ma'am.”

He took out his phone and snapped a picture of the duo. “Wow,” he said, looking at it with a smile. “My two favorite girls.” Lexi giggled, and Alice felt herself blush. He held his phone out in front of him and switched it to the front camera, causing the two girls to smile for a selfie. Dean leaned over and kissed Alice’s cheek, capturing her and Lexi both mid-laugh.

“Alright,” Dean said. “I’m serious this time. I gotta get you home.” Lexi nodded and stood up from the ground, sticking out her hands for Alice and Dean to each take. They both laughed and allowed her to “help them up.” Dean got Lexi into her carseat before turning back to Alice.

“Can I meet you at your place?” he asked. She folded her arms across her chest.

“I don’t know,” she said, “can you?”

Dean scoffed. “Did you really just pull a teacher move on me?”

“I might’ve,” she said with a smile. Dean rolled his eyes playfully. “Yeah,” she said. “You can come over whenever. I can make some dinner?”

“Or I can pick something up,” he said.

“Chinese takeout?”

He laughed. “That’s my girl.”

Alice went home and decided to get comfortable, changing into a pair of [pajamas](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fus.shein.com%2FFloral-Lace-Satin-Cami-Pajama-Set-p-700262-cat-2343.html%3Fscici%3Dnavbar_2%7E%7Etab01navbar02menu14dir02%7E%7E2_14_2%7E%7EitemPicking_00821505%7E%7ESPcCccWomenCategory%7E%7E0%7E%7E0&t=ZTU2MDE3YTU3ZmE0ZDg3OTM0OWY4Mjg1YzE4NGQ1OTg1ZTM4NTk0NixwOUVoVUp1dg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F627060264788017152%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1598021575). She forewent any underwear, threw her hair in a bun, and took off all her makeup. Dean was going to get what he was going to get.

He got to her apartment with the Chinese food they had agreed upon. As soon as he got inside and saw Alice in the kitchen, he had to hold back a groan. Her bottoms were short and satin, and the top was a satin camisole. If she was wet, it’d seep through the fabric, he was sure. She turned and caught him staring, clearing her throat and folding her arms across her chest. “Don’t do that,” Dean groaned, his eyes falling to her chest.

“Do what?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

Was she really that naive?

He put the Chinese food on the counter and took two steps towards her, pushing her against the wall and kissing her. She gasped but quickly kissed him back. His hands found her thighs, and he lifted them and wrapped them around his waist, making her giggle. “What about dinner?” she mumbled against his lips.

“It can wait,” he said. “You’ve got a microwave for a reason.”

“You want to reheat Chinese food?” she asked. “You know it won’t taste as good, right?”

“I can think of something much tastier,” he said. He carried her to the bedroom and tossed her onto the bed. Without any hesitation, he kissed down her chest, sucking her nipple between the fabric of her top. She whined and sat up, wanting to get closer to him. “No,” he muttered, pushing her back on the bed. She furrowed her eyebrows as he met her eyes. “I just want you to lay back, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Relax. This is all about you. Wanna show you how bad I feel for what I did the other day.”

“It’s, it’s okay, Dean,” she stuttered back.

“Shh,” he whispered. “Just let me make you feel good for making you feel so bad.” Alice blushed and licked her lips, then nodded, and Dean leaned up and kissed her. He pulled away and tugged her top over her head. “I’m glad you took off your outfit from earlier,” he said. “As adorable as I find them-” She assumed he was talking about jumpsuits. “-they sure are a _bitch_ to take off.” She giggled as he pulled it off of her and tossed it to the side, and before he could do anything else, she gently tugged at the hem of his t-shirt. He chuckled and pulled it over his head, and she smiled and ran her hands across his chest.

Dean looked down at her, his eyes lingering on her perky nipples. He grinned to himself, and Alice grew embarrassed, though she didn’t know over what. “Sweetheart,” Dean said, noticing her worried expression. Her lips were pressed in a tight line when she looked at him. “I just cannot believe how beautiful you are.” Alice smiled and put her hands on his cheeks, pulling him down for another kiss. He detached their lips quickly, trailing them down her neck.

“No marks on my neck,” she breathed out. “It’s too hot for scarves and, and makeup never covers it right.”

“Mm, fine,” he mumbled, his voice laced in disappointment. “I’ll just have to leave ‘em here-” He paused, sucking on the top of her breast until he was sure there was a mark. “-and here-” he added one to the underside. “-and all across here.” He littered tiny purple marks all over her torso, making her squirm and squeeze her thighs together. Dean spread her thighs apart and nestled between them, noticing a wet patch had already formed on the front of her shorts, just as he suspected there would be. Instead of pulling them off, he pressed his nose against the satin fabric, breathing in with a grin. “I’ve never smelled a sweeter pussy.” She bit her lip only to gasp when he kissed over the fabric. His tongue ran across the wet patch, and she whined.

“Dean,” she said. “Why’re you teasing?”

“It’s so fun,” he said.

“’S not for me,” she said.

“Why?” he asked. “What do you want?”

“ _You_ ,” she whined.

“Hm,” he hummed, “that’s not good enough this time. Want you to talk to me. Tell me what you want.”

“I can’t,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Yes you can,” he said. He sat up a bit and moved her chin so she was looking down at him. “Big girls use their words, right?” She bit her upper lip and nodded. “So tell me what you want.”

Alice knew that, no matter what she said, she would never sound as sexy as he did when he talked to her in bed. She would just sound like a bumbling fool. “Alice,” he said, almost in a sing-song voice, “tell me, what, you want.”

“God, Dean,” she finally blurted out. “Your mouth.”

“You have my mouth,” he taunted. Now she was getting frustrated. Worked up. And Dean knew that. He wanted her to let go.

“Take off my shorts,” she begged. “Take off my shorts and, and use your mouth. Your tongue. Your, your lips. Just _please_.” Dean smiled.

“Good girl,” he praised. He kissed across her thighs. “Good girls get what they ask for.” She breathed out in relief as he pulled her shorts down her legs, spreading them apart again as soon as the fabric was discarded. “You’re so wet, sweetheart,” he said. He thought for a moment. “Give me your hand.” She did as he said without any hesitation, and he guided her hand down her front. He started on her stomach before slowly moving it down towards her cunt. He could feel her shaking, and he kissed her thigh. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “You’re doing so good. I just want you to feel what I feel.” He stopped his movements and looked up at her. “Look at me, baby,” he said. She did. “Are you okay?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yes.”

Dean smiled, whispered, “Good,” and brought her hand over her pussy. She whined at how wet she was, and Dean shushed her. “How does that feel?” he asked.

“Good,” she breathed out. He brought her fingers to her clit, helping her rub it in small circles.

“This is what I want you to do for yourself,” he said. “Whenever I’m not here, if I can’t come by-” She moaned as he urged her to push a finger inside her. “-you can do this for yourself.” He helped her ease another finger inside herself, and her breath got caught in her throat. “I know you want my mouth, sweetheart,” he said, “and you’ll get it. I just want you to do this first. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” she said. “Please don’t stop.”

Dean chuckled. “I’m not doing anything.” She hadn’t even realized that Dean had moved his hand, and she was touching herself all on her own.

“Oh god,” she breathed out, her head falling back on the mattress.

“Look at you,” Dean said. “You’re fucking yourself with your own fingers. Rub your clit now.” She pulled her fingers out of her core and started rubbing circles on her clit. Her knees bent and her legs spread as she kept up the movements, her toes curling in pleasure. “You’re right there, Alice,” he said. “I know you are.” He helped her sit up a bit and pressed his lips to hers, forcing his tongue into her mouth. She circled her clit faster as her eyes screwed close and she came, moaning against his lips.

“Dean,” she cried, her hand moving erratically as she chased her high.

“Shh, shh,” he said, keeping his forehead against hers. He put his hand over hers and helped her slow the movements. She was gasping for breath as she moved her hand and forced her eyes open. When she locked eyes with Dean, she smiled lazily.

“Wow,” she whispered.

“You did so good, sweetheart,” he said, stroking her cheek. “Now, let me eat that pretty pussy, okay?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Please.”

Dean kissed down her torso again and laid on his stomach. He lifted her legs over his shoulders and started giving long, deep strokes across her cunt. His tongue started moving fast then, fucking inside her before flicking at her clit. She was already so close to cumming a second time, Dean could tell. “God,” he muttered, the vibrations causing her to whine again, “I could eat you out all day, did you know that?” She gasped as his nose brushed her clit, his tongue getting deeper inside. When he sucked her clit between his lips, she came with a weak cry, scratching her nails against his scalp.

Once she was breathing regularly again, Dean moved up her torso and kissed her, caressing her cheek with his thumb. He broke away from her and unbuckled his jeans, then tugged them and his boxers down his legs. His cock sprang free and slapped against his stomach. She licked her lips and put her hand on the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair. When he leaned down to kiss her again, she felt him line himself up with her before slowly pushing into her. They both moaned, and Dean was quick to begin his smooth thrusts. He moved slowly but with enough force that each one ended with a snap against her hips. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her heels pressing into his ass. He moaned as she moved her hips to meet his. His cock dragged against her walls as he continued his steady thrusts. Alice moaned as he wrapped his lips around her nipple, sucking and biting when it was hard. Every time her pussy fluttered around his cock, Dean would snap back with a harder thrust. She wondered if he was holding back, if he wanted to pound into her even harder than he already was. Part of her wished he would let go, but another part of her wasn’t ready for anything rough.

How long until he got bored of that?

“Play with your clit,” he muttered in her ear. She nodded and brought her hand between their bodies, rubbing her clit just like she had earlier. “Good girl,” he said.

“Daddy, I’m so close,” she cried.

“Me too, baby,” he said. “Keep going.” She didn’t have to go much longer, because her climax hit hard. She bit his shoulder to hide a scream, and Dean’s high came right after. His cum coated her walls, and he moaned her name like a prayer. When he pulled out of her, he kissed across her face, making her laugh lightly and pinch his cheeks. He smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he looked down at her.

“I don’t know about you,” she said, “but I’m still hungry.”

Dean acted like he was thinking for a moment. “Yeah. I could eat.”

“Mm, I thought you just did,” she teased. His eyes grew wide as he smiled.

“Did you just make a sex joke?” he asked.

Her eyebrows furrowed playfully. “Did I?”

Dean shook his head in disbelief. “If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. You’re gonna kill me.”


	16. Normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,600  
> warnings - language, daddy kink

Another week went by, and Dean and Alice were back in paradise. They went out to dinner a few nights, saw a movie another, and had soft, sweet sex every night -and some mornings. The incident with the photo book was a thing of the past, and Alice was glad they could move on so smoothly.

On Saturday, they headed to Sam and Jess' for dinner. A lot of things were great about being with Dean, but the weekly dinners were easily one of the best. Since her first dinner with them, she had even started to text with Hannah and Jess on a semi regular basis. When she had told Dean all of that, he laughed. "So basically, your favorite part of this relationship isn't even really about me?" he asked.

"I didn't say it was my _favorite_ ," she said.

"Still!"

"It's not my fault your family is so nice."

Lexi was sitting in front of the TV watching a movie while the others sat around the table chatting. "Shit," Cas said, sitting up straighter, "I keep forgetting to tell you-" He was speaking to Dean. "-I know we have that no work talk rule-" Everyone groaned, but Cas insisted it would be quick. "Benny finally talked to that guy Brent, and-"

"Cas," Dean scolded. Alice, however, stared at Cas with wide eyes.

"What are you talking about?" she asked. Cas looked at Dean who was shooting him a cold glare. "Castiel," Alice said. He looked at her. "What is he having you do to Brent?"

"Who's Brent?" Hannah asked.

"The second guy I told Dean about who assaulted me," she said. "The first guy I told him about ended up _dying_." Jess and Hannah shared a look, clearly taken aback at her admission.

"Leave it alone, Alice," Dean said.

"I won't," she said, narrowing her eyes at him. "Tell me what you did to Brent."

"I didn't do anything," Dean said.

"Castiel," Alice said, looking away from Dean. Cas held his hands up, implying that he wasn't going to say a word. "Dean, you _told_ me you wouldn't kill him!"

"We're not killing him!" he said, his fist clenching on the table.

"Then what are you doing?"

"We're making him leave the complex, okay?" Dean said, his voice raising. Alice shrunk back a bit, and Dean sighed and put his hand on her thigh. She jumped a little, but he didn't move his hand. "Alice," he said. He hated that they were having this conversation in front of the others, but he knew she wouldn't allow him to let it go now. "I just want you to be safe," he said softly.

"You can't dictate who can or can't exist in my space!" she snapped. Dean sighed and clenched his jaw.

"Hey, let's not talk about this right now," he said. "We shouldn't do this around them, okay?"

"Okay, fine!" she said, standing up from the table. "Then let's go somewhere else and talk about this!" She left the room and headed outside, ready to fight. Dean shot Cas another glare before following her to the back patio. The pool lights were lit up, and there were stars littering the sky. In any other situation, Alice would find it all beautiful. But she was too angry to care.

She knew she might be overreacting, but she also felt like she had a right to be upset. Dean may've been trying to protect her, but this wasn't a normal way to do it. She turned and looked at him with hard eyes. "Alright," Dean said, waving his hands dramatically in her direction. "Go on." She let out somewhat of a growl in annoyance.

"You do realize how insane this is, right?" she said.

"I'm trying to keep you safe," he said.

"If I thought I was in danger, I would call the real police!" she said. "You know, like a normal person!"

"You know who the real police is?" Dean asked rhetorically. " _Jody_ is the real police. _Donna_ is the real police. If you called the station, they would bring word back to me, and I would've handled it my way anyway. The way I see it, I cut out the middle man."

"That's not normal!" she said. "How are you not understanding that?"

"I understand that," Dean said. "I'm just saying that we don't have to handle things the normal way because we're not normal."

"No, _you're_ not normal," she countered. "I was a very normal person until you waltzed into my life."

"Normal," he scoffed. "Right."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"You moved halfway across the country to get away from an ex-boyfriend," he said. "You think that's normal?"

"Are you serious?" she said. "Are you actually serious?"

"I guess we all have different definitions of normal," he said back sarcastically.

"Oh, and what do you think the _normal_ way to get out of an abusive relationship is?" she asked. He didn't say anything, just set his jaw. "No really, tell me," she said. "Because the way I see it, I might need to find a way out of this one."

"You're saying I'm abusive." It was a statement. Not a question.

"You're possessive," she said. "Controlling."

"I have never _once_ tried to control you," he said, "and you know that."

"But you're not arguing that you're possessive," she countered.

"I'm possessive because I care about you," he said.

"That's not how that works!" she said. "Showing up at my school because I was avoiding you isn't _caring_. It's _weird_."

"What was I supposed to do?" he said.

"Call me or text me like a normal person!" she said. "I was giving you space because I thought you needed it! I was waiting for you to reach out to me, but not at the place I work!"

"Is that what this is really about?" Dean asked. "That I came to your work?"

"No!" she said, putting her hands on her head in frustration. "It's about everything! I need you to believe that I can take care of myself! That I would've asked you to do something about Brent if I wanted it. That I already know you care about me with _out_ your possessive tendencies."

"I do know all that!" Dean said.

"Then why don't you act like it?"

Dean sighed and took a step closer to her. Not realizing where she was standing, Alice instinctively took one back. She lost her footing immediately and fell into the pool.

As soon as she surfaced, she saw Dean crouching at the side. "Shit," he said, reaching his hand out. "Are you okay?" She nodded and swam over to him. She took his hand and, with one swift pull, yanked him into the pool with her. His shocked expression made her laugh out loud, covering her mouth with her hand until he surfaced.

When he looked at her, all tension and anger floated away. "Oh, you think that's funny, do you?" he asked. She laughed some more and nodded only to shriek when Dean splashed her. Her jaw dropped as she splashed him back, and they continued their mutual attacks until he grabbed her by her waist and pulled her into him. He leaned his back against the wall of the pool and smiled softer, almost apologetically. He pushed some of her hair away from her face. "I'm sorry," he said. She pressed her lips into a tight line and hung her head a bit. He lifted her chin. "I'm serious. I'm sorry. I can let Brent back into your building if you want."

Alice shook her head. "It's already done."

"And just like that I'm forgiven?" he asked with a grin.

She sighed. "I like that you care about me and want to protect me, but I didn't expect it to be like this. It's too much to handle." Dean nodded and brushed his nose across her cheekbone to kiss her skin.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I'll try to relax." She nodded, and Dean pulled back, pressing a kiss to her nose. "I have to say though," he said. "You're cute when you're angry." She pouted, and instead of pinching her lower lip like she expected him to, Dean kissed her.

She smiled against his lips and put her hands in his hair, holding him close to her.

"Hey water bugs!"

Alice pulled away from Dean to look up at the others who were standing and looking at them in amusement. Sam was the one who had spoken. "Want to get out and join the grown-ups again?"

Alice blushed and unhooked her legs from around Dean's waist. When she got out of the pool, Jess offered her a towel. "C'mon," she said with a smile, "I'll let you borrow some clothes." She thanked her and followed her through the house to her bedroom. Sam had already grabbed some new clothes for Dean, so Jess led Alice into the bedroom and closed the door behind her. "Are you okay?" she asked, not looking at her as she sifted through her clothes.

"Yeah," Alice said, shivering and holding the towel closer to herself. "I just fell in."

"Yeah we saw," Jess laughed. She turned to her again and handed her the clothes she grabbed. "I more meant are you okay after the fight?" Alice licked her lips and nodded.

"Yeah," she said again, walking towards the en-suite bathroom. "He's just a lot to handle sometimes."

"That's very true," Jess said with a laugh. Alice kept the door open a crack so she could talk to Jess.

"He said I was cute when I was angry," she said, her eyebrows furrowed. Jess laughed on the other side of the door.

"That's sweet," she said. Alice sighed.

"I don't want to be cute," she whined. "I want to be sexy! I don't want him to think I'm just this boring kid. I know I'm young and I guess I'm naive, but I can, I can _learn_ to be better."

Alice was surprised at her own outburst, and she was sure Jess was too. When she stepped out of the bathroom, her thoughts were confirmed by the look on her face. "He likes you just as you are," Jess said. "You don't need to change." Alice bit her lower lip as soon as she felt it start to shake.

"I just see Sam with you and Cas with Hannah" she said, "and you're both so beautiful and successful and strong, and then I see Dean with me and-" She took a deep breath and swallowed the lump that was rising in her throat. "-I'm afraid I'm just a phase for him. Like one day he's going to wake up and realize he wants to be with someone who knows more about life and, and sex and he's going to stop thinking that teaching me is a fun notch to add to his bedpost."

"Dean wouldn't be with you if he didn't actually like you, Alice," Jess said. "I've known him for over 15 years. He wouldn't just keep you around for kicks."

Alice shrugged like she didn't believe her -because she wasn't sure she did- and Jess took the wet clothes from her hands. "But if you're really worried about it," she said, "maybe try to take charge."

"Meaning?"

There was a soft knock on the bedroom door, and Jess called out, "Yeah?" The door opened and it was Hannah.

"The boys were wondering what was taking so long," she said with a playful eye roll. "I told them girls take longer to change."

"We were just chatting," Jess said. "Close the door." Hannah did, and Alice felt a little embarrassed. On the other hand, she wanted advice on how to better her relationship with Dean, and if that meant seeking advice from the council, she would do it.

"What's up?" Hannah asked.

"Alice feels like she needs to spice things up with Dean," Jess explained. Her wording made Alice cover her face with her hands. Hannah chuckled and moved them away. "I told her she should take charge," Jess continued, "and she asked what I mean."

"Right," Hannah said with a slow, understanding nod. "First things first, lingerie."

"Yes!" Jess said in agreement. "God, the first time I wore lingerie for Sam he lost it."

Alice could not fathom how they were so comfortable talking about sex. She wondered if she'd ever get to that point. She hoped she would. She admired their confidence.

"Okay," Alice said with a nod. She sat down on the edge of Jess and Sam's bed. Hannah and Jess stayed standing.

"How spicy are we talking?" Hannah asked.

"I don't know," Alice said, chewing on her thumbnail.

"What if you tied him up?" Jess asked.

"And blindfolded him," Hannah added. Alice blushed a deep shade of crimson.

"You think he would like that?" she asked.

"I think it'd be fun for both of you," Jess said. "The power you have when they're tied up and can't see you? There's seriously nothing like it."

"How would I tie him?" she asked.

"Okay," Jess said, sitting on the bed next to Alice as if the conversation was now too serious for standing, "I would make him sit in a chair and tie his hands behind his back with one of his ties. A tie can be used as a blindfold too."

"What do I do once he's tied up?" she asked. "And how do I even get him to agree to it?"

Jess and Hannah shared a look, and Hannah sat on Alice's other side. "Okay," Jess said. "Here's what I'd do."

When they left the bedroom, the men were all waiting impatiently in the living room. "Finally," Sam teased. "What took you ladies so long? What were you talking about in there?"

"Just how useless men are," Hannah said.

"Yup," Jess agreed. "We all decided to break up with you guys and hook up with each other."

"Can we watch?" Dean asked.

Alice rolled her eyes. When Hannah walked past her, she whispered, "It might not hurt to gag him, too," which made Alice laugh out loud. Dean looked at her quizzically, but Alice just gave him a soft smile.

"I could go for one more glass of wine," she said, looking at the girls.

"Sounds good," Jess said.

They all went to sit down on the couch, and as the others were briefly talking to each other, Dean pressed his lips just below Alice's ear. "Good girls don't keep secrets," he muttered. She licked her lips and shrugged before ghosting her lips over his ear.

"Maybe I don't want to be a good girl," she whispered. She thought -hoped even- that her words would taunt him into letting go a little bit like he would with any other girl. Instead, Dean just chuckled.

"Come on," he said. "You'll always be daddy's good girl."

"You two are insatiable," Cas said, popping the duo out of their bubble. Their words had been hushed, their lips forever close to each other's ears, but it didn't stop Alice from fearing the others had heard her. Realistically, she knew they hadn't. She quickly started up a conversation about something else, and the others followed suit. The only evidence that her conversation with Dean had happened at all was his hand gripping her thigh and that familiar needy feeling building up in her stomach.

-

For whatever reason, Alice didn't sleep well on Saturday. Dean had crashed almost as soon as he pulled out of her, but she just couldn't get to sleep. She tried not to toss and turn too much, but by 3:00, she couldn't lay there any longer. She prayed Dean wouldn't stir when she got up like he always did. She really had no idea why he was such a light sleeper, but something about the day -or night- before had clearly worn him out, because he didn't move a muscle despite the mattress dipping.

Alice grabbed her laptop from her bag and left the bedroom. She scribbled a note to Dean and headed up to the terrace. Once she sat on one of the couches, she crossed her legs and opened up her grad school application. The more she looked at it, the more she realized it was all crap. The problem was, she realized, she didn't have anything to say. It was as simple as that.

_Why do you need this degree at this juncture in your life?_ Because I'm required to continue my education anyway, so I might as well get a master's degree while I'm racking up credits.

_What are your short- and long-term career goals?_ To be able to financially support myself and not hate my job.

_What are you most proud of?_

She didn't even have a snarky remark for that one.

Did she even have a real reason to go to grad school? Had Greg really been right all along? Maybe it was just a waste of time.

She stared blankly at her computer screen, her eyes burning against the bright light. She wasn't sure why she thought working on the essay at 3:00 in the morning was a good idea. People thought a lot of dumb things when they were sleep deprived, she supposed.

"Okay," she said out loud to herself, "maybe you just need to talk this out." Sometimes, talking to herself was helpful. Mark said she got the habit from her dad. "There has to be a reason you chose behavior analysis. What did you tell Dean?"

She tried to remember the basics of what she had said to him and wrote it out:

_Every behavior has an antecedent, a purpose, and a consequence. If I can study that, I can learn to change unwanted behaviors. Understanding people's behaviors helps us understand who they are. There's a reason one student attacks another when we're starting a specific lesson. The action serves a purpose. If I can understand that better, I can help the student more. When people talk about some students being troublemakers, they always assume they're violent or angry or loud or disruptive, but sometimes they're just the kids who don't see the world the same way we do. I want to help them, and make sure they know that just because their brains work a little bit differently doesn't mean they're hopeless._

Dean woke up around 5:30 and knew he had no chance of falling back asleep. He rolled over to reach out for Alice, only to furrow his eyebrows when he saw she wasn't there. He sighed and pushed himself out of bed, then walked over to his drawers to get out a pair of sweatpants, realizing the house was a little chilly. Alice wasn't in the bathroom, so he left the bedroom wing and walked to the living room. He didn't see her there either, but when he walked into the kitchen, he saw a note on the counter: _On the roof_

He furrowed his eyebrows and made his way to the elevator. When he got up, he saw Alice sitting on one of the couches, hunched over her laptop. The sun still hadn't risen yet, so the computer was the only thing lighting up her face. He could see her look of concentration, but her fingers were motionless on the keyboard. She must've noticed him staring, because she looked up at him. "Hey," she said, giving him a soft smile.

"What're you doing up here?" he asked, walking over to her and sitting beside her on the couch.

"I couldn't sleep," she said. His smile dropped a fraction.

"How long have you been up here?" he asked.

"What time is it?"

"Quarter to six."

"I came up here at three I think."

"Really?" he said. She shrugged. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said. "Like I said: just couldn't sleep. You on the other hand-" She said, looking up at him with a smile. "-slept like a rock last night." She scratched her nails lightly across his scruff.

"I haven't been sleeping well the last few days," he admitted to her.

"Why not?" she asked. He licked his lips with an embarrassed smile.

"I realized," he said softly, "that I don't sleep very well if you're not here."

"Aww," she teased. "You're so clingy!"

Dean chuckled and pulled Alice onto his lap. She put her laptop to the side and sat with her back against his chest. He kissed the top of her head, and she put her hands over his that were resting on her stomach. "Working on your essay?" he asked.

"Mhm," she hummed. "I didn't get very far though. I'm feeling blank about it all. I wrote, like, a paragraph, but it feels like garbage. I just don't have anything worthwhile to say." She sighed. "Maybe I'm not supposed to do this."

"Just let it sit for a while," Dean said.

"I've been letting it sit for ages," she said. "I keep moving it to the backburner like it doesn't matter. But it does. I really do care about it. So why can't I put that on paper?"

Dean kissed her cheek, and she turned to look at him. "You'll figure it out," he said. "I believe in you." She smiled, put her hand on his cheek, and gently kissed his lips. "Now," he said. "There's still two hours until the sunrise, but I'm down to wait so we can watch it."

"We could make breakfast first," she offered.

"Mm," Dean hummed. "A woman after my own heart."


	17. Innocent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 4,837  
> warnings - language, blindfolds, bondage, oral (m and f receiving), unprotected sex (you can’t go wrong if you shield your dong), ice play, fingering, squirting, daddy kink

The following Wednesday, Alice went shopping with Jess and Hannah after school. At first, it was awkward. They were, after all, helping Alice shop for lingerie, and Alice was not as confident as they were. But then, after a while, she started to have a good time. Jess and Hannah were making it fun and lighthearted, so Alice was able to relax, and the girls helped her find the perfect look.

When Friday rolled around, the plan they had concocted the previous Saturday was in motion.

The men, per Jess' request, had made dinner plans. This gave Alice time to head to Dean's apartment and get ready. Of course, her nerves made it so she couldn't do it alone. So, she brought along Jess and Hannah. She greeted Derek as soon as they entered the lobby. "Do you need me to let you in?" he asked.

"Nope," she said. "I actually remember the code."

"Mr. Winchester will be impressed," Derek said with a smile.

"Oh, I'm sure he will be," Jess said. Alice slapped Jess' arm, and the girls hopped on the elevator. As soon as they got into Dean's place, Alice made her way to the bathroom to change into the outfit. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, now wearing a g-string and stockings, and she was holding the corset up to her chest. She reached around to hook it closed, but couldn't quite reach it properly.

As humiliated as she felt, she stuck her head out of the bathroom. "Can one of you come help me?" she said. She heard both Jess and Hannah stand up from the bed and walk over to the bathroom.

"Hot damn, Alice!" Jess said.

"Shut up," Alice said, a blush creeping onto her cheeks. "I just can't get this fastened. There's too many hooks." Hannah smiled and had her turn around so she could get all the hooks in their right place. Since Alice wasn't facing either girl, she took the moment to speak her mind. "What if he hates it?" she asked, her voice sounding small.

"That's impossible," Jess said without hesitation. "I've known Dean a long time. He may be all tough and strong, but deep down he'd melt if you took charge."

"This is perfect, Alice, don't worry," Hannah said. "He'll love it." She fastened the last hook on the top and gave Alice's shoulders a pat. "All done," she said.

"Okay," Alice said, letting out a puff of air through her lips. "Now, the stockings hook to these bits, right?" she asked, tugging on the straps at the end of her top. The girls nodded. "Okay," she said again. "I think I can do the rest of this. How much longer is he gonna be out with the boys?"

"As long as you need," Hannah said. "Cas said they're just getting to the restaurant. Just shoot one of us a text when you're done, and we'll tell Sam and Cas to call it a night." Alice nodded and looked at herself in the mirror again. All she needed to do was her makeup and curl her hair. If she worked fast enough, she figured she'd be done in about two hours. Her stupid hair took so long to curl.

Hannah and Jess both wished her luck and said goodbye before leaving her alone in Dean's apartment. She fastened the stocking to the top, then pulled on her black skater skirt and the grey Led Zeppelin shirt she usually wore to bed. The skirt was just long enough to cover the tops of her stockings, so Dean wouldn't be able to see the [lingerie](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adoreme.com%2Fsexy-lingerie%2Fjulienne-black&t=ZDAwMTY0NWU5Yzg0MWFlNTk0MWExNTY4YTEyNGQxMmQzZjM5NDhjZiw2ZGRmYTUzYTcyMTQ5ZmEyZDVkYTliNjIxNDlmZTQyMjhjNzM4MWI0&ts=1598562795) under her outfit. She sat down on the floor in front of Dean's floor length mirror to do her makeup and hair. She hated standing in front of a sink for too long, so she had a tendency to sit on the floor when she knew she had a lot to do.

She played some music on her phone as she got ready, trying to calm down her nerves. It was her instrumental playlist of songs she used when her students needed quiet work time. It put her kiddos at ease, and it did the same for her.

Once she was finally ready, she sent a text to her group chat with Hannah and Jess. Jess replied that she would text Sam, and ten minutes later, she texted again saying that Dean should be on his way back to the apartment. Alice put a chair from the dining room in the middle of his room and placed two of his ties on top of the dresser so she could easily access them later. Lastly, she slid on the black heels she had bought to complete the outfit.

She heard the key wiggle in the front door, so Alice took a seat on the chair, crossing her legs and taking a deep breath. Dean's footsteps came closer to the bedroom, and she started to fiddle with her hands. When he finally walked into the room, he almost jumped out of his skin. "Jesus Christ," he muttered, putting his hand on his chest. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "Thought I'd give you a surprise."

"Yeah?" Dean said with a smile as he toed his shoes off. "Well, it's good to see you." Once he had kicked his shoes to the side, she stood up from the chair and took his hand.

"C'mere," she said. "I want to show you something." Dean looked amused as he scanned her outfit.

"You dressed up your sleep shirt," he said with a smile.

"Mhm," she hummed, walking him over to the chair she had been sitting in. "Is that okay?"

Dean chuckled. "You look incredible, as always. What're you all dolled up for?"

"I told you," she said, pushing him down onto the chair. "I want to show you something."

If there was any time to feign confidence, it was now.

Dean's eyebrows furrowed as Alice walked over to where the ties were. She stood behind him, and he was trying to turn his head to look at her as she placed her hands on his shoulders, slid them down his arms, and brought them behind the chair.

"Alice," Dean said, his voice carrying an edge of warning. "What are you doing?" She didn't say anything as she held his wrists and tied them together. He grunted when she threaded her fingers in his hair and ran her hand from the base of his neck to the top of his head. She moved her hand across his shoulders as she circled his body, the other tie still in her hand. His jaw was clenched, and she was sure she had never seen his eyes look darker. She had never seen him like this at all, and it made her feel good to know _she_ was doing this to him.

She hummed. " _Show_ you might be the wrong word." That was when she put the tie over his eyes and tied it around the back of his head.

"Alice," Dean said, though he knew it sounded more like a growl. "Untie me right fucking now."

"I don't think so," she whispered. She walked forward and sat on his lap, tugging her fingers through his hair. He groaned and fought against the restraints.

"How'd you learn to tie this so well?" he asked.

She giggled. "I can be full of secrets too." She lifted his head and pressed her lips to his, kissing him as hard as she could. He moaned against her lips, and Alice ground down against his hips. "Wish you could see yourself," she whispered, a smile on her face. "You look so hot like this, Dean. Can't believe you're all mine."

Dean could feel her lips close to his again, and he swore she was going to kiss him. Instead, she trailed her lips down his neck, leaving red lipstick stains in her wake. She sucked a mark on his neck, and he growled and fought against the tie again.

"Alice," he said. "Fuck."

"You wanna touch me?" she whispered.

"Fuck, yes," he groaned. She just giggled and stood up from his lap, kneeling on the ground as she unbuckled his belt and jeans. He lifted his hips so she could drag his jeans and boxers off his body. His cock sprang free, and she licked her lips at the sight. She braced her hands on his knees and spread his legs, then ran her tongue up the underside of his cock, swirling it around the tip. Dean's arms fought against their restraints, and he started to lift his hips. She pulled back and dragged her nails up and down his thighs.

"Sit still," she whispered, kissing his thighs.

"Alice, if you don't let me out of this-"

She cut him off by wrapping her mouth around his cock again, taking him so far that her nose hit his pelvis. She gagged slightly, and the sound made Dean moan again. She moved slowly and purposefully, her tongue swirling around him. The slurping sounds she was making were killing Dean. He dropped his head back, deciding not being able to touch or see her was worse than any torture he experienced in the past. Alice could feel his cock start to twitch, so she pulled away, and Dean practically whined. She giggled and bit her lip as she looked at him, feeling power swell in her chest. "Please, sweetheart," Dean said, not being able to see her start to take off her skirt and t-shirt. He opened his mouth to say something again, but stopped as soon as he felt her start to undo the tie around his eyes. He blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust, but as soon as he saw her, he let out another moan. "Jesus Christ, baby," he muttered. "Look at you."

Alice smiled and sat on his lap again, bracing her hands on his shoulders. She rolled her hips against his crotch, not quite allowing him to slide inside her. She raised her hips slightly and pushed her g-string to the side. Instead of sinking down on him, she gripped his cock and only allowed the tip to slip inside before pulling away again. "Alice," he said, that dark and warning tone returning. "Untie me. _Now._ "

"Shh," she said. "I'm in charge."

Dean breathed out a sigh of relief as she sunk herself onto his cock. She buried her face in his neck and lightly bit it. He moaned as she moved her hips slowly against his, doing her best not to let out any of her vulnerable whimpers. _She_ was in charge. _He_ was the one who should feel weak and submissive. Not her. Not tonight. She was proving that she wasn't just the naive girl he thought she was. "Your cock feels so good," she said, flicking his earlobe with her tongue. "You fill me up so good." Dean moaned and tried to thrust his hips up, but she just kissed his neck again and shushed him. "Relax," she cooed. "I told you to sit still, daddy."

"Alice, I swear to god-" Dean grumbled. She cut him off with a giggle and another roll of her hips. They both moaned as he hit deep inside her causing her to clench around his cock.

"Want you to cum first, daddy," she said, trying to stop the shake in her voice. She looked down at him and pressed her lips to his, rolling her hips faster as her tongue worked its way into his mouth. When she bit his lower lip, he groaned and shot his load inside her. She pulled her lips away from him and buried her face in his neck as she tangled her fingers in his hair. He was panting as she continued rolling her hips until she felt his dick soften. She let out a sigh when she got off him, feeling his cum slide down her thigh.

The room was silent except for Dean's still heavy breathing. Alice got behind him and untied his wrists, then pulled his Led Zeppelin shirt back on. When she turned to look at him again, he was already right in front of her. He pushed her onto the bed and kissed her, all teeth and tongues, with his hands gripping her wrists and pinning them to the bed. She smiled against his lips, and he pulled away. "You think this is funny?" he asked.

"I liked watching you whine for me," she said. His eyes darkened, and his nostrils flared. "What do you want, Dean?" she whispered. She could tell he was holding back, and she didn't want him to.

"Can't do what I want to do," he muttered, bringing his lips down to her jaw. He left a mark on her jawline and she sighed.

"Yes you can," she whispered. He pulled away and looked in her eyes, his eyebrows furrowed. His eyes darted between hers, searching for some hesitance. He found none. "Show me how you want to use me, daddy." Dean lost all resolve and kissed her so hard, he knocked the wind out of her.

"You say _red_ , and I stop right away," he said. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't hold back," she said, scratching her nails lightly across the stubble on his face. He licked his lips before kissing her again, then pulled the t-shirt over her head. He pushed her flat onto the bed, then stood up and looked at her. She started to prop herself up on her elbows, but he pushed her back down.

"Stay," he said. She sighed and laid back down, letting her hair fan out around her. Dean came back with four ties, and she licked her lips as she watched him take off her shoes and tie her arms and legs to the four bed posts so she was spread eagle to him. If she thought she was good at tying people up, she had nothing on him. Then again, he probably had a lot more experience. The ties didn't hurt, but she knew there was no way she'd be budging.

Dean stood up from the bed and licked his lips, rubbing his face with his hand like he was admiring his work. He reached in his back pocket and pulled out his phone. "Can I take a picture, baby?" he asked. "You just look so pretty like this." She blushed but nodded, turning her head to the side because she was too embarrassed to actually look at the camera. He chuckled and snapped a few pictures before putting his phone on the bedside table. He crawled on top of her and kissed her neck and down her chest to the fabric of her corset top. "Sweetheart," he muttered, his lips still against her skin, "I'm gonna make you cum so many times tonight." She took in a sharp breath and nodded. "But first," he said, "I want this-" He tugged at the corset. "-out of the way."

Before she could say anything, Dean gripped the corset in both hands and ripped it open. She gasped at the action and arched her back, and he pulled it out from under her. Dean surprised her by standing up and grabbing another tie. "I just realized," he said, "it wouldn't be very fair if you got to see everything when you didn't let me see _anything_."

"But-"

"Shh," he teased, "daddy's in charge now. Just like he should be." She bit her lip as he tied the final tie around her eyes.

"You know," she said, "does one man really need all these ties?" She jumped when he kissed her again, lightly biting her lower lip.

"Don't make me gag you too," he said.

Alice couldn't tell for sure, but the room got so silent that she swore Dean had left. The thought was confirmed when she heard him set something on the bedside table. What had he gotten? She jumped when something cold landed on the middle of her chest.

Dean hovered over her and put the ice cube in his mouth, bringing it over to her right nipple, swirling it around the bud until it hardened and the ice melted. He got another cube and did the same to her other nipple, enjoying the constant whines he was getting out of her. When the second ice cube melted, he grabbed her g-string and ripped it from her body, then grabbed another ice cube, putting it back in his mouth and dragging it down her torso before running it across her clit. "Oh," she gasped, her hips trying to lift and meet his mouth. Dean pulled back, bringing the ice cube back up her torso

"Sit still," he said, using her words against her. She bit her tongue, and forced her body to stay against the mattress. He took a fresh ice cube and went back to her pussy, keep it in his mouth and swirling it around her clit again. The contrast between his warm tongue and the cold ice cube were sending shock waves through her body. He let it slide into her slit before slurping it back into his mouth and bringing it up to her clit again.

"Dean," she cried, her head digging into the mattress. The ice was starting to melt, so he brought it back to her slit, pushing it past her folds, his tongue following. She cried out as he started fucking her with his tongue, and before she knew it, she came, squeezing her eyes shut and seeing stars.

Just as she started to come down from her high, Dean untied her legs so he could hook his arms under her thighs and lift her pussy up to his face. He dove in, slurping her juices up and sliding a finger inside her. His tongue flicked against her clit as he worked in another finger, pumping in and out as he sucked her clit until she practically screamed. His finger curved and pressed against her g-spot over and over again. "Dean," she said. "Dean, I-"

"I told you," he said. "You're gonna cum over and over tonight. So cum on my fingers." She did, her hips jerking against his face. He laid her legs back down, but before she could even fully recover from her second orgasm, he dragged his fingers out of her pussy and started rubbing her clit.

"Dean," she cried. "I, I can't. 'S too much."

"Yes you can," he said, his voice almost a growl. He continued rubbing her clit while bringing his other hand back inside her pussy, thrusting three fingers inside her now. She felt her orgasm building, but it felt different.

"Wait," she said. "Something, it's, it feels-"

"I know, baby," he said. "You can do it. You're right there."

Alice let out a choked cry as she came, not even caring about how loud she was being. Dean watched in awe as she squirted all over his arm. "There you go, sweetheart," he said, licking his lips as he watched her. "Fuck, fuck you're so perfect, baby." It took her a minute to catch her breath, and when she finally did, he pulled his fingers out of her. She whined at the feeling, and Dean grabbed his phone again. "I gotta take another picture, okay?" he said. She barely answered, just nodded and continued to focus on catching her breath. He brought his fingers down to her pussy, dragging the moisture across her slit. She jumped and tried to wiggle away from him.

"What, what happened?" she whispered. "What was that?" Dean untied her blindfold, and she blinked a few times to adjust. He kissed her softly, and she could taste herself on his lips.

"Sweetheart, you just squirted," he said.

"W-What does that mean?" she asked.

He chuckled. "It means you're even more incredible than I thought you were." She just furrowed her eyebrows, and he grinned and untied her wrists. She looked at the sheets as she sat up a bit and noticed she had stained them.

"Oh my god," she said, her cheeks turning red in embarrassment. "I did that?"

"Hell yeah, you did," he said. "And it was the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen. Now-" He grabbed her by her waist and flipped her over. She instinctively braced her elbows against the mattress. "-I'm going to fuck one more out of you." Dean was quick to kick his jeans and boxers off, his cock feeling trapped as it had gotten unbearably hard watching her. He put one hand on the space between her shoulder blades and kept her pressed against the mattress, then lifted her hips so her ass was in the air. He groaned and buried his face in her pussy again. He still wasn't used to how fucking _delicious_ she was. She whined and squeezed her eyes shut, wiggling against him. He chuckled and pulled away, then pumped his cock in his hand before thrusting it into her. She moaned and grabbed the sheets in her fist.

Dean had never been rough with her before. He had been very careful to not let go, but tonight, he lost all resolve. His balls slapped against her skin, and his fingers were leaving bruises on her hips. Alice's breath kept getting caught in her throat, and she swore she was going to pass out from the pleasure. Dean wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back up so that her back was pressed to his chest. They were both sweating, their bodies sticking together, but neither of them cared. He slid his hand down her stomach and started rubbing her clit. He was right there, but he needed her to cum with him. "I know you can do it, Alice," he said. "Just one more. Be a good girl and cum one more time for daddy." Her body felt weak, but she mustered up all her strength to put her hand on the back of his head and pull his lips to hers. In seconds, she was cumming again, and her squeezing his cock was all it took for him to shoot his load inside her. Once he was able to catch his breath, Dean pulled out of her. For the second time that night, he watched as his cum dripped down her thighs.

Alice collapsed onto the bed in exhaustion. Dean chuckled and brushed his fingers through her hair. "Alice," he whispered, "why don't you go to the bathroom before you go to sleep?"

"No," she muttered. "Can't get up."

Dean chuckled. "Yes you can." He swatted her butt playfully. "Go." She whined but did as he said, also using the time to take her makeup off. By the time she came back, Dean had already changed the sheets, so she fell onto the clean bed. He smiled and walked over to his drawers to get her a clean pair of his boxers to wear. When he walked back over to her, he crouched on the floor and pulled her closer to him so he could roll each of her stockings down her legs, smiling when he noticed her eyes were still closed. He started to pull the boxers up her legs. "Sweetheart," he said softly, "gonna need you to stand up so I can put these on for you."

She whined. "You're not supposed to take care of me tonight." Still, she stood up on shaky legs and braced her hands against his shoulders as he helped her put the boxers on.

"I like taking care of you," he said when she sat back down on the edge of the bed. "Now, be a good girl and lift your arms." Alice sighed and lifted her arms so Dean could pull the Led Zeppelin shirt back on her body.

Dean went to use the bathroom and change into some clean boxers, which gave Alice a chance to think. She sighed and sat up a bit so she could pull her hair into a ponytail. She felt like nothing had changed. No matter what she did for him or let him do to her, he would still treat her like she was fragile in the end. How long before he got sick of that? Sick of _her?_

As soon as Alice heard the bathroom door open, she got under the covers and turned on her side, facing away from the side Dean laid on. Dean got into bed and ran his hand up and down her arm. "What'd I do wrong?" he asked, noticing how upset she was.

"Nothing," she mumbled. Dean sighed and turned her so she was facing him.

"Obviously I did something wrong," he said. "You won't even look at me." He paused. "Was I too rough? You didn't use your safe word, so I thought-" She forced her eyes to meet his which made him stop his words in their tracks.

"I don't want to be a phase."

Dean looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. "A phase?" he asked. "What are you talking about?"

"I know I'm-" She hesitated. "I know I'm so much younger than you, and, and I don't know a lot about sex, and I know you think you're having fun with me right now, but I don't want you to get sick of having to take care of me. And that doesn't mean I don't like when you take care of me. I do. I _really_ do, but I just-" She cut herself off and hung his head.

Dean didn't know what to say. His heart was breaking. He could see how much this was hurting her, and he had no idea she had been feeling that way. Before he could say anything, she continued.

"So I thought I would show you that I could, I don't know," she said, her voice sounding so small. "That I could take charge or that you could be rougher with me and you would see that I'm not boring and that I can do more if you want me to."

Dean sighed and put his arms around her, pulling her onto his lap. She curled up against his chest, and he stroked her hair. "Sweetheart, I like you just as you are," he said. "You're not, you're not a _phase_. I may be older than you, but that doesn't mean anything to me. I've told you before, you don't have to change anything about yourself for me." He placed a kiss to her temple. "That's not to say that I didn't love what we just did and what you did for me," he muttered against her skin, hoping she could feel him smile. He knew she did by the way she cuddled up closer to him. "But it's okay if you like being submissive. It's okay if you like to be taken care of. I told you. I like taking care of you. I like how innocent you are." She sighed, and Dean could see her cheeks turn pink. He lifted her chin so she was looking at him. "You act like being innocent is a bad thing."

"When you're dating a mob boss, it feels like it is," she muttered. Dean sighed and shook his head.

"My whole life," he said, "I've been surrounded by hurt and violence and anger and pain. I never had a moment to be innocent. So when I look at you? I see someone who gets to be who I never got to be."

"A 22-year-old girl?" she teased. Dean smirked and lightly flicked her cheek. She just giggled and kissed his cheek, then his face grew a little more serious again.

"Innocent," he said. He hesitated and brushed some hair away from her face. "I've spent so much time running from anyone who could mean anything to me. Anyone who could show me that part of my life that I missed. It was just easier, you know? But then I found you, and you've-" He paused again and licked his lips. "It's like you've opened up this side of me that I didn't even know I had."

"So you like that I'm innocent because you never got to be innocent?" she asked, putting her chin on his chest.

"I guess," Dean said. "I don't know. I'm not making much sense am I?"

"S'okay," she said, drawing random shapes across his skin. "I think I understand. Just crazy that, that _I'm_ the one you found."

Dean could tell she was getting more and more sleepy as the minutes ticked on. He laid her down next to him and turned so he could spoon her. "I just really like you, Dean," she whispered. "Don't want you to leave me." He looked down at her as her breathing became more steady, and he was sure she had fallen asleep. He kissed her neck again.

"I'm never gonna leave you."


	18. Holly Berkley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 4,083  
> warnings - vomit  
> A/N - they never explicitly say how “old” Jack is in the show (I think at one point Dean says he’s born in 2000 but obvi he made that shit up) so I just picked 23

Alice woke up and rubbed her eyes. She turned her head to look at the clock and saw that it was almost 6:00, so she rolled from her back to her side, only to have her stomach turn uncomfortably. She covered her mouth with her hand and rushed off to the bathroom. She barely got to the toilet before she spilled the contents of her stomach. She retched so hard that tears came to her eyes, and when she finally caught her breath, she slumped against the counter. There was a soft knock at the door, and Dean poked his head in. “Hey,” he said, his eyebrows furrowed. “Are you okay?” She started to nod, but felt another wave of nausea come, so she leaned back over the toilet.

Dean crouched beside her and held her hair while rubbing her back. Alice took a deep breath and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe her mouth, then flushed the toilet. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess I must’ve eaten something weird yesterday. Or maybe I’m coming down with something. I don’t know.” Dean put the back of his hand against her forehead.

“You don’t feel warm,” he said.

She sighed. “I feel like crap.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “What can I do for you?”

“Nothing,” she said with a dismissive shake of her head. “I’ll just take it easy today. I gotta text Christine and tell her I can’t make it this morning.”

“Okay,” Dean said, pushing some hair away from her forehead. “I have a meeting with Crowley and my people, but I can just push it to-”

“No, no, it’s fine,” she said. “Go. I can take care of myself.”

“You shouldn’t have to be alone when you’re sick,” he said.

“Seriously,” she laughed, “I’m really okay. If I need something, I’ll text you. Or Christine or, like, literally anyone. It’s not like I haven’t been sick before.”

Dean sighed. “Alright. Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

Alice fell back asleep after that and stayed asleep even after Dean left for the day at 10:30. When Alice woke up again, she found a note on the bedside table. _I’ll be gone most of the day. It’s okay if you’re not up for dinner tonight. Just rest up and I’ll give you endless cuddles when I get home_

She smiled at the note and put it down, then picked up her phone to check her notifications. She had gotten a response from Christine, a message from her group chat with her dads, and a notification from one of her apps.

_Hey. Eve needs to know if 🌊 has hit. Please update!_

Just like that, Alice felt sick again, but for a whole new reason. Her period was supposed to have hit -she checked the app- on Wednesday. She had taken the right pills, she was sure of it. The whole point of her birth control -in the beginning- had been to regulate her menstruation cycle. She had done it for enough years that she had the whole routine down pact.

_Oh god._

“Okay,” she mumbled, pushing herself out of bed, “be a grown-up. Handle this like a grown-up. What would a grown-up do right now?” She paused. “Go to the store and get a test. Get _three_ tests. You’re probably fine. You’re on birth control, for God’s sake. That’s literally the whole point. Control births.”

She changed into some clothes and headed off to the pharmacy, shaking the whole way there. She tried to play music that would calm her down, but she couldn’t concentrate on anything except the fact that she was going to the pharmacy to determine whether or not she had a life inside her belly.

Yeah. Totally nothing to freak out about.

Alice was looking all around her as she headed into the store. She felt like she was on a secret mission or something. The last thing she wanted was for someone she knew to see her buying a pregnancy test. Scratch that. Three pregnancy tests.

She got them rung up as quickly as she could, asked the cashier to double bag it, and headed back to her apartment. She didn’t want to get the results at Dean’s place just in case he walked in for whatever reason while she was waiting.

She had to give herself another pep talk in the bathroom. “Okay,” she said, unboxing each package. “Just pee. You pee all the time. This time you’re just peeing on some sticks. Totally normal. Totally chill. You’re just aiming your pee a little bit differently than you usually do.”

She sat on the toilet and held each pregnancy tests in her hands. She got enough pee on the sticks and set them on the bathroom counter. Each stick took three minutes, so she set a timer on her phone and left the bathroom. A watched pee stick never turns negative.

When her phone beeped, her whole body froze up. She managed to shut off the timer and take a deep breath, then walked into the bathroom. She closed her eyes, took another deep breath in through her nose and out through her mouth, and then opened her eyes.

She covered her mouth with her hand as tears welled up.

One test showed a set of double lines, another the word _yes_ , and the last a simple plus sign.

“No,” Alice muttered to herself. “No, no. That’s not-” She cut herself off with a shake of her head. “Not possible.”

That, of course, was the denial talking. One test could read a mistake, but three? Three were, well, she knew there was no use fighting the truth.

There was nothing remaining in her stomach, so she dry heaved into the toilet. Nerves rather than morning sickness, she was sure.

With shaking hands, Alice reached for her phone and called the first person she could think of. The line only rang a few times before she got sent to voicemail. “Hey, you’ve reached Christine, you know what to do-”

She didn’t want to leave a message, so she just hung up. Only a few seconds later, her phone buzzed with a text from Christine: _Sorry girl. Things are crazy over here today. Call you later?_

Alice responded with a thumbs up, realizing that Christine must’ve picked up a shift at work since she couldn’t make breakfast. If things were hectic there, of course she couldn’t take a minute to receive this world-altering news. She turned her phone in her hands a few times, still trying to figure out what to do. She needed to talk to someone right then, and that someone couldn’t be Dean. Or her dads.

Then, it hit her like a truck who she wanted to talk to.

Without even really thinking about it, Alice left her apartment and headed down to her Jeep. She drove through town for about ten minutes, stopped at a flower shop to pick up some yellow carnations, and a few minutes later, pulled up to the cemetery. She knew where the grave was like the back of her hand. She used to visit the site almost every week in high school, and even though she hadn’t been there since she came back from college, she wasn’t sure she’d ever forget exactly where it was: just under the largest oak tree.

She parked her car and walked over to the headstone.

_Holly Berkley_

_1975-1998_

Alice sat down and laid the flowers beside the headstone.

“Hi, Mom,” she whispered. She crossed her legs and started picking at the grass. “I’m sorry I haven’t come by in a while. When I got back from New York, I wasn’t exactly in the right headspace, you know? And then I met Dean and-” She hesitated, shaking her head. “I guess I should fill you in, yeah?”

Alice wasn’t sure why she felt so inclined to talk to her mom. It was like she said to Dean so long ago. She never felt like she was missing out on anything by not having a mom because she never met her in the first place. What she hadn’t told him was that, for years, she had been making up for the lack of a mother by speaking to her this way. It wasn’t much, but for her whole life, it was all she had. And she took it.

She talked to her mom for nearly a half hour and told her all about Greg and Lexi and Jess and Sam and Hannah and Castiel and Brent and filled her in on how Christine was doing and, finally, told her all about Dean. “I don’t know what to do,” she said, putting her hands on her stomach. “I don’t know who to tell because I don’t know how anyone’s going to react. I-” Her voice cracked a bit as she hung her head. “I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me what it was like when you were pregnant with me and, and just tell me that everything’s gonna be okay. Because I don’t know if everything’s gonna be okay, Mom.”

Some tears escaped her eyes, and she pulled her cardigan sleeves over her hands. She heard some leaves crunching, so she wiped her tears and looked up, surprised to see Jess walking over to her. “I thought that was you,” Jess said with a soft smile. Her smile dropped when she noticed Alice’s tear stains. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I can leave you-”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Alice said quickly. “I, actually, I don’t know if I really want to be alone.” Jess nodded in understanding and sat opposite Alice. She looked at the headstone and the flowers, deciding to wait and let Alice speak first.

“She died giving birth,” Alice explained, picking at the grass again. “I guess it’s weird that I come out here and talk to her because I never actually knew her.”

“It’s not weird,” Jess said. She paused, then said, “I was just visiting my big brother. He died when he was seven. I was five. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say to him anymore, but I still talk to him sometimes.” Alice nodded and pulled her legs up to her chest. When they were both quiet again, Alice let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. Jess looked up at her, trying to mask her shocked expression.

“Have you told Dean?” she asked. Alice shook her head no.

“I don’t know how to,” she told her. “It’s not like we wanted a baby. We haven’t even been together for two months. I feel like such an idiot.”

“This stuff happens,” Jess said. “And Dean’s a good guy. He won’t be upset.”

“He’d have every right to be upset,” she said. “I was the one who said he didn’t have to wear a condom.” She blurted the words out, but she didn’t have it in her to be embarrassed. “I was so stupid. I thought the birth control would be enough, but I shouldn’t have been so naive.”

“It’s just as much on him, Alice,” Jess said. “He could’ve argued, but he didn’t. This is not all on you.”

“Jess,” she said, hanging her head, “I’m so scared.” Jess reached out and squeezed Alice’s hand so she’d look up.

“Do you want to keep it?” she asked. Alice bit her upper lip and looked down at her stomach, putting her free hand on it.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “I do.” She looked up at Jess with wide eyes. “You can’t tell him. Or Sam. Or Hannah or Cas or, or Lexi or anyone.”

“I won’t, I won’t,” Jess assured her. “It’s okay. I won’t.”

Alice scoffed. “How long can I put this off?” Jess smiled softly.

“You obviously won’t be able to hide it once you start to show,” she said. “Depending on how far along you are, it could still be a while.”

“I should probably go to the doctor, right?” she said.

“Yeah,” Jess said. “I called my OB-GYN as soon as I got positive on my test.” Alice chewed on her thumbnail, and Jess said her name softly so she’d look at her. “You know you have options, right?”

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“You don’t have to do this,” she said. “If you’re not ready or you just don’t want to-”

“I know,” she said. She scoffed a bit and shook her head. “I never, _ever_ thought I’d have an accidental pregnancy,” she said, “but if I did, I was sure I would get an abortion. I’m all pro-choice, but now-” She hadn’t even realized her hand was still on her stomach, but Jess did. “-I don’t want to. Like, that’s a little bit of me in there that’s going to grow into a person, and I want to see who that person becomes.” She looked up at Jess with an embarrassed smile. “I sound crazy, don’t I?”

“Not even a little bit,” Jess said. “I get what you’re saying.”

“But, _god_ ,” Alice continued, “I’m not ready to be a mother.”

“Would you consider adoption?” she asked.

“Maybe,” she said. “But I would still want to be part of the kid’s life. Like, I wouldn’t take away the fact that the adopted parents _are_ its mom and dad, but I’d like to be there too from time to time.”

Jess nodded. “I can be with you through all of this, if that makes you feel better.” She chuckled. “Or I can walk away and pretend I don’t know anything.”

“No,” Alice said. “I need help. I can’t do this by myself. And Christine-” She sighed and shook her head. “I think I’d rather just wait until I’ve told Dean and everything makes sense before I tell her.”

“If you’re feeling hesitant,” she said, “you can wait until the second trimester to tell family and friends. That’s what a lot of people do, just because the first trimester is-” She cut herself off, but Alice knew what she was going to say.

“I know,” she said. “Highest chance of miscarriage.” Jess reached out and squeezed her hand again.

“It’s gonna be okay, Alice,” she said. “Whatever happens, it’s gonna be okay.”

Alice bit her upper lip and let out a sigh through her nose. “Do you think he’s going to leave me?” she asked. Jess pressed her lips into a tight line, and Alice expected the worst, but Jess shook her head no.

“I don’t think so,” she said. “He’s a good man, and he’ll know that this is equally as much on him as it is on you. He’ll be as involved or not involved as you want him to be.”

“Okay,” Alice said with another sigh.

They stayed in the middle of the cemetery while Alice called her doctor. She scheduled an appointment for the following Wednesday after school. Until then, Alice decided she would just have to put on a brave face and pretend like everything was okay. Hopefully her morning sickness wouldn’t be too bad and she would be able to hide it all from Dean. “He’s not the brightest bulb in the drawer,” Jess teased. “He’ll never notice.”

-

Dean was not looking forward to his meeting with Crowley. He had gone through all possible options, and continuously came up empty. As much as he hated to admit it, Crowley was right. Their best option was to send in Jack.

With everyone -Dean’s team and Crowley’s- gathered in the bunker, Dean stood up. He was too tense to stay seated. He knew this would not go over well. Jack had already agreed to the idea, and it didn’t matter what everyone else said, but they still all needed to know.

“Okay,” Dean said, pacing around the table, “as you all -or _most_ of you- know, Jack is Lucifer’s son.” A few people (mostly Crowley’s people) looked in Jack’s direction in shock, but everyone stayed silent. “We’ve been searching for a way to get Lucifer for a long time now, and none of our plans have worked. If I’m being honest, we’re getting desperate. So-” He hesitated and let out a sigh. “-we have decided to send Jack in as a rat.” Most everyone was silent, but a few others looked frustrated.

“You think that’ll work?” one of Crowley’s men asked. “You think Lucifer is that much of an idiot that he’d let him in?”

“Everyone has an achille’s heel,” Dean said. “Believe it or not, family is Lucifer’s. If Jack says the right stuff when he meets up with him, I think he’ll be desperate enough to believe him.”

“How’re you going to convince him to meet up?” Amara asked.

“Jack has contacted Lucifer personally,” Dean said. “They’re meeting up at his bar. Charlie is hoping to hack into the security system so we can see it all go down, because Jack can’t wear a wire. It’ll be one of the first things Lucifer checks for.”

“And if Lucifer doesn’t bite?” she continued.

“Or if he calls your bluff?” Bela added.

“If he doesn’t bite,” Dean said, “we’re back to square one, but we’ll handle it. If he calls our bluff-” He looked at Jack whose expression remained impassive. “-we’ll handle that too.”

When the meeting ended, Dean just wanted to go home. He didn’t like leaving Alice alone when she was sick, and he knew she probably wanted cuddles.

Okay, maybe _he_ wanted cuddles, but no way in hell would he admit that out loud.

He was stressed, and having Alice’s arms around him, her fingers running through his hair, was like the world’s best drug to him.

When he got home, he found Alice in the bedroom, practically in the exact same position he had left her, sound asleep. He tried to be quiet as he moved around the room, opening drawers so he could change out of his business clothes. He slid on some sweatpants and a t-shirt and crawled into bed beside Alice. He was able to reach the remote, so he flicked the TV on and kept it at a nearly silent volume, turning on the captions so he didn’t wake Alice. She must’ve sensed his body beside her, because she rolled over and wrapped her arm around his stomach, tangling one of her legs with his. He thought for a moment that she had woken up, but the still steadiness of her breathing proved otherwise.

He picked out an episode of _Scooby-Doo_ that was on Amazon Prime, knowing it was something he could watch without reacting too dramatically to it. He also knew Alice would make fun of him if she caught him watching it, but he didn’t mind. Hell, she was the one who semi-regularly watched Disney movies.

Alice stirred about an hour later, and Dean looked down at her. “Mornin’, sweetheart,” he teased, kissing the top of her head. “How’re you feeling?”

“Mm, better,” she hummed. “What time is it?”

“Little after seven,” he said. “Did you sleep all day?”

“Ha ha,” she said back, snuggling closer to him. “No. I think I fell asleep around four or something. When did you get home?”

“About three episodes of _Scooby-Doo_ ago.”

Alice looked at the TV for the first time and laughed. “I haven’t watched this in ages,” she said. “I can’t believe you watch this.”

“Don’t hate,” Dean said.

“I’m not,” she said. “I’m just saying.” Her stomach grumbled then, and Dean chuckled.

“Hungry?” he asked.

“Apparently,” she said. “Can we get pizza?”

“Sure,” Dean said. “I’ll order some right now.” Dean grabbed his laptop and went to his favorite local pizza joint’s website, ordering the pair of them a large pizza and some breadsticks. When he closed the laptop and put it back on the table, he looked at Alice with a soft smile. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she reached out and stroked his cheek.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well,” she said, “you told me I have a tell, and I realized you do too.”

“Do I?” he said, somewhat amused.

“Mhm,” she said. “When you smile - _really_ smile- you get these little crinkles in the corner of your eyes. But when you’re faking it-” She cut herself off and rubbed the corner of his eye with her thumb. “-they don’t show. I don’t see them now.” Dean licked his lips and sighed.

“Just a stressful meeting,” he said. “We’re taking a risky move, and it’s probably going to put one of my guys in danger.”

“Who?” she asked.

“Jack?” Dean said, stating it as a question to see if she remembered the name.

“What’s your plan?” she asked. Dean hesitated, not sure if he wanted to tell her the details of the job. When he looked down at her eyes again -soft, innocent, curious- he sighed.

“Jack’s Lucifer’s son,” Dean said, “but they have no relationship at all. Jack lived with his mom until he was 16 and Lucifer killed her.”

“Oh my god,” Alice whispered. “That’s horrible.”

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “Lucifer was hoping by getting rid of Kelly -his mom- Jack would join his side. Instead, it completely backfired. He wanted revenge, and-” Dean scoffed. “-I’m in the business of helping people get revenge. Jack managed to track me down, and he asked if working for me would get him what he wanted.”

“And what did he want?” Alice asked.

“To kill Lucifer,” Dean said. She nodded, so Dean continued. “I told him it would take time, but that, yes, I could help him get some form of revenge. I didn’t promise death, because I couldn’t promise death. I didn’t want to sign the kid up for something I couldn’t guarantee. Still, he wanted in, so I let him. He didn’t want Lucifer knowing he was working for me, so I promised him anonymity and safe residence at the bunker. The anonymity is important, because now, Jack’s gonna go undercover in Lucifer’s family. It never would’ve worked if Lucifer knew he worked for me. He’d ask too many questions that Jack wouldn’t be able to lie his way through. So, we helped him come up with an entire fake life, and in a week, he’s gonna meet with Lucifer and get on the inside.”

“But you’re worried,” Alice deducted.

“I mean,” Dean sighed, “yeah. Jack’s a good kid, and if anything happened to him-” He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “He’s like another little brother. I’d never be able to forgive myself. I just hope Lucifer takes the bait and that Jack can keep up his cover.”

“You don’t think he can?” she asked.

“I think this is a big job to ask a 23-year-old to do,” Dean said, “and once he’s in, there’s only so much I’ll be able to do to protect him.”

Alice was quiet, the hum of _Scooby-Doo_ still playing in the background. “I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better,” she finally said, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

Dean chuckled. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I always worry about you,” she said. “And now I’m gonna worry about Jack. You’re gonna kill me with all my worrying.”

“Why’re you worried about Jack?” he asked.

“Because he was nice to me,” she said simply. “Not a lot of people were nice to me when I met them that day, and I don’t want to lose one of them.”

Alice lifted her chin so she could place a kiss to Dean’s lips. “You’re too sweet for your own good, you know that?” he said.

“I know,” she said with a smile.

When the pizza arrived, they stayed in bed and ate the entire box between the two of them. Alice hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she took the first bite of pizza. She was just glad she could keep it all down. Maybe the baby was hungry too. Did babies get hungry this early?

Early. She didn’t even know how far along she was. Her first appointment was on Friday of the following week, and that was when she’d find out all that she needed to know.

Dean noticed the zoned out look in her eyes. She was looking at the TV but not really watching the Mystery Gang’s shenanigans. “Hey,” he said, nudging her shoulder. She shook her head and looked at him. “You good?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, smiling up at him. “Perfect.”


	19. Overcooked Pasta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,497  
> warnings - language, unprotected sex (cloak the joker before you poke her), Dean is soft for Jack  
> A/N - I would die for Jack Kline and we don’t talk about his relationship with Dean enough send tweet

Alice’s appointment on Friday was at 2:30, so she had to have an aide watch the class for the remainder of the day. She said goodbye to her students and rushed out the door, shooting Jess a quick text that she was on her way to the doctor. Their plan was to meet there just in case Sam was around the house if Alice were to pick her up.

Her knee bounced in nervousness as she sat in the waiting room. She nibbled on her thumbnail and kept glancing at the door, waiting for Jess to walk in. When she did, she smiled at her right away and joined her at her side. “How’re you doing?” she asked, squeezing her arm as she sat beside her.

“Like I’m going to crap my pants,” she mumbled, running a hand through her hair. “I can’t stop shaking.”

“It’s all going to be fine,” Jess said. “Chances are, they’re just going to do a blood test, and then they’ll have you come back in three weeks for your first official prenatal visit.”

“What does the blood test do?” she asked.

“It’ll confirm that you’re actually pregnant,” Jess said.

Alice looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. “So this could all be a mistake?”

“Maybe,” Jess said with a slow nod, “but I wouldn’t think about it like that.” Alice nodded again, and the door to the back opened.

“Alice Berkley?” the nurse called. Alice felt her heart leap up her throat. Jess stood up first, and her movement snapped Alice out of her frozen trance, and she stood up as well. Just as Jess had said, after measuring and weighing her and checking her blood pressure, the nurse did a blood test. “Dr. Montgomery will be in in a few minutes,” the nurse said. “She’ll talk to you about your next steps.” Alice nodded, and Jess thanked her, since Alice seemed too nervous to speak.

Jess and Alice were both silent when the nurse left. Jess flicked through the pages of a magazine that was in the room, and Alice stared at the wall in front of her. For the first time, her brain felt empty. She didn’t know what to think, so it was like her mind shut itself off. It was the most relaxed she had been since she got to the office.

Still, she jumped out of her skin when the door opened. Her OB-GYN, Dr. Montgomery walked in, her smile kind and calming. “Afternoon, Alice,” she said, sticking her hand out for Alice to shake. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” she said, finding her voice for the first time since she got into the room. “This is my friend, Jess.” They shook hands as well, sharing smiles.

“So,” Dr. Montgomery said, sitting down in her chair and looking at Alice’s files, “you took an at-home test?”

“Three,” Alice clarified. “They were all positive.”

“When was your last period?” she asked.

“Um, it started September 23,” she said. “I was supposed to get it again on the 21st.”

“And you’re on birth control?” Dr. Montgomery asked.

“Yeah,” Alice said. “And I know I didn’t miss any pills. I don’t understand how this happened.”

“Well,” she said, “the reality is, your chances of getting pregnant while on the pill are between one and nine percent. It is rare, but it can happen. Now, we’ve sent your blood to the lab. We could get the results anywhere from a few hours to three days. We will give you a call as soon as we get the results. If it’s positive, we’ll schedule another appointment for your eight week mark.”

“Okay,” Alice said with a nod.

“Now,” Dr. Montgomery continued, “if you’d like, we can talk about your options.”

“My options?” she repeated.

“If you don’t want to go through with the pregnancy,” she said, “there is the abortion route. Or, at your next appointment, we can discuss beginning the adoption process.”

“I don’t want an abortion,” Alice said.

“Okay,” Dr. Montgomery said. “If you are pregnant, do you want to keep it?”

“I don’t know,” Alice said, staring down at her hands. “I don’t want to lose it completely. I still want to be in its life.”

“That can be arranged,” she said. “We can make sure the family is open to your involvement.”

“I was actually thinking,” Jess said, “what if I take it in?” Alice looked at Jess with wide eyes. “It’s just an option,” she said, worried she had said something wrong. “You would still be able to fully be in its life, but it could live with me and Sam until you felt ready to do more.”

“I wouldn’t want to put that on you guys,” she said.

“I’d have to talk to Sam,” Jess said, “but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Alice bit her upper lip and looked at her doctor, seeking her opinion.

“That is definitely an option,” Dr. Montgomery said. “You wouldn’t need to go through the adoption channels, so the process would be much simpler. Of course, it’s entirely up to you.”

Alice nodded, then looked at Jess again. “Let me think about it.”

“There’s no rush,” she said. “I won’t say anything to Sam until you’re ready to tell people. Just keep it in mind.”

The appointment only lasted a few more minutes, then Jess and Alice were standing outside beside their cars. “So,” Jess said to her with a smile, “was that as bad as you thought?”

Alice chuckled. “I mean, now I just have to wait for the test results, right? Waiting’s the worst part.”

“It’ll fly by,” Jess said. “And I’m just a call away if you need me to talk you down.”

“Thanks,” Alice said. “Right now I just want to sleep for the rest of my life. Is that normal?”

Jess laughed. “Depending on how far along you are? Very.”

“Great,” she said. “Then I’m going to go home and change into pajamas and eat ice cream until I pass out.”

“Living the dream,” Jess laughed back. “I might do the same.”

When Alice got home, she did exactly what she told Jess she would do. She put on her [pajamas](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fus.shein.com%2FLetter-And-Gingham-Tie-Front-Cami-PJ-Set-p-1237953-cat-1880.html%3Fscici%3Dnavbar_2%7E%7Etab01navbar02menu14dir02%7E%7E2_14_2%7E%7EitemPicking_00821505%7E%7ESPcCccWomenCategory%7E%7E0%7E%7E0&t=NWZjNTcyY2I0YTA0MDI0ZDc5Njc4ZWJkODA3ZGVmZjI5NWQ4NDJmYyxpdEJOR29aQg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F627966251101192192%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1598906703) and went to her freezer to get the ice cream she had in there. It wasn’t Ben and Jerry’s, but it’d have to do. She went into her bedroom, got under the covers, and picked up the remote to her TV. Tomorrow would be Halloween, and she was in the mood for something spooky. Spooky, but not scary. After scrolling through her subscription services, she settled for the original _Halloween_. The age of the film made it less scary to her. Old movies just didn’t hit as hard as the new stuff.

Still, she jumped when her phone started vibrating in the middle of the film. “Hello?” she said, pausing the movie and not bothering to check the caller ID.

“Hey,” Dean said on the other end. He sounded exhausted. She looked at the clock and saw that it was only 5:15.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Dean let out a heavy breath. “What’re you doing right now?”

“Just watching a movie,” she said. “Why? What’s up?”

“You mind if I come over?” he asked.

“Course not,” she said. “I’ve got ice cream.”

Dean chuckled, though it sounded forced. “Perfect.”

-

Dean was pacing back and forth as Charlie clicked around on her computer. “You got anything yet?” he asked.

“Not since you asked me a minute ago,” she said. Dean sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He, Cas, Charlie, Eileen, Crowley, and Rowena were at the bunker. Charlie was trying to tap into the security camera footage in the restaurant where Jack was about to meet Lucifer. Eileen could read lips, so she was there to help out considering they wouldn’t get any audio. Dean felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. He hated feeling that way. He rarely felt that way. He just prayed to god that this went the way it was supposed to.

“There,” Charlie said after what felt like hours. “I have visual.”

Dean sat beside Charlie as she pulled the footage up on the smartboard screen across from them. They had four different camera angles, and they could see the table Lucifer was sitting at through two of them.

“Is Jack there yet?” Cas asked.

“He should be walking in any minute,” Dean said. Just then, Lucifer looked up, and Jack came into view. “Are you ready Eileen?” Dean asked.

“Can you zoom in a little on the lips?” she asked. Charlie nodded, and she was able to get two of the cameras closer on the faces: one on Lucifer, the other on Jack.

Eileen concentrated on each angle and was able to translate the conversation:

_“Hello Jack,” Lucifer said, leaning forward a bit._

_“Hello,” Jack responded. His eyes darted around the room._

_“Do you want to go order anything?” Lucifer asked._

_Jack shook his head no. “I’m okay.”_

_“Alright,” Lucifer said with a slight chuckle as he scratched his beard. “Something tells me you’re not here for a father-son reunion.”_

_“No,” Jack said. His eyebrows were furrowed in the way that his eyebrows were so often furrowed, like he was constantly trying to figure something out in his head. “I want to talk about your job.”_

_“Ah, looking for a building investment?”_

_“No,” Jack said again. “Your_ real _job.” Lucifer swallowed a sip of the coffee he had in front of him before putting it down and wrapping both hands around the mug._

_“How’d you know about my real job?” he asked._

_“You’re my father,” Jack said. “Sons generally want to keep track of what their paternal figure is up to, even if he’s not in their life.” Lucifer nodded, taking in his words and trying to assess if he believed them. “I understand why you did what you did to my mother,” Jack said, “and I wish I hadn’t pushed you away for all these years. I want to become a part of what you’ve created. I want to embrace my destiny.” Lucifer cracked a smile._

_“You do?” he said._

_“My life has had no meaning for years,” Jack said. “I’ve been running away from who I’m supposed to be, but I’m done. Please. Let me show you I can be a good son. A worthy underboss.”_

_Lucifer scoffed. “How’d you know about underbosses?”_

_“I’ve done my research,” Jack said. “I know all about underbosses and capos and soldiers.”_

_“Sounds like you’ve already got all the knowledge,” Lucifer said._

_“Not all of it,” Jack said. “I need you to fill in the blanks. Show me how to become the man I’m supposed to be.” Lucifer was quiet for a moment. Jack sighed. “We’re family,” he said. “That matters to me.” He hesitated. “_ You _matter to me, Dad.”_

Just like that, they knew the deal was done. Jack was with his blood family, and the hunt to take down Lucifer was really about to begin.

One by one, Crowley, Rowena, Eileen, Charlie, and Cas left the bunker. Dean stayed, alone, and tried to clear his head. He found himself wandering the halls until he stood in front of Jack’s bedroom door. He hesitated for a moment, then let himself in. The room wasn’t decorated, but the desk was covered in Jack’s things. The first thing Dean noticed was a picture of him, Jack, and Sam. He picked it up and smiled softly.

Jack and Dean didn’t get off to a great start. He saw that Jack was motivated by revenge, and while he did let him join the family, understanding his need for closure, he wasn’t sure how much he trusted him. For some reason, Sam and Cas vouched for the kid. It took some time, but Jack proved his loyalty. It had been seven years now since he joined, and Dean trusted Jack with his life more than almost any of his other soldiers.

_He’s gonna be okay._

Dean picked up his phone and pressed Alice’s contact number. It only rang twice before she picked up. “Hello?” she said.

“Hey,” Dean said.

“Are you okay?” Alice asked.

Dean avoided the question. “What’re you doing right now?”

“Just watching a movie,” she said. “Why? What’s up?”

“You mind if I come over?” he asked.

“Course not,” she said. “I’ve got ice cream.”

Dean chuckled, though he knew it probably sounded ingenuine. “Perfect.”

-

Just when Alice hung up with Dean, her phone rang again. The number was for her OB-GYN’s office. She held her breath and stared at the phone as it kept ringing. It hadn’t even been four hours since her appointment. She knew Dr. Montgomery told her she could get the results that soon, but she wasn’t expecting it. Still, she knew she had to answer, especially since Dean was on his way. She didn’t want to get another phone call when he was there.

“Hello?” she said after pressing _answer_.

“Hi, is this Alice?” the girl on the other end said.

“Yes it is,” she said.

“Hi, Alice,” she said, “I’m with Dr. Montgomery’s office. We have your blood test results back.”

“Okay,” Alice whispered before tugging her upper lip between her teeth.

“Congratulations,” the woman said, a smile evident in her voice. “You are five weeks pregnant!” She swallowed a lump that was rising in her throat and put her forehead in her hand.

“Great,” she said back. “Thank you.”

“So, we’ll need to schedule your first prenatal visit,” she said. “Three weeks from now, we’re looking at the week of November 23rd. Do you have a day preference?”

“No,” Alice mumbled. “Whenever.”

“Okay,” she said, clicking around on her computer. “How’s Friday, November 27th look?”

“Fine,” Alice mumbled. “Yeah, sure.”

“Would you prefer morning or afternoon?”

“I, I don’t care.”

“Alright,” the woman said. “How’s 3PM on the 27th?”

“Sure,” Alice said. “That works. Thank you.”

She hung up the phone and pulled her knees up to her chest. She took a deep breath and calmed herself down. It would be fine. Everything would be fine. Even if Dean hated her forever, she would have Jess with her through it all. And Christine. And her dads. It would take time, but everyone would be there for her eventually.

The buzzer to her apartment went off, so she left her room to let Dean in. All she needed to do was act normal. Everything was fine, and Dean would never know anything was off.

When he got into her apartment, all thoughts of herself vanished. “Hey,” she said, furrowing her eyebrows and putting her hands on his cheeks, “what’s wrong?”

“God,” Dean said with a chuckle, “I had no idea I was this transparent.”

“I watch a lot of _Criminal Minds_ ,” she teased. “You know I love behavior analysis.”

“How’d you know?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I think I just know you.” Dean sighed and placed a kiss to her forehead.

“You’re all ready for bed,” he said, ignoring her earlier question. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Ice cream,” she said, looking up at him with an embarrassed smile.

Dean chuckled. “You’re such a child. Let me make you some dinner.”

“I’m kind of low on groceries,” she admitted.

“You got pasta?” he asked. She nodded, so he went into the kitchen to start boiling some water. Alice sat on the countertop and watched Dean move around the kitchen. He seemed to know his way around, and when he didn’t, he would simply ask her where something was. She didn’t have to lift a finger. Every so often, he would pass her and place a kiss to her lips just to make her laugh.

While he waited for the pasta to cook, Dean walked up to her and stood between her legs. She put her arms over his shoulders and played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “You want to talk to me now?” she asked.

Dean sighed. “Jack met with Lucifer today.”

“How did it go?” she asked.

“Good, I guess,” Dean said. Alice cocked her head to the side, and Dean knew right away that she didn’t believe him. It made him chuckle and shake his head. “I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, you know?” he said. “Like, I can see an end where we beat him.” He hesitated and brushed some of her hair behind her ear. “I don’t like being scared, Alice. But it scares me to think we won’t win this.” Alice frowned and rubbed her thumbs under his eyes where bags were forming.

“You’ll win, Dean,” she whispered. “I’m not a betting girl, but if I was, I’d put all my chips on you.” Dean smiled and leaned forward to kiss her.

Dean’s hand cradled the back of her head while the other rested on her waist. Her legs were wrapped around his hips, but there was no urgency to their kiss. Their lips moved slowly together, his tongue sliding against hers. Her arms were still over his shoulders, and her nails scratched the back of his neck. Maybe it was the hormones, but she swore, she never wanted to stop kissing him.

Just like that, there was more urgency coming from her end. She slid her hands down his torso and unbuckled his jeans. Dean took the hint and broke the kiss so he could tug her shorts off her legs. The cold surface of the countertop didn’t even phase her. All she could think about was Dean. Was _feeling_ Dean. His cock was already hard when she pulled it out of his boxers. She expected him to slam into her, but Dean inched into her until he bottomed out. His thrusts then were slow and smooth, and she gripped onto his shoulders to ground herself. She got lost in the pleasure, her eyes squeezing closed as she focused on feeling him. Feeling every push and pull of his cock against her folds. “Dean,” she breathed out. He wrapped his arm around her lower back and pushed her closer to him, smiling when he heard her moan in his ear.

“My pretty girl,” Dean whispered, kissing her neck. “You take my cock like a dream.” Her breaths were coming out short and labored, and she wrapped her legs together around Dean’s waist. She could feel the coil getting tighter inside her, and Dean could too. He moved his hips faster against hers, their skin slapping and heavy breaths being the only noises in the room. Her pussy fluttered around his cock, and she came with a moan in his ear. He pulled back and kissed her lips, thrusting a few more times before he finished as well.

Alice didn’t want to make a mess of the counter, so she hopped off as soon as Dean pulled out of her. She took her shorts off as she made her way to the bathroom to clean up. Her shorts were clean, so she slipped them back on before joining Dean in the kitchen again where she caught him dumping something in her trash. “What’re you doing?” she asked. He turned to look at her with an embarrassed smile.

“I might’ve overcooked the pasta,” he said.

She laughed. “How do you overcook _pasta?_ It’s _pasta_. That’s like the easiest thing in the world.”

“Well I’m sorry,” Dean said. “ _Someone_ couldn’t keep it in their pants. And it wasn’t me.” She rolled her eyes at him even though she knew she was blushing. She changed the subject.

“So what are we ordering?”

About an hour later, they were sitting on the floor in the living room around the coffee table eating Italian take out to make up for the pasta disaster. After his last bite of his noodles, Dean nodded as if he suddenly remembered something. “Sam and Jess have their firm opening in a couple weeks,” he said. “You wanna go with me?”

“Sure,” she said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “Do I get to dress up?”

“Oh yeah,” Dean said with a smirk. “Super fancy. I’ll have Jess and Hannah take you shopping. I think they’re going before the party tomorrow.”

Apparently, Halloween was a big thing for the Winchesters. Sam used to hate the holiday, but Jess warmed him up to it over time. Dean, on the other hand, had always loved it, so when Jess started throwing yearly Halloween parties, he was always pumped. Jess and Sam would take Lexi trick-or-treating then drop her off at Jess’ parents’ house and return home for the party.

“You excited?” Dean asked, referring to the party

“Mhm,” Alice hummed with a smile.

“Christine still coming?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said, “so you have to be on your best behavior.”

“I’m always on my best behavior,” he said, holding a hand up to his chest in fake offense.

“God,” she said, “that’s concerning.”


	20. Bonnie and Clyde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,306  
> warnings - language, alcohol, fist fighting

The next day, Alice and Christine met up for breakfast, as usual. Even though they were going to see each other in the evening at the party, they wanted to get breakfast anyway since they missed the week before. Plus, Alice wanted to prep Christine for meeting Dean, because even though she told Dean to be on his best behavior, it was Christine she was worried about.

“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times,” Alice said, “Dean’s really nice, so you have to be nice to him.”

“I will, I will,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “I’m just going to grill him on his intentions until he breaks.”

“Christine,” Alice whined.

“I’m joking, geez,” Christine laughed. “I know he means a lot to you. I swear I’ll play nice.”

“And,” Alice added, “don’t talk about his job, okay? I’m pretty sure everyone who’s there is going to be part of the family, but I don’t want to take any chances. Plus, I don’t even know if you’re supposed to know about it.”

“Well, you just eliminated my opening line,” she said. “ _Hey Dean, you kill anyone lately?_ ”

“Hilarious,” Alice said.

“Does he have any cute workers?” she asked. “Any who are more around _our_ age?”

“Mm, Jack probably won’t be there,” she said. “Kevin’s kind of cute in like a nerdy-secretly-sexy way.”

“I could be into that,” she said.

“Is your only goal to get laid?” Alice asked.

Christine shrugged. “Not everyone has hot ass on tap.”

After breakfast, Alice headed back home. She only had about an hour before she was going to go shopping with Hannah and Jess. She got a text from Jess that read, _Making a Starbucks run. You want anything?_

While she had just had coffee at breakfast with Christine, she couldn’t turn down Starbucks. She told Jess what she wanted, thanked her, and in about a half hour, Jess texted that they had arrived. Christine headed down to the car, waving at the girls as soon as they could see her.

“Hey girlie,” Jess said. “Your venti iced caramel macchiato.”

“Thank you, thank you,” she said, taking the drink. “So where are we shopping?”

“There’s a designer dress shop about an hour away,” Hannah explained. “You alright for a bit of a road trip?”

“Sure!” Alice said.

Their ride was filled with crowd pleasing classics -“Born in the USA”, “Rocket Man”, and the likes- and random chit chat about how everyone was doing. Jess didn’t bring up the pregnancy -just as she said she wouldn’t- but it was hard for Alice not to talk about it when it was the biggest event of her life at the present time.

When they got to the dress shop, Alice already saw dresses in the window that she liked. She was glad Dean offered to pay for whatever she got. Even though she didn’t like him spending excessive amounts of money on her, she loved the idea of being able to dress up in something designer.

“How fancy is this event?” Alice asked, running her fingers over the fabric of the dresses. “Are we talking ball gowns?”

Jess chuckled. “Not _that_ fancy. Maybe a-line? Trumpet? Column?”

“So floor length?” she clarified.

“You could do tea length,” she said. “High-low.”

“Got it,” Alice said with a nod. “So lots of options.”

“Exactly,” Hannah said. “So let’s get to it.”

The shop may’ve been small, but it was chock full of dresses. They were there for at least an hour before they finally were all settled on what they were going to buy. Alice stood in front of the mirror in the dress and stared at her reflection. It was a high-low, asymmetrical [dress](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fsaiid-kobeisy.com%2Fcollections%2Fevening-dresses%2Fproducts%2Frtwfw19-20-13&t=NjBmZDRlM2U4M2Y1ODg2MTc4ZDA2NjgyMjE1MTgwMjcwODBhMGMwMCx6bVIxVHRTNA%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F628147446767403008%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1599234415) with long sleeves and floral embroidery all across the torso and arms. She put her hands on her stomach and smoothed down the skirt.

“You look beautiful,” Hannah said, her eyes meeting Alice’s in the mirror. Jess was at the counter talking to the worker. Alice smiled.

“Thanks,” she said. “Don’t really feel like myself.”

Hannah chuckled. “I didn’t either the first time I got to dress like this.”

“How long before you got used to it?” she asked.

“I’m still not sure I am,” she said. Alice chuckled, then looked at her reflection again. “It suits you though,” she added. Alice turned to face her.

“What does?” she asked.

“This life,” Hannah said. “You take it all in stride. It’s admirable. A lot of people can’t handle it.”

“How do you?” she asked. “Handle it, I mean.”

While she loved talking to Jess, and she knew she once had experience as a mobster’s wife, Hannah was in it then. Hannah thought for a moment. “It was hard for a while,” she admitted, “mostly because of my job. I was already a councilwoman when I met Castiel. I felt like I was betraying everything I stood for if I was with him.”

“But you don’t feel that way anymore?”

Hannah shrugged. “I have lines I won’t cross for him, and for the most part I just try to stay in the dark with what he does.”

“And that works?” Alice asked.

Hannah nodded. “Yeah. We make it work. I decided that who Castiel is was more important to me than what he does for a living.”

Alice nodded in understanding, then looked at her reflection one final time. “Yeah,” she whispered. “I get that too.”

-

Alice and Christine got ready for the party together at Alice’s apartment. She told Dean she’d meet him there so that she could ride separately with Christine. Christine was going to the party dressed as a fortune teller. Her make-up and costume were both perfect and very much fit her aesthetic. Alice and Dean were going as Bonnie and Clyde, so Alice pretty much raided every thrift store in a 30 mile radius before she found all the right pieces.

Christine insisted on pregaming a bit before heading to the party, and Alice didn’t care one way or another. She was posing as DD for the night, so she didn’t need to come up with some bogus reason why she wasn’t drinking. Christine was two jager shots in when she was finally ready to go. She was the perfect amount of tipsy to let go of her inhibitions for the start of the party.

When they got to Sam and Jess’, it looked like everyone was already there from the amount of cars in the driveway. Alice was really excited. Halloween was a fun holiday, and any excuse to finally introduce Christine to Dean, she was game. She may’ve been nervous, but more than anything, she was ready. It was high time her boyfriend met her best friend.

Music was playing throughout the house when they walked inside, and Jess had really gone all out with decorations. “Alice!” She turned when she heard Jess’ voice, then smiled as the girl jogged over to her. She was wearing black pants, a white button-up, a black bralette, and a jet-black, pixie cut wig. The trickle of fake blood on her nose made it clear that she was Mia Wallace from _Pulp Fiction_. She could only assume Sam was somewhere dressed as Vincent.

“Hey,” Alice said, accepting the hug Jess was offering her. “Jess, this is my best friend, Christine.”

“It’s great to meet you,” Christine said. Jess smiled and pulled her in for a hug too.

“You too,” she said. “Your costume is great.”

“Thanks,” Christine said.

“Well, come on in,” she said. “Alice, Dean is in the kitchen.”

“Duh,” she said. “Wherever the drinks are, Dean’s not too far away.”

The three of them walked through the house, and Alice could see Dean had her back to her -she’d recognize that perky butt anywhere- and she smiled to herself. She snuck up behind him and put her hands over his eyes. “There’s no escaping now, Clyde,” she said to him. Dean laughed and turned, holding Alice at arm’s length.

“Well, don’t you look beautiful, Bonnie,” he said back. She stood on her tiptoes and placed a kiss to his lips. When they parted, Alice turned and looked at Christine again.

“Christine, this is Dean,” she said. “Dean, this is Christine.” Dean stuck his hand out to her.

“It’s great to meet you,” he said. “Alice has told me a lot about you.”

“Same here,” Christine said, taking his hand and shaking it. When they both dropped their hands, Dean wrapped his arm around Alice’s waist. She leaned into him, resting her hand on his stomach.

“Where’re Cas and Hannah?” she asked. “And Sam?”

“They’re all around here somewhere,” Dean said. “Might be playing games in the other room.”

“You’ve got games?” Alice asked Jess.

“Duh,” she said. “Grab your drinks, and I’ll show you.”

They had beer pong going outside on the patio, some people playing cards in the kitchen, and they even had a karaoke machine set up. Bobby and Rufus were singing a very drunken rendition of “The Gambler.”

It looked like everyone -save Jack- from Dean’s family was there, plus some people that must’ve worked with Jess and Sam that she didn’t recognize. When Alice talked to Claire and Jody, she introduced her to her other adopted daughter-

“Alex?” Christine said with wide eyes.

“Oh my god,” Alex said with a laugh. “Hey!”

“You guys know each other?” Jody asked.

“We work at the hospital together,” Christine explained. Alice was thrilled that Christine knew -and clearly got along with- someone at the party, because it relieved some of the tension she had, worrying that Christine wouldn’t have a good time or would need Alice to babysit her the whole night. Then again, Christine could make fun anywhere. Even if she hadn’t known anyone, she would’ve made a friend eventually.

When Christine met Kevin, things seemed to actually spark between the two of them. Alice didn’t know if he was her mister right or her mister right now, but regardless, Christine seemed happy, and that was all she wanted for her friend that night.

The party was a blast. Dean was the master at beer pong, though Alice stopped being his partner when she realized all she did was bring him down. With Sam, the duo was unstoppable. While it was fun to watch them, she did get sick of standing by and being his cheerleader. She walked over to him and placed a kiss to his cheek before he started another round. “I’m gonna go sit and talk to Charlie for a while,” she said. “I’ll cheer you on from over there.”

“Okay,” Dean said, flashing her a smile. He kissed her forehead, and she smiled back and headed over to join Charlie and Dorothy on the couch. Dorothy was -ironically- dressed as Dorothy from _The Wizard of Oz_. Her great-great-grandfather was actually the author of the book. Charlie was dressed as, she assumed, the brainless scarecrow from the tale.

They talked for a while until Sam and Dean challenged Dorothy and Charlie to a round of beer pong. Alice rolled her eyes but waved them away with a laugh. She made her way to the kitchen to get herself another glass of water. Only one other person was in the kitchen, and she didn’t recognize him. He was around Sam’s age, and he was dressed in a basketball uniform. “Hey,” he said with a smile. “You must be the Bonnie to Dean’s Clyde.”

“Yeah,” she said with a laugh. “That’d be me. I’m Alice.”

“Jaden,” he said. They shook hands, and he picked up a cup. “Can I make you a drink?”

“Nah, I’m DD,” she said. “I’m just grabbing some more water.”

“Taking one for the team, yeah?” he said.

“Well, someone’s gotta do it.” He smiled, and she poured herself some more water. “You work with Sam and Jess?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said with a nod, pouring himself some of the punch that was in the bowl. “They’re offering me a spot in their firm so I can get out of the biglaw.”

“You gonna take it?” she asked.

“Probably,” he said. “Pay won’t be as good, but I am pretty sick of these corporate jagoffs.” She laughed and leaned her back against the counter. “What do you do?” he asked.

“I’m a first grade teacher,” she said. “I actually teach Sam and Jess’ daughter.”

“Lexi?” he said with a smile.

“Mhm,” she hummed.

“She’s a sweet kid,” he replied.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “She’s great. Most of my kids are.”

“Most?”

“Well,” she laughed, “not every kid’s an angel.”

He laughed and nodded. “You got that right.” She cocked her head to the side.

“You have any kids?” she asked.

“Not that I know of.”

They both laughed, but Alice’s was cut short when someone put their hand on her shoulder. She turned and saw Dean. She could tell by the tenseness in his jaw that he was pissed. “Hey, Dean,” she said, giving him a smile in an attempt to get him to relax. It didn’t work. What was he so angry about?

“Why don’t you go make some friends somewhere else?” Dean said to Jaden.

“Dean,” she said, furrowing her eyebrows at him.

“Can’t you let your girlfriend speak for herself?” Jaden said, raising his eyebrows in slight amusement. “We were having nice conversations before you-”

“I’m only going to say this one more time,” Dean said, his voice low. “Walk. Away.”

“Dean,” she said again, putting her hand on his arm and squeezing it. He ignored her.

“It’s alright, Alice,” Jaden said with a smile. “You don’t have to act like you have a say in your relationship.”

Without a beat, Dean punched Jaden in the jaw. “Dean!” Alice shouted. Dean ignored her as he shoved Jaden against the fridge. A few people who were standing around outside heard the commotion and ran into the house. Christine, Kevin, Bobby, and Jody were among them. Christine grabbed Alice’s bicep and pulled her away from Dean as Bobby grabbed Dean and pulled him off of Jaden.

A lump grew in Alice’s throat as she turned to look at Christine. “I want to leave,” she whispered to her. Without question, Christine nodded and put her arm around Alice’s waist, and the two of them pushed through the crowd of people and towards the front door.

“Alice, are you okay?” Christine said as they walked towards the car.

“I just want to leave,” Alice said again. Christine nodded and hopped in the passenger side while Alice got behind the wheel. As she started the car, her phone started vibrating in her bra. She pulled it out and saw it was Dean, so she hung up and tossed it in the backseat. “Can we go to your house?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Christine said. “Yeah, of course.”

Most of the drive was quiet with the exception of Alice’s phone vibrating continuously on the backseat. Alice could feel tears pooling in her eyes, but she refused to break. “Alice,” Christine said. “Can you tell me what happened?” Alice scoffed as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

“He can be so frustrating!” she said. “I was just talking to this guy, and Dean came over and lost it. He’s so possessive! I don’t understand why he’s like that!”

“Did he hit you?” she asked.

“No,” she replied quickly. “He would never.”

“Then why are we going to my house?” she asked.

“I just don’t want to see him,” she said. “And I know that he’ll come to my house to talk to me.” Christine nodded, and the rest of the ride was spent in silence.

-

When Bobby pulled Dean off Jaden, Jody grabbed Jaden and took him into another room. Dean’s chest was heaving, and his jaw was still clenched. “What the hell is the matter with you?” Bobby said, giving Dean’s shoulders a shake.

That was the thing with Bobby. Dean may’ve been his boss, but he did help raise the kid, so he was allowed to put him in his place like that.

That didn’t mean Dean liked it.

“Get the hell off me!” he shouted, pushing Bobby’s chest. He looked past the man, and his shoulders dropped. “Where’d Alice go?”

“Where the hell do you think?” he snapped. “She left, ya idjit.”

“And no one stopped her?” he said.

“She’s a grown woman, Dean!” Bobby said. “She can do what she wants. It’s about time you wake up and realize that before she leaves your ass.”

Dean let out a frustrated breath and pushed past Bobby, then ran out to the front of the house. Alice’s car was already gone. He called her phone, praying she would pick up. It only rang a few times before she sent him to voicemail. “Dammit!” he shouted. He figured she wouldn’t pick up, but he still tried again. And again. And again. When she didn’t pick up the final time, he let out a frustrated shout and threw the phone across the yard. He sat on the ground and put his elbows on his knees, hanging his head in frustration.

Fine. If she wasn’t going to pick up the phone, he had a car. He’d go right to the source.

He got in his car and drove off to Alice’s apartment. It took him about half the time considering how fast he was driving. He wanted to beat her there, and when he arrived, he didn’t see her Jeep, so he knew he had. He figured he’d wait in the parking lot for her.

After thirty minutes, he knew she wasn’t coming. His next best guess was that she was at Christine’s house, but he had no idea where that was. He had plenty of connections that could get him the address -Donna and Jody had legal access to databases, and Charlie could hack them- but he knew none of them would get the information without probable cause, no matter how hard he pushed it. Damn his soldiers for having consciences, and damn himself for not being more of a hardass. Sometimes he wished he was more like Crowley.

 _Sometimes_.

Dean rested his head on his steering wheel and sighed. Alright. How was he going to make this one better? Maybe he needed to give her time and space, like she had given him when he was mad about Lisa. She couldn’t be mad at him forever, right?

-

Alice stared at herself in Christine’s bathroom mirror as she brushed her hair. Her eyes were blank, and she wasn’t really seeing her own reflection. Her hands moved on their own accord as she thought about what happened at the party.

_“You don’t have to act like you have a say in your relationship.”_

The anger in Dean’s eyes when he punched Jaden had legitimately scared her. She knew Dean could be violent. Hell, practically his entire job revolved around murdering people. She was just sick of him hurting people in her name. How long until he lost control and hurt her too?

The knock at the bathroom door made Alice jump. “You okay in there?” Christine asked. Alice cleared her throat and put the hairbrush down, then opened the door causing Christine to step back.

“I’m fine,” Alice told her with a tight smile. “Just tired.”

“Do you want to talk-”

“I want to go to bed,” she said firmly. Christine pressed her lips into a line and nodded.

“Okay,” she whispered.

The girls shared Christine’s queen bed, just as they had during every sleepover when they were kids, and Alice pulled the covers over her shoulders. “Goodnight, Alice,” Christine whispered.

“Night, Chris,” Alice mumbled back.

She turned on her side, facing away from Christine, and allowed some silent tears to fall as she drifted off to sleep.


	21. Run Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,516  
> warnings - none  
> A/N - when I wrote this I had just watched Ben Platt’s Netflix concert (it’s so good don’t even start with me) so if ya’ll don’t listen to him you’re missing out for real

When Alice got to school on Monday, she stopped in the main office to talk to the secretary, Joy. “Hey,” she said, giving the lady a smile. “Remember that man who came a few weeks ago? He brought me flowers? Signed in as Dean Winchester?”

“Mhm,” Joy hummed, her smile widening. “Handsome guy.”

“Yeah,” Alice said. “Um, he might try and stop by again. If he does, please don’t let him in.”

Joy’s face changed to an expression of concern. “Is he dangerous?”

“No, no, it’s not that,” she said. “He just-” She hesitated, then sighed. “We’re in the middle of a fight, and I know he might try and come talk to me. I’m just not ready.” Joy nodded in understanding and gave Alice a sympathetic smile. Alice thanked her and headed off to her classroom.

There were three sets of doors visitors had to go through before they got into the building. First they had to buzz into the main building and state their business to the camera, then they had to buzz into the office and sign in before they could finally be buzzed into the school itself. Realistically, all a person had to do was say the right thing, and no one would bat an eye. Alice was sure Dean could say, “I’m Alice Berkley’s boyfriend, and she’s expecting me for a visit,” and Joy wouldn’t think twice. It wasn’t that Joy was dumb at all. Dean was charming and didn’t appear threatening, especially since he’d probably been seen around the school before picking up Lexi. If he didn’t set off any of the metal detectors, he was just a man with a kind smile and a bouquet of flowers.

Alice made sure Joy knew everyday for over a week not to let Dean in, and Thomas agreed to send her kids off again at the end of the day. She definitely owed him a few favors with everything he had done for her thus far that year.

Over a week had gone by since the party, but Alice still hadn’t contacted Dean. He hadn’t reached out either. She had no idea if he had been coming to pick Lexi up or not, but he hadn’t been texting her. Just like their last fight, she wondered if they were done. Even though she knew this time, she needed to be the one to reach out, she couldn’t get herself to do it. Every time she considered picking up her phone, she would picture Dean throwing a punch at Jaden, and she would set it down again.

She was sitting at her desk, looking over the kids’ spelling tests, when there was a knock at her door frame. She looked up and saw Thomas. “Hi,” she said with a small smile and a sigh. “Thanks for taking the kids out again.”

He chuckled. “You don’t have to thank me every time.”

“I know, I know,” she said. “I just appreciate it.” Thomas nodded and walked into the room, propping himself up against one of the tables.

“How’re you doing?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” she asked. “I’m fine.”

“Ah, ah,” he said, holding his hand up. “Remember, my daughter’s your age. I’ve heard the _I’m fine_ lie enough to sniff it out.” Alice scoffed and shook her head.

“Just petty boyfriend troubles,” she said, “and I’m not good at confrontation.”

“You plan on hiding in here forever?” he asked.

“Can I?” she asked with a sad smile.

He scoffed. “I’m afraid not.”

Alice slammed her head against the keyboard which made Thomas laugh again. “Why didn’t you ever set me up with your son?” Alice asked him, looking up at him.

“Ah, that would be because he’s gay,” Thomas said.

“Right,” she said with a nod. “Small detail.”

Thomas smiled. “So how’d the fella do you wrong?”

She sighed. “He’s just a jealous guy. I’m trying to go easy on him. He hasn’t had the greatest life, and I think he’s just afraid of losing people. In fact, I _know_ he is. I just wish he could express himself in a way that wasn’t so aggressive.” Quickly, she added, “He doesn’t hit me or anything. He never would. He just-” She sighed again. “He’s really complicated.”

“Well,” Thomas said, standing up from the table he was perched on and walking over to her. He clapped her on the shoulder. “If true love was easy, we’d all have it.”

Those were the words that kept running through Alice’s head that night. _If true love was easy, we’d all have it_. If this was what love was like, she wasn’t sure she wanted it. Being with Dean was fun, and most of the time he was sweet and caring, but the few times that he wasn’t were what she didn’t want. Was she not deserving of a healthy, normal relationship? Had Christine been right all along? Was Dean textbook toxic? Had she just been blind to his charm? Was it inevitable that he would end up hurting her?

On Tuesday, Alice was sitting in her classroom after school again when there was another knock at her door. She looked up, expecting it to be Thomas. Instead, it was Jess and Lexi. “Hey,” Jess said, giving Alice a smile.

She sighed. “Hey.”

“Don’t look so thrilled to see me,” Jess teased.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she said, standing up and walking over to Jess. She pulled her in for a hug.

“Lexi, you wanna go play while me and Ms. Alice talk?” Jess asked her.

“Can’t I listen to big girl talk?” she pouted.

“Mm, not today, sweetie,” Jess said, kissing her daughter on the head.

“You can go grab your chromebook if you want,” Alice offered. “Watch some videos.” Lexi nodded and did as Alice suggested. Alice knew she’d grab headphones, which meant she could talk to Jess without any fear of Lexi overhearing.

“Talk to me,” Jess urged her, pulling up one of the adult-sized chairs to sit beside Alice. “I only heard that Bobby had to pull Dean off of Jaden.”

Alice explained what had led up to Dean’s outburst, and Jess sighed when she finished. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I get why you’re mad.”

Alice sighed and asked the question she had been mulling over for a while. “Was he like this with Lisa?” Jess looked at her and sighed as well.

“No,” she said. “Not really.”

“Then why is he like this with me?” she huffed. “I don’t understand.”

“Well, you’re not Lisa,” she said. “He’s not going to treat you like you are.”

“But why does he have to baby me?” she asked. “If it’s because of our age difference-” She hesitated. “-I need to know if that’s something he’s ever going to get over. Because I can’t do this forever.”

“He just wants to keep you safe,” Jess said. “Try to go easy on him.”

“I won’t let him keep beating people up to _protect me_ ,” she said, putting quotes around the last two words. “I’m done with men who think violence is essential in a relationship.” Jess was quiet, and Alice ran her hands through her hair in frustration. “Jess, do you think he’ll ever hurt me?” she whispered.

“No,” Jess said without hesitation. “Never. Don’t think like that.”

“I can’t help it,” Alice sighed. “I’m so-” She paused. “Dean knows how bad my last relationship was, but he still does the things he does. I don’t want to be afraid of him, but-”

“You should talk to him about this,” Jess said. “If he knew you felt this way-”

“What about that fight we had at your house?” she said. “It was over the same thing. The whole Brent thing, remember? It was the same thing. I told him I didn’t like how possessive he was, but it didn’t phase him. So he knows, but he doesn’t care.”

“I’m sure he cares,” Jess said. “Dean’s just-”

“Complicated,” she finished. “I know.”

“I’m not saying how he acts is justifiable,” Jess said.

“No, I know,” Alice said. With another sigh, she added, “I just want him to understand what he’s done and why I feel how I do and say he’s sorry.”

“I know,” Jess said. “I understand.”

-

Dean was alone at home taking a sip of yet another glass of whiskey when his phone rang. The sun had already set, but it wasn’t too late yet. Still, he was a little surprised to see it was Jess. Jess didn’t call him very often. If he did, it was almost always related to Lexi. He picked up quickly. “Hey,” he said. “Is everything okay?”

“Depends on your definition,” Jess said on the other end.

“What does that mean?” Dean asked, leaning back on the couch. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew this tone of voice. He was in for a lecture.

“I just saw Alice,” she said. He sat up a little straighter.

“Where?” he asked.

“I picked Lexi up,” she said. “They let me in.”

“Of course they did,” he muttered. “She must have me on some no-fly list.”

“Because you scared her, Dean,” Jess said. “She’s not ready to face you yet.”

“God, I know I messed up,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I’m just working on how I can make it better.”

“I get it,” Jess said. “Just know that I think she’s ready to talk to you, but you’re probably going to have to be the one to initiate it.”

When Dean got off the phone with Jess, he finished off his glass of whiskey and sighed. He was sorry. He really was. All he needed was a big, grand gesture to prove it to her.

And so, the wheels started turning.

-

On Friday, Alice got home after school and checked her mail. She didn’t have anything in the box, but there was a package with her name on it on the ground. She furrowed her eyebrows and picked it up, searching for the address label. There was none. While she knew that probably should’ve raised a few red flags, she took the box anyway and headed up stairs.

She crossed into the threshold and dropped her keys and the box on the counter. She slowly started to open it and found a black [jumpsuit](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.lulus.com%2Fproducts%2Ftied-and-true-black-tie-back-culotte-jumpsuit%2F694672.html&t=ZjlhNDg3YTk3OGU0YWUzYTcwMWZhMjdjYmQ1MzBjOWYyMTlhMGNhMSxJakxIbXdpNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F628328614195281921%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1599234472) and a pair of wedged sandals. There was a handwritten note on top of the shoes:

_I know you’re mad at me, but please be ready by 7:00. I swear I’ll make it worth your while x_

Alice pressed her lips into a tight line and dropped the note. Was she ready for whatever Dean had planned? Was she ready to face him again? The reality was, she couldn’t ignore him forever.

When 7:00 rolled around, Alice was ready. Dean buzzed into her apartment, and she let him in. She paced back and forth, unable to stop herself from chewing on her thumbnail. Why was she so nervous? This was her boyfriend. This was _Dean_.

Dean knocked at her door, and she took a deep breath before opening it. He looked as handsome as ever: black slacks and a white button-up. In his hands was a bouquet of roses. “Hi,” he said, giving her a smile.

“Hi,” she said.

“These are for you,” he said, handing her the bouquet.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “They’re beautiful.” She stepped back into the apartment to put the flowers on the counter, then turned back to face him.

“Ready?” she said.

“Mhm,” he hummed. He stuck his arm out for her to take, and she did. It was a little chillier outside than she expected, but she knew they would be in the car so she didn’t really mind. Dean opened the door to the Impala for her, and she thanked him and slid inside. While she would normally slide as close to Dean as she could in the front bench seat, she stayed respectfully on her side.

Dean noticed but stayed silent, though his heart did break at the sight.

“So,” Alice said, clearing her throat as Dean put the car in drive, “where are we going?”

“Come on,” he teased. “It’s always a surprise.”

“Right,” she whispered, staring out the windshield. She fiddled with her hands on her lap, and Dean sighed as quietly as he could.

This would be okay. They would be okay.

Dean turned on his music, and Alice’s eyebrows furrowed when she recognized the tune. “Is this Ben Platt?” she asked. She leaned forward and turned up the volume slightly, hoping to catch the words of the tune.

_You say there’s so much you don’t know. You need to go and find yourself. You say you’d rather be alone. Cuz you think you won’t find it tied to someone else._

“Yeah,” Dean said, a small smile growing on his face. “I thought I’d make a cassette.”

“Of Ben Platt songs?” she asked. Dean shrugged but didn’t say anything. Alice looked over at him and studied his profile. The sun had already set, so she could only make out little things, like his sparkling eyes and the slight glisten of his lips after he ran his tongue across them. The length of his stubble made her want to reach out and touch him, just like she always did. She held back though and forced herself to stare out the windshield again.

Alice was surprised when they pulled up to Dean’s apartment. Still, she got out of the car when Dean opened the door for her. He put his arm around her waist and smiled to himself when she didn’t jump away. “You gonna tell me what we’re doing yet?” she asked as they walked towards the elevator. She gave Derek a smile as they passed, which he returned. As they waited for the elevator, Dean stood in front of her.

“I want you to see how much I care about you,” he said, “and that I feel terrible about what happened at the party.” Alice hung her head, but Dean lifted her chin. “I do,” he pressed.

“’S okay,” she mumbled.

“No, it’s not,” he said. The elevator dinged, and Dean put his hand on the small of her back and guided her in. “So I thought I would bring in a little surprise.”

“Bring in?” she repeated.

“Mhm,” he hummed. He pressed the button to the rooftop terrace and swiped his card to get access. She looked at him with raised eyebrows, but he just smiled.

When the doors opened, Alice could hear another familiar tune playing. They rounded the corner, and she froze at the sight in front of her. It was a small stage -nothing too fancy- and a group of people on stage with one man standing front and center. “Dean,” she whispered, unable to get her feet to move. “Is that-”

“Welcome to your personal Ben Platt concert,” he whispered in her ear. She looked up at him with a dropped jaw before a guitar started to play on the stage. She laughed in disbelief and ran over to the stage.

Ben smiled at her. “Hey, Alice,” he said into the microphone. “How’s it going?”

“It’s-” She laughed again. “It’s great now!”

He laughed as well. “Alright, well let’s do this.”

The concert was so great. Ben would stop in between songs to chat for a while, occasionally asking if she had any requests. Every time, she just told him to play whatever he was planning next. She didn’t stand up and dance at all, but she bounced in her seat and sang along to every word to every song. Ben was an amazing performer, and for that whole time, she forgot why she had ever been mad at Dean in the first place.

When Ben started to play the last song, Dean stood up from the couch and held his hand out to her. “Dance with me,” he said.

Just like that, her perfect bubble popped, and she remembered why they were fighting. Still, she nodded and took his hand.

Dean wrapped an arm around her waist and held her close to his body. He laced his fingers with hers, and she rested her head on his chest and her free arm over his shoulder, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck. Ben’s voice filled the space around them, and Alice closed her eyes, trying to stay in the moment and not overthink everything that had happened the past few days.

_I may not be wise, and I won’t save the day, but look in my eyes, and know I’ll always stay. And I won’t run away._

As soon as Ben finished the song, Alice broke out into cheers and applause. Ben laughed and put his hands together, bowing in a silent thank you. Alice looked at Dean. “Could you go get me some water?” she asked him. “I want to go talk to Ben.”

He smiled. “Course, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of her head, and she whispered a thank you. As soon as he was out of earshot, she walked over to Ben.

“Hi,” she said. “It’s so great to meet you. You were incredible.”

“Thank you,” Ben said. He offered her a hug, which she accepted. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked behind her to make sure Dean hadn’t come back yet.

“Can I ask you something?” she whispered.

“Sure,” Ben said.

“You don’t know Dean, do you?” she asked. He shook his head no. “So did he just, like, pay you a lot to be here?” Ben hesitated. “I won’t be offended or anything. I’m just curious.” Her eyes grew wide for a moment. “Oh my god, did he threaten you?”

“No, no,” Ben laughed. “No. You were right the first time. He offered a pretty big hunk of money.”

Alice nodded and thanked him again just as Dean brought her some water. Within the hour, Ben and his band were all packed up, and Alice and Dean were alone at the apartment. They stayed on the terrace, cuddled up with each other, staring at the sky. Alice didn’t know what to say to him. What he had done was sweet, but it didn’t solve the real problem at hand. She needed to get her feelings out, and she wasn’t sure Dean was going to be the one to say anything.

Just when she got up the nerve to say something, Dean turned her chin so she was looking at him. He leaned forward and tried to kiss her, but she pulled away, and he hung his head and sighed. “How are you _still_ mad at me?” he asked. Her lips parted in shock as she shook her head and stood up from the couch.

“I _knew_ it!” she said.

“Knew what?” Dean asked.

“You think the normal way to make up after a fight is to do something like this?” she said. “Bribing my favorite artist into performing for me? That’s not normal, Dean!”

“God, again with the _normal_ thing,” Dean said with a slight roll of his eyes.

“You’re really going to roll your eyes at me?” she said.

“Are you saying you didn’t like the concert?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest.

“I’m not saying I didn’t like it,” she huffed. “It was a private concert by Ben Platt, of course I liked it.”

“Then I don’t understand-”

“Exactly!” she shouted. “You don’t understand! You don’t understand how a normal relationship works! You think you can solve every problem with money or, or sex or _murder!_ It’s just, it’s too much, Dean.”

“So what are you trying to say?” he asked.

“Nothing!” she said. “I’m not-” She groaned and threw her hands in the air. “I just wish you could be normal! I wish this could be normal! I wish-” She sighed. “I just wish I could be in a relationship that made sense.”

“So what, are we breaking up?” he said.

“We’re-” She rubbed her forehead and hesitated. “We’re taking a break, okay? I need a break. I can’t do this right now.” She grabbed her bag and started to walk to the elevator.

“Alice,” Dean said. “Come on.” Alice didn’t say anything as the elevator opened. She knew if he really wanted to follow her, he would. And as the doors closed behind her, she realized he didn’t.

Tears started to fall from her eyes as she called an Uber. It was there within five minutes. In that time, Dean never came down to talk to her.

Did she really just walk away from that relationship?

Dean rubbed his face with his hand in frustration. Okay. So _that_ didn’t work. He was running through every moment of the night. Alice seemed to have been enjoying herself. He was sure it was all okay. What had he missed? Now, was it his place to reach out to her again? Was the ball back in her court?

Did he really just let her walk away from that relationship?


	22. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,950  
> warnings - language, oral (f receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (cover your stump before you hump), daddy kink

Alice didn’t sleep at all the night after the Ben Platt concert. Part of her wished she hadn’t blown up at Dean, but another part of her was still frustrated and hurt. Why did Dean have to be so complicated? Why did she have to get involved with someone who made such simple things so difficult?

She made herself a cup of tea and headed out to her balcony. It was small -nothing compared to Dean’s- but it was hers, and she liked it. She wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and sat on the outdoor chair. With her legs tucked under her, she brought her mug to her lips. She wasn’t even slightly tired, and it was after midnight. She was usually fast asleep by then. Her mind just kept running in circles. She liked Dean. She really did. She just couldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who didn’t understand how relationships worked. Was it her job to teach him? Was she making all of this more complicated than she needed to?

Naturally, when she met Christine for breakfast, she asked her.

“He thinks I overuse the word normal,” she told her. “Like there’s no such thing as normal. But there is. I think I deserve to be in a normal relationship at least once in my life. Greg definitely wasn’t normal, and I guess I thought Dean was.”

“You thought he would be normal even after he told you he was a mob boss?” Christine asked. “You still thought he might be normal?”

“I guess I did,” she said with a sigh. She yawned and took another sip of her coffee.

“No offense,” Christine said, “but you look awful.”

“I didn’t sleep last night,” she answered.

“At all?”

“No,” Alice said with another sigh. “Just couldn’t. Couldn’t turn my mind off.”

“Alice,” Christine sighed. “Don’t start this.”

“Start what?” she said.

“You gotta take care of yourself,” she said. “When everything started with Greg, you did this same thing. You would call me constantly at, like, 2AM.”

“I know,” she said. “It’s just hard.”

Christine nodded. “Do you want to forgive him?”

“Of course I do,” she said. “I just want him to be sorry. To _actually_ be sorry. You know, I don’t even think he said the words yesterday. He just, like, paid me off.” Christine was quiet. She licked her lips and looked down at her coffee cup. “What’re you thinking?” Alice asked. “You have that look.”

Christine sighed. “I know I only met him once, but from what you say of him, it really seems like he cares about you. I think he just doesn’t know how to express it.”

“God,” Alice mumbled, rubbing her temples. “Jess said the same thing.”

“Do you not agree?” Christine asked.

“I don’t know,” she groaned. “I’m just trying to weigh if he’s worth the effort I’m putting into this.”

“What’s your gut telling you?” she asked. Alice raised her eyebrows.

“My gut?” she repeated.

“Yeah,” she said. “You know, you’ve got to feel this in your stomach. Is he worth it, or is he not?”

“I don’t know,” Alice said, shaking her head. “I don’t know, okay?”

“It’s because you’re thinking too much,” Christine said. “Don’t think, just say it. Is he worth it, yes or no?”

“Yes!” she blurted out. Christine smirked and folded her arms across her chest, leaning back in her seat. “Wow,” Alice said, impressed. “Where’d you learn that?”

“ _The Office_ ,” Christine said.

“Of course,” Alice said. “Of course that’s where you learned it.”

-

Family dinner was at Cas and Hannah’s on Saturday, and Dean wished he could skip it. Still, he knew the rules. Only sickness could excuse a family dinner absence, and he couldn’t fake that. He supposed he just had too much of a conscience. So, he showed up to dinner with store bought cookies and greeted everyone half heartedly.

As Dean made his way to the alcohol, he missed the looks everyone shared behind his back. Everyone expected things to have been better between Dean and Alice by then. Hannah even got a plate out for her. They knew he planned to apologize to her on Friday, so what had gone so wrong?

Dean avoided the topic of Alice all throughout dinner, and he had no intention of sticking around for the usual after-meal drinks to talk it out. The others, of course, noticed, and weren’t going to let him go that easy.

“Nah, nah,” Sam said, waving his hand at Dean. “Sit down.”

“I’ve got things to do,” Dean said.

“Bullshit,” Sam said. “Talk to your family about your problems.”

“You can’t not bring her and not expect us to ask why,” Cas said.

“You guys were hot and heavy for, like, two months straight,” Jess said. “And now you’re not talking? I thought you were apologizing yesterday.”

“I did!” he said, plopping back down on the seat in annoyance. “You know what I did? I got her favorite singer to come perform for us on the terrace. Do you know how much that cost me? A lot. It cost me a lot. And the whole time, I thought things were better, but she was still mad. What more could I have done?”

“Wait, are you being serious?” Hannah asked. Dean furrowed his eyebrows, shook his head, and shrugged.

“Yeah?” he said.

“Dean,” Jess said with a laugh of disbelief, “you’re really shit at problem solving, you know that?” He was genuinely confused as he looked at her. “You can’t just buy her things and expect everything to be better,” she said. “Not everything needs a big, grand gesture. Sometimes, all she wants is for you to say _I’m sorry_.”

“I did say I’m sorry,” he said.

“Did you?” Sam asked. Dean opened his mouth, but no words came out.

“Yes?” he finally said.

“Dude,” Sam said with a laugh. “Come on.”

“I’m sure I apologized after our fight when she fell in the pool,” he said. “And that was after I brought flowers to her work. So what did I do wrong there? She was mad about that too.”

“It’s like I said,” Jess said, “not everything needs a grand gesture. Apologies like that seem like they’re more about you looking good than you actually being sorry.”

“They look ingenuine,” Hannah simplified.

“What, so you think she doesn’t even think I’m sorry?” he asked. The others were quiet, and Jess shrugged. Dean groaned in annoyance and ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck,” he muttered. “Why are relationships so complicated? Nothing was this hard with Lisa.”

“You can’t compare relationships,” Sam said as the others made various expressions of agreement.

“That’s a rabbit hole you cannot go down,” Jess said. “No two relationships are the same because no two women are the same.” Dean groaned and downed the rest of his whiskey.

“So how the fuck am I suppose to fix this?” he said.

“Do you _want_ to fix this?” Sam asked.

“Of course I do,” Dean said. “I like her. It’s just that every time I do anything, it only makes everything worse. It’s not that I’m not trying. I just don’t think I know how to do this right.”

“Well,” Cas said, “there’s this thing called _talking_. That might be a good way to start.”

“Fuck off,” Dean said, rubbing his temples.

“He’s right,” Hannah said. “Just talk to her.”

“How?” Dean said. “It’s not like she’s gonna answer my calls.” Everyone was quiet for a moment.

“Okay,” Jess said with a sigh, “normally I wouldn’t condone this, but there is a way to balance a grand gesture and a normal conversation.”

“And you think that’s what I should do?” he said. Jess looked at the others as if searching for their agreement. She must’ve gotten the response she wanted.

“Here’s what I think you should do.”

-

A few weeks passed, and Alice was on her way to her eight-week prenatal appointment. It was a Friday, so she decided to take the whole day off, even though the appointment was in the late afternoon. She knew she wouldn’t be able to have a good day or do anything productive when she’d be thinking about the appointment all day.

She met up with Jess before the appointment for lunch at Panera. “How’re you doing?” Jess asked as soon as they sat at their table.

“Nervous,” she admitted. “But kind of excited too.”

“Good,” Jess said. “You should be. This is an exciting time. They’ll even do an ultrasound today. You’ll get your first little glimpse at the baby.”

“I know,” Alice said. “I googled a bunch of stuff.”

When they got to the appointment, everything went as she expected: a general health exam, urine test, bloodwork, genetic carrier screening, STD tests, pap smear, and a blood sugar test. Based on the information Alice shared with Dr. Montgomery, she was able to estimate a due date. “So, this little kiddo is going to be due on June 30, 2021.”

“That feels so far away,” Alice said, putting her hands on her stomach.

“It’ll go by before you know it,” Dr. Montgomery said. “Should we do an ultrasound?”

Alice nodded, and Jess squeezed her hand as Dr. Montgomery began the process. The jelly was cold on her stomach, and she couldn’t help but jump. Everyone chuckled, and Alice sighed and laid her head back on the medical chair. A few minutes went by, and Dr. Montgomery turned the screen to face Alice and Jess. “That right there,” she said, pointing to the blurry blob in the middle of her uterus, “is little Baby Berkley.”

“Really?” Alice whispered, tears blurring her eyes.

“Yup,” Dr. Montgomery said. “It’s about half an inch long. No bigger than a raspberry.”

“It’s perfect,” she said, tears flowing from her eyes. “It’s so beautiful.”

“Beautiful and healthy,” Dr. Montgomery added. “Things are looking good.”

They chatted for a while more about what Alice was to expect during the pregnancy and after. By the time the appointment was done, Alice was exhausted. Her brain was overloaded with information, and she felt like every time she exhaled she would lose some of it. Once again, she was glad she had Jess. “Thank you for coming,” Alice said, “again.”

“Of course,” Jess said. “Like I told you, I’ll be with you this whole way.”

“I appreciate it,” she said. “Do you want to come over for a bit? Hannah and Christine can come too. We can watch some movies or-”

“Oh, I would love to,” Jess said, “but Sam and I already made dinner plans.”

“Oh,” Alice said, trying not to sound too disappointed. “Of course.”

“Seriously though,” Jess said quickly, “we should do that sometime. That sounds like fun.” Alice nodded, and the two got into their cars and parted ways.

Alice walked into her apartment and kicked her shoes off. Her feet were killing her, and she was hungry, but she didn’t want to take the time to make anything. Seemed like it’d be a night of ramen noodles and whatever cheap wine she had on hand. She hadn’t had a night like that since she started dating Dean. _God._ What had her life become?

When she got into her room, she let out a shriek and covered her mouth with her hand.

“Dean,” she breathed out. “You scared the crap out of me.”

Once the shock wore off, she took in the scene in front of her. Dean was wearing sweats and a t-shirt and was sitting on a blanket that he laid out on the floor. There was a box of pizza from her favorite pizza place and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries. She could feel tears pooling in her eyes. “What’s all this?” she asked.

“Shit, shit,” Dean said, standing up and stepping over to her. “Fuck, you’re crying. Did I get the wrong pizza? Is it-”

“No, no,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I just-” She let out a soft laugh. “What’s going on?” Dean scratched the back of his neck.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” he said. “For everything. For getting that man killed, for when I blew up about Lisa, for dealing with Brent without talking to you first, and for what I did at the party. And I’m sorry I try to make things better with money and sex and violence instead of with words. You’re right. I’m not good at this, and I’m not normal. I don’t know how to be in a real relationship, because I haven’t been in one in a really long time. I know I can be possessive and disrespectful, and I am so sorry. I do stupid shit because I don’t know how to handle the way I feel about you sometimes, and I just worry. I-” He hesitated. “I lost my cool at the party. And I’m honestly, truly sorry.”

“S'okay,” she mumbled, hanging her head. Dean sighed, shook his head, and closed the space between them in a few steps. He looked down at her and lifted her chin.

“I know I’ve been hurting you,” he said. “And I know I scared you at the party. And I’m so, so sorry for that. I need to learn to talk instead of just act on all my feelings. But I’m gonna learn, okay? I’m gonna make this better.” She smiled at him, and he wiped away a tear that had fallen from her eye. “You know, I may not be wise,” he said, “and I won’t always save the day.”

She couldn’t help but giggle at the way he managed to fit a Ben Platt lyric into the conversation like a dork. He smiled softly. _God_ , he missed that sound.

“But I won’t run away,” he whispered. “And I won’t let you run away either.”

“I don’t want to run away,” she said, putting her hands on his cheeks. “I really like you, Dean. And I appreciate all of this. It means so, so much.”

“Yeah?” he said.

“Yeah,” she repeated. “Thank you for this.”

“Of course,” he said. He pinched her chin lightly. “Can I kiss you?”

Alice giggled. “Yeah. Yeah, you can kiss me.”

Dean smiled, tilted his head down, and pressed his lips to hers. She kissed him softly back. The kiss didn’t last very long, and when they pulled away, Alice looked down at the mini picnic Dean had set up. “This looks great,” she said. “You got my favorite pizza.”

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was hoping I got it right.”

“You did,” she said. “I want to change out of this outfit first.” Dean nodded, so she went into her drawers to get some comfier clothes. She grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms and the Zeppelin t-shirt she stole from Dean and didn’t bother going into the bathroom to change. Dean swallowed thickly and forced himself to look away from her. Not everything was about sex.

When she sat down beside him, she reached for a slice of pizza. Dean smiled and did the same. “So,” she said, turning to face him and crossing her legs, “what’s up?”

“What’s up?” he repeated with a chuckle.

“Yeah,” she said. “I miss you.”

“I’m right here,” he said.

“Shut up,” she giggled, rolling her eyes at him. “I just mean we didn’t talk for a while, and I want to know how you are. How’s Jack doing? Or can you not talk about it?”

He shrugged and took another bite of his pizza. “I don’t get to talk to him that much,” he said, “for obvious reasons. He calls from a payphone to a different burner phone of mine as often as he can. So far, he’s just trying to blend in. We have the location of his base -like, his equivalent to our bunker- which is awesome.”

“Seriously?” she said.

“Mhm,” he hummed, wiping his mouth on a napkin.

“Are you gonna go there?” she asked.

“No,” Dean said. “We don’t want to ambush the whole place. We just want to get him.”

“If you get him, does his family fall apart?” she asked.

“No,” Dean said again, this time with a sigh. “His underboss will take over.”

“So why don’t you just take out his whole family?” she said.

Dean chuckled. “Because then we’d be talking mass murder, and I don’t think we really want to do that.”

“So what’s the point of taking out Lucifer?” she asked. “If someone else takes over, don’t you just think the next boss will have it out for you? If you take out a boss, you’ll start a war.” He looked at her in amusement.

“Where’d you hear that?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I might’ve watched _Goodfellas_ to learn about your career.”

“Alice!” Dean laughed.

“It was very violent!”

“Yeah, it is,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re such a dork. You could’ve just asked me, you know.”

“I know,” she said. “But I wanted to randomly share some mob knowledge and impress you.” She paused and fluttered her eyelashes. “Did it work?”

“Oh yeah,” Dean said. “I’m very impressed.” Alice giggled and reached out to scratch her nails across his beard. Dean hummed and leaned into her touch. He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. “I missed you,” he muttered against her hand.

She smiled. “I missed you too, Dean.” When he smiled back at her, she stood up from the ground and stuck her hand out to him. He furrowed his eyebrows but took it and got up from the ground. Barely giving him a chance to get his balance, Alice stood on her tip-toes and pressed her lips to his. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, then lifted her thighs and wrapped them around his waist. He walked them over to the bed and dropped her onto it. She giggled as she bounced on the mattress, and he laughed as well and pulled his shirt over his head.

Dean licked his lips and scratched his beard, letting his eyes rake over Alice’s body. Her cheeks flushed, and she held her arms out to him. “C'mere,” she said. He smiled and crawled over to her, and she moved her hands to his cheeks to bring him down for a kiss. She kissed across his cheek and to his ear, nibbling his earlobe.

Alright, if Dean was going to try and communicate better in their relationship, so could she.

“I want you inside me, Dean,” she whispered.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, hanging his head with a smile of disbelief. “I think that’s the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me.” She smiled as she kissed his neck.

“Please, daddy,” she whispered. He groaned as she sucked a mark onto his skin. He pulled away and made her sit up so he could pull her shirt over her head. She had taken off her bra when she came home, so her tits were bare to him.

“I could look at you all day,” he muttered, licking his lips and running his hands up her torso to her tits, gripping them in his hands and pinching her nipples. A whine rose up the back of her throat as she arched her back against his hands.

“Dean,” she whispered.

“I’m gonna eat your pretty pussy first, okay?” he said, kissing down her neck and across her chest. He trapped her nipple between his lips, sucking it until it was hard, then he moved onto the other. He kissed down her torso and to the waistband of her pajama pants. Once they were off, he captured her panties between his teeth and tugged them down her legs. He tossed them aside and pushed her legs apart, then kissed up her thighs. “God,” he muttered, “I missed this pussy.” She put her arms over her face when he spoke, and then sighed when he dipped his tongue past her folds.

He always knew exactly what ways to move to make her toes curl. Between slow, kitten licks and swirling circles around her clit, she was gripping his hair in her fists in no time. When his finger started teasing her opening, she lifted her hips to get closer to him. “So needy for daddy,” he teased. She just nodded, and he smiled and pushed his finger inside her. He moved it in and out of her slowly, bringing his mouth to her clit. He sucked it between his lips, letting his tongue flick at it as he eased another finger inside her.

“Dean,” she said for the second time. “I wanna cum.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he said. “You’re right there. Let go. Cum for daddy.” She nodded and felt her breath catch in her throat as she tilted her head into the pillow and came around Dean’s fingers. He kept moving them, slowing down so she could come down from her high. “So pretty when you cum,” he said, kissing up her body again until he reached her lips. She kissed him back, her teeth clashing with his. “Hey, hey, slow down,” Dean said with a chuckle, pulling away. She kept her eyes closed until Dean put his hand on her chin. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart,” he said. “We can take this nice and slow.”

“I know,” she whispered. “I know. I just-” She sighed and licked her lips. “Dean, I missed you. I _want_ you.”

A smile grew on his lips again. “Okay.”

He sat back on his heels and tugged his sweats off, letting his boxers follow. When his cock sprang up, Alice bit her lip, which made Dean smile as he gripped his cock. He pumped it before rubbing the head across her folds. Every time it brushed against her clit, she would jump and dig her nails into his shoulder. Dean took the not-so-subtle hint and slid into her. He hesitated a moment, giving her time to adjust before moving his hips back and thrusting into her again. Her lips parted as she tilted her head back into the pillow again. He grabbed her hand and laced his fingers with hers before leaning down to kiss her lips. He was always able to maintain a steady, back-arching rhythm with her that hit in all the right places. He was so big, and the drag of his cock against her walls made her whimper against his lips. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pressed her heels into his lower back. She wanted him closer. Deeper.

So she decided to take control.

She used all her strength to turn her and Dean over so he was on his back. He sat up, and she situated herself on his cock, wrapping her whole body around his. She could feel his cock in the deepest part of her, and his pelvic bone brushed against her clit. She gripped onto him like her life depended on it, burying her face in his shoulder. Dean put his hands on her waist and helped her move against his cock, grinding in the most pleasurable motion. Her breath caught in her throat as her nails ran deep scratches up his back. When his cock hit her g-spot one final time, she came around him with a loud moan, only slightly muffled by her mouth resting against his skin. Dean came right after, shooting his load inside her.

They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms again, Alice kissing his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re back, sweetheart,” Dean whispered.

“Mm,” she hummed, kissing his skin again. “I’m glad _you’re_ back.”

Dean chuckled. “And I’m not going anywhere ever again.”


	23. Lucifer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 5,625  
> warnings - language

The next week, it was time for Sam and Jess’ law firm opening. Everyone decided to meet up at Sam and Jess’ so they could all get ready together. By _all_ , it was mostly just Alice, Jess, and Hannah. The men didn’t need nearly as much time to prep. For the girls, it was just an excuse to get dolled up together, which they thought would be fun. In the end, it was a definite blessing. Alice couldn’t get a handle on her hair, Hannah couldn’t decide on a lipstick shade, and Jess was still torn between two dresses.

Dean had to knock on the bedroom door three times before they were finally ready to go. When they stepped out, each man’s jaw dropped respectively as their significant others came into view. “Well, ladies,” Dean said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together. “You all look amazing.” They said their respective thank yous, and Dean wrapped his arms around Alice’s waist. “ _You_ sweetheart,” he said, nuzzling his nose against hers, “look absolutely flawless.”

“Yeah?” she whispered, the apples of her cheeks turning pink. “You think?”

“Oh, I know,” he said. “Gonna have a hard time keeping my hands off you tonight.”

“Come on, love birds,” Sam said with a chuckle. “We can’t be late.”

They got to the venue, and it was gorgeous. There were caterers carrying around fancy trays, simple but elegant decorations, and a DJ playing music in the corner. “Jess,” Alice said with a head shake of disbelief, “this is all amazing.”

“I mean, I didn’t actually _do_ all of this,” she said.

“Don’t be modest, baby,” Sam said, kissing her temple. “Even if you didn’t execute it, you still planned it.” Jess smiled and tilted her head up to give him a kiss.

They all socialized around the party, and Dean never left Alice’s side. He kept his arm around her waist and pressed kisses to her cheek whenever he could find an excuse to. “You’re quite flirty tonight,” Alice teased at one point as they made their way to the bar.

“I told you,” Dean said. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you.”

“Well, loverboy,” she said, patting his chest, “I think it’s about time for you to give your introductory speech.” Dean chuckled and kissed her cheek.

“Don’t move a muscle,” he said.

He walked over to the stage that had been set up and grabbed the microphone. “Hey, hey, can I get everyone to settle down for a minute?” he said with a smile. When the crowd was quiet, he said, “I have the honor of introducing the new owners of Winchester and Moore Law, my brother, Sam, and his wife, Jess. Now, I’ve known this couple since they met at Harvard, and I have never met two nerds-” This made the audience chuckle. “-more deserving of owning their own firm than these two. So, without further adieu, here are Sam and Jessica Winchester.”

The audience applauded as Sam and Jess came onto the stage. “Thank you all for coming,” Sam said. “This plan has been in the works for-”

“Well hi there.”

Sam was still talking, but someone had approached Alice. She turned around and saw a man she had never met before. He was of average height and he had dirty blonde hair and light scruff on his cheeks. He seemed older -mid 50s at the most- but was handsome. He was dressed in a dark blue suit with a slightly lighter blue button down underneath.

“Hi,” she said, giving him an awkward smile. He asked the bartender for a bourbon soda and leaned against the bar. He smiled at her again.

“You must be Alice,” he said. “Dean’s new girl, right?”

“Yeah,” she said. Something about him was making her nervous. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked around, hoping Dean or Cas or Hannah or _anyone_ was somewhere nearby, but everyone seemed distracted by Sam and Jess’ speech..

“You’re even prettier than they say,” he said, taking the drink the bartender handed him.

“Thank you,” she whispered. He reached up and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, and she flinched.

“You seem nervous,” he said, cocking his head to the side and grabbing her chin to make her look at him. “Do I make you nervous?” She swallowed thickly.

“I should go find Dean,” she said.

“You know, I’ve been looking for the guy myself,” he said. “Why don’t we go find him together?”

She opened her mouth to say something back, but Cas soon appeared behind the guy. He noticed her look over his shoulder, so he turned. His smirk widened when he saw Cas. “Castiel,” he said, clapping him on the shoulder. Cas brushed his hand away.

“You should not be here,” Cas said. “How’d you get in?”

“I have my ways,” he said.

“You need to leave,” Cas said.

“So Crowley can come to your parties, but I can’t?” he asked.

Alice jumped when she felt a hand on her back, and she looked and saw Dean. She relaxed instantly and moved closer to him. “Lucifer,” Dean said. The name made Alice’s stomach drop.

Lucifer looked at Dean and grinned. “Well hey there, Dean,” he said. “I was just getting to know your little girlfriend here. She sure is a cute young thing, isn’t she?” Dean’s grip on her waist tightened, and she felt a lump rising in her throat. She was scared, there was no denying.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Dean asked him.

“I just wanted to socialize,” Lucifer said, holding his hand up defensively before sipping his drink. “I heard you were having a party. I wanted to give my congratulations to Sammy.”

“I’ll pass on the message,” Dean said. “Now get the hell out of here.”

Lucifer downed the rest of his drink and smiled. “No worries,” he said. “I’ve seen what I needed to see.” Alice wasn’t oblivious to the quick glance Lucifer sent her way. Dean clenched his jaw, and she felt his fingers twitch around her waist. Lucifer sent the men a wave and made his way out of the venue.

As soon as Lucifer was gone, Dean turned to look at Alice and put his hands on her cheeks. “Are you okay?” he asked her, his eyes darting across her face. “Did he hurt you? Did he touch you? What did he say to you?”

“I’m fine,” she said, upset at the slight shake in her voice. “He, he just touched my cheek and told me I was pretty.” Dean glanced up at Cas before looking at her again and placing a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m sorry I left,” he said. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“I’m okay,” she said. “Really. It’s okay.” Dean gave her a soft smile and nodded, then looked at Cas.

“Go make sure that’s taken care of,” he said. Cas nodded, and Dean looked back at her, brushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Do you want to head home?”

“No,” she said. “We have to be here for Sam.”

“I’d rather be home with you,” he said without missing a beat. She laughed and placed a kiss to his cheek.

“Later,” she said. “Right now, we need to support your family.”

Dean sighed playfully. “Fine. But I’m not leaving your side again.”

“Fine by me,” she said.

The rest of the event, while super successful on the surface, was boring for Alice and Dean. They forced themselves to talk with everyone, but neither of them really wanted to be there. And it wasn’t necessarily because they wanted alone time back at Dean’s. It was just that neither of them found obligatory socializing very entertaining.

And things only got worse when Jo came over. “Hey you guys,” she said, laying her hand on Dean’s arm. He moved out of her touch. “Isn’t this event just super special?”

“It’s great,” Dean said dismissively.

“You look really nice, Jo,” Alice said, attempting to diffuse any tension before it even started. Jo eyed Alice up and down before giving her a smile.

“Thanks,” she said. “Is this your first event with Dean?”

“Mhm,” Alice hummed.

“Yeah,” Jo said before Alice could even finish the sound, “I can kind of tell.”

“Oh?”

“Jo-”

“Well, Dean likes a more scandalous dress,” she said, putting her hand on his arm again. He moved once more. “But I guess you wouldn’t know that yet.”

“Jo, I swear-”

“Hey guys.”

Alice bit back a groan as Amara joined the group. The last thing she needed was for this to turn into a showcase of all of Dean’s ex-girlfriends. Amara gently touched Jo’s shoulder. “Your mom was looking for you,” she said. “Something about Ash refusing to get cut off.” Jo rolled her eyes and all but huffed before turning on her heel and walking away. When it was just Amara, Dean, and Alice left, Amara gave the pair a smile.

“Thanks,” Dean said to her.

“No problem,” she said. She looked at Alice. “She did the same thing to me when I was with Dean. Don’t let her get to you.” Alice furrowed her eyebrows, a little shocked, but thanked Amara. Before she walked away, she gave her one more smile. “Your dress is _gorgeous_.”

“Thanks,” Alice said again. Amara nodded, waved at the couple, and left them alone. Alice and Dean were both quiet as they watched Amara walk away. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but Alice cut him off. “Pizza,” she said. “I want pizza.” Dean looked at her, amused.

“Really?” he said.

“Yeah,” she said. “Can we go get a pizza?”

He chuckled. “Sure. Let’s just say goodbye to Sam and Jess.” Alice nodded in agreement. They said their goodbyes quickly and headed out to the Impala. As soon as both of their doors were shut, Dean turned to Alice. “I’m sorry about Jo,” he said. “I don’t know how to talk to her when she gets like that.”

“That’s not what I’m thinking about,” she said. Dean tilted his head in confusion. “I guess I didn’t expect Amara to come to my rescue.”

After Jo’s initial comments when Alice first met everyone, Dean had given a brief rundown of his short relationships with Jo, Bela, Anna, and Amara. Each relationship was better classified as a long-term-booty-call, except Amara. Dean’s words on that relationship hadn’t been very much in favor of Amara. He didn’t exactly call her crazy, but he described her as a little obsessive and way more into him than he was into her.

“Amara and I had our issues,” Dean explained, “but she kind of calmed down once we broke up. Her brother used to be one of my soldiers too, but he ended up being a dick and kind of fucked us over, and even after we killed him, Amara stuck around. She’s loyal. I wouldn’t call her my friend, but she’s not like Jo. She moved on after everything. Found herself. Took a trip to Reno. Came back a more sane woman.” Alice laughed, and Dean smiled and kissed her cheek. “Let’s get some pizza.”

When they pulled up to the pizza place, they shared a laugh at how they’d look walking into some hole-in-the-wall pizza joint dressed in their fanciest garb. They got some peculiar looks from the employees, but if anything, it just made them laugh harder.

When they got back to Dean’s apartment, Alice went to change into something more comfortable. Before she could close the door to the bathroom, Dean followed her in. She furrowed her eyebrows at him in the mirror as he pulled out his phone. He stood behind her and kissed her cheek as he aimed his camera at their reflection. She giggled and posed for a few pictures with him before kicking him out so she could change.

As the weather had gotten colder, Alice started to keep pajama pants at Dean’s. Usually she could get by in just his t-shirt, but since he already kept his apartment so cold, she knew she’d want to bundle. When she rejoined Dean in the bedroom, he was already changed, now sitting on the bed with the box of pizza open. He had a pizza slice right in front of his mouth but froze before taking a bite when he saw her. “Was I supposed to wait for you?” he asked.

She laughed. “You’re such a dork.”

Alice plopped beside him on the bed. They both polished off two pieces without talking at all, each hungrier than they realized. “Why do I feel like half of our dates involve eating pizza in one of our bedrooms?” she asked him when he discarded the box on the side table.

“Because we’re the best couple ever,” Dean said. Alice laughed only to yawn soon after. Dean did the same. “What time is it?” he asked, unable to see the clock behind her. She turned to check.

“Wow,” she said. “It’s already two.”

“Shit,” Dean mumbled. “Yeah. I’m ready to crash.”

“Me too,” she said. They both got under the covers, and Dean mumbled something about taking care of the leftover pizza in the morning.

All night, Alice had been thinking about how crazy it was that Sam had been able to go from mobster to lawyer in the span of a few years. It was admirable, and she wondered if Dean ever thought about doing the same. “Can I ask you something?” she said, trailing her fingers across his stomach.

“Of course,” he said.

“Do you ever wish you weren’t who you are?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” he responded.

“Like,” she said, “still Dean Winchester, but not Dean Winchester, mob boss. Do you wish you could do something else?” Dean was quiet for a moment. He didn’t like to lie to her, but he also didn’t like to be vulnerable when it came to his job. When he looked down at her and saw her soft eyes looking up at him, he knew he had to tell her the truth.

“Yeah,” he said. “I, I actually haven’t wanted to do this for a long time.” Her eyebrows furrowed as she propped herself up on her elbow to look at him more clearly.

“Seriously?” she said. Dean nodded. “Well, then why do you still do it?”

“I can’t just quit,” he said. “I’d have to leave it to Cas, and I don’t want to do that to him.”

“If he’s underboss, aren’t you just delaying the inevitable?” she asked.

“Yes and no,” he said. “You’re not supposed to step _down_ from being in the mob. Underbosses are there to take over when you die. I guess I don’t want to make him take the job before he has to.” Alice nodded and laid back down, resting her head on his chest again.

“So what would you do?” she asked. “If you could leave all this behind, what would you do?”

“I’d retire,” he said without missing a beat. “I’d have enough money to survive for the rest of my life, and I’d just stop.”

She chuckled. “Okay, well what if you could start over? If you could go back in time and not have this be your life. What would you do then?” Dean was quiet again. He had never been asked that before, and he didn’t have an answer ready. What _would_ he do? If he could do anything, what would it be?

“I always wanted to be a fireman when I was a kid,” he said. Alice swore she heard embarrassment in his voice.

“Really?” she asked. He shrugged, and she smiled and put her hand on his cheek and scratched his beard. “Why a firefighter?”

“I don’t know,” Dean mumbled. “It was just a kid’s dream.”

“Come on,” she said, sitting up on her elbow again. “Talk to me. I don’t know a lot about little Dean.” He sighed again but sat up, and she sat up as well, promptly sitting herself on his lap. He chuckled as he put his arms around her, and she cuddled up to his chest.

“So, you know my mom died when I was a kid,” he said. She frowned but nodded. “One of my dad’s rivals at the time, his name was Azazel, he set our house on fire.”

“Oh my god,” Alice whispered, looking up at him. “Who was inside?”

“All of us,” Dean said. “Mom’s the only one who didn’t make it.”

“Wow,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”

“I think it affected me more than I let on,” he said. “You know, I had to be tough. My dad didn’t need to worry about me when he had to worry about Sammy and how he was going to take down Azazel. Back then, I didn’t really understand that the mob was my future, so I could be like every other kid and think about what I wanted to be when I grew up. When Mom died in the fire, I thought if I had been a fireman, I could’ve saved her.”

Alice sat up straighter and turned so she was straddling his waist. He wouldn’t look at her, so she just put her hand on the back of his head and ran her fingers through his hair. “Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat, “that didn’t last very long, because I grew up and realized my life had been decided for me. And I knew I couldn’t be angry about it so I forced myself to be okay with it.” He still wouldn’t look at her, but now she wanted him to. She lifted his chin and stroked his cheek.

“It’s okay to be angry about it,” she said. “It’s okay to feel like you were robbed of a normal life.”

He sighed and leaned into her touch. “I just feel like if I walk away from this, I’m spitting on everything my parents died for.”

“How did your dad die?” she asked.

“Azazel,” he said. “Dad was intent on getting revenge, and he got some intel that Azazel was going to be at a handoff, so we were gonna go and get him- together. Him, me, and Sammy. Turns out we were fed bad intel, and it was a total ambush. I was fighting off one guy, and I didn’t see Azazel had his gun pointed at me. Dad-” Dean cut himself off and cleared his throat. “He jumped in front of the bullet.”

Alice’s lips parted in shock, and Dean was quiet for a few minutes. She could tell he needed time to compose himself, so she didn’t push. “Sam and I killed the capos and soldiers that were still there,” he said, “but Azazel ran. By the time we could get to Dad, he was already gone. And I was the new boss.”

“Dean,” she whispered, stroking her thumb across his cheek, “I’m so, so sorry.”

“So I can’t just say fuck it and give it to Castiel, you know?” he said. He wasn’t good at taking sympathy, she realized. “Like, my dad died for this. My mom died _because_ of this. I owe it to them to stick it out.” Alice bit her upper lip and didn’t say anything until Dean raised his eyebrows at her.

“I don’t want to overstep,” she said, “but don’t you maybe think they just want you to be happy?”

Dean scoffed. “You didn’t know my dad.”

“Mm,” she hummed, “I guess not.” She hesitated. “I just think living your life like you owe everyone something isn’t a happy way to live.” He sighed, but smiled.

“Yeah,” he said. “You’re probably right.” Alice kissed his nose before adjusting herself on his lap again and cuddling up to his chest. “What about you?” he asked. “Did you always want to be a teacher?”

She chuckled. “Yeah. I never had any doubt.”

“And you’re happy with your choice?” he asked. She shrugged.

“It’s not what I thought it would be when I was a kid,” she said. “It’s not all rainbows and butterflies and snacks and finger painting and circle time. It’s a lot of work, but it’s still worth it. And I think I’m pretty good at it. Feels like what I was meant to do.”

Dean kissed the top of her head. “I think your students would agree.”

-

When Alice woke up the next morning, Dean wasn’t there. It was a little after 8:00, so she pushed herself out of bed and went to join him in the kitchen, hoping he already had a pot of coffee going. When she left the bedroom though, she didn’t smell any coffee. And, she heard Dean’s voice. Was he talking to himself? She saw him on the couch, and he was on his phone. He locked eyes with her, and he gave her a smile and held up a finger. She nodded and went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

By the time the pot was brewed, Dean was finally off the phone. He joined her in the kitchen and greeted her with a kiss. “Who was that?” she asked.

“Jack,” he said. “He was giving me an update.”

“How’s he doing?” she asked, sipping the coffee from her mug.

“Good,” he said. “He said Lucifer’s got something planned coming up, but he’s keeping it pretty quiet except for the few men he’s involving.”

“I take it Jack’s not one of them?”

“No. He can’t keep pressing for information either because it’ll look too suspicious.”

“Right,” Alice said with a nod. “Do you have any more of a plan?”

Dean shook his head. “Our hope is that Jack finds out the next time Lucifer’s taking his jet somewhere, and-”

“Lucifer has a jet?” she repeated.

Dean chuckled. “I have a jet too.”

“Shut up!” she said, her eyes wide. “You do not.”

“I do,” Dean said with another laugh. “I’ll show it to you sometime.”

“Awesome,” Alice said. “Anyway. Sorry. What were you saying?”

Dean grinned. “Jack’s gonna find out the next time Lucifer’s taking his jet somewhere. There’s only one private air terminal in the area, so if we can find out when he’s going there, we’ll be able to ambush him.”

“Hmm,” Alice hummed. “Sounds like a solid plan.”

“I think so,” he said. “I _hope_ so.”

“Does Jack seem on board?”

“He’s the one who came up with it.”

Alice nodded again. “It’ll work,” she assured him. “Jack seems like a smart kid, and I know you’re a smart man.” Dean chuckled and kissed the top of her head.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he said.

“Anytime.”

-

The next two weeks went by in a chaotic mess. The semester was wrapping, and Alice needed to put all thought and preparation into school. Between grading last minute assignments, preparing for final assessments, and helping the kids rehearse for the winter program, she hardly had a moment to spare and spend with Dean. Luckily, he understood. He had his hands pretty full keeping track of Jack and still maintaining the daily duties he and his people needed to complete. While they spent most nights together, they hadn’t had a chance to go out on an actual date since the night of the gala.

The only thing keeping Alice from breaking was knowing she’d have two weeks of holiday break after the recital. It was on the last Friday of the semester, and before she knew it, it’d be Christmas and New Years. All she needed to do was get through this.

“Okay kiddos!” she called, clapping her hands together to get her kids’ attention. “I need everyone to line up at the door. Your families are all in the gym waiting, so remember we’re going to show them how hard we’ve practiced on these songs, right?” The kids all cheered and lined up at the door. Even though Alice wasn’t the music teacher, she had been helping out as much as she could. She and her students would practice their songs whenever they could, and she was sure her first graders would stand out as the stars of the show.

But maybe she was just biased.

The students got into the gym and found their spots on the risers. Alice sat with the other teachers, finding a seat next to Thomas. “How’ve you been lately?” he asked, squeezing her hand when she sat. “You haven’t been staying after as late.”

“I’m better,” she told him. “I patched things up with my boyfriend, and life is finally starting to feel normal.”

He smiled at her, and she turned around to scan the gym for Lexi’s family. It didn’t take her long to find them. They were all sitting in a row -Jess, Sam, Dean, Castiel, and Hannah- and Dean waved as soon as he locked eyes with her. She smiled and waved back, and Thomas followed her gaze. “Is that him?” he asked.

“Mhm,” she hummed. “He’s one of my student’s uncles.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re doing better,” he said. “I was getting sick of watching your first graders.”

“Thomas-”

“Alice, I’m only joking,” he said. She rolled her eyes and gave him a playful shove, and they were both quieted down as the music teacher stood by the microphone.

“Thank you all for coming to our winter recital!” she said, causing the audience to start clapping. “We’ll start off with some songs, and then some of the fifth graders will be playing their recorders for us. Once we’re done in here, there are snacks set up in the front lobby, and you can visit your child’s classroom to chat with their teacher and see some of the work that they completed over this semester.”

The kids sang some renditions of holiday classics as well as a few horribly written children’s tunes that were likely only created for elementary school choir teachers. Alice smiled at her students the whole time and kept pointing to her face to remind them not to look so serious. She did the motions to the songs with them, even though she wasn’t even sure if any of them were watching. By the end, she was positive she was the teacher cheering the loudest.

When the kids were done singing, they were instructed to sit on the risers as the select fifth graders performed their songs. Then, class by class, the teachers would line their students up and return them to their classroom where the parents and guardians would come pick them up. Her students lined up with proud smiles on their faces as they walked down the center aisle, waving to the people they knew in the audience. Alice noticed Dean shoot Lexi a wink as soon as she walked by which made the young girl laugh and wave enthusiastically.

Back in the classroom, Alice encouraged all of her students to sit. Some kids were asking about the snacks in the hallway, and she kept repeating that they could get snacks if their parents allowed it.

Then, she pulled out the cookies she had bought for all of them.

Slowly but surely, parents made their way into the room. They all stopped to chat with Alice for a while, sometimes asking how their child had done that semester and other times just striking up conversation. In the hallway outside her classroom, Alice had displayed artwork and short stories her students had completed so that her classroom wouldn’t get too crowded with parents looking at their student’s accomplishments. The last thing she needed was a classroom of 20 first graders and at least 20 adults all trying to maneuver around.

Alice was keeping track of how many students had already left with their guardians, not wanting to lose track of a kid. There were still about ten kids left in the room when Lexi’s family came in. They all made their way straight for Lexi. Sam lifted her up into his arms. “You did so good, Lex!” he said, tucking some of her unruly hair behind her ear. Lexi just smiled and buried her face in Sam’s neck. Another family came in, so Alice chatted with them a little bit as the rest of the Winchester clan left the room. She hadn’t realized Dean stayed until the other family left. He had his hands behind his back as he walked over to her, and when he stood in front of her, he handed her a bouquet of red and white poinsettias and roses. “For you,” he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she took the bouquet.

She chuckled. “You should’ve gotten these for Lexi. She did all the work.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” he said. “I pulled a rose out of her for her first. I just wanted to make sure you’re celebrated today too.”

“I hardly did anything,” she said with another laugh. Dean shook his head in disagreement.

“You don’t celebrate yourself enough,” he said. “You’ve been working nonstop for these past two weeks just to make sure everything gets done on time and goes well for these kids. You’ve been sleeping less, and I know you’ve been stressed. And look how good it turned out!” He motioned around to the kids still chatting with each other and some more parents and families coming in and eating snacks with their children. When she looked back at Dean, he smiled again. “I can’t pretend to understand all you have to do for this job,” he said, “but I don’t think you’re praised enough for how much work you put into what you do.” He kissed her on the cheek. “Congratulations on your first semester as a teacher, sweetheart.”

Alice fought back a lump in her throat as she gave Dean yet another hug. So much had been happening in her life lately that she hadn’t had the chance to take a breath and realize that her first year of teaching was flying by. Things were just as stressful as she had been told they would be in college, but she hadn’t realized how nonstop her life had been until Dean pointed it out to her. She wasn’t used to getting praised for what she did, and to have Dean say all of that meant more than words could ever say.

She wiped away a quick tear and looked over his shoulder. “Okay,” she said. “I have more families to talk to. Go join the others.” Dean chuckled and nodded.

“You want me to come back here before we head out?” he asked.

“No,” she said with a dismissive shake of her head. “I’ll probably stay late and help clean up a bit. I’ll just meet you at home for dinner.”

“Should I make something?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

He nodded again and left her in the room to chat with other families. About an hour went by before she was finally alone in her classroom. Before she started to clean up, she sat at her desk and opened the presents that a few of her students had gotten her. Ten gifts later, she had received five mugs, two Starbucks gift cards, one candle, one teacher-themed necklace, and one plaque that read, “Thank you, Ms. Berkley, for teaching me things I did not know, for helping me to flourish and grow, for showing me things I could not see, and for bringing out the very best in me.” She set the plaque up in front of her computer so it would be the first thing she would see every morning upon arriving to school, then packed all the other things in her bag.

Before heading out, she made sure to tidy up her room. All the student work that wasn’t taken home, she brought back into the classroom and filed away into each student’s cubby. Once she was done in her room, she made her way down the hallway and to the gym to help Jimmy and a few teachers clean up in there. Folding up all the chairs and cleaning up the lobby took another hour, and by the time she was done, she was exhausted.

She bid farewell to her colleagues and headed outside to her car. As soon as she was in, she let out a heavy breath of exhaustion. She looked at the flowers in the passenger seat and smiled, then started the car and made her way to Dean’s apartment.

She was in the middle of jamming out to “Older” by Ben Platt when her car started to slow down. She pressed more on the gas, but nothing happened. “What?” she said to herself, her eyebrows furrowing. She groaned in annoyance and pulled over to the side of the road. She wasn’t in an alley or even in a particularly nasty part of town like the last time she got a flat, so she didn’t feel as worried about her wellbeing. If anything, she was more annoyed.

“Great,” she mumbled, cutting the ignition. “Love this for me.” She got out of the car and popped the hood, then put her flashlight in her mouth and started tinkering with things, checking for the most common engine issues. Usually, she could spot basic car problems, and even if she couldn’t fix them at the time, she could call her dads and fill them in on what had happened. It took her a few moments, but she found the problem. There was a small cut in her radiator hose.

“What?” she said to herself. “How did that happen?” She reached in her pocket for her phone, but was never able to make a call.


	24. Goodfellas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 4,129  
> warnings - language, blood, descriptions of torture, implications of rape, it’s a heavy chapter so just be warned

When Alice woke up, she had no idea where she was. She was hanging from the ceiling by chains, her toes just barely touching the ground. She lifted her head drowsily and blinked, adjusting to the dim light in the room. She looked around, trying to get her bearings.

“You know-” She jumped at the voice behind her, unable to turn and see who it belonged to. “-you can only get about five miles with a tear in your radiator hose.”

The person walked in front of her, and she felt her stomach drop. “Lucifer,” she muttered.

“Oh, you remember me!” he said, putting his hand on his chest. “I’m flattered.”

“Let me go,” she said, doing her best not to cry despite how terrified she was.

Lucifer tsked. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. See, you have something I need.”

“I don’t have anything,” she said. “You’ve got this all wrong.”

“Actually,” he said, “I don’t. Because I think you know a lot more than you say you do.” She shook her head in denial, and Lucifer grabbed her chin to stop her. She winced at the contact. “I want the location of the Wincehster bunker.”

“Why?” she asked, her voice cracking.

“Because, sweetheart,” he said, “I’m going to blow those fuckers off the map before they can cap me, capiche?”

She shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t understand. Why _me?_ I, I can’t help you.”

“Well,” he said, “I figured my chances of you breaking are much higher than any of his people. You know, they signed up for this. For violence. For torture. You? You just signed up for a good fucking, right? You never expected this.” He walked over to a table Alice hadn’t noticed until then. It was covered in tools, and she felt tears coming to her eyes. “Plus, I want to see how long it takes you to break. It’s kind of like a fun game for me.” He traced his hands over the tools. “That’s where I made a mistake with Lisa,” he said. “I didn’t get to see her pain. I didn’t get anything out of what happened to her except Dean’s utter brokenness. I’m not going to make that same mistake with you.”

“Please,” she said. “You don’t have to do this.”

“You’re right,” he said, folding his arms across his chest. “If you just tell me where the bunker is, you get to leave safe and sound.”

She shook her head no. “I can’t.”

Lucifer sighed. “Suit yourself.”

With every punch delivered to Alice’s body, her mind repeated the same phrase: _Never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut._ It was a line from _Goodfellas_ that she knew applied to her situation. She couldn’t give Dean away. She knew that. She knew Lucifer would think she was weak. Every man she ever met thought she was weak. This time, she would prove otherwise.

Lucifer punched her, and blood gushed from her nose. “I’ll ask you again,” he said as she struggled to lift her head. “Where’s the bunker?”

She took a shaky breath. “I don’t know.” Lucifer sighed, put his hands on his hips, and hung his head.

“I’ll give you this, Alice,” he said, turning to the table. “You don’t give up easy.” When he turned to face her again, he was holding a knife. She couldn’t help the fear that bubbled up in her chest, and she knew Lucifer saw it. He grinned and waved the knife. “You could just talk, you know,” he said. “This doesn’t have to get ugly.” She spit some blood out of her mouth and onto the floor and looked up at him again.

“I don’t know anything.”

Lucifer tutted and walked back over to her, popping her shirt open with the knife. Without any hesitation, he took the knife and dug it into her skin, drawing a sharp line down the middle of her chest. She let out a scream and tossed her head back, feeling tears slide across her cheeks. “Tell me where the bunker is,” Lucifer said.

“I don’t know,” she said. He cut a line diagonal to the first and repeated the question. She gave the same answer. After doing this two more times, Lucifer sighed and put the knife back on the table. She tried to catch her breath, but every time she breathed too deeply, the cuts on her chest felt like they were tearing open. Just when Lucifer turned to her again with a new tool in his hand, her phone rang from where he had set it on the table. Lucifer picked it up and saw it was Dean. She thought he would answer it, but he didn’t. He looked at her and started walking back over to her. “You tell him everything’s fine,” Lucifer said. “You try anything funny, this knife is gonna go a little deeper, you understand?” She swallowed thickly and nodded, so Lucifer pressed _answer_ on her phone.

“Hey, Dean,” she said, doing her best to mask the fear in her voice.

“Hey,” he said. “What’s taking you so long?”

“Sorry,” she said, looking up at Lucifer. “Clean up has just been taking way longer than I expected, and I’ve been talking to my colleagues and stuff.”

“Right,” Dean said. She could picture him putting his hand on his forehead, knowing he could read her through the phone just as well as he could in person. “You want to talk about our trip to Poughkeepsie? I thought we could leave next week.”

“Yeah,” she said, closing her eyes and praying the tears wouldn’t fall. “Yeah, we can talk about it later. I, I gotta go though.” She cleared her throat and looked up at Lucifer again. “Thomas needs my help with the balloons.”

“Okay,” Dean said. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay,” she whispered. Before either of them could say anything else, Lucifer hung up the phone.

“Aw, you’re planning a vacation?” Lucifer teased. “Isn’t that sweet. You know, you two really do make a great couple.” He turned back to the table. “Now. Where were we?”

He grabbed the tool he had put down earlier, and she noticed right away they were pliers. She held back her tears and bit her lip when she felt it shaking. “You could just tell me, you know,” he said. “I really can’t see how Dean Winchester could be worth all this.”

“Go to hell,” she breathed out.

He laughed. “I’ve already been. Didn’t quite sit right with me.”

She clenched her fists, trying to hide the tips of her nails, but he had no problem prying her fingers out and exposing them to him again. “Which one should I take first?” he asked, tapping the pliers against her fingers. “Eenie, meenie, minie, mo-” He finally settled on her middle finger and pinched the nail between the pliers. She screamed as he slowly pulled the nail from her finger. There was no use in holding back her sobs anymore. Her whole body was shaking, and the minute she looked up at her finger, she felt nauseous. She leaned over and threw up, doing her best not to get any vomit on herself, though it was a lost cause..

Lucifer tutted and pet her hair before gripping it in his fist and yanking her head up so she looked at him again. “Where, is, the bunker?” he asked.

_Never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut._

She mustered all her strength to spit in his face.

“Go, to, hell,” she repeated.

Lucifer got even more creative after that. Between the cuts he drew across her skin, the torch he used to burn her, and the power clamps he used to shock her, she was struggling to stay awake through the pain. Most of the time, she was unconscious until he splashed water on her to wake her up again just for more pain. He had to have asked her ten times where the bunker was, but she wasn’t cracking. She wouldn’t crack.

She threw up again, blood coming out of her mouth as well after he punched her in the jaw. “Ready to talk yet?” Lucifer asked, putting his brass knuckles down and wiping his bloody hands on a towel. She let out a shaky breath.

“Bite me.”

Anger flooded Lucifer’s eyes, and he shook his head as he walked over to her. “You know, Alice,” he said, “there are some lines that I never want to cross, but some people are harder to break than others, and I gotta do what I gotta do.” He grabbed her by her hips and squeezed them tightly, then moved back to put his hand on her stomach. “Maybe I’ll bring another child into this world. Since my son’s finally taken a liking to me.”

“No,” she cried, her facade breaking. “Don’t.”

“Hmm, finally found your weak spot, huh?” he said, moving his hand down her stomach.

“Stop,” she said. “I am begging you.”

“Easy,” Lucifer said. “Just tell me where the bunker is.”

She shook her head no. “I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

She bit her lip and shook her head no, silent tears falling from her eyes. Lucifer sighed and started unbuckling her jeans. “Believe me when I say,” he said, “that I wish I didn’t have to do this.”

-

Dean was driving faster than he was sure he had ever gone before. He had one hand on the wheel and the other was holding his cell phone to his ear. “I want you contacting everyone we’ve got,” Dean said to Cas who was on the other end of the line. “Hell, you call Sam if you’re running short on options! Bobby, Rufus, Jody, Ellen, _Crowley_ , if you have to. I want every person whose number we have contacted and brought along. I don’t know if he’s alone or if he’s got his men surrounding the place, but my only priority is getting her out, and I can’t do that if I’m ambushed.”

“I understand,” Cas said. “I’ve already informed all of them. As soon as I told Sam what was going on, he wanted in. We’ll get her, Dean.”

“ _I’ll_ get her,” Dean said. “ _You_ all will cover my ass and gank anyone who gets in the way. You understand me?”

“I understand,” Cas said.

“Wait outside until I get there, and we’ll make a plan.”

Dean was at the farmhouse in minutes, and all the others were already there. Dean slammed shut the door of the Impala and jogged over to his people. Sam, Cas, Bobby, Rufus, Jody, Ellen, Charlie, Garth, Eileen, Kevin, Donna, Amara, Benny, and Ketch were there. Dean was genuinely glad they didn’t have to rope Crowley into it. He didn’t want to worry about keeping him in check when he had much more important things to worry about.

“We scoped the place out,” Bobby said. “We’re seeing two doors: front and back.”

“Her voice was kind of tinny,” Dean said. “Gut says she’s in the basement. We go in, split up, I go downstairs, we gank any of these idiots we meet along the way. No hesitation. Shoot first, questions later, you understand?” The men and women all nodded, and Dean gave one short nod of confirmation. Sam, Rufus, Ellen, Eileen, Kevin, Benny, and Ketch went through the back door and Dean, Cas, Bobby, Jody, Charlie, Garth, Donna, and Amara went through the front. They crossed into the house, and shots rang out from every direction. Dean clocked three men before making his way through the house to find the basement.

Lucifer froze, mid punch, as soon as he heard shots ring out upstairs. He muttered a quick, “Shit,” and grabbed his gun from the table. Alice thought for a second that he was going to shoot her, but instead, he made his way to the basement window. He pushed it open and crawled out of it with ease. She watched him, trying to keep her eyes open. Her head felt heavy and it was pounding like she was at a bad rock concert. All she wanted was to close her eyes again, but when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs, she tried to stay more alert to see what was going on.

When she was able to focus her eyes again, Alice saw Dean running towards her. “Hey, hey,” he said, crouching in front of her, putting his hand on her cheek.

“Dean,” she breathed out. “Hey.”

“I’ve got Alice,” Dean said, putting his finger against his ear as he spoke into the com system. He spoke to Alice and said, “Let’s get you out of here.” He picked the lock on her chains and caught her as she collapsed. His stomach felt sick as he looked at all the blood she was covered in, not to mention the fact that her jeans were unbuttoned and her underwear was ripped. Dean started to button her jeans back up, but Alice couldn’t stand up on her own. Her legs gave out, and he knelt beside her and held her close to him.

“Dean,” she sobbed, “I didn’t tell him anything. I swear.”

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” he said. “It’s alright. You did so good. I’m gonna get you all fixed up now.” She shook her head no and put her hand on his cheek.

“I’ve been bleeding bad for a long time,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She was right. She was bleeding everywhere, and more than he had ever seen after someone was tortured. Her legs, arms, hands, and torso were all covered in blood. She was looking faint, and Dean had to lean close to her to make out what she was saying. “I think I’m-”

“No, no,” Dean said. “You’re gonna be fine, okay?”

“It’s okay, Dean,” she said, her eyes fluttering closed. “It’s okay.”

“Keep your eyes open,” he said, tapping her cheeks. It wasn’t enough to hurt, but it was enough to get her attention. “I need you to stay awake, okay?”

“I’m tired,” she breathed out.

“I know you are,” he said. “But I need you to stay awake until we get you to the doctor.” He turned his head away from her and focused on talking in the coms. “Cas! Sam! Someone get your ass down here!”

Alice tried again to speak. “Lucifer, he-”

“No, shh, don’t talk,” he said. “Just focus on staying awake.”

“S'important, Dean,” she said. “He’s trying-” She swallowed and was clearly concentrating hard on what she wanted to say. “He’s trying to find the bunker.”

“Okay,” Dean said, wondering how fucking long it took someone to walk down the fucking stairs.

“No, no, Dean,” she said. He looked down at her. “I think he wants to blow it up.” His eyebrows furrowed.

“What are you talking about?” he asked. She swallowed again and tried to focus on breathing.

“Says he’s gonna blow you off the map,” she said, “before you guys get him.” She felt tears coming to her eyes again. “I swear, Dean. I didn’t say-”

“Sh, sh,” he said again. “You did so good, sweetheart. Such a brave girl. My strong, strong girl. You remembered our special code word and everything. I’m so proud of you. You’re gonna be okay.”

Cas and Sam both made it to the basement, guns raised, only to lower them as soon as they saw Dean and Alice. They ran over to them. “One of you needs to bring the car around,” Dean said. “I’m gonna carry her upstairs, so get the door for me.”

The men both nodded, and Dean picked Alice up and headed up the stairs. She whimpered a bit at the new position, and he just pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’re okay,” he said. “You’re okay.”

Sam brought the car around, and Dean slid in the back with Alice. He pressed on the accelerator, speeding off in the direction of the hospital. “Stay awake for me, okay sweetheart?” Dean said, kissing her forehead and tucking some hair behind her ear. She nodded but didn’t open her eyes.

And she wanted to. She really wanted to.

By the time they got to the hospital, she was out. Dean lifted her up and burst in through the ER doors leaving Sam to park the car. “I need help!” Dean shouted. “Somebody help me!”

Some nurses ran in, and he saw Jody’s daughter, Alex, spot him from down the hall. She ran over to them while calling for a gurney to be brought. Dean helped Alice onto the gurney and pushed some of her hair away from her face. “What happened?” Alex asked.

“Uh, uh,” Dean tried to focus. “I’m not sure. Some broken fingers. Busted jaw. Some knife wounds. And, and burns. Uh, I’m not completely sure.” Dean kept following the gurney as they pushed it away, but Alex stopped him once they got to the doors he wasn’t allowed to pass through.

“Dean, I can’t let you come any further,” she said.

“You need to let me through!” he shouted, pushing past her. A few stronger men came by and held Dean back. “Get your fucking hands off of me!”

“Dean, Dean!”

He turned around and saw Sam running towards him. Sam held him back and pulled him away from the nurses. Dean pushed him off of him but didn’t try any harder to get through the doors. He just watched as they fluttered back and forth. His jaw was clenched, and it was doing everything in his power not to punch everything around him. Instead, he sunk to the floor and leaned his back against the wall. He set his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands. Sam sat beside him.

“She’ll be alright,” Sam said.

“This never should’ve happened,” Dean said. “I never should’ve gotten this close to her. This was such a rookie mistake, man.”

Sam hesitated. “I don’t really think it was.” Dean looked at him with raised eyebrows. “I’m just saying. You finally opened your heart up to someone again. I don’t think that’s a mistake, and I don’t think Alice would think so either.” Dean wiped his face with his hand and sighed. Sam saw how red his brother’s eyes were, and he knew it was taking everything in him not to lose it.

“I can’t keep putting the people I love in danger,” Dean said. “I can’t.”

“You don’t get to make that choice for her,” Sam said. “If she wants you, she knows what that comes with. Especially now.”

“And if she wants to leave?” Dean asked. Sam shrugged and licked his lips.

“Then you rest everyday knowing she’s safe.”

Dean sighed. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Sammy.”

Sam never thought he’d hear Dean say that.

“So,” Sam said, “what do you want to do? Let Crowley take on Lucifer alone? Kill Lucifer and then leave Crowley to his own devices?”

“I don’t know, man,” Dean said. “Maybe I need the simple life. Settle down. Pop out a few kids. Like you and Jess.”

“It’s not that easy,” Sam said. “I left it with you in charge. Who are you gonna leave it to? Cas?” Dean scoffed and ran a hand through his hair.

“There’s no good way out of this for me, is there?” he said.

Sam sighed. “No way out alive.”

Dean’s usual doctor, Dr. Grandin came over to the boys then, and they immediately got up from the floor. “What’s the damage?” Dean asked him. “How is she? Is she okay? Is she gonna be okay?”

“She’s fine,” Dr. Grandin said. “Still unconscious, but she’s in stable condition. We wrapped her jaw, her fingers, and her burn marks. The scars from the knife will likely never fully fade. She’s going to be in a lot of pain for a while.” He hesitated. “Unfortunately, I can’t give you all the medical details without her signed consent.”

“We have a deal, Grandin,” Dean said, his eyes narrowing.

“And I have a medical license I intend on keeping,” he replied. “Dean, I can’t break patient doctor confidentiality. If you want any additional information, you’ll have to ask her.”

Dean sighed. “Can I at least see her?” he asked, his voice cracking. Dr. Grandin nodded and opened his mouth to say something else, but Dean pushed past him. Sam could get all the details. “Room 237!” Dr. Grandin called after Dean.

When he got into Alice’s room, he had to clench his jaw to stop himself from crying. He rushed over to her and pulled up a chair, dragging it close to the bed. She looked so small and fragile, and it was _his_ fault. She was there because of him. He took her hand gently and brought it up to her lips to kiss it. “Sweetheart, I don’t know if you can hear me,” he whispered, “but I’m so sorry. I’m not gonna leave until you’re awake, okay? And when you’re awake, I’m gonna make sure you’re always safe.”

Sam came into the room then and pulled up a chair beside Dean. “How’s she doing?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know,” Dean said. “She, she’s still beeping.” He pointed to the monitor with the hand that wasn’t still holding hers.

“Richard’s holding up his end,” Sam said, speaking of Dr. Grandin, “as usual. I wouldn’t worry.”

“I’m never worried about Richard,” Dean mumbled. He was still looking at Alice, as if the harder he stared, the more likely she’d wake up. He had made a deal with Dr. Grandin a long time ago: he patches up any bloody body Dean brings his way, Dean doesn’t kill him. This saved them from working with sketchy doctors in dirty basements.

The door to the hospital room burst open then, and Christine walked in dressed in her scrubs. “Shit,” she said, running over to Alice’s side. Dean and Sam both stood up and gave her space. “Shit, shit.” She looked at Dean and Sam, anger filled in her eyes. “What did you do to her?” she screamed, slapping Dean’s chest. “This is your fault!”

Dean tried to calm her down. “Christine-”

“She told me who you are,” she said, “and I _warned_ her to stay away! I told her what would happen! And she ignored me! Said you loved her and that you’d always protect her! But you _didn’t!_ ” She continued to pound her fists against Dean’s chest, and he just let her. Sam was the one who gently grabbed her arms and pulled her away from his brother. She broke down into tears, and Sam allowed her to cry against his chest.

“Doctor says she’ll be okay,” Sam said, rubbing Christine’s back. “Just some scars.” Christine sniffed and nodded, then pulled away from Sam. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and turned to Dean again.

“She has been hurt enough,” she said, her tone cold and serious, “but I know her. I know she’ll fall right back into your arms. She’ll listen to your reassuring words, and she’ll believe everything you say.” She poked his chest. “But if you ever, _ever_ get her hurt like this again, I will go to the cops so fucking fast. I know all about your bunker. All about your plot against Lucifer. All about everything. And I keep my mouth shut because it’s not my business. Because I don’t want to get roped into your shit. Because I love Alice, and she asked me to leave it be. But I swear to god, Dean. She’s my sister, and I’d do anything to protect her. Even if that means sticking my neck out and winding up on the mafia’s radar. Do you understand?”

Sam raised his eyebrows as he looked over Christine’s shoulder at Dean. If anyone were to speak to Dean this way, they usually didn’t live to see tomorrow. He was dangerous. He could grab his gun and pop Christine right between the eyes without even flinching. But Sam didn’t see anger on Dean’s face. He saw guilt. The elder Winchester just clenched his jaw, licked his lips, and nodded at Christine. “I’m so sorry,” Dean said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I never meant for this to happen.” Christine’s hard expression didn’t shift.

“I’ll tell her you stopped by,” she said to him, “but you need to leave.”

“Please,” Dean started to say, “I can’t lea-”

“I’ll say it one more fucking time,” Christine said. “Get the hell out of this room.”

Dean sighed but obliged with a nod. Sam looked at him, silently questioning the decision, but when Dean walked out without another word, Sam knew to keep his mouth shut.


	25. Were

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,428  
> warnings - language, implications of rape, mentions of miscarriage, it’s another heavy chapter sorry

Alice woke up with a severe pounding in her temples. She blinked against the bright lights and turned her head. “Hey,” she said, her voice scratchy. Christine was sitting on the chair beside her bed reading a book and drinking some coffee, and she almost spilled her drink when Alice spoke. Alice managed a weak chuckle, and Christine put her book and drink down and reached out for her hand.

“Hey,” she said back, tears brimming in her eyes. “How’re you feeling?”

“My throat’s dry,” she said. “Can I have some water?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” she said. “I’ll go get you some and grab your doctor.” Alice nodded and whispered a thank you. Christine was out and back in what felt like only seconds, but she came back with a man she didn’t recognize.

“Hi, Alice,” he said. “I’m Dr. Grandin.”

“Hi,” she said back with a weak smile. “What’s the damage?”

“Are you comfortable with Christine hearing your medical details?” he asked. “If you wish to maintain patient-doctor confidentiality-”

“No, it’s fine,” Alice said without hesitation. “I’ll need her to catch things I miss. I still feel a little drowsy.”

“We did give you some pain medication,” he said, “after getting consent from your father.”

“You called my dad?” she asked.

Dr. Grandin nodded. “He was your emergency contact, and we couldn’t administer certain medications without consent.”

“I called him,” Christine said. “I didn’t tell him what happened, but I told him you were here.”

“How’d he react?” she asked.

“About how you’d expect,” she said. “He was here for a little bit while you were out, but he and Mark had a flight to catch this morning.”

“Right,” she said with a slow nod. “The auto show in Chicago.” Christine nodded as well.

“I told him I’d call as soon as you were awake,” she said, “but I think it’d be best if I could give him a little report of how you’re doing.” Alice nodded in agreement, and both girls looked at Dr. Grandin. He flipped through Alice’s medical files and spewed off a bunch of jargon she didn’t understand. Just as she had said, it was a good thing Christine was there, considering she’d understand a lot more than Alice would. What Alice did understand was the pain and the scars she knew would never go away. Knife wounds on her chest, stomach, arms, and thighs, three broken fingers, third degree burns on her bicep, and four broken ribs.

“How much of the evening do you remember?” Dr. Grandin asked. Alice squeezed her eyes shut.

_“Believe me when I say,” Lucifer said, “that I wish I didn’t have to do this.”_

_“Please,” she cried, tears streaming down her face. Lucifer unbuttoned her pants and ripped her underwear. He ignored her pleas as he unbuckled his own pants._

_“Tell me where the bunker is,” he said. “It’s that easy.”_

_“I can’t,” she said. “I can’t.”_

_Lucifer only sighed, and Alice knew that there was only one way out of this, but she couldn’t. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to be brave. She would take anything if it meant Dean would live. She knew whatever she told Lucifer would lead to Dean’s death, and she would never be able to live with herself if that happened. So, she squeezed her eyes shut and tried her best to disassociate from the moment._

She opened her eyes again. “Everything,” she whispered.

Dr. Grandin nodded. “So, we gave you some preventative medication for any STDs you might’ve contracted.” Christine’s eyes grew wide, but she didn’t say anything. Alice was glad. She never wanted to say what he did to her out loud.

“That being said,” Dr. Grandin continued, “I was wondering if you were aware that you were pregnant?” Alice couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah,” she said, putting her hands on her stomach. She looked at Christine. “I’ve already had a few appointments with another doctor, but I haven’t told-”

She stopped herself, Christine’s heartbroken expression registering. Her brain replayed the words the doctor had said all over again.

“Wait,” she said, laughing nervously, “you said _were_ pregnant?”

Dr. Grandin sighed and gave her a pained, apologetic expression. “I’m so sorry,” he said.

“No,” she said as she shook her head. “No, you’re wrong.”

“Your body underwent significant trauma,” he said, “and one in four pregnancies-”

“No!” she screamed, her whole body beginning to shake. “No, you’re, you’re wrong! You’re lying!”

“Alice, Alice,” Christine said, trying to get her to calm down. “It’s gonna be okay.”

She could feel herself start to hyperventilate, and Christine noticed, quickly helping her through some breathing exercises. It took a few minutes, but Alice was finally able to catch her breath. Christine gave her a soft smile. Dr. Grandin had left the room, so Christine stood up. “Give me a minute to talk to the doc,” she said, “and then I’ll drive you home, okay?”

Alice didn’t say anything, just nodded. When Christine left, Alice stared down at her hands, her whole body feeling numb. There were no tears. No lump rising in her throat. Her brain was blank, like she couldn’t process what was happening.

She didn’t know how much time had passed before Christine came back. “I called your dad,” she said. “He’s glad you’re okay. Wants you to call as soon as you can.” Alice didn’t say anything, and Christine cleared her throat. “Alright, Dr. Grandin cleared me to check your vitals and finish up in here, and then we can go.” Alice didn’t say anything again, so Christine just went to work.

Christine felt sick to her stomach, so she couldn’t imagine how Alice was feeling. The fact that she wasn’t responding to anything freaked her out. It wouldn’t surprise her at all if she was suffering from some serious PTSD, but not even responding to her? To say Christine was worried was an understatement.

Still, she drove Alice back to her apartment. Without a single word, Alice made her way to her bedroom and closed the door behind her. Christine sighed and leaned up against the kitchen counter, rubbing her temples with her hands. She was glad it was holiday break, because Alice wouldn’t have to worry about getting a substitute for school. There was no way she would’ve been ready to go back anytime soon. Then again, was two weeks enough to heal from such trauma? From stab wounds and broken bones and burning and electrocution and… rape?

Christine moved to the couch and pulled her knees up to her chest. Tears started streaming down her face as she thought about what Alice had gone through. She was still angry with Dean, but that feeling had faded to the background.

She shot Aaron a text: _I’ll stay with Alice for a while and keep you posted with how she’s doing._

Aaron responded quickly: _And how is she doing?_

_Christine: Not well if I’m being honest. I’m a little worried. She’s not talking … but she probably just needs some space_

_Aaron: Right. Just keep me updated. Thanks for looking out for her_

_Christine: Always_

Sunday went by.

Monday went by.

Tuesday went by.

When Wednesday hit and Alice’s condition didn’t get any better, Christine knew she needed to do something.

-

Dean jumped when his phone rang, the words _UNKNOWN NUMBER_ flashing across the screen. He sighed and picked it up. “Hello?” he said.

“Dean?” the girl on the other end said.

“Yeah?” he answered gruffly.

“It’s, um-” She hesitated. “It’s Alice’s friend, Christine.” Dean sat up a little straighter.

“Uh, uh, hi,” he said. “Is, is everything okay?” Christine was quiet for a moment.

“Could you come to her apartment?” she asked. “I, I think it’d be best if we talk here.”

“I’ll leave right now,” he said. He didn’t give Christine a chance to respond before hanging up the phone and rushing out of the house.

He was at Alice’s apartment in 20 minutes, and he buzzed to get into the building. He was let in, and he took the stairs to get up rather than the elevator, not having the patience to wait. When he got to the front door, he composed himself. He was about to see Alice. He needed to be calm. He knew she wasn’t mad at him, but he didn’t want to do something that would make Christine kick him out again. He knocked on the door, and Christine answered right away.

“Hey,” she said, opening the door and motioning for him to come in.

“Where is she?” Dean asked. “Is she okay?”

“Dean,” she said, “I think you should sit down.”

“Tell me she’s okay,” Dean said firmly.

“She’s-” Christine hesitated. “Dean, just sit down, okay?” He clenched his jaw, but obliged, moving to the living room where he and Christine could sit on the couch. He kept looking around, almost expecting Alice to walk in. When Christine said Dean’s name again, he made himself look at her. “Alice was twelve weeks pregnant,” she said. Dean’s face lit up, and just as quickly dropped again.

“What do you mean was?” he asked. Christine licked her lips and looked down at her hands.

“Doctor said she miscarried,” she said. “He can’t be sure why. It, it might’ve been the trauma of what happened, but it could’ve just been statistics. But, um-” She hesitated and cleared her throat. “-Lucifer didn’t just beat her up. He, he raped her, too.” Dean was holding back tears as he rubbed his face.

“What?” he whispered.

Christine licked her lips and sighed. “I know.”

“Is she okay?” he asked again.

She sighed. “I haven’t been able to get her to do anything. She gets up to go to the bathroom, and that’s it. She hasn’t showered or eaten since she came home. She hasn’t said a single word since we left the hospital, and she hasn’t cried at all. Not even when the doctor first told her. I’m-” She hesitated. “I’m really scared, and I don’t think I can help her like you can.” Dean nodded and swallowed thickly, rubbing his palms on his thighs. “Dean,” she said, just before he stood up, “I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I know it wasn’t your fault-”

“But it was,” he argued. “I never should’ve-”

“Dean,” she said, stopping his protests. “She’s never been happier than when she’s with you. She knew the dangers, and she was okay with them. I’m sure she still is. You can’t blame yourself for this, and I won’t blame you either. Neither will she.” Dean nodded and gave her a tight, sad smile.

“Thank you for looking out for her,” he said. She nodded, then stood up from the couch.

“Just call me if you need anything,” she said. He nodded and watched as she walked out the door. When he was alone, he took a deep breath and stood up from the couch.

_Alice needs you._

Dean made his way into Alice’s bedroom and knocked lightly on the door before walking in. The room smelled horrible, and the lights were off and the shades were pulled. He could barely make out the lump on the bed. “Alice?” he said. She didn’t move. He walked over to the bed and sat beside her, hesitantly reaching out to touch her. Half of him expected her to jump or flinch, but she didn’t move at all. He knew she wasn’t asleep though, because he could see her eyes were open, just staring blankly ahead of her.

It was taking everything in his power not to break.

“How about I run you a bath, okay?” he said. She didn’t say anything, but he decided not to push. He stood up, went into the bathroom, and filled up her bathtub. He found some bubble bath and put that in too. Once it was ready, he went back to the bedroom and over to the bed. “Hey,” he said, pushing some hair away from her forehead. “That bath’s all ready. You wanna stand up for me?” She stayed silent again, so he just picked her up and brought her into the bathroom. He took her clothes off for her and laid her in the tub. She was unresponsive the entire time, and Dean had no idea what to do.

He grabbed the showerhead and started running the water through her hair. They were both quiet as he helped her get clean. He was careful as he washed her body, not wanting to scare her or make her uncomfortable in any way. She had scars now that were worse than the one she got from Greg, and no matter what anyone said, those were his fault.

He helped her out of the bath and drained the tub, then wrapped a fluffy towel around her. “Doesn’t that feel better?” he said. She didn’t respond, and Dean held back a sigh as he lifted her up again and brought her into the bedroom. He dressed her in some of her pajamas, grabbed her hairbrush, and carried her out to the living room. “Why don’t you brush your hair,” he said, “and I’ll get some clean sheets for your bed, sound good?” She didn’t say or do anything, and Dean sighed and crouched in front of her. “Can you do something to let me know you hear me?” he whispered. “Can you, can you look at me? Can you nod?”

Alice didn’t meet his eyes, but she looked down at her hands and nodded.

“Good girl,” he said softly. “Brush your hair for me, okay? I’ll be right back.”

He hurried around the bedroom, not wanting to leave her alone for too long. He found a spare set of sheets in her closet and remade the bed, then threw her old sheets and dirty clothes in the wash. When he came back, he saw she was in the middle of brushing her hair. Her strokes were so slow, they were almost invisible. She was staring into space still, but there were no signs of tears anywhere. “Can I make you some food?” he asked, walking back over to her. She shook her head no. “Sweetheart,” he said, “I know you haven’t eaten since you came home. I need you to eat something. Just let me make you some toast, okay?” She didn’t say anything, but he figured that was better than her shaking her head again.

When the toast was ready, he spread some butter and jam on it, knowing that was how she liked it. He made two slices and brought them over to her on a plate along with a glass of water. She had finished brushing her hair, so he handed her the plate. She took it but didn’t attempt to eat anything. “Can I braid your hair?” he offered. She shrugged, so he moved to sit behind her on the couch, his legs on either side of her torso. He thought carefully through each action, doing his best to braid her hair perfectly after all the practice they had done together. He was happy when he heard her crunch into the toast he had given her, but her lack of words was still killing him. Still, he knew this was a conversation she’d have to start herself.

Just as he tied off her braid, she finally spoke.

“I should’ve told you,” she said. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Dean shook his head. “You had no obligation,” he said.

“She was yours just as much as she was mine,” she said.

Dean cleared his throat. “She?”

Alice shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. It was too early to know. I just, I had this feeling.” She put her hand on her stomach as she hung her head. She shook her head again. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not,” Dean said. He noticed her shaking, and he whispered her name. She covered her mouth with her hand, but he could still hear her sob.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap, and she broke down, clinging onto his shirt and burying her face in his chest. He held her tightly, kissing the top of her head as tears came to his own eyes, but he tried to blink them back. This was not about him. He didn’t even feel like he had a right to be hurting. Not like she did.

“I’m so sorry,” she said through her sobs. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“For what?” he asked. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I, I don’t know,” she said. “You probably didn’t even want a baby, and, and I didn’t tell you because I was scared of how you’d react, so I didn’t tell you. But I was going to tell you, Dean. I had it all planned out. I was-” Tears were still flowing, and she tried to catch her breath enough to form a coherent thought. “I found the cutest shirt that said, it said _future big cousin_ , and I was gonna get it for Lexi, and I was gonna have her wear it for Saturday night dinner, and, and you were gonna be so happy, Dean. It was gonna be so, so perfect.” More sobs escaped her lips as she shook her head and kept talking. “But then I lost it, Dean. I, I just fucked up. I fucked up twice. I fucked up and got pregnant and then I fucked up and lost the baby.”

“Hey, hey,” Dean said. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.” She sniffed, and wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I just feel really broken,” she whispered. “I don’t think I’m ever gonna be okay again.”

“But you will,” he assured her. “I’m gonna be with you through all of this, okay? You’re gonna be okay again, I promise you.” She looked up at him, and he wiped the rest of the tears from her eyes. “I love you,” he whispered.

Her tears started falling all over again.

“You do?” she croaked out. Dean smiled, though his eyes were still pained.

“Of course I do,” he said.

The laugh Alice let out sounded a bit like a cry. “I love you too,” she whispered. He kissed her so softly, she almost didn’t feel it. When he pulled away, he stroked her cheek with the back of his knuckles.

“Have you been sleeping at all?” he asked her.

She hung her head. “No.”

“You haven’t slept at _all?_ ” he asked.

“Every time I close my eyes,” she whispered, “I see him. I can’t.”

“Alright,” he said, standing up from the couch. “Let’s try and get some sleep together then, okay?” She nodded and followed him to the bedroom.

They both got into bed, and Dean wrapped his arms around Alice. She couldn’t help but feel uneasiness in her stomach at his touch. Dean didn’t notice her slight wince. “How did you find me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I got a hold of Jack,” he said. “He wasn’t part of the plan, but he was able to find the location.”

“Is Jack okay?” she asked. Dean looked down at her.

“With everything that happened to you,” he said, “you want to know if _Jack’s_ okay?”

“I want to talk about anything except what just happened to me,” she said, her voice cracking.

“Okay,” Dean said. “Okay. Yeah. Jack’s fine. As far as we know, he hasn’t been caught. No one found out he told me where you were.”

“Good,” Alice said. “I don’t want anyone getting hurt because of me.”

“Hey,” Dean said, gently lifting her chin. This time, he did notice her wince. “Sorry, did that hurt?”

“No,” she said. “I’m fine. Sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he said. “And anything that happens after this won’t be your fault. You could’ve cracked, and still, nothing would be your fault.”

“I didn’t crack,” she said, sitting up suddenly so she could look at Dean. “I swear. I _swear_ I didn’t-”

“Alice, Alice,” he said, sitting up as well. “It’s okay. I know. You did everything right.” Alice sniffed and laid down again. This time, she allowed herself to be held comfortably by Dean.

“I’m so afraid,” she choked out.

“He’s never, _ever_ going to get to you again,” he said. “I swear. And if he comes in your dreams, I’ll be right here. I’ll always be right here.”


	26. Family to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 2,828 (a short one!)  
> warnings - language, mention of miscarriage  
> A/N - this was kind of a filler sorry ya’ll

The next few days were hard. Usually, Alice was constantly in the Christmas spirit this time of year, but the holiday was the last thing on her mind. She was disappointed that her dads weren’t going to be in town, but Dean already told her she was more than welcome to spend the day with his family. Of course, she did.

She spent the night at Dean’s on Christmas Eve, and in an out of character moment, he was the one to wake her up in the morning. “Alice,” he muttered, his lips against her neck. “Hey, we gotta get up.”

“What?” she asked, the sleepiness confusing her slightly. “What’s going on?”

“We have to be at Sam and Jess’ in a half hour,” he said.

“A half hour?” she repeated. “Why didn’t you wake me up earlier? I have to get ready. We have to eat breakfast.”

“No,” Dean said. “It’s tradition to go there in our PJs, and Jess has breakfast made already.”

“Were we supposed to bring anything?” she asked.

He chuckled. “No, sweetheart. We’re good.”

Alice nodded and pushed herself out of bed. “Let me just wash my face and brush my teeth,” she said. Dean nodded and went to slip his shoes on. Once they were both ready, they headed down to the Impala, which Dean had loaded with their presents the night before. Alice slid close to Dean and wrapped her arms around his. He chuckled and turned on the heat, then kissed her head. She leaned over and turned on the radio, letting the smooth Christmas tunes fill the car.

“How much do they know?” Alice suddenly asked. Dean looked down at her before staring at the road again.

“None of them know you were pregnant,” he said.

“Jess knows,” she said. He looked at her again.

“You told her?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yeah. It was just circumstantial. It just kind of came out, and I needed someone who could help me through. She went to my appointments with me. I just told her not to say anything.” Dean made a noise of understanding. “Do they know what he did to me?” she whispered. His hands clenched around the steering wheel, and he shook his head no.

“Not that,” he said. “I kept out as many details as I could.” Alice nodded, and Dean kissed the top of her head again.

When they got to Sam and Jess’, Dean stopped Alice from getting out of the car. He put his hand on her cheek and tried to hide his sadness when she winced. “No one is expecting you to talk about what happened,” he said. “And if you feel too overwhelmed at any point, we can head home. No one’ll give you any shit for it.”

“Thanks,” she said, “but I need this. I need to see everyone. Especially Lexi.” He smiled and nodded, so the two of them got out of the car. When they got to the front door, Alice had to open it for Dean since his arms were filled with presents.

“Ho ho ho!” he called, his voice echoing through the house. As soon as Alice heard Lexi’s little feet run through the room, she felt a lump rise in her throat. She didn’t know if it was one of happiness or sadness. All she knew was that, whenever she was sad, her kids always made her feel better. If she had a rough weekend, she would always look forward to Monday. Usually, people experienced the opposite, but Alice loved her kids.

And she loved Lexi the most.

She crouched down on the ground and held her arms out, catching Lexi in the hug she tackled her with. Alice held her close to her chest and rested her head on top of hers. “Merry Christmas, Ms. Alice!” Lexi said.

Alice sniffed. “Merry Christmas, hon.”

Lexi pulled away and saw the tears on Alice’s cheeks. “Why are you crying?” she asked, wiping away her tears with her little hands.

She chuckled. “Nothing, Lex. I’m just so so happy to see you.” Lexi smiled.

“I’m happy to see you too!” she said. “Santa came!”

“Did he?” Alice said with wide, playful eyes. “That’s so exciting!”

“Come see, come see!”

Lexi took Alice’s hand and pulled her through the house and to the living room where everyone was waiting. “Merry Christmas,” she greeted. Dean was already in the room, putting the presents under the tree, and the others were sitting around on the couch. As soon as she walked in, they all jumped up from their seats and walked over to her to hug her. She knew they were all pitying her, but she was glad no one was actually saying anything.

[Lexi](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thecompanystore.com%2Ffamily-flannel-santa-print-girls-nightgown%2F60005F-SANTA.html&t=NmEwZmJlOGMwMjA4NmM0MTYzZmM4MjYxNDhmOGY4MjY5ZmM0MDFkYSxPT1RmRDFuZg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F629415789569671168%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1600364091), [Sam](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thecompanystore.com%2Fmens-family-flannel-santa-print-pajama-set%2F60005C-SANTA.html&t=MDJiYzFlZjJjZmI4Zjc1YzljZDEyMWYwZGFlZDAwMGVmZjlkZTBiYixPT1RmRDFuZg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F629415789569671168%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1600364091), and [Jess](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thecompanystore.com%2Fwomens-family-flannel-santa-print-pajama-set%2F60005A-L-SANTA.html%3Fcgid%3Dclearance-clothing%26%26cm_mmc%3DGPLA-_-%255BADL%255D%255BGoogle%255D%255BPLA%255D%255BAdult%255DConsolidated-_-c-_-60005A-L-SANTA%26gclid%3DCj0KCQjwo6D4BRDgARIsAA6uN19lRLRXAWjTwgRwdMMCptGakm_uceNiZiNwEKebOpAN_FyIG-voTnQaAkT_EALw_wcB%26gclsrc%3Daw.ds&t=YmE5ZTY1ZDBiNDg4NGZiODkwYTQ3NWI2NjBiOWU3YWEzOGUwOTUzZixPT1RmRDFuZg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F629415789569671168%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1600364091) were all wearing matching pajamas, and [Cas](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pajamagram.com%2Fred-star-wars-pj-men&t=MTJhYjE4YThmNTkwMjc3ZTFjNTY0NzE0OGFmM2NlYTc0YWIyZDQ5MixPT1RmRDFuZg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F629415789569671168%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1600364091) and [Hannah](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pajamagram.com%2Fred-star-wars-pj-women&t=NDI0MmQ1MjdhNzIyNGZlMWQ4MTQzNDI5ZWIzODZhZDI5N2QwNmJlNyxPT1RmRDFuZg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F629415789569671168%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1600364091) were wearing a matching Star Wars set. “Did [Dean](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thecompanystore.com%2Fselections%2Ffamily-flannel-pajamas-selections%2F60001C-REDPLAID.html&t=NWZhMzhmODQ1MzVhYmQ1OTE2YTVhZWUyNTE5MzJkNTA5ODY4ZTBmMixPT1RmRDFuZg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F629415789569671168%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1600364091) and [I](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pajamagram.com%2Fred-and-green-christmas-stripe-pj-women&t=MTJjN2RiNWZjYTJmYmQxZTlkNGE3ZmQ5M2FmOGQ4ODRlODUyOTkzNyxPT1RmRDFuZg%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F629415789569671168%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1600364091) miss the matching PJ memo?” she asked with a chuckle.

“Oh, no,” Cas said, “Dean doesn’t wear matching pajamas with anyone.”

“Hm,” Alice hummed. “I’ll make that change someday.” They all laughed, and Jess encouraged everyone to gather around on the couches to start opening presents. Sam served as Santa and handed the presents to everyone when it was their turn. Naturally, most of the presents were for Lexi, but all of the adults had bought presents for each other as well.

Alice felt so at home with this group. It didn’t take long for her sadness to disappear. To her, Christmas was about family, and even though she wasn’t with her dads, the Winchesters had become family as well, even after less than four months of knowing each other.

Not that she was counting.

“Hey, Lexi,” Alice said once all the presents had been opened, “why don’t you go play in your room with your new presents while we get breakfast ready, okay?” Lexi didn’t argue at all, grabbed her new Legos, a couple books, and anything else she could carry in her tiny arms, and ran to her room. The others looked at Alice like they knew sending Lexi out of the room was for a bigger purpose than just breakfast preparation.

“I don’t want to bring the mood down,” she said, “but there was something I wanted to tell you guys. About what happened with Lucifer.”

“Alice, you don’t have to-”

“I know,” she said, cutting Dean off. “But I just want to get it off my chest.” He licked his lips but nodded, so Alice took a deep breath. It wasn’t the rape that she wanted to discuss. There was no need to tell anyone else about what happened that night. What she did want to talk about was-

“When Lucifer took me,” she said softly, “I was twelve weeks pregnant.” She didn’t pause long enough for anyone to say anything, and she didn’t look at anyone to see their reactions. She just continued. “But when I woke up in the hospital, Dr. Grandin told me I had miscarried. And I-” She cut herself off, swallowing thickly so she wouldn’t cry. “When I first got pregnant, I was so scared. I was worried you guys would think differently of me or turn me away, but-” She hesitated again. “I know we haven’t known each other for all that long, but you guys have become family to me. And maybe that’s crazy, but-”

“You _are_ family, Alice,” Jess said. Alice looked at her and noticed tears in her eyes. “No matter what happens from here on out, you’re family.” Alice gave a weak smile and blinked back her own tears.

“Thanks,” she said. She reached for her purse that was next to her on the couch. “Um, before I miscarried, I had this whole plan of how I was going to tell you guys,” she said, “and even though obviously that can’t happen now, I never took this out of my bag.” She pulled out the ultrasound picture that she had gotten when she went to the doctor with Jess. She looked at the photo for a fraction of a second before handing it to Dean who was sitting beside her. “That was little Baby Berkley-Winchester.”

Dean stared at the picture before passing it onto Cas and pulling Alice close. She cuddled up against his chest as he kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry, Alice,” Sam said when the picture finally got to him. The others chimed in with their agreements.

“Thanks,” she said for the second time. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.” Everyone was quiet until Alice clapped her hands together. “Alright, I don’t want to ruin Christmas. Let’s eat.”

They all took that as Alice’s way of asking for the topic to be dropped, which is exactly what they did. The rest of the morning went by as if nothing had happened. They chatted about Christmas traditions and family and friends and everything that Alice felt the season was about. It was just what she needed. A day of happiness and love and all the distractions from reality.

She and Dean had the perfect day. They left Sam and Jess’ around noon and headed back to Dean’s. All day they snacked on the various junk food he had at the apartment and watched every Christmas movie Alice wanted: _Arthur Christmas_ , _Klaus_ , _The Santa Clause_ , and _Elf_ just to name a few. Dean wasn’t a huge Christmas movie fan, but he was just glad Alice was smiling. He felt like, in the past few days, that sight was few and far between.

With her cuddled up to his chest, laughing at the events on the screen, Dean couldn’t help but think about how reluctant she was to let him touch her. She was being more affectionate that day, but the few days that came before, she hardly even wanted to be held when she slept. She winced every time he touched her face or hips or arm, and she never allowed any kisses to go too far. It wasn’t that he was trying to fuck her. Hell, her body had undergone serious trauma, and he knew having a dick inside her was the last thing she really needed. What he was trying to do was hold the love of his life, but it was like she was only letting him touch her out of obligation. How was he supposed to fix that?

It was, in the end, all going to come down to patience, he knew. Just like in the beginning of their relationship when she was wary of any sexual advances, the more she trusted him and the closer they got, the more she was willing to try. This would be just like that. She just needed to ease back into the comfort of the relationship. For her, Dean was fine with waiting.

Alice fell asleep on the couch in the middle of _Home Alone_ , so Dean carried her to bed. She was still dressed in her pajamas -neither of them had changed all day- so he just helped her under the covers. He got into bed beside her and turned on the TV at a quiet volume, deciding to watch some _Scooby-Doo_ until he too fell asleep.

-

Alice woke up gasping for breath. She sat up, her eyes blinking harshly to adjust to the darkness of the room. Once she got her bearings, she put her forehead in her hands and took a deep breath, not wanting to cry and wake up Dean. The nightmare was the same one she had had every night since what happened with Lucifer. It was the exact reason she told Dean she didn’t want to close her eyes the night Christine called him over. At least this time, when she woke up, it was already about 4:30. To her, that was late enough to get up and out of bed.

She made her way to the living room and pulled a blanket over her legs. Her laptop sat on the coffee table, so she grabbed that while she turned on the TV. She flicked on a rerun of _Friends_ and opened her laptop. After scrolling through Pinterest and Facebook, she found herself opening up her grad application essay document.

After everything that happened with the pregnancy, grad school was the absolute last thing on her mind. The deadline for applications had been December 1st, which had come and gone. Now though, as she stared at the screen in front of her, she finally knew what she wanted to say.

Alice had no idea how long she had been working, but when she pressed the save button, Dean walked into the room. “Hey,” he said, sitting beside her on the couch. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Just had a bad dream. Couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. Dean nodded and looked at her computer screen.

“What’re you working on?” he asked.

“Weirdly enough,” she said, “grad school.”

“Really?” he said.

“Yeah. I know it kind of fell to the backburner, but I think I finally figured out what my essay should’ve said.”

“Should’ve?”

“I missed the deadline,” she said. “But there’s always next year.”

“True,” Dean agreed with a nod. “What’d you come up with?”

“Do you want to hear it?”

“If that’s okay with you.”

Alice nodded, cleared her throat, and began to read:

_In the past year, I have learned and grown more than I thought was possible in such a short period of time. Since beginning my teaching career, my first grade students have taught me about friendship and boldness and unapologetic individuality. Since moving back to my hometown, I have met new people who have taught me about trust and risk taking and standing up for what you believe in. In the midst of all of these new life lessons, I have also faced hardships unlike any I faced before that have drastically changed me._

_Because of these hardships, I have learned that even the strongest people need someone to lean on from time to time. None of us were made to go through life alone, and to believe that is the case is one of the most naive things you could do._

_I have also learned that the cliche phrase is true: everything happens for a reason. This goes beyond the concept of fate or destiny. It applies to every intricate behavior we encounter in our day-to-day life. The question that we then face is why. If everything happens for a reason, do we ever get to know what that reason is? Or will we forever spend our lives wondering why things occur the way they do?_

_I believe, to an extent, that both are true._

_Some things happen, and we will never really understand why. If someone dies in a car accident, we can track all the moments that lead up to it. The driver had too much to drink and made the choice to drive anyway. They ran a red light. Two cars collided. People died. We can scrutinize each and every behavior, but we cannot find the big why. Why this person? Why this day? Why this death? No amount of analysis will give us an answer we can be truly satisfied with._

_Then, there are the things we can learn to understand. If a child lashes out violently at the end of every school day, we_ can _figure out why. Is it time for their next dose of medication? Is there something wrong at home that they fear returning to? Does the sound of the school bell hurt their ears? If we can find the antecedent to the behavior and the purpose that it serves, we can adjust it. It’s not that we want to change the child or turn them into someone they are not. What we want is to help them learn to cope with unpleasantries in a way that is socially appropriate so they can live a happier life that they have more control over. These students are not troublemakers. They are not bad or “problem” kids. More often than not, they are victims of circumstance. Children thrive when they are given love and support from those around them. How can we hold it against them when they do not? We cannot. What we can do is help them. What I hope to learn from my time at your university is the best way to do that so I can help all of my students reach their fullest potential._

When Alice finished reading the essay, she looked at Dean nervously. “Was it bad?” she said. “It’s just a first draft, so I know it needs some work, but-”

Dean cut her off with a kiss to her lips, pleased when she kissed him back rather than jumping away. When they broke apart, Dean smiled. “I think it’s perfect.”


	27. Last Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 4,066  
> warnings - language, blood, fist fighting, gun violence, PTSD

Monday was the first day Dean left Alice alone since everything happened. He had a meeting with Crowley to discuss the final plans for their attack on Lucifer. Everything was coming to fruition, and they just needed to sort out the last minute details.

He was adamant that he didn’t have to go.

“I can have a video call with him,” he said as she was ushering him out the door. “I don’t have to leave.”

“Dean, it’s _fine_ ,” she said. “You can’t babysit me forever.”

“It hasn’t been forever,” he said. “It’s barely been ten days.”

“I know,” she said, “but I think some space will be good for me.”

Dean finally just sighed. “I can be home in _minutes_ if you need me.”

“I know,” she said again. She stood on her tip-toes and kissed him on the cheek. “Bye, Dean.”

When he left, she retreated to the bedroom to cuddle under the covers and watch a movie. She flicked through all of his streaming services before settling on _Good Will Hunting_. She hadn’t seen it in a while and wanted something to distract her from Dean’s absence.

In reality, she should’ve picked something more lighthearted. _Good Will Hunting_ always hit different when she wasn’t in a stable mood. These days, she was never in a stable mood. There weren’t any scenes in particular that set her off. The movie as a whole just touched on topics of vulnerability and trauma, both of which she had enough of to last a lifetime.

After Will’s fight with Skylar in the film -when he yelled at her and showed her his scars- Alice stopped the movie and found herself walking to the bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror with her head hung. “It’s okay,” she whispered to herself. “It’s okay.”

Ever since things happened with Lucifer, she hadn’t been able to look at herself in the mirror. Every time she did, she’d notice all the scars and remember everything that happened. Usually she was able to block everything out, but staring at her own reflection was like staring directly at bad memory. But it had been ten days. She needed to get past this. She couldn’t mope forever.

She took a deep breath and pulled her hoodie off, leaving her in just her bra and leggings. When she dropped the hoodie to the ground, she closed her eyes, lifted her head, and opened them. She couldn’t look at her reflection for more than five seconds. The purple bruises on her ribs made her stomach turn, and the burn marks on her bicep didn’t do her much better.

She turned to the toilet and threw up, then rested her forehead on the toilet seat and sobbed. She squeezed her eyes shut as the memories flashed before her eyes. Why couldn’t she get over this?

Alice composed herself and flushed the toilet. She stood up from the ground, pulled her sweatshirt back over her head, and brushed her teeth. Just as she was wiping the mascara stains from under her eyes, she heard the elevator door ding. She furrowed her eyebrows and left the bedroom. Dean was home already? It had only been a little over an hour. When she rounded the corner, her eyes widened at the sight. “Oh my god,” she said.

Jack stumbled into the apartment, alone, clutching his stomach. His body was soaked in rain, but she could see blood staining his shirt. “Hey,” he said with a strained smile. “Dean here?”

“No, no,” she stuttered. “He, uh, he’s at a meeting with Crowley I think. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I just-” He let out a shaky breath. “I just need to rest.”

“No, Jack, it looks like you need a hospital,” she said.

“It’s not that bad,” Jack said dismissively. “Dean says we only go to the hospital if we can’t patch things up ourselves.” He collapsed onto the couch. His face was pale, and his whole body was shaking. Alice ran to the bathroom and got some bandage wrap that she had seen before and some disinfectant. She had taken a first aid class before becoming a teacher, and while that didn’t exactly prepare her for this, she also watched enough TV that she felt like she could figure it out. As long as he didn’t need stitches or anything, she could do it.

“Do you always come here bleeding out?” she asked.

“I’ve never been bleeding out before,” he said, “so this would be a first.”

“And of course Dean isn’t here for it,” Alice said back with a nervous laugh. “I don’t know if I’m gonna be much help.”

“Just-” Jack groaned and pulled his shirt off. It looked like he had been grazed by a bullet, but Alice didn’t think he’d need stitches. “Can you just wrap me up? Maybe clean it off?”

“I, I think so?” she said, unsure why it came out as a question. “Has the bleeding stopped?”

“Uh, yes?”

“That’s not a question I wanted answered with another question,” she said. Jack managed a laugh, though he winced after.

“Yes,” he said more firmly. “I’m 99% sure I’m done bleeding.”

“For god’s sake,” she mumbled. “Okay. Let me get a washcloth and I’ll clean it. Just, don’t pass out, okay?”

“Yeah,” he said back breathily.

Alice went to the kitchen to get a wet washcloth and brought it back over to Jack. She sat beside him on the couch and put one hand on his stomach and used the other to clean the wound. “Shit,” Jack muttered, tossing his head back in pain.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she said. The hand that was on his stomach moved up to his cheek, and she forced him to look at her. “Hey. I need you to keep your eyes open, okay?”

“I’m not gonna pass out,” he mumbled. She had a hard time believing him.

“Famous last words,” she retorted. He grinned, and she smiled back. “Want to tell me what happened?”

He sighed. “Bad job with Lucifer.”

“Things aren’t going well undercover?” she asked, moving to disinfect the wound.

“Actually,” he said, trying not to wince again as she wiped the cloth -the one wet with saline solution- on his wound, “if everything goes exactly to plan, we’re gonna get him tomorrow. That’s probably what Dean’s meeting with Crowley about.” Alice’s hands froze as she looked up at Jack.

“Really?” she whispered. Jack nodded, managing a small smile.

“Yeah,” he said. “We’re gonna get him, Alice.” She finished cleaning the wound and had him sit up a bit so she could wrap it. His eyes fluttered as he sat up, and he immediately fell back again.

“Jack,” she said, putting her hand on his cheek again. “Jack, Jack please stay awake, hon.” He forced his eyes open. “How long were you bleeding before you got here?” she asked.

“Dunno,” he mumbled. “Felt like a long walk.”

“You walked here? It’s pouring out.”

“I couldn’t exactly hail a taxi or bleed in an Uber.”

“Okay, okay,” she said. She managed to wrap the bandage a few times around his stomach, reminding Jack he needed to stay awake.

“Don’t understand why I can’t sleep,” he said, his eyebrows raised like it would help his eyes stay open. They were still closed.

“I, I don’t know,” Alice admitted. “I always hear it on TV, and Dean said it to me after-” She cut herself, the memories of her evening with Lucifer flooding her mind. “Let me call Dean.”

“No, no,” Jack said. “Don’t. I’m okay. I’ll just head home.” He started to stand up only to fall back onto the couch.

“You will not,” she said, putting her hand on his chest to keep him seated. “You’re going to stay here, and I’m going to call Dean.”

Jack decided not to argue, and Alice sat beside him on the couch while she called Dean. She kept looking at him, making sure his eyes were staying open. After only a few rings, Dean picked up. “Hey,” he said, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said, looking at Jack. “Um, Jack’s here though.”

“Jack Kline?” he said. “Why?”

“He was bleeding,” she said, her voice lowering as if that would stop Jack -who was sitting right beside her- from hearing. “Said something went wrong with Lucifer. I patched him up, but-” She looked at him and saw his eyes were closed. “Jack,” she said, nudging his shoulder a bit. He groaned but didn’t open his eyes. “Jack, you need to stay awake.”

“No, no, let him rest,” Dean said. “If you stopped the bleeding and patched him up, he should be good to sleep.” As if hearing what Dean had said, Jack’s body slumped across Alice’s lap, his head resting against the pillow that was on her opposite side. She jumped at first at the action but soon found herself smiling.

“Okay,” she said to Dean. “I think he’s gonna rest here.”

“Alright,” Dean said. “If he wakes up, try and get him to drink water. Probably should eat something too.”

“Okay,” she said again. “Come home soon.”

“I will,” he said, a smile evident in his voice. “I love you.”

She smiled wider. “I love you, too.”

Dean wrapped his meeting up soon after that, wanting to check on Jack sooner rather than later. When he got home, he was surprised to see Alice on the couch with Jack laying across her lap. She had her phone in one hand and was running her fingers through Jack’s hair with the other. When he walked into the room, Alice looked up. “Hey,” she said, her voice a whisper. “He’s been out since I called you.”

“He been laying on your lap the whole time too?” Dean retorted. Alice grinned and rolled her eyes.

“Yeah,” she said. Dean raised his eyebrows. “Come on, Dean,” she said with a giggle. “He’s adorable. Like a baby. Or a puppy. I want one.”

“A puppy?”

“No. A Jack. Can we adopt him?”

“He’s older than you, Alice.”

“He’s baby.”

Dean rolled his eyes, a grin forming on his face. “You’re so weird.”

Jack woke up soon after that and rubbed his eyes. When he realized he was laying across Alice’s lap, he sat up. “Sorry,” he mumbled. He saw Dean and gave him a weak smile. “Hey.”

“Hey, kid,” Dean said, patting his knee. “How’s it going?”

“You know, I’ve been better,” he said with a slight laugh. Alice patted her thighs and stood up.

“I’ll leave you two to talk about what happened,” she said. “I’m not sure I want to hear the details.” She gave Dean a kiss on the cheek and walked into the bedroom.

Dean leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. “Alright,” he said. “Talk to me.” Jack licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair.

“He said it wasn’t supposed to be a shoot-out,” Jack said.

“What wasn’t?” Dean asked.

Jack sighed. “The day he got Alice.” He scoffed. “It feels like it was so long ago now, we all thought he was past it.”

“So what happened?” he asked.

“He lined us all up and gave this long lecture,” Jack said. “Went off about how we didn’t handle it right. He was more mad at some than others. The ones he wasn’t too pissed off with, he sent out on a weapons deal. That was me which, I guess, makes me a lucky one. He shot the others executioner style before we were even out of the building.”

“So he didn’t do this?” Dean asked, referring again to the wound.

“No,” he said. “The Russians we were dealing with tried to screw us. I was one of the only guys who made it out alive.”

Dean lightly clapped Jack on the shoulder. “You did good, kid,” he said to him.

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” he asked.

“Uh,” Dean laughed, “you’re _done_.”

“What?” Jack said. “No. No, I’m fine. I want to help.”

“You’ve done nothing but help for the past two months,” Dean said. “Strike that, seven _years_. You’ve earned your break.”

“I want revenge!” Jack shouted. “You _promised_ me revenge!”

“You think you’re the only one who wants revenge?” Dean snapped. “You know what he did to Alice! You saw what he did to Alice! He killed our ba-” He cut himself off, clenching his jaw when he realized what he had said. Jack caught it.

“She was pregnant?” he whispered.

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Twelve weeks.” Jack didn’t say anything, and Dean cleared his throat and looked at him again. “So you can understand why you’re not the only one who wants revenge.”

Jack sighed. “Please, Dean. Just let me help. I just want to be there when you do it. I just, I _need_ to be there.”

Dean’s phone vibrated, making both men jump, and Dean held up a finger to Jack and fished the phone out of his pocket. “It’s Crowley,” Dean said. Jack nodded, and Dean answered the phone. “What’s up?” he said when he answered.

“Slight change of plans,” Crowley said. “The bug that your boy put on Lucifer’s phone just left his base. And you know where he’s headed?” Dean stood up from the couch.

“The airport,” he finished.

“The airport,” Crowley confirmed.

“Shit,” Dean said. “Alright. I’ll tell the others to head over. I’m gonna go there now.”

“Kick it in the ass, Winchester.”

Dean got off the phone with Crowley and looked at Jack. “I’m sorry, kid,” he said. “You can’t come.”

“Dean-”

“Jack, you just got shot,” he said.

“I was _grazed_ ,” he argued. Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. They didn’t have time for this argument.

“Got your gun?” he said.

“Always,” Jack answered.

“Alright,” he said. “Wait by the car. I gotta tell Alice.”

Jack nodded, and Dean stood up and headed to the bathroom. He took a deep breath before opening the door. “Hey, sweetheart,” he said.

“Hey,” she said back with a smile. She was laying on her stomach with her head at the foot of the bed. The remote was in her hand as she was flicking through channels. She noticed his stressed expression and put the TV on mute. “Are you okay?” she asked, sitting up on her knees. She held out her hands to him and he gave her a soft smile and walked over to her. He put his hands on her hips, and she draped her arms over his shoulders.

“I have to go,” he whispered.

“Go where?” she asked with a frown. He licked his lips and sighed.

“Lucifer’s heading to the airport,” Dean said. “So, it’s time.” Alice felt a lump grow in her throat. She knew he needed to go. This needed to be over. All of it. Dean could see the fear in her eyes, so he put his hands on her cheeks. “I’ll be home before you know it,” he whispered.

“Please be careful,” she said back. “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t,” he said. “I promise.” A tear fell from her eye, but he was quick to wipe it away. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”

-

The plan had been set for the following night, as that was when Jack was told Lucifer was leaving, but everyone was flexible enough to head to the airport then. They’d have to do everything in a bit of a rush, but Dean was sure they’d still be able to get it done.

Ketch was positioned with his sniper rifle on top of the roof of the airport terminal.

Donna and Rosco, one of Crowley’s men, had to take out a couple of security guards and replace them so Dean and Jack could get onto the tarmac without issue.

Benny and Meg disguised as ground workers who would also be present on the tarmac in case something went wrong.

Crowley, not always very helpful on the ground, would be working beside Charlie to watch security footage and track Lucifer, talking through everyone’s coms to keep them updated.

Just as Jack and Dean pulled up to the airport, Donna spoke through the coms. “We’re in position,” she said.

“Lucifer’s jet just got here,” Meg said. “No sign of him yet.”

“Ketch, how’re you looking?” Dean asked.

“All good,” he said. “I’ve got eyes on the plane.”

“Lucifer just got into the airport,” Charlie said. Dean and Jack shared a look before leaving the car and jogging up to the terminal. Donna met them out front and ushered them inside and through all the back channels that would get them to the tarmac without any interaction with other airport security. Charlie had mapped it out for them a few weeks prior, so they had the route memorized.

Dean and Jack made it out to the tarmac just before Lucifer. They sat in hiding for a moment, waiting for Ketch to do what he needed to do: hit Lucifer in the leg so Benny could grab his gun.

Lucifer fell to the ground as the bullet hit him, and Benny was quick to search his person and grab his gun from his pants. Lucifer groaned and looked up just as Jack and Dean came into view. “You’ve got to be shitting me,” Lucifer said with a chuckle and a roll of his eyes. Dean walked over to him, grabbed him by the shirt collar, and crouched over him.

“You son of a bitch,” he mumbled, punching Lucifer in the jaw.

“Kid,” Lucifer said, looking at Jack. “I thought we were all square.” Dean dropped Lucifer so Jack could take his place.

“You killed my mother,” Jack said. He punched him in the face. “We-” Another punch. “-will never-” Another. “-be-” One final hit. “-square.”

Dean pulled Jack off of Lucifer and grabbed Lucifer by the shirt collar again. “On your knees,” he said to him.

“You think I’m just going to take this-”

Dean punched him again to shut him up. “This is no longer a game,” he said. “I’m done. Because you know what?” He gave him a solid uppercut. “I win.” Dean grabbed his gun out of the waistband of his pants.

Lucifer spit some blood out of his mouth, then opened it to say-

_BANG_

Some people didn’t deserve a chance for last words.

Everyone stood in silence for a moment, letting what just happened process. “Well done, Squirrel,” Crowley said through the coms. “Well done.” Dean wiped some blood off of his face and put his gun back in the waistband of his pants.

“Alright,” he said. “Put him on the plane.” They had paid the pilot off to take Lucifer to an undisclosed location with Jack and Benny so they could get rid of the body. Meg and Rosco were responsible for hosing down Lucifer’s blood while Donna kept watch and Charlie erased all the security footage.

When everything was done, Dean and Donna made their way back to the parking lot. As soon as he was in the car, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. That could’ve been a bigger fight. It could’ve turned into a fist fight. Lucifer could’ve pulled out a switchblade. He could’ve had people with him to board the plane. It could’ve been a set up. An ambush. There was so much potential for everything to go wrong. It had taken him years to get a handle on this guy, and now, with a single shot, it was done.

_It was really done._

Dean didn’t believe in God, but he’d be an idiot not to call that some kind of miracle.

-

Alice was laying in bed with the covers pulled up to her shoulders. It was still midday, but she was stressed and needed something wrapped around her to calm her down. They would all be okay. Dean would be okay. He would come home to her.

“Hey.”

She sat up and looked at the doorway to see Dean standing there. Tears came to her eyes as she covered her mouth with her hand. He smiled and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. “You’re home,” she said, her voice cracking.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah. I’m home.”

“Did you get him?” she asked. He pulled away from her and wiped a tear from her eye.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” he said. “We got him.” Alice smiled, tears still in her eyes, and pulled Dean down for a kiss. He kissed her back and joined her on the bed, climbing on top of her. When he started kissing down her neck, she felt that horrible feeling in her stomach again. The shame. The fear. The hatred of her own body. She tensed up and pushed him away..

Dean looked at her and saw the uncomfortable glint in her eyes. “Hey, hey,” he whispered, “we don’t have to do anything.” He put his hands on her cheeks, but she winced away from him.

“I can’t, Dean,” she whimpered. “I, I’m not, I can’t-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he said. “You don’t have to explain it to me. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Alice let out a broken cry and covered her face with her hands. Dean wanted to hold her, but he had a feeling that would be the least helpful thing right then. She was able to compose herself enough to form a sentence. “I tried to look in the mirror today,” she said, moving her hands from her face but still keeping her head down, “and I couldn’t do it.” She scoffed. “I can’t even look at myself, Dean. I hate everything about myself. I hate how I, how I look and, and how I feel.” Her words started to come out as whispers, knowing if she spoke much louder her voice would only shake. “All the time, I just, I have this shame,” she continued. “It’s, every time you touch me, it’s there. I try to ignore it, and, and most of the time I can, but I want it to go away forever, but I can’t. I don’t know why I can’t let this go.”

“Sweetheart,” Dean whispered, shaking his head. “No one expects you to let this go anytime soon.”

“I can’t keep thinking about it,” she cried. “It’s making me sick.”

“Sh, shh, it’s okay,” he said again. He wasn’t hovering over her anymore. Instead, he sat beside her on the bed and opened his arms up. It was his way of letting her know she could fall into his arms if she wanted to, but that he’d give space if she needed it. She took the invitation and crawled onto his lap, then buried her face in his chest.

“Why’re you still here?” she cried. “How can you even look at me?”

“Don’t, don’t talk like that,” he said. “You’re still the same girl I fell in love with, sweetheart. Nothing’s changed.”

“Everything’s changed,” she said. “I don’t even feel like me anymore.”

Dean stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. “I wish I could make it all go away,” he whispered. She shook her head, swallowing back the sobs.

“The things he did to me,” she choked out. “I can’t get them out of my head. He-” She covered her mouth with her hand and took in a shaky breath. “He destroyed me, Dean. He took so much away from me that I can never get back.”

Dean sighed and felt a few tears fall from his eyes. This was not how he expected the evening to go, and he felt so bad that he had caused this. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “I’m sorry any of this happened to you.” He hesitated. “If you want to talk to somebody, it might not be a bad idea to find a therapist or something.” She shook her head.

“I can’t,” she breathed out. “I don’t, I can’t even tell _you_ everything that happened. To spill it all to a stranger? I can’t, Dean.”

“I know it’s hard,” he whispered, “but you can’t keep locking it all away. It’s gonna kill you.” Her lower lip shook, and more, fresh tears came to her eyes.

“He already killed me that night, Dean” she whispered. “I haven’t been me since.”


	28. Everybody Needs a Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,742  
> warnings - mention of torture and miscarriage, PTSD

Alice felt like she blinked, and it was January. After a party at Castiel and Hannah’s to ring in the new year, Saturday came around and, like clockwork, she met up with Christine for breakfast. It was the first breakfast they had had since everything happened with Lucifer, because Christine had left town for Christmas. Alice was excited to see her again and hoped it would be a step towards everything going back to normal.

“I was talking to Dean,” Christine said during a lull in their conversation, “and-”

“I’m sorry,” Alice said, holding her hand up. “Since when do you guys _talk?_ ”

“He reached out to me,” she said, “because he’s worried about you.”

“Worried?” she repeated. “Why? I’m fine.”

“You’re not, though,” she said. “You’re trying to bury what happened and never deal with it, but you know you can’t do that.”

“I’m dealing with it.”

“No you’re not!”

“You don’t know what it was like, Christine!” Alice shouted. The patrons in the cafe turned and looked at her, and she made it a point to lower her voice. “You don’t know the nightmares I have when I sleep. The things I see every time I close my eyes. If I talk about them out loud-” She cut herself off when her voice shook. “I can’t do it, Christine. I can’t.” Christine sighed and reached out to take Alice’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “but you know I only want what’s best for you.”

“I know,” Alice whispered.

“So I can’t let this go,” she said. “You need to talk to a professional. You’ve been through way too much.” Alice sighed, but when she didn’t argue, Christine reached in her purse and pulled out a business card. “This is a friend of my mom’s,” she said, handing her the small paper. “I don’t know her, so there’s no weird conflict of interest or whatever, but my mom vouches for her. Just give her a call. If you don’t feel even a little bit better after one session, then you can stop. I just really want you to give this a try.” Alice took the card and looked at it for a moment before putting it in her purse without another word.

Christine’s mom had told her friend -Dr. Leah Caul- that Alice might be calling, and she was more than willing to find a time to squeeze her in. School was starting back up on Monday, and the more Alice warmed up to the idea of going to therapy, the more she realized she needed to go sooner rather than later. If not for her, then for the sake of her students. The last thing she wanted to happen was to have a meltdown in front of her first graders.

So, after school on Monday, Alice headed straight for Dr. Caul’s office. It was right in downtown Topeka, so it didn’t take her very long to get there. The building, however, was somewhat hard to spot. Alice had been looking for an office building, but it was a house. The space next to the house had been converted into a parking lot, so she pulled her car into one of the spots and put her forehead on the steering wheel. “You can do this,” she whispered. “You can do this.” With one final deep breath, she got out of the car and headed to the front of the house.

Inside, the room to the immediate right was an office. Alice turned in there first. “Hi,” she said. “I’m Alice Berkley. I have an appointment with Dr. Caul.”

“Alright,” the receptionist said with a smile. She clicked around on the computer and asked Alice for her insurance information, which she gave her. “If you want to wait in the living room,” she said, motioning to the room across the hall from the office, “Dr. Caul will be ready in about five minutes. There’s food in the kitchen, so if you get hungry, feel free to help yourself.” Alice nodded, thanked the receptionist, and went to sit in the kitchen. Her knee bounced as she chewed on her thumbnail.

The five minutes went by, and a woman came out of one of the rooms down the hall. “Alice?” she said. Alice stood up and gave her a small wave, walking over to her. “I’m Dr. Caul.” She stuck her hand out for Alice to shake, and she did. “You can just call me Leah. Come on in.”

They went into the room that must’ve been a bedroom when the house was designed. The room was in the corner of the house, so there were windows on two of the walls. One of the walls had a window seat. In the opposite corner was a sectional couch with throw pillows and a blanket draped over the back. In the middle was a coffee table, and beside the sectional was a cushioned chair. On the fourth wall, there was a cabinet with flowers on top of it, a few framed pictures, a clock, and some candles. “Feel free to sit wherever you’d like,” Leah said. “There are some weighted blankets in that cabinet if you want one. Do you want anything to drink?” Alice shook her head no and sat on the couch. “Make yourself at home,” she said. “Feel free to take your shoes off, whatever makes you feel comfortable.” Alice nodded and did just that, kicking her shoes off and tucking her feet under herself. “So, today we’re just going to get to know each other a bit,” Leah told her. “I’ll tell you a little bit about myself, and then I have some questions for you before we really dive in. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Alice said with a nod.

“Great,” Leah said. “Well, I’ve been a licensed therapist for 15 years. I got my bachelor’s in social work from the University of Kansas, my master’s in clinical psychology at the University of Michigan, and my doctorate at Stanford. A few friends of mine opened up this place about five years ago. Before that I worked for one of the mental health hospitals in the area.”

“What made you switch?” Alice asked.

“I liked the idea of a private practice,” she explained. “One of my coworkers had this idea of renovating a house and turning it into an office. There are four of us, so we turned the four bedrooms into our offices.”

“It’s really nice,” she commented.

“Thank you,” she said. “Where do you work?”

“I’m a first grade teacher at Topeka Elementary.”

“That’s where I sent my kids,” she said.

“How old are they?”

“My son Malcom is 12 and my daughter Rose is 14.”

Alice nodded. “How long have you worked there?” Leah asked.

“This is actually my first year,” she said.

“That’s exciting!” she said. “How’s it been going?” Again, Alice shrugged.

“I feel like it’s flown by,” she answered. “With everything else going on, I feel like I didn’t really get to appreciate any of it.” Leah nodded.

“When you say _everything else going on_ ,” she said, “are you talking about the things that lead you to seeking out therapy?”

“ _I_ didn’t seek out therapy,” Alice said. “My best friend and my boyfriend told me I needed it.”

“And why is that?” she pressed.

“They don’t think I’m coping with something that happened a few weeks ago.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” Alice hesitated, so Leah added, “The only way for our relationship to work is with total honesty. Anything you say in here will stay between us. This is a safe space.” Still, Alice was quiet. “I don’t need to know all the details, but knowing the bare bones of your trigger will help us moving forward.” After a few more moments of silence -Leah allowed Alice time to think- Alice sighed.

“My boyfriend is in a line of work where he makes a lot of enemies,” she explained. “Dangerous enemies. And I got kidnapped by one of them. He-” She cut herself off, feeling a lump rise in her throat as the pictures flooded her mind again. “He tortured me for information on my boyfriend.” She looked at Leah and added, “I didn’t tell him _anything_. I swear. I didn’t.” Leah just nodded. “And I was pregnant,” she said, “but when I woke up in the hospital, I found out I miscarried.”

“How’d you end up in the hospital?” she asked. “What happened in between your kidnapping and you waking up?”

“Dean and some of his workers came and saved me.”

“Dean is your boyfriend?” Leah clarified. Alice nodded. “How long did it take him to find you?” She thought for a moment.

“I actually don’t know,” she said. “Less than a day. A few hours. It felt like a lifetime. But I didn’t break the entire time. I didn’t tell him anything.”

“That’s the second time you’ve made it a point to tell me that you didn’t break,” Leah noted. “Why do you think that is?”

Alice was caught off guard. “I don’t know,” she said. “I just don’t want anyone to think I’m not loyal or that I’m weak.”

“I don’t think anyone would’ve thought you were weak,” she said. “Even the strongest people break, especially after something like what you went through.”

“That’s what Dean said,” she said.

“And you don’t believe him?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I think it’s easy for him to say now when I _didn’t_ betray him, but if I had, I’m not sure he would’ve still felt that way.” She scoffed. “Not that it would’ve mattered. If I told Nick-” She had already decided calling him Lucifer probably wouldn’t have been a good idea. “-what he wanted to know, he would’ve killed him.”

“Is that what he told you?”

“Not in so many words,” she said.

Leah nodded. “Let’s shift gears a bit and talk about your family.”

The appointment didn’t last much longer than that. Since it was her first visit, it was more of a consultation than a full session. Leah referred to it as therapist shopping. “If you feel like this is a good fit for you,” she said, “you can set up an appointment with the receptionist for either another time this week or this time next week if this is what works for you. If not, I understand. I still encourage you to seek help. I think Dean and your friend were both right. This will help you.”

Alice thanked her and left the office. Once she got to her car, she sent Christine a text: _Thanks for the referral. I’m coming back tomorrow_

Christine was quick to respond: _Proud of you! Let me know if you want to chat about anything. You know I’m always here_

Alice didn’t know until she pulled out of the parking lot that she wanted to go to Dean’s. She headed in the direction of his flat, knowing he wouldn’t mind if she just showed up. She finally had his elevator code memorized, so she made her way up to the penthouse. The elevator doors opened to reveal an empty apartment. “Dean?” she called. It was about 5:30, and she didn’t know what he was supposed to be up to that day. Still, she made her way to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of lemonade. She grabbed her phone from her dress pocket and shot Dean a quick text: _I’m at your apartment, just so you know. Thought you’d be home. I didn’t want you to think there was an intruder when you got here ;)_

As much as she loved the dress she was wearing, she just wanted to relax. She went into the bedroom and dug through Dean’s drawers, pulling out a pair of his sweatpants and one of his henleys. Even though the sweats were too big on her and she had clothes of her own, the appointment had left her emotionally aching, and if Dean wasn’t there in the flesh, his clothes would have to do.

Dean didn’t see the text Alice sent him until he was out of the shower. He had been working out at the bunker with Castiel for a couple hours and decided to shower there so he wouldn’t make Baby reek of sweat. When he saw the text, he smiled and texted her back: _Thanks for the heads up. Coming home now_

The apartment was silent when he got there, but he had seen Alice’s car in the lot, so he knew she was there. He sighed to himself as he walked to the bedroom. She had been sleeping so much lately. He knew it was because of everything she had been going through -he couldn’t imagine how emotionally exhausted she was- but it worried him. At what point did the excessive sleeping become too unhealthy? He shook the thought from his head. The answer to that question was not his place to decide.

Just as he expected, Alice was curled up in bed, the TV playing _Criminal Minds_ in the background. What surprised him was her wardrobe. Usually when she came home from work, she would put on some of her own clothes. That was, after all, why she had made a drawer for herself in the first place. Why was she wearing his clothes?

Not that he was complaining. Just curious.

Dean crawled into bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her. She must not’ve been in a very deep sleep, because she woke up almost instantly. “Oh, hey,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“That’s okay,” he said, brushing some hair away from her face. She cuddled closer to Dean, causing him to squeeze her a little tighter.

When she glanced at the clock, she frowned. “I was going to make you dinner.”

“That’s okay,” he said. “I’ll make some pasta.” He started to move out of bed, but she held him a little tighter. “What is it, sweetheart?” he asked, his lips brushing against her forehead.

“Just don’t want you to go,” she said. “’S been a long day.”

These days, Dean was grateful for any moment Alice let him touch her. Dinner, he decided, could wait.

“Okay,” he said. “Do you wanna talk about anything? I know you had your appointment after school. How did it go?”

“Good,” she said. “I’m going back tomorrow.”

“That’s great,” he said. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I just don’t want to be like this anymore,” she said. “So if you _and_ Christine think this could make me normal again, I’ll do it.”

“I don’t want you doing this for me or Christine,” he said. “I want you doing this because _you_ think it’ll be good for you.”

“I think it’s worth a try,” she said. She looked up at him and scratched his beard lightly. “I want to be able to be with you without feeling so broken.” Dean gave her a soft, sympathetic smile.

“You know I don’t think you’re broken, right?” he said. She just smiled and placed a kiss to his lips.

“I know,” she whispered.

-

Alice sat on the sectional in Leah’s office with a mug of peppermint tea. Leah sat in the same chair as the day before, a mug of coffee in her own hands. Alice was much more a coffee person than a tea person, but she knew coffee wouldn’t be good for her already racing heart. “Today,” Leah said, tucking her on feet under herself, “I was wondering if we could talk a little bit about your pregnancy and miscarraige.”

“Do, uh-” She hesitated and cleared her throat. “Do we have to?” Leah smiled.

“We don’t _have_ to do anything,” she said. Alice sighed and put her mug down, then pulled her knees up to her chest.

“I didn’t mean to get pregnant,” she said. “Dean and I were only dating for a few months, and we didn’t-” She stopped and put her face in her hands.

“Remember,” Leah said, “this is a safe place, and the more honest you are, the better this will go.” Alice sighed again.

“We didn’t use protection,” she said. “I mean, I was on the pill. I _am_ on the pill. But, you know, accidents can still happen.” Leah nodded. “And I didn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him. I just couldn’t do it.”

“Why do you think that was?” she asked.

Alice laughed. “How could I tell him? It would just prove that being with me was a mistake. Like, I literally created the mistake of all mistakes. An accident child. Everyday before that I was trying and trying to do things that would keep him around to make sure he didn’t wake up one day and get bored of me, and then I created the one thing that was sure to drive him away. How was I supposed to tell him that?”

“Before you got pregnant,” Leah said, “did Dean ever show signs of wanting to leave the relationship?”

“I mean,” she replied, “not really.”

“Then why did you feel the need to prove yourself to him?”

Alice opened her mouth and closed it again. Leah said nothing. “I have to prove myself to everyone,” Alice finally said. “I always have. People think I’m weak. My ex certainly did.”

“Does Dean remind you of your ex?”

“Not at all. They couldn’t be more different. Dean is everything Greg wasn’t.” She paused, then backtracked. “Well, maybe Dean never thought I was weak, but I know he thinks I’m naive.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, I mean,” she stuttered, “first of all, he’s, like 19 years older than me, and I was a virgin when I met him.” She blushed at her own outburst of a confession but continued anyway. “I know one of the main things that drew him to me in the first place was my lack of sex experience. He could swear up and down that it wasn’t that, but I know it was. And now I’m just waiting for him to leave because I’m not even giving him that anymore. I’m denying him of the one thing he actually likes about me.”

“When was the last time you two slept together?” Leah asked. She thought for a moment.

“Maybe three weeks ago,” she said. “A few days before I was kidnapped.”

“It’s perfectly normal to have a low sex drive after a miscarriage,” she said.

“I know,” Alice said. “I had a doctor appointment a few days ago.”

“Did the doctor clear you to have sex?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you afraid?”

She shrugged. “Not really.”

“You just don’t want to.”

“I do.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

Alice’s fists clenched in her lap. “I don’t _like_ myself,” she said. “I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. The other day, I finally forced myself to, and I threw up. I just can’t do it.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m angry!” she shouted. “I’m angry at my body for not doing what it was supposed to do. For killing my baby. Why should I ever let my body feel pleasure again after what it did?”

“Your body also protected you from dying at the hands of Nick,” she said.

“Well I wish it hadn’t!” she cried. “If it wasn’t strong enough to save my baby, why was it strong enough to save me?” She covered her mouth with her hand and let out a broken sob. Shame ran through her veins as she wrapped her arms around herself. “Some days,” she whispered, putting her forehead on her knees, “I just wish he had killed me. Then I wouldn’t have to live with all these memories.”

Leah was quiet for a moment, and Alice grabbed the box of tissues to blow her nose. When she threw it away, she reached for her tea and took a sip, glad it was still at least a little warm. “What keeps you going?” Leah asked.

“What do you mean?” Alice said.

“When you feel hopeless,” she said, “and when the memories get to be too much, what keeps you from falling apart?”

“Nothing,” she said right away. “I always fall apart.”

“But you’re still here,” she argued. “That tells me you haven’t fallen apart beyond repair. What’s stopped you from doing that?” Alice thought as she sipped her tea again.

“Dean,” she said. “Dean’s family. Christine. My kids at school.”

“So you talk to people,” she said. “Or you distract yourself with work.” Alice nodded. “What if you can’t do that? What if it’s a Saturday, and you’re home alone, and no one is answering their phone?”

“I lose it,” she said. “I have a full blown meltdown until I fall asleep. Then when I wake up, Dean’s home.”

Leah nodded. “I think you need an outlet,” she said. “Something that isn’t work and isn’t a person to turn to when you feel lost. As wonderful and important as human connection is, we need something more permanent to turn to. That’s not to say the people in your life aren’t permanent, and there’s nothing wrong with humans’ innate need to depend on other humans for support and compassion, but as you’ve already been able to see, even your most loved ones can’t always be there.”

“So what do you suggest?”

Leah went over to the cabinet and pulled out a notebook. “I want you to start writing,” she said. “Call it a diary, call it a journal, whatever you want.”

“You want me to replace my family and friends with this?” she asked.

“Not at all,” she said. “I just want it to be another outlet. If there’s no one to speak to, or if you’re not feeling like opening a dialogue with someone else, turn to this. It’s better than allowing yourself to fall apart until someone comes to put you back together.” She paused as Alice flicked through the pages of the empty journal, then added, “The author Richard Siken once said, _Everybody needs a place. It shouldn’t be inside someone else_. Consider this your place.”

When Alice left the appointment, she decided to go back to her apartment rather than Dean’s. She curled up on the couch, a blanket over her lap, and opened up her journal. On the inside cover, she wrote the quote Leah had said to her.

_Everybody needs a place. It shouldn’t be inside someone else._


	29. We Need to Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,326  
> warnings - language, body insecurities, mutual masturbation, handjob, fingering

_Wednesday, January 6, 2021-_

_Leah told me I need a new outlet, so I guess we’re trying this out. I’m okay right now, probably because I just woke up from a nightmare-less sleep. The one thing I keep thinking about is something Leah told me towards the end of our session yesterday. We were talking about how I need to forgive my body for what it did to my baby and how I can’t stay angry forever and that it’s okay to feel pleasure again. She said I shouldn’t punish myself. Deep down, I know she’s right. And I know I told her that I wasn’t scared, and I know honesty is important and everything, but the truth is I am a little scared. I’m not scared that it’ll hurt or anything like that. I’m scared that Dean’s going to see all my scars and run away._

_It’s easy for him to say that I’m still the same girl he fell in love with when we’re just talking or kissing or anything like that, but when he sees me naked again, I’m so scared he’ll change his mind. I know I should talk to him and tell him how I’m feeling, because I know he’s an amazing guy and he loves me. I KNOW that. I think, right now, it’s just hard to admit it. Maybe it ties back into the whole “I need to stop punishing myself” thing. I don’t know. Lots to think about. Busy day of overthinking ahead._

Alice closed her journal and put it on her nightstand, then stood up from her bed. She had to head to school, but she wanted to write before she left, figuring it might be a good idea to purge out any bad thoughts before a day with her first graders. If anything, she had just given herself something to think about all day.

She wasn’t lying at the appointment. She _wanted_ to have sex with Dean. It had taken a while, but she was starting to feel that desire in her belly again. She hadn’t felt it the day he came back from killing Lucifer, but she felt it a few days after. She had woken up in Dean’s bed alone and went to the kitchen to find him standing by the stove making eggs. He was dressed only in sweatpants, so his back - _God his back_ \- was bare to her. His hair was messy from just waking up, and she could stare at that ass for days. When Dean turned to face her, she had to hold back a moan. It was like she had forgotten how sexy he was. “Hey sweetheart,” he said, his voice rough since he had just woken up. “You hungry?”

Thirsty. She was thirsty.

Alice shook the thoughts from her head as she walked into school. She needed to talk to Dean. About her body. Her insecurities. Her fears. Sex. But she couldn’t think about that now. She had first graders to think about. She turned her teacher filter on as soon as she crossed into the building.

-

Dean found business sort of boring these days. After ganking Lucifer, everything else felt kind of meaningless. He’d be lying if he said there wasn’t a bit of emptiness in his chest, knowing that the target of most of his focus was now gone. But there were still things to be done. Money to make. People to hustle. Deals to oversee. A job to do.

These days, he was just wondering why he had to be the man to do the job.

Around noon, when Dean was in the middle of a deal with a new small business, his phone vibrated once in his pocket. Castiel was talking to the owners, so Dean took a moment to read the text. It was from Alice.

_Are you gonna be free for dinner tonight?_

_Dean: Yep. Wanna eat out?_

_Alice: I was actually thinking I could pick up some Chinese on my way over. I’ve got some stuff I want to talk about_

At that, his stomach dropped, and he frowned. It was the _we need to talk_ text disguised by slightly different phrasing. Was she dumping him? Seriously?

_Dean: Everything okay?_

_Alice: Yes and no. We’ll talk tonight. I love you_

He relaxed a bit at the last three words and smiled. _Okay sweetheart_ , he wrote. _I love you too._

Still, Dean couldn’t help but worry a little bit. Yes _and_ no? What was the no? Was she okay? Had he done something wrong?

“Dean,” Cas suddenly said, “are you here right now?”

“Yeah,” he said, locking his phone and sliding it into his pocket. “Yeah. Let’s finish this up.”

They finalized the deal and Dean went on with his day. He had a lot of small things to do, so he didn’t end up home until dinner time. He got to his apartment and could smell the Chinese takeout as soon as he walked in. He followed the smell to the bedroom. Alice was sitting there already digging into the noodles. “Sorry,” she said through a mouthful. “I was too hungry to wait.” Dean just laughed and got into bed beside her, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead. He didn’t want to push the _stuff_ she needed to talk about out of her, so he forced himself to eat some food despite his nervous stomach.

They chatted about their days and other random stuff that came to mind. When Alice took her last bite, she grabbed a napkin and wiped her mouth. _Here it goes_ , Dean thought to himself. _The inevitable_. “I don’t know how to start this,” she said.

“You’re freaking me out a little bit,” Dean said, putting his empty takeout container on the nightstand.

“I’m sorry,” she said, putting her hands on her forehead.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “Just talk to me.”

Alice sighed and looked up at him. “I love you. So much. And I just need to be honest with you right now.” Dean nodded but decided to keep his lips sealed to give her time to collect her thoughts. “Remember the day you got Lucifer? And you tried to, to sleep with me? And I pushed you away?” He nodded again, guilt over the memory creeping in his head. “I’m sorry I haven’t let you have sex with me and that I get weird whenever you touch me. I know that’s not what you signed up for with this. With me.”

“I signed up for _you_ ,” he said. “Whatever that means, I’m here. I’ve never been here just for sex.”

“Well neither have I,” she said, “but that doesn’t mean that not sleeping with you hasn’t been super difficult.” Dean cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows. “God, Dean, these past few days, everything you do has, like-” She cut herself off with a groan. “You know I’m not good with words.” She clenched her jaw and sighed. “But I’m gonna get better. And that starts right now.” Dean nodded, so she dove in. “I’m mad at myself. I don’t like my body, and I’m scared that you won’t like how I look anymore. But I’m also just, I don’t feel like I deserve to feel good after what happened. I killed our baby, Dean.”

“You didn’t kill anything,” Dean said. “Lucifer did.”

“You don’t know that,” Alice said. “It might’ve happened even if I hadn’t met Lucifer.”

“So we’ll never know,” he said, “but you can’t beat yourself up about this forever.”

“I know,” she said. “And I’m learning to tell myself that I deserve to feel good.”

“You do,” he said. “And when you’re ready again, I don’t want you to worry that I won’t like how you look. Scars remind us that we’ve been through something hard, but we made it through. It just proves to me that you’re so strong.” Alice smiled with tears in her eyes. “There’s no rush for you to be ready again,” he added. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“We need to go slow,” she told him, her voice still small.

“We were slow when we started,” he said. “I can do that again. Whenever you’re ready.”

“I-” She stuttered, letting out a shaky breath. She hung her head, frustrated with herself. Why couldn’t she just talk?

Fortunately for her, Dean could read her like a book.

“Do you want something tonight?” he asked. Her cheeks turned pink, and he couldn’t help but smile a little.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I do, but I’m just-” She hesitated, and Dean nodded in understanding.

“If you’re not ready for me to touch you yet,” he said, “what if I touched myself, and you touched yourself like I showed you how to.” Alice pressed her lips into a tight line, considering his suggestion. “We don’t have to,” he said.

“No,” she said. “I, I want to. ’S a good idea.” Dean licked his lips and held his hands out to her.

“C'mere,” he said. She nodded and crawled over to him, sitting herself on his lap. “I’m gonna kiss you, okay?” She nodded again, so he pressed his lips to hers. She could feel her heart racing in her chest. She missed that feeling so much. Her lips parted, and his tongue slid in, the kiss deepening as they both moaned. They parted, and Dean rested his forehead against hers. “Can I take your shirt off?” he asked. She nodded, and leaned back so he could grab the hem of her shirt and pull it over her head. Before he could even ask, she reached around and unhooked her bra, tossing it to the side. He let out a heavy breath that bordered on a moan and put his hands on her chest, massaging her tits and pinching her nipples.

“Dean,” she whispered. He nodded and pulled away, tugging his own shirt over his head. She ran her fingers across his tattoo and noticed the goosebumps break across his skin.

“I love you so much,” he said to her, pressing his forehead against hers.

“I love you too,” she said back. He gently nudged her off him, and when she fell to his side, Dean pulled his jeans and boxers down. His cock sprung up, and Alice felt that pinch in her stomach. The minute he wrapped his hand around himself, she pulled her sweats and panties down her legs.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

“’S more than okay,” she said. “Forgot how-” She swallowed thickly. “Forgot how sexy you are.” Dean clenched his jaw and started rubbing himself.

“Can, can you,” he stuttered. “Can you touch your pussy for me?” She nodded and trailed her hand down her stomach and between her thighs. She was already wet, so she slid a finger inside herself. “Oh god, sweetheart,” he muttered, swiping his thumb across his tip. She pumped her finger a few times before rubbing circles on her clit. She couldn’t take her eyes off Dean and the way he bit his lip as his abs clenched.

“Dean,” she whispered, “can, can I touch you?”

“Fuck,” Dean breathed out, “yes. Of course.” Alice scooted closer to him and reached over to wrap her hand around his cock. Dean moaned as soon as she touched him. Her hand was wet with her own slick, and he was desperate to touch her. “What-” He cut himself off with another groan as she started to move her hand. “What if I touch you while you touch me? Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, her breath shaky. It wasn’t from nerves. It was from excitement. Anticipation. She _missed_ him.

Dean grabbed her leg and lifted it over his so she was more spread open to him. Before he touched her where she really wanted him, he took his time trailing feather light touches across her body. She tried to divide her attention between jerking him off and appreciating his touch, but it was difficult. “Alice,” he whispered, “you’re so beautiful.” As her nipples hardened from his touch, he brought his hand between her thighs. She gasped as his middle finger pushed past her folds, just barely dipping inside her. He leaned over to kiss her neck as he inched his finger inside her. “Such a good girl,” he mumbled, kissing her skin. She whined and moved her own hand faster up and down his cock.

“Dean?” she whispered.

“Mm?” he hummed.

“Can you use another finger?”

Dean nodded and slowly added another finger, pumping in and out of her with the same, careful rhythm. Her hand matched his pace, applying just the right amount of pressure that she knew he loved. When he pulled his fingers out of her and started rubbing her clit, she whimpered and lifted her hips slightly, her hand moving faster around him. Dean got distracted at the feeling for a moment, moaning and tossing his head back. There was something about her hand that was just so much better than his own. “Dean,” she sighed. “’M so close.”

“Me too, sweetheart,” he said. Alice’s eyes squeezed shut as a high pitched moan passed through her lips. She kept jerking Dean off through her own orgasm until he moaned her name and came across his stomach.

They both laid there, catching their breaths, until Dean got up to clean himself off.

Alice was happy. She laid there, her eyes closed, with a small smile painted on her face. She _needed_ that. She needed Dean’s touch. She needed his assurance that she was beautiful. She needed him.

And it would take time to heal completely, to get back to where they were before the miscarriage, before Lucifer, but she knew they would get there. There were still things she wanted to talk to him about, but the biggest concern that had been eating her up was in the process of disappearing. Dean still wanted her.

He came back into the room, so Alice went to the bathroom to relieve herself. He put on a clean pair of boxers, some pajama bottoms, and a t-shirt and crawled into bed with a smile. This was progress. Progress towards having sex again, sure, but that wasn’t what he really cared about. This was progress towards Alice being happy again. He would take handjobs for the rest of his life if it meant she was feeling better.

When Alice got back in the room, she went to her drawer and pulled out a pair of [pajamas](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fus.shein.com%2FCactus-Print-Pajama-Set-With-Eye-Cover-p-858717-cat-1880.html%3Fscici%3Dnavbar_2%7E%7Etab01navbar02menu14dir02%7E%7E2_14_2%7E%7EitemPicking_00821505%7E%7ESPcCccWomenCategory%7E%7E0%7E%7E0&t=MTg4ZjBlNWRjOTE1NjJkMjc4MDBjOTQ3NTE2NDUxNzFiYzM3NWM1YixzaTRqUU1iVw%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F630049951867715585%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1601072592). She slid them on and quickly got into bed with Dean. It wasn’t quite time for bed, so they decided to put on a movie. She told him he could pick. While he was flipping through films on Netflix, Alice was chewing on her upper lip, trying to decide if she wanted to start the conversation that was floating around her head. Dean took in her expression and put the remote down. “What’s on your mind?” he asked. She released her lip and looked at him.

“There’s something I want to ask you,” she said. “It’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you, but I never knew how.”

“You can ask me anything,” he said. She took a deep breath in and out of her nose.

“When you first asked me out,” she said, choosing her words carefully, “was your only intention to sleep with me?” Dean didn’t say anything, making sure he chose his own words just as carefully. Alice added, “I know how you feel about me now, so I don’t care what your answer is. I just want you to be honest.”

This felt like a trap.

But she said she wanted him to be honest.

“When I first met you,” he said, “that day I was late, I-” He hesitated. “Yes. I wanted to sleep with you. But after that night I found you in the alley and you invited me into your apartment, I could tell you weren’t the type of girl to just fuck a stranger, so I thought I’d take you on a real date. But somewhere during that real date, I realized I liked you.” Alice scoffed, and Dean reached out for her hand. “I’m serious. It happened _that_ fast. So when you didn’t want to have sex that night, I _truly_ didn’t care. Believe me, it surprised me too.” He pulled her onto his lap, and she nuzzled her face against his chest. “I didn’t care how fast or how slow you wanted to take things. I just wanted to be with you. You were the first girl who made me feel that way since Lisa. I wasn’t about to fuck that up by forcing myself on you or leaving because you weren’t ready.” They were both quiet, Alice processing the words and Dean giving her a few moments to do so. He trailed his fingers up and down her arm and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I’ll admit that my first intentions weren’t pure,” he said, “but it took less than an hour for you to change everything. I think it’s that firecracker soul of yours.” Alice chuckled and looked up at Dean.

“Did you get that from my dad?” she asked. He smiled.

“You have to admit,” he said, “it is pretty perfect.” She just smiled and shook her head, closing her eyes and resting against his chest again. “Why’d you say yes to me?”

Alice looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. “You’re seriously asking that?” she laughed.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m an old man.”

“Oh shut _up_ ,” she said with a grin and a roll of her eyes. “You’re not old and you know it.”

“I’m old _er_ than you,” he countered. “You had to have known that when you met me.”

“I did,” she said with a nod, “but it didn’t bother me. It still doesn’t bother me.” Dean didn’t say anything, and she knew it was because he was still waiting for her to give an answer. “Fine,” she said. “When I first met you, I thought you were handsome, but it was just a thought, you know? Like when you pass a stranger and think, _Oh, okay, you’re hot_.” He chuckled, and she continued. “Then after that day in the alley-” She hesitated. “I spent years with someone whose sole purpose seemed to be destroying me. I needed someone different, and when you asked me out, I thought maybe you might be it.” She looked up at him and scratched her nails across his beard. “I think I was right.”

“You still think so?” he whispered. His eyes were closed like he was too nervous to look at her. Alice furrowed her eyebrows and rubbed her thumb across his cheekbone, prompting him to open his eyes.

“Of course I do,” she said. “Why wouldn’t I?” He scoffed and shook his head.

“It’s my fault,” he said, his voice breaking. “All of it. And you’re carrying the weight of it like you caused this, but you didn’t. I was supposed to be someone who protected you, but-”

“I would never blame you for what he did to me,” she told him.

“You should,” he said. Tears brimmed in his eyes, and the sight broke Alice’s heart. All this time, she had been hurting so much that she was oblivious to how much this affected Dean too. “You were so surprised when I told you I love you the first time,” he said, “but I was more surprised that you said it back. I thought I was going to lose you after what he did.”

Alice sat up and straddled Dean’s waist, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You’re never going to lose me,” she told him. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re not getting rid of me.” He chuckled, and she kissed his nose. “I love you, Dean Winchester. Nothing’s gonna change that. I promise.”


	30. Blood vs Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,934  
> warnings - language, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it)

_Friday, January 29, 2021-_

_Things have been going really well. I had my fifth appointment with Leah on Tuesday, and I’m only just now having a moment to write. It’s been a busy week, but a good kind of busy. The second semester has been picking up really well, and Dean and I have spent every night together. Not like SPENT the night, but … I don’t know why I get so weird in a journal that’s only for myself. I’ll just say it. We’ve done everything but the DEED. It’s kind of like we’re starting over. I’ve ridden his thigh, he’s gone down on me, I’ve gone down on him, we’ve touched ourselves and watched each other … though that only lasts so long before we both lose all resolve and start touching each other._

_And we’re teasing each other nonstop. It builds and builds, and I know he wants the real thing, and I’m starting to want it too. I feel good again. I feel like me. And yes, there’s still the fear and the doubts and -honestly?- a little bit of shame, but it’s like a dull hum in the back of my head instead of a constant pounding at my temple. My nightmares are few and far between, and I don’t always have to wake Dean up in order to fall back asleep. My “place” really isn’t him, and Leah was right. It feels good that it’s not._

_Tonight we’re having a party at the bunker to celebrate Jack coming back to the family and also the death of Lucifer. It’s kind of weird to celebrate someone’s death, but I’m here for it. At this point, I’m used to how twisted this life is. Plus, he deserves to rot. Obviously. I’m excited to see everyone. I haven’t seen the whole family since Sam and Jess’ law firm opening. Even though I’m not super close to anybody except maybe Jack, I liked talking to Charlie and Jody and Donna and Benny and Bobby and Eileen and Kevin and a lot of other people. Kevin. I just laughed to myself. I wonder if he would’ve gotten anywhere with Christine on Halloween if that whole INCIDENT hadn’t gone down. Okay. I’m getting off track. I’m realizing it’s very easy for me to get off track in here. I need to go get ready for this party … and for the after party, if you know what I mean. I hate myself BYE journal._

Alice closed her journal with a chuckle to herself and got off her bed. Dean was going to pick her up for the party in two hours, and she still needed to shower, shave, wash, dry, and style her hair, do all her make up, and get dressed. The only thing she had already done was pick out her outfit, which had been a difficult task considering she wanted to dress cute, but it was still cold out which limited just how cute she could be. She ended up deciding on a black skater skirt, a rust orange, mock neck bodysuit, some black tights, and her black heeled booties.

She got ready and sipped a glass of wine the entire time. She hadn’t felt that relaxed and simultaneously excited in a long time. It was about 6:30 when Alice heard the buzzer for her apartment go off. She was in the middle of curling her hair, so she put down her curling iron and went to let Dean up. He had told her he was going to be a little early, but she didn’t mind. She unlocked the front door and went back to her room to finish getting ready. A few minutes later, she caught Dean’s reflection in her mirror. He looked so handsome in his khaki pants and dark blue button up. In his hands, he was holding a gift bag and bouquet of white daisies, blue carnations, and small waxflower and pittosporum. She gave him a smile, and he walked over to her so she didn’t have to stop getting ready. He placed a kiss to her forehead. “You look beautiful,” he whispered, smiling again at her reflection.

“Thank you,” she said. “The flowers are gorgeous. Jack will love them.”

“Ha ha,” he said sarcastically as she giggled.

“What’s in the bag?” she asked. Dean held it out to her, so she turned to face him with slightly furrowed eyebrows. When she moved the tissue paper and looked inside, she couldn’t help but laugh. Inside the bag was a simple glass vase. “I love it,” she said. “Thank you.” Dean smiled and leaned down to kiss her, pinching her chin lightly between his fingers.

“I’ll go put them in water,” he said. “You almost ready?”

“Mhm,” she hummed, turning back to the mirror. “I just have to finish curling my hair.”

By 7:00, right on time, Alice was ready to go. Dean had been waiting for her in the living room, and when she walked in, he looked up from his phone with wide eyes. “Shut up,” she said with a laugh, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I didn’t say anything,” he chuckled, standing up from the couch and holding his hands up defensively.

“You said it with your eyes,” she said.

“So you’re stopping me from complimenting you because I already did it with my eyes?”

“Oh my god,” she said, scoffing as she rolled her eyes playfully. “Let’s go.”

“Mhm,” he hummed. “Just one thing-” She started to walk away, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him, catching her off guard with a heated kiss. She melted and kissed him back, not needing to get on her tiptoes as much as she normally would because of her heels. His hands wandered up her skirt, squeezing the globes of her ass as he moaned against her lips.

“Mm, no,” she said, gaining the mental strength to push him away. “We’re going to be late. We can’t be late for this.”

“I’m the boss,” he said. “I can be late whenever I want.”

“Right,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Come on. Keep it in your pants for a few hours.”

“How am I supposed to do that when you look like this?” he asked, motioning to her.

“I don’t know,” she said with a grin. “Figure it out.”

Dean groaned but followed her out the door of the apartment. During the whole ride to the bunker, he kept his hand on her thigh. That wasn’t anything unusual, but he kept dragging it up higher and higher until she would put her hand over his and push it back down. “Behave,” she scolded.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one saything that to you?” he asked.

“I’m not the one who can’t keep their hands to themselves,” she said back. He just shrugged and squeezed her leg, rubbing his thumb across her thigh. “You know,” she said, “if you’re going to tease me right now, this means if I tease you later, you can’t get mad at me.”

“Is that a threat?” he asked.

“Mm,” she hummed, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “It’s a promise.” She lightly bit his earlobe as he groaned and tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

“It’s gonna be a long night isn’t it?” he said. Alice just giggled and rested her head on his shoulder, staying that way for the rest of the drive.

It looked like everyone was already there when Dean and Alice got inside the bunker. The first person who saw them was Sam. He waved, and they waved back and walked over to him and Jess. “There’s food and drinks in the kitchen,” Jess said.

“I’m gonna go grab a beer,” Dean said. “You want anything?”

“Whatever you’re grabbing,” Alice said with a wave of her hand.“ He nodded and kissed her cheek, then left her alone with Jess and Sam. She excused herself when she caught Jack sitting by himself on the other end of the room. "Hey,” she said, sitting on the couch beside him. “Aren’t we celebrating you?”

Jack chuckled. “I guess.”

“I don’t understand why everyone isn’t just surrounding you with hugs and cheers,” she teased. Jack laughed, and she opened her arms to hug him. “I’m glad you’re here, Jack.”

Dean came and joined the two of them with Alice’s drink, and that’s where they sat all night. One reason Alice liked being with Dean was that people came to _him_. She didn’t have to rotate to socialize, because she was with the constant center of attention. She got a chance to talk to everyone she wanted to, and the people she _didn’t_ want to talk to all kept their distance. She and Dean both cooled down on the teasing front, mostly because Alice didn’t want to make Jack uncomfortable. She was determined to help him enjoy his own party, even if it was more than just him they were celebrating.

They were probably there for about an hour -though Alice hadn’t been paying attention to any clock- when Dean excused himself. He walked over to the few steps that made him stand a little higher than everybody else. “Alright everyone, settle down,” he said, clinking a fork against his beer bottle. “I’ve got a few things I want to say.” Everyone stopped their conversations and gave Dean their full attention.

Alice had never seen the bunker so full. Not only was the entire Winchester clan there, but the MacLeods were as well. It was odd to see them all mingling with each other, but she supposed their recent victory helped push their differences aside. Every single person was quiet and had their eyes on Dean. “These past few months-” He cut himself off with a shake of his head. “Honestly, these past few _years_ have been straight hell. I think I speak for both Crowley and myself when I say there were some days where we genuinely thought we were going to lose this thing. But we didn’t. It took time and patience and cooperation from all parties involved, and we somehow made that work. I know our families have never exactly been the best of friends, but I appreciate every single person in this room right now. We all put aside our differences and came together, and we got a win. A pretty damn big win if you ask me.”

“You’re damn right!” Benny shouted, causing everyone to laugh and a few people to cheer in agreement.

“Now, I know ganking Lucifer only meant handing the crown to Lilith,” Dean continued, “but I have faith in us. We won the war, and I think that’s given us a chance for a fresh start.” He lifted his glass. “So here’s to the victories.” Everyone raised their glasses before taking drinks. “Now,” Dean continued, “unless Crowley has something to say-” Crowley held his hands up in rejection. “-I’d like to give the floor to Jack.”

Jack looked at Dean with wide eyes, and Alice reached over and squeezed his hand. “As all of you know,” Dean continued, “if it wasn’t for Jack, there wouldn’t be anything for us to celebrate today. He stuck his neck out, put himself in direct danger, so we could all walk away with this win.” He looked at Jack with a smile. “Come on up here, kid.”

Everyone cheered for Jack as he stood up and walked over to where Dean was standing. He had his drink in hand and smiled at everybody. “Thanks,” he said, looking over at the man who was now at Alice’s side. He took a deep breath, presumably to gain the courage to speak. Jack wasn’t often the center of attention. “I think you all know that Lucifer was my dad,” he said, “but Dean has always told me that family doesn’t end in blood, and that it doesn’t start there either.” Alice looked at Dean who had a small smile on his face. She rested her head on his shoulder as Jack continued. “Lucifer was never family. Not as much as Dean or Sam or Castiel or anyone else in this room. I may’ve helped kill my blood, but I did it for my family. For my _real_ family.” He raised his glass. “So here’s to everyone in this room and knowing what family means.”

They all raised their glasses again and cheered as Jack walked back over to Alice and Dean. He plopped on the couch again and took another drink. “You’re still not in a very party mood,” Alice teased, poking Jack’s cheek.

“What’s up with you?” Dean said, agreeing with Alice.

Jack sighed. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate this. I do. And I know it’s about more than just me, but-” He laughed. “Honestly, I’m kind of excited for this night to be over.”

“Why?” she asked. Jack shrugged and drank from his beer.

“This isn’t really _fun_ , is it?” he asked with a slight chuckle. “Like, it’s just obligatory socializing.”

Just then, Alice had an idea. A bold idea. An idea that included her getting the attention of not one but two mob families. Dean noticed her worrying her teeth into her upper lip and raised his eyebrow. “What are you doing?” he asked her. Alice just smiled, a glint in her eye, and walked over to where Dean and Jack had just been.

“Um, excuse me?” she called. She didn’t have her glass to clink, so she just cleared her throat and put her hands on her hips. She took a deep breath and yelled, “Excuse me!” Everyone looked over at her, and she smiled proudly. “Jack and I are moving this party to the bowling alley on Main Street. Everyone’s welcome!” She caught Jack and Dean’s gaze across the room, and Jack’s face had lit up. Dean was just smiling in disbelief.

Alice skipped back over to Jack and Dean and held her hands out to both men. “Let’s go have some fun.”

Surprisingly, a lot of people went to the bowling alley with them: Sam, Jess, Cas, Hannah, Jody, Claire, Donna, Amara, Bobby, Dorothy, Charlie, Garth, Meg, Rufus, Kevin, Eileen, Ash, and even Crowley, Rowena, and some of their people. They got six lanes between the group of them, and some of Crowley’s people mixed into lanes with some of Dean’s.

Ah bowling. The sport that could bring everyone together.

Dean couldn’t take his eyes off Alice the whole night. The girl had the audacity to bowl in a _skirt_. He knew other men were staring at her, and while he was a little jealous, he knew she was his. But goddammit if his pants weren’t getting tighter every time she bent as she bowled.

“Thanks for doing this, Alice,” Jack said as they all prepared to bowl their last frame. “This is way better than obligatory socializing at the bunker.” She laughed and gave Jack a side hug.

“Anytime,” she said. She watched as Jack stepped up to the lane, and Dean grabbed her by her waist and pulled her onto his lap. She squeaked and covered her mouth with her hand.

“Do you feel that, sweetheart?” he asked, his lips close to her ear. His dick was hard against her butt, and she took a shaky breath. “You ready to go home?” She buried her face in his neck and nodded.

“Yes,” she whispered.

They rushed to get their shoes off and said quick goodbyes to everyone. The ride home was tense. Alice was sitting close to Dean, her hand resting on his thigh and her lips pressed to his neck. His foot pressed harder against the gas, and they were at his apartment in record time. When they were in the elevator, Dean pressed her up against the wall and kissed her. He managed to slide his card against the scanner while she jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. The door opened, and he fumbled his way through the apartment and to his bedroom.

Dean dropped Alice on the bed and kicked his shoes off while she did the same. When both of their shoes were discarded across the room, she sat up to her knees and held her arms out to him. He walked over to her and kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, tugging his hair through her fingers. When Dean put his hands on her ass under her skirt, Alice felt something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Dean,” she whispered against his lips. He pulled away and looked at her, pushing some hair away from her face. She kept her eyes locked with his. “Make love to me.” He licked his lips and kissed her again, sliding his tongue across her lower lip. She parted them, allowing him to pry her lips open with his. They kept their lips connected as she pushed her skirt off her hips, then worked to take her tights off. Once she got them to her knees, she realized she was about to lose her balance. She fell back onto the bed with a huff and kept pulling the tight fabric down her legs. She looked up at Dean who was staring at her with an amused expression and couldn’t help but burst out laughing, and Dean quickly followed suit.

“You’re telling me this doesn’t turn you on?” she teased. Dean chuckled and grabbed the fabric, tugging it all the way off and tossing it to the side.

“Sweetheart,” he said, “everything you do turns me on.” Alice rose back to her knees and unbuttoned the bottom part of her bodysuit so she could pull it over her head. Any trace of laughter soon fell from both of their faces.

Dean was just as much in love with her then as he was the first time he realized it. She was bare to him aside from her underwear, and he took a moment to really look at her. Her bicep was covered with the burn scars, and her chest had lines from the knife that would never go away. She couldn’t meet his eyes, and Dean noticed. He lifted her chin and, knowing words would never be enough, kissed her gently, cupping her face in his hands.

When he pulled away, he began unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. He tossed it to the side and kissed her again, laying Alice onto the mattress. He dragged his lips down her body, leaving light kisses as he went. He kissed her scars, and she put her hands on his back, rubbing the tips of her fingers across his skin. When his mouth reached the hem of her panties, she stopped him and put her hands on his head. He looked up at her through his eyelashes. “I’m ready,” she whispered. “Don’t need that.”

Dean rubbed his knuckles across her cheek. “We can take our time,” he whispered back. “There’s no rush.”

“I know,” she said. “Please, Dean. I just want to feel you.”

Dean smiled softly and kissed her again, then pulled back so he could pull off his trousers and boxers. He reached for the hem of her underwear and slid it off her, kissing down her legs as he went. He moved back up her body and placed a kiss on her lips. When he pulled away, he kept his forehead against hers and looked in her eyes. “Do you want me to get a condom?” he whispered. She bit her upper lip before burying her face in his neck. Dean barely heard her whisper back.

“No.”

Alice didn’t know why, but despite everything, she was still making that choice. Maybe it was because she knew the pregnancy had been such a wild fluke. Maybe it was because she knew, no matter what happened, Dean would be there. She wanted him close, just like he always was. She wanted to feel all of him.

Dean really, really loved her. Not because he wanted to fuck her without a condom, but because, despite everything, she was still here. Here as in in his bed, but also here as in _with him_. She knew all the risks, but she was here, and she wanted to be with him.

He pulled back so he could look in her eyes, then held her chin between his thumb and forefinger and kissed her. She put both hands on his cheeks and held him close to her as he moved his hand down to his cock so he could line himself up with her pussy. His lips never parted from hers as he sunk into her, inch by inch, moving slowly so he wouldn’t hurt her. He didn’t know how sensitive she was. Even though the miscarriage had been over a month ago and they had done plenty of stuff in between, he didn’t want to take any chances.

Alice broke the kiss as she tilted her head back and let out a heavy breath. “You okay, sweetheart?” he asked, stroking her cheek with his knuckles.

“Yes,” she whispered, her eyes fluttering open. She put her hand on the back of his head and dragged her fingers through his hair. “I missed you.” Dean smiled and kissed her, stopping his hips when he bottomed out.

“You’re doing so good, Alice,” he whispered against her lips. He peppered kisses across her cheeks, forehead, and nose until she opened her eyes and smiled. She gave him a nod, and he pulled back so he could push inside her again. He rolled his hips against hers, moving slowly so she could feel every drag of his cock against her walls. He kept his forehead pressed to hers so he could look in her eyes. She had one hand still on the back of his head, and Dean held the other one in his hand, pressing it to the mattress.

Alice used to be so afraid. Afraid of men. Afraid of sex. Afraid of getting hurt. Now? She could look Dean in the eyes as he made love to her, despite her scars, despite her inexperience, despite everything that had happened. Because he loved her, and she loved him, and she wasn’t afraid anymore.

The intimacy of the moment -the feeling of being together after so long- meant neither of them were going to last very long. With every roll of Dean’s hips against hers, his pelvis dragged against her clit, and her pussy fluttered around him. She brought his lips down to hers so she could kiss him, her tongue moving against his. “I love you,” she whispered, breaking the kiss. Dean breathed heavily and looked in her eyes.

“I love you, too.”

He buried his face in her neck, and she tilted her head back as she came. Her release triggered his own, and he moaned against her skin. She pulled him close to her so he was laying on top of her. The closeness reminded her of their first time, and the memory made her sigh and kiss his cheek. She ran her hands up and down his back until he pulled away from her. He brushed some hair away from her face and smiled. “You’re so perfect, sweetheart,” he said to her, kissing her cheek.

“I love you so much,” she said back, running her fingers through his hair.

“You said that already,” he teased.

“Well get ready to hear it again,” she said, “because I _love_ you.”

He chuckled. “I love you too, Alice.”


	31. Holly June

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count - 3,389  
> warnings - language  
> A/N - and that’s the end! hope everyone enjoyed! I’m super proud of it and had a blast writing x

_Thursday, January 6, 2022-_

_A year ago today, I had my first therapy session. Leah suggested I write about my progress and who I am now compared to who I was last year, so here goes nothing: Last year, I was struggling to forgive my body for losing the baby. Now, any time my thoughts start to spiral, I force myself to list three good things about my body and what it’s done for me. Last year, I couldn’t look in the mirror for more than thirty seconds without feeling sick. Now, I see my scars as a reminder that I’m strong enough to survive things that seem unsurvivable. Last year, I was afraid Dean would leave me. Now, we’re 18 months strong. Last year, I was struggling with the aftermath of a miscarriage. Now, Dean and I have been actively trying to have a kid._

_I don’t know when we decided we wanted to. It was like one day we both just woke up on the same page. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I know it’s good. I know it’s going to be me and him forever. I never ever thought I could be this happy of a person, but here I am. I have two dads who love me, a best friend who is practically a sister, a man who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, and a family I’d do anything for, not to mention a job I love and an acceptance letter to Purdue’s online ABA program in my sights. They don’t send out letters until March, but I can feel it. This year is full of good things. I just know it. Dean said he wants to take me somewhere special on Saturday, and I have no idea where it is, but I’m excited. It’s going to be the perfect time to tell him my news too._

-

Dean sat at Crowley’s bar at a table across from the man. This was the last part of his plan. If it didn’t go well, everything -and he meant _everything_ \- was ruined. In reality, he knew it wasn’t a wise decision to leave Crowley as the last piece of this puzzle, but he had faith. Maybe he was being stupid, but his relationship with Crowley had changed once they ganked Lucifer. Dean didn’t think what he was going to ask for was too much, and he prayed Crowley agreed.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Squirrel?” Crowley asked, sipping from the fruity drink that was in front of him.

“I want to propose a deal,” Dean said, pouring himself a glass of the whiskey Crowley brought to the table for him. Crowley folded his hands in front of himself.

“What kind of deal?”

Dean took a deep breath, downed his whiskey, and poured himself some more. Liquid courage, right? “I’m prepared,” he said, “to give you all of my contacts, all of the men I have current deals with, and 10% of my family’s weapons and cash.” Crowley was intrigued, his eyebrows raised.

“In exchange for?” he asked.

“Your word to leave me, Alice, and my men, women, and their families alone forever,” Dean said. “I’m not asking you to protect them. I’m just asking that you and your people not be the ones they need protection from.” Crowley sipped his drink, and Dean tapped his fingers against his bouncing knee.

“And why would I do that?” Crowley asked. “Why would I make that deal? What’s in it for me?”

“What’s in it for you?” Dean repeated. “How about 10% of my weapons and cash and Lilith’s clan as your only competition in the area? Is that not enough for you?”

“The second part I like,” Crowley said. “It’s the 10% I’m not sold on.” Dean wiped his face with his hand.

“Twelve,” he said. Crowley scoffed and shook his head, unimpressed. “Fuck, 15, okay? 15%.”

“20, or no deal,” Crowley said. Dean let out a heavy sigh and drank the rest of his whiskey again in one gulp. “That’s still plenty enough for you and your people to live off of for the rest of your lives.”

Of course, Crowley was right. The Winchester family had amassed over seven billion dollars in their 150 years of crime in Kansas. 80% of that would still leave over 500 million dollars to split up amongst his people. He could make sure everyone lived happily for the rest of their days with that kind of cash.

He thought about arguing with Crowley, but he couldn’t decide if it was worth it. It was likely a fight he’d lose, and he didn’t want to waste the energy. This wasn’t a game that was worth playing anymore. It hadn’t been for some time.

“You understand,” Dean said, leaning forward slightly, “that if you step out of line -if I find out that _any_ of my people have been put in danger because of you- I will come right back and put a bullet in your skull.”

Crowley scoffed. “The lack of trust you have in me is-”

“Enough,” Dean said, not in the mood to listen to Crowley monologue any longer. “20%. Deal.” Crowley smiled and stuck his hand out for Dean to shake. “Some of my people might want to join your family,” Dean said. “You have no obligation to let them in, but I’d vouch for any one of them.” Crowley nodded and downed the rest of his umbrella drink.

“Mr. Winchester,” he said, “it has been a genuine pleasure working with you.”

“I never thought I’d say this,” Dean said, “but the feeling’s mutual.”

-

Dean picked Alice up at her apartment on Saturday around 5:00. She was dressed in jeans, one of his flannels, a black vest, and a black beanie with a tan puff ball on the end. He kissed her in greeting. “You ready to go?” he said, taking her hand and squeezing it.

“Mhm,” she hummed. They started to walk down to the Impala. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“Do I ever tell you where we’re going?” he asked. She just rolled her eyes and got in the car, the both of them closing their doors at the same time.

Alice couldn’t figure out where Dean was taking her. They were headed in the direction of his apartment, but then they started to move south. She looked at Dean, but he didn’t give her any indication that he was planning on giving her a hint. Just when she thought he was going to turn the car onto another street, he pulled over. “What are you doing?” she asked with a laugh. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a tie.

“I’m going to blindfold you,” he said.

“I’m not gonna have car sex with you on the side of the road.”

“No,” he laughed. “It’s part of the surprise.” She raised her eyebrows. “Just trust me, okay?” She sighed but took the tie from him and tied it around her eyes. Dean kissed her cheek and started to drive again. Alice figured they drove for another five or so minutes before he stopped the car and killed the engine. “Don’t move,” he said. She just smiled and shook her head as she heard him get out of the car before he opened her door seconds later. He helped her out, and they walked a few steps before he stopped. “Are you ready?” he said.

“Sure,” she said with a laugh

When Dean untied the blindfold and Alice could finally see, her jaw dropped. “Wow,” she said, a smile growing on her face as she took in the house in front of her. “I’ve always wanted to stay in a [cabin](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Furl%3Fq%3Dhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.cabinlife.com%2Ffloorplans%2Ffloorplan%2Faspen-x%2F%26sa%3DD%26ust%3D1595186902238000%26usg%3DAFQjCNFT8nPnImK4IuHvyGSTldXaefUBtg&t=ODIwNDM4NjJkMDE2YmY0MmMyZDhlN2YwZDZkMmRmMGQ0YTEzNGYyNCxHRXI5V3Z4Zw%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F630502960864133122%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1601505512). How long do we have it for?” Dean licked his lips.

“How would you feel about forever?” he asked. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“What do you mean?” she asked. “You’re moving?” Dean put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “What about your penthouse?” she asked. “I don’t think you can organize crime in Topeka when you’re in the middle of-” She hesitated.

“Carbondale Lake,” he finished.

“Right,” she chuckled. “You can’t organize crime in Topeka when you’re in the middle of Carbondale Lake.”

“You’re right,” he said. “I can’t.” She was still confused. “I made a deal with Crowley. The Winchester family’s done.”

“Done?” she repeated.

He nodded. “I gave the news to the rest of the family before I came to pick you up.” Alice was stunned silent, and a small smile grew on Dean’s lips. “I’m done, sweetheart,” he repeated in a whisper. She felt tears come to her eyes, and she put her hands on his cheeks.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” she asked. “This has been your life for-” She scoffed. “-for your entire life.”

Dean chuckled. “I told you I’ve been wanting out of this life for years, and now that I’ve got you, I can’t think of a single reason to keep going.” He took a deep breath and stepped back from her. She watched with furrowed eyebrows as he reached into his pocket and lowered himself to one knee. Realization hit, and she covered her mouth with her hands.

“What are you doing?” she whispered. Dean just smiled.

“Alice,” he said, “the moment I met you, I knew I wanted you in my life. What I didn’t know was that I needed you. You’ve changed my life. You’ve made me into a better friend. A better brother. A better uncle. A better _man_. And everyday that I’m with you, I consider myself the luckiest man. I don’t want to let that go. I want you. I want all of you, right now and forever.”

“Dean,” she breathed out with a soft laugh of disbelief.

“Will you marry me?” he asked. She laughed again, tears welling up in her eyes, and nodded.

“Yes,” she said. “Of course. Yes.”

Dean smiled and slid the [ring](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.brilliantearth.com%2FPetite-Twisted-Vine-Diamond-Ring-%281%2F8-ct.-tw.%29-White-Gold-BE1D54-3821855%2F%3Fdid%3D%26is_tab%3D1&t=MjY5MmE5YjE1MDE3MmZkM2MxMjk4ZjNkZDk5MjcxMzM5YzI5NTM1YyxHRXI5V3Z4Zw%3D%3D&b=t%3ACUdxoewkooPyWAtLywC2Sg&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdlwritings.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F630502960864133122%2Ffirecracker-soul-dean-winchester&m=1&ts=1601505512) on her finger, then stood up and put his hands on her cheeks and kissed her. When she pulled away from him, he kept her forehead pressed to hers. Her eyes were still closed as she took a deep breath, and-

“I’m pregnant.”

Dean pulled away from her, a wide smile on his face. “You’re serious?” he said. She bit her lip and nodded.

“Yeah,” she said, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. “Three months.”

“Oh my god!” Dean exclaimed, picking her up and spinning her around. She laughed until he put her down and kissed her again.

When they got inside, Dean gave her the grand tour. Alice loved the place. It wasn’t too big, but not too small either. It was modest for him, but perfect for her. He knew that when he bought it. Plus, they had direct access to the lake, and the front porch would serve as a perfect place to watch the sunset.

Dean showed her to the bedroom, and she fell onto the bed with a content smile. She couldn’t help but look at the ring on her finger, a wide smile stretching across her cheeks. Dean fell onto the bed beside her and lifted her shirt so he could put his hand on her bare stomach. “Hey peanut,” he whispered to her belly. Alice smiled and ran her fingers through Dean’s hair. “Mommy and daddy love you so much.”

“You know,” Alice said, “she’s actually the size of a lime right now.”

“Mm,” Dean hummed, rubbing her stomach softly. “I’m still gonna call her peanut.” He looked up at her with a smile. “You feeling a girl again?”

She shrugged. “It’s probably all in my head. Maybe I’m just hoping for a daddy’s girl.”

Dean chuckled. “There’s already one daddy’s girl here.”

Alice laughed. “I think there’s something way too weird about that now. We might have to adjust what I call you in the bedroom.”

“Oh?” Dean said. “I’m willing to experiment.” Alice giggled and flicked his forehead. Dean just smiled and looked at her belly again.

“You thought about names?” he asked. She bit her upper lip and nodded.

“I always wanted to name my first daughter after my mom,” she said. She looked at Dean and tugged her fingers through his hair. “Would that be okay?”

“Holly?” he said. She nodded. “I love it.”

“You wanna be in charge of the middle name?” she asked.

Dean laughed. “Probably not a good idea. I named my car _Baby_.”

Alice laughed as well. “We can collaborate.”

They chatted back and forth, coming up with different middle names that might work and a few boy names in case her intuition was wrong. Dean ended up laying between Alice’s legs, his head resting on her stomach. When they were quiet for a moment, Alice cleared her throat. “It’ll work this time, right?” she asked. Dean looked up at her, his eyes gentle.

“I hope so,” he whispered. “I know the risks of two-” He hesitated, and she just brushed her fingers through his hair. “Not a lot of women have two in a row.”

Neither of them liked to say the m-word.

“Plus, you’re in the second trimester now, right?” he said. “Chances go way down after that.”

“Yeah,” she said with a nod. “You’re right.” She bit her lip and stared up at the ceiling. Dean moved up her body and hovered over her so his face was above hers.

“Alice, it’s gonna be okay,” he said. He peppered kisses across her face until she smiled.

“Can we get married after the baby?” she asked. “I don’t want to be pregnant at my wedding.”

“Sure,” Dean said, laying beside her and pulling her close to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and ran her fingers across his chest. “When’re you due?”

“June,” she said.

“Hmm,” Dean hummed. “Holly June.” She looked up at him to find him staring up at the ceiling. He sensed her looking and met her eyes, then smiled. “Do you like that? Holly June?”

“Holly June Winchester,” she whispered, testing the name on her lips. Then, she nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I love it.” She smiled and scratched his beard lightly with her nails. “I love _you_.”

“I love you too, Alice,” he whispered. “Today, tomorrow, the next day, the next day, the _next_ day, the-”

“I get it,” she said with a roll of her eyes and a flick to his forehead.

“And the next day and the next day-”

She sighed and shut him up the most effective way she knew how.

“Should we order some pizza?”

“Mm,” Dean hummed. “As good as that sounds, we’re actually having company.”

“Oh are we?” she said with raised eyebrows.

“Don’t you know what Saturday means?” he teased. “It’s our week, sweetheart.”

“When are they coming?” she asked, sitting up. “I’ve got no time to cook!”

“Then it looks like we’re going with the ol’ Dean-Winchester-Saturday-special.”

“Not Chinese food.”

“Chinese food.”

“I thought I changed you.”

“Old habits die hard.”

The others got to the house less than an hour later, and in that time, Alice had to scramble to figure out how she was going to break the pregnancy news to them. She wanted to do something huge and wonderful, and Dean told her he didn’t have to tell them that night, but she wanted to. It was bubbling up in her chest, and she was dying to let it spill. It took some time and some talking out between her and Dean, but they eventually figured it out.

After dinner, Alice suggested they play some games over their usual after-dinner drinks. Sam and Cas weren’t 100% on board, but considering the night was basically a celebration of Alice’s engagement, they decided not to spoil her fun. “How about Pictionary?” she suggested. The others agreed, so everyone wrote some phrases on scraps of paper for the others to draw. They didn’t have a lot of materials at the new house -obviously- but they made do with the notebook Alice carried with her at all times. Sometimes, it paid to be a teacher. Sam was able to connect his iPad to the TV so they could draw the pictures for everyone to see, and he only got a little bit of ridicule from Dean for bringing an iPad to family dinner.

“Nerd.”

“Shut up, jerk.”

They played a few rounds as couples against each other, and then as girls versus guys, and after a while, Lexi convinced them just to play for fun so she could join in. No teams. No winners or losers. The others naturally obliged.

“Alright,” Hannah said, “who’s next?”

“I’ll go,” Alice offered, taking the iPad from Hannah’s hands. She pretended to look at a piece of paper but already knew what she was going to draw.

Sam grabbed the timer. “And, go!”

She drew an oval.

“A rock!”

“A wheel!”

“A ball!”

“A football!”

She added a few markings to it on the inside.

“Bread!”

Alice rolled her hands, motioning for them to keep guessing.

“A roll!”

“A bun!”

She nodded her head at Sam and touched her nose, letting him know he was right. Next, she drew a square around the bun.

“Is this a film?” Castiel asked. Alice shook her head no and kept drawing, adding little details to the picture until-

“Is it an oven?” Hannah asked.

“Got it!” Jess shouted. “Bun in the oven! Bun in the oven!”

Alice pressed her lips into a tight line, biting back a smile, and put the iPad down. The others high-fived their victory until something clicked in Jess’ head. “Oh my god,” she said, locking eyes with Alice. The others looked confused until one by one, they all put the pieces together.

“Are you pregnant?” Sam asked. Alice just nodded, and the others all started to cheer. She laughed and stood up, accepting the hugs everyone was offering her.

“What’s going on?” Lexi asked, oblivious to the reason everyone was celebrating. Dean picked her up and balanced her on his hip.

“Ms. Alice is going to have a baby,” he said, kissing her forehead.

“Are you really?” Lexi said, her eyes growing wide as saucers. Alice nodded again, and Dean put her down so she could hug her. Alice accepted the hug until Lexi pulled away and put her hand on Alice’s stomach. “It’s in there, right?” she said.

“Mhm,” Alice hummed. “That’s your little cousin.”

“Hi, cousin,” Lexi said softly. Alice felt tears coming to her eyes as she kissed Lexi on the forehead.

Everyone started talking about the baby and the wedding and the new house, and Dean offered to refill drinks in the kitchen. While he and the men went to do that, Alice plopped onto the couch with a sigh and a content smile. Jess, Hannah, and Lexi all sat beside her, Lexi finding her way to her mom’s lap.

“Congratulations,” Jess said again, squeezing Alice’s hand. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks,” she said back. “I just feel like I blinked, and now I’m engaged and pregnant and in a new house.”

“Overwhelmed?” Hannah asked.

“Definitely,” Alice said. “But in, like, the best way possible.”

The boys came back into the room, and Alice excused herself to go sit by Dean, wanting to be close to her fiance.

 _Fiance_. She was _engaged_.

“I have a question,” Lexi said when everyone had settled down again.

“What’s up, honey?” Jess asked.

“How did Ms. Alice get a baby in her belly?”

While everyone else laughed, Dean started to say, “Well you see-”

“Nope!” Sam said, holding his hand up as Alice slapped Dean’s arm. “No. Nope. Not happening. Be quiet.” Lexi furrowed her eyebrows as all the adults just laughed. Jess kissed her daughter’s forehead.

“We can talk about it some other time,” she said. “Just don’t ask Uncle Dean.” Dean feigned offense as the others laughed again, and Alice rested her head on his shoulder.

For the first time in a long time, she knew with 100% certainty that, whatever happened next, she was going to be okay.

After all, Dean said he would love her today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day…


End file.
